Always Yours

I pushed threw the crowded living room full of teenagers with red cups in their hands. It was Friday and John was having a party at his house and the whole school was here. I had no idea where he was, I lost him an hour ago.

"Fucking move, bitch." I said to the girl in front of me. She turned her head and snarled at me so I pushed her to move. I walked into the kitchen that wasn't as crowded and took a water. I turned my head away from the couple in the corner eating each other's faces off and saw Kenny walk in.

"Do you know where John is?" I asked him. He shook his head and stopped in front of me. "I can't find him anywhere."

"Did you check upstairs?" He looked down at me.

"No," I moved around him and walked out of the kitchen and through the crowded hallway. I walked up the stairs and winced when I heard moans from Shane's room. Poor kid, has to deal with those bed sheets. I continued on to his parents room and opened the door slightly, I peeked my head into the dark room and turned the lights on. Someone groaned and a head lifted up from under the covers.

My eyes went wide, "John? What the fuck are you doing?"

Another head lifted up and I felt my stomach turn. It was Caddie. She smirked at me and I felt my mouth drop.

"Markie, wait." John called after me when I left the room and went into his. I didn't apologize to the couple in there while I reached for my bag and slung it over my shoulders. I wiped at my eyes when I ran down the stairs and out the door. I walked down the sidewalk, away from the booming music and the tears started coming again.

How the fuck could he do that? I mean, I know I shouldn't be mad since we're not really together but he's been flirting with me all week! He held my hand a couple times but he never said anything. How could he, of all people, sleep with Caddie? Like really? Caddie? She's not even that pretty.

I wiped under my eyes quick when I heard my name and footsteps getting closer. I stopped where I was, knowing that it was probably Kenny, but didn't turn around. He caught up to me and stood in front of me, panting.

"What happened?" He tried to catch his breath. I looked up at him with watery eyes and he grabbed my arms.

"John was having sex with Caddie," I said quietly. His eyes went wide and I reached my hands up to wipe under mine. "It doesn't matter anyways, we're not together. I shouldn't be crying."

He sighed then pulled me into his chest. I breathed out, wrapping my arms around his waist. "Want me to take you to my house?"

I shook my head against him, "I just want to be by myself. Can you bring me to my house?" He nodded and I turned around to walk to his car. He wrapped his arm around my waist and I leaned into him as we walked. We got into the car and he started the engine. I took my phone out of my pocket when it started vibrating and Kenny looked over. I sighed when John's name flashed across the screen but I ignored the call. I put it back into my pocket and stared down at my hands until Kenny pulled up to my house.

"Thanks," I whispered. He turned in his seat and I felt his eyes on me.

"I'm right down the street, Markie. Call me if you need anything or just come to my house."

I nodded, lifting my head and looked at him. "See you later."

He leaned forward over the counsel and kissed my forehead. I got out of the car and walked up the lawn to the front door. Kenny drove to his house once I got inside and I took my shoes off. I sighed when I heard my mom call me into the kitchen.

"Where have you been?" She asked sternly.

"Out."

"Do not talk to me like that, young lady. You will respect your mother in this house."

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. She stepped closer to me and I held my face when it came in contact with her hand.

"You will never learn, will you?" She sighed. I swallowed the lump and faced her again, only to be kicked to the ground. I cried out when she kicked my stomach repeatedly. She stopped after about ten kicks and walked out of the kitchen and upstairs to her room. I laid on the cold floor for awhile until I lifted myself up and stood. I winced at the pain and lifted my shirt up to see the now forming blue and purple bruises. I walked upstairs slowly to my room and locked my door once I got in. I set my bag down and changed into my pajamas slowly. My phone vibrated again with another call from John. I ignored it and put it on the charger, then I switched the light off and safely walked back to my bed then got under the covers.

::

I lifted my head up off the counter and groaned when my phone vibrated.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Markie." I moved the phone to hang up but stopped when he spoke again, "Don't hang up, just hear me out."

"What do you want, John?" I leaned my head in my hand and listened to him.

"She came on to me. Okay? And you know how I am, Markie. I'm an asshole and I just got lost in everything. I didn't even get my boxers off, I swear. I know I shouldn't have even kissed her back, but I was stupid and just did it. I regret it more than I can say because I hurt you and I'm sorry."

"Thank you for the apology but you didn't have to explain yourself to me. I just got upset because off all people, it was her. I shouldn't have gotten mad, we're not even together." I whispered the last sentence and bit my lip.

"I know, but I'm still sorry. You're my best friend and I never meant to hurt you."

