Three.

I decided to skip the rest of my classes, opting to call my brother once in the safety of my car and interrupting whatever it was that he did on a normal weekday. Devin had a job working for the school with a pretty lofty salary. I’m pretty sure his entire job entailed fixing and updating the computer labs in the Mess Hall and Library. He was good at it, the best, thanks to his mandated skill.

“Levi? Is everything alright? Shouldn’t you be in a lecture or practice right now?” he answered.

“I’m fine, Devin. Can’t a gal just call her big brother without needing the sky to be falling?”

“Well, no. But that slight break in your voice says otherwise. You’re not fine. Where are you?”

“Parking lot,” I sighed. Devin had been able to see through me since we were kids. I’d always felt more comfortable with my brother than anyone else in my age group, until Jesse, that is. But the way Jesse had looked at me when he realized I’d done something impossible, it broke my heart.

“Which one?”

“Lot Two, row Q,” I responded, glancing up at the Row marker, rising high above the cars. I always chose to park farther away, just to get a mini work out in before I had to sit in class for an hour and a half.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he sighed. We hung up and I leaned my head back against the headrest, closing my eyes. I can’t believe I was so stupid to throw that football. What was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking; that was precisely the problem. It’s like I secretly wanted to get caught and thrown into a prison cell or something. I wanted to vanish off the face of the Earth, never to be seen again by any of my friends or family. Maybe I had a deep-seated desire to die a painful and slow death.
The passenger side door opened and in a blind panic, I threw the first thing I grabbed, which happened to be my keys. I looked over slowly and found my brother, Devin. There was a red spot where the keys must’ve hit his forehead, and he didn’t look happy.

“What the hell was that?” he asked, getting in the car. I took the keys back from him and pushed them into the ignition, hoping he didn’t see my hands shake.

“Instinct?” I laughed nervously. “You scared me, that’s all.”

“Right. Is everything okay? You’re a bit, uhm, on edge.”

“Do you mind if we just get away for the day? Will you get in trouble?”

“I figured you’d want to get away. I filled out an absentee form for the rest of the day off, so we’re free. You’ll be in more trouble than I will,” he replied.

“I’m already in trouble, so that’s no problem,” I sighed. I turned the key, letting the old matchbox’s tired and worn engine rumble to life. One of these times, I was going to turn that key and she’d spit and groan, and then give up. She was getting old, and couldn’t take much more. It’d be when I need her most to work that she’d die on me.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

I shook my head and replied, “Not here.”

I backed out of the parking spot and drove cautiously towards the main exit. Once off campus, I pushed my foot down and headed towards the far end of town, towards the rusty, broken down end of town. There was an old park there, where I went whenever I needed to get away from everything.

“Can we talk now?” he asked. I shook my head.

“Just hold on, we’re almost there.”

Finally, we pulled into the parking lot of the abandoned playground. It was a relatively small square of land, with overgrown grass and a basketball hoop rusted over and useless. I put the car into park and sighed before pulling the keys from the ignition.

“You really like it here?” he asked as I opened my door.

“Yeah, it’s… peaceful. No one comes here, because it’s old and it’s not state of the art. It leaves me alone with my thoughts,” I responded with a shrug. I got out and slammed the door, a bit unnecessary but at that moment, there was not a fuck to give.

“I can understand that,” he stated, getting out and shutting his own door quietly, like a sane human being. But considering I’d just doomed myself to a vanishing act followed by a torturous death at the hands of Johnny Law, it’s safe to say that I wasn’t a “sane human being” at that moment in time.

“Have you ever done something stupid, Dev?” I asked, leading my brother into the park, picking our way through the knee-high grasses to the swings.

“Of course, I have. My whole life has been nothing but something-stupid. Why do you ask?”

“Because, today, I possibly destroyed my entire future and the reputation of our family and maybe even put myself in mortal danger, all because I didn’t think before I acted, and oh god, Devin, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you got a sister like me, and I’m sorry what I’ve done to our family. And Jesse will probably be linked to me, which means he’s in danger and he’s never done anything to anybody. He’s never even killed a fly before. He’s too nice, and look what I’ve done. I’m so stupid, so so stupid. Kill me now before I’m carted away like the twins and I just don’t want this anymore,” I cried, losing any semblance of sanity I had left. Devin quickly pulled me into his arms, and shushed me, rubbing the skin between my shoulder blades.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I don’t know what you’re rambling on about, but it’ll all turn out okay. You’re my sister, Levi, and I’m not going to let anything, anything happen to you.”

I nearly nodded off, tucked against my brother’s chest, his fingers pressing soothing circles into my back.

“Come on, let’s go sit on the swings,” he said, holding me out at arm’s length with a reassuring smile on his face. Just like Tess and I, Devin had Mom’s dark hair, cheekbones and face shape, but had inherited Dad’s bright blue eyes and unruly hair. He was tall, like Dad, and slight of build, like Mom. Most of the time, he was too lazy to shave so most days, his jaw and neck were shadowed with dark stubble. He’d made out pretty well in the genes department, which wasn’t hard when your parents look like they could be models, instead of engineers and chefs.

He grabbed my hand and led me through the knee-high grass until we came to the swing set. I grabbed onto the rusty chains of a low-hanging swing and plopped myself down while Devin rounded behind me to push me, just like when we were kids. Some things never changed between us, despite the fact that we were grown up with jobs and bright futures. He pushed me on the swings like we were 10 years old, and brought me home film scores to dance to just because, and he took me out for ice cream after an impossibly hard week. When I was upset, he’d lie around in my room, instead of going to his girlfriend’s house, and watch old black and white movies. Every year on my birthday, he’d sneak into my room while I slept and leave me a candy bar, a single wild flower and a 100 dollar bill. He was my Jesse before Jesse was around, and when I could trust no one else, I could trust Devin.

“Dev, there’s something I gotta tell you,” I said softly, but effectively catching his attention. He caught the metal chains and stopped me from going any higher.

“What’s up?” he asked, taking a seat in the swing beside me.

“I did something so stupid today, and god, just hear me out before you yell at me. I need to get this out. Okay?” I asked, and then charged forward without waiting for a response. “During break, Jesse and I were hanging in the courtyard when this jock threw the football too far and I wasn’t thinking. I caught the ball and sent it back to him, throwing the perfect spiral. It wasn’t just luck either. It was instinct. I threw it like I was born to do it, and it felt the same as when I dance, like I’m meant for it. It was the perfect throw, and, and it was in the middle of the courtyard and I’m scared that they’re going to drag me away. I don’t wanna die, Devin. I don’t want to be like the O’Connor twins!”

Devin stared for a moment once I was done speaking, before he nodded to himself and stood from his swing. He walked away, his back to me as his steps took him back