I nodded my head even though he couldn't see. "I—"

"Markie!"

"Fuck," I whispered. "John, I gotta go."

"Mark—" I hit the end button and turned toward my angry mom.

"Yeah?"

"Go out and get me a six pack."

I rolled my eyes but instantly regretted it when she punched me.

"Don't fucking roll your eyes at me, Markie! Go get my goddamn beer!"

I swallowed the lump and walked toward the front door, grabbing my keys off the hook. I got in my car and pulled out of the driveway and headed in the direction of my mom's friends house. I pulled over onto the side of the road and wiped at the tears that must've escaped. I winced at the pain under my eye and I looked in the mirror and saw the forming bruise. I sighed, reaching in a compartment and got out my cover up. I placed it under my eye, coving the bruise and put it away when I finished.

She started hitting me when my dad left. Which was when I was ten. None of the boys knew, all they knew was that we didn't get along. I don't know when I would tell them or even if I would tell them.

I pulled into the driveway and got out. I knocked on his door and James didn't have to say anything when he saw me, all he did was hand me the six pack and a baggie. I already knew what it was, I didn't need to look inside it. I placed them in the passenger seat and drove back home.

She started using drugs too, along with the alcohol. She always said that it helped her forget things and calm down but she just hurt me even more when she was wasted or high. I tried to stop her from doing drugs but she never listened and that made me talk to her less. She always made me get her things because 'she didn't want to go out'.

I placed the six pack and baggie on the kitchen counter when I got home and walked upstairs. I took off my sweats and shirt after I started the shower and I stepped in. I winced as I washed my body and I looked down at the bruises on my stomach. I had a huge one on my side from her kicking me and I continued to wash myself. I looked down at the razor in the corner of the shower but ignored it.

I've always wondered what it was like to cut yourself. I wondered what made people do it and how they could just cut so deep into their skin. I wasn't brave enough to actually do it, I was never one for pain. I wrapped the towel around my body and stepped out into my bedroom and jumped. John was sat on the edge of my bed and his eyes went wide as he looked at my face.

I turned my head so he didn't look at my eye, "What are you doing here?" I moved to my dresser and got out a clean pair of underwear, a bra, a sweater and shorts. I sighed when his feet appeared by my side. I flinched away from him when he touched my arm and he moved toward me again. He took my chin in his hand and he moved my hair out of the way with the other. I swallowed, not meeting his gaze as he moved his thumb lightly over my black eye.

"Who did this to you?" He said quietly.

I shook my head, "Don't worry about it." I took my clothes and moved into the bathroom, changing into them. I brushed my hair then sighed when John opened the door and stepped in.

"Who did that to you?" He asked again, pointing at my eye.

"It doesn't matter John. Don't worry about it." I got my coverup, but didn't get a chance to open it because John took it from me.

"It does matter, and I will worry about it! Now, tell me who did that to you." I shook my head at him, then walked to the door. He caught my waist and I jumped away from him, biting my lip. He looked at me questioningly and I hit his hands away when he reached for my sweater. He caught it again in his hand and lifted it up.

"John, stop." I pushed it down after he got a good look at my wounds and he grabbed my shoulders.

"Markie, who the fuck did that to you?" He stared down at me and I felt a lump forming in my throat. "Tell me."

I sighed then looked down at our feet. He lifted my head back up and wiped under my eye. "It was my mom."

"What?! Why?"

"She..she's been doing it ever since my dad left. She hits me when she's drunk and blames me for my dad leaving. When she's sober, she hits me when I talk back." I looked away from his eyes. "Please, John, please don't tell anyone. This is only between me and you."

"And you haven't done anything? Like go to the police? Markie, she could be arrested and you wouldn't have to live with that anymore."

"I can't." I shook my head.

"We'll if you won't, then I will." He moved to the door behind me and I grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

"No! This is between me and you, John. Me and you."

"Then move in. Move in with me."

"What? No, you're crazy."

"Markie, please! My mom loves you like you're one of her own, she won't mind. Just please, you don't deserve any of this, you did nothing wrong!"

"John, calm down. I'm not moving in, but I'll try to stay out of this house as much as I can." I reached my hand up to his cheek.

"You don't deserve any of this, Markie. Not one bit. You deserve to be happy." He closed his eyes, leaning forward to put his forehead on mine.

"I am happy John. I have you and Kenny as my best friends and I couldn't thank you enough for being there for me. And I have the rest of the guys to look after me too. That's all I need to be happy." I rubbed my thumb over his cheek. He nodded and closed his eyes when I reached up to kiss his nose.

"Spend the night," I said.

His eyes opened and a smile spread across his face. He nodded then wrapped his arms around me. I squeezed his waist against me and he kissed my forehead when he pulled away.

"I gotta go to band practice. Wanna come?" He looked at me hopefully.

I nodded, "Can I have my coverup back, please?" I held my hand out and he placed it in it. I moved into the bathroom again and made my black eye go away. I smiled small at John when I walked out and we walked downstairs.

"Going to band practice with John, be back later." I said into the living room. I shut the door behind us and walked to the passenger side of the truck. I looked over at him when he took my hand in his.

"Why do you hold my hand?" I asked him.

He glanced over at me, "Because your hand's always cold. And I like holding your hand."

I nodding, smiling while I rubbed the side of his thumb. He pulled up to Pat's house five minutes later and we got out, then he took my hand again when we rejoined.

"I like holding your hand too," I whispered before we walked in the house and we said hello to Pat's mom. He walked me down to the basement and I greeted the guys. Kenny walked up to me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"You guys made up?" He whispered. I nodded when he pulled away and he kissed my forehead. I sat down on the old couch and brought my feet under me. I smiled as I watched them play their instruments and I stared at John as he sang and I found myself smiling even bigger.

::

Practice was over and we were all sitting on the couch or the floor around the coffee table, eating the pizza that Pat's mom brought down a few minutes ago.

I pushed my plate toward the middle and sat back against the couch. John sat back to, smiling over at me as he brought his arm back and around my waist. I laid my head on his shoulder while the guys talked.

"So what movie are we seeing tomorrow?" Pat asked. The guys shrugged and I lifted my head up off John's shoulder.

"I don't think I'm gonna go tomorrow. I still have homework to do."

Jared whined, "Aw come on, Markie. We go every Sunday!"

"Please!" Pat said.

I shrugged, "I don't know."

The rest of the guys continued to eat their pizza and I laid my head back on John's shoulder. He rubbed my side and I leaned more into him, putting my arm over his waist. I played with his shirt until he poked my side. I lifted my head up and looked at him.

"Ready to go?" I nodded my head and got up off the couch. I hugged all the guys and walked upstairs with John and said goodbye to Pat's mom. I stopped out on the porch and John turned toward me.

"What?" He asked.

"I don't wanna walk," I whined.

He smiled then moved and quickly picked me up bridal style. I smiled into his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck. When he went to the passenger side, I told him no and he went to the drivers side then got in with me in his lap.

"I better not get a ticket."

"You won't." I said as he kept his arm around my waist and the other on the wheel as he drove. I closed my eyes as he started to hum one of their songs. By the time he finished the song, he pulled up in front of my house. I groaned, not wanting to go inside and face my mom but I was lucky that John was spending the night. We got out and he locked his car before he carried me up to my porch and inside. I stood to my feet and he followed behind me as I walked into the kitchen. I immediately turned around and pushed John back.

"What?" He whispered.

"She's smoking," I looked down at me feet as I walked upstairs with John beside me. He rubbed my back as we reached the last step and I opened my door then locked it behind him.

"Do you want basketball shorts or anything?" I opened my drawers and got out my pajamas.

"You know I never sleep in those." I smiled and turned toward the bathroom, closing the door slightly and changing into shorts. I jumped when I felt warm hands on my bare shoulders as I was ready to put the tank top over my head. John squeezed my shoulders to reassure me and I turned toward him. I bit my lip as he looked down to my stomach and brought his hands down to run his fingers over the bruises.

"How'd she do that?" He asked quietly.

"She kicked me." I watched him as he squeezed his eyes shut quickly but opened them after a second. "I'm okay now, John. If you weren't here, then there would be more bruises coming."

He nodded and took my shirt then put it over my head. I smiled up at him then washed my face when he left the bathroom. I looked in the mirror at my black eye but didn't put anything on it. I switched off the light then walked back into my room. John was shirtless and he was taking off his pants.

I was used to it. We had many sleepovers and at all of them, he always slept in his boxers. I wasn't really uncomfortable back in the bathroom either when I was in my bra while he looked at my stomach. I've always felt comfortable around him.

He got under the covers and lifted them up when I moved to the other side to get in. He moved closer to me and I smiled up at him as I put my arm over his waist. I ran my fingernails up and down his bare back and laughed when I felt the goosebumps.

"It tickles," he shifted beside me and I giggled. He brought his hand up and pushed my hair over my shoulder then kept his hand on my cheek, stroking it. He moved forward and placed a soft kiss on my forehead and I curled into his side, pulling his waist closer to me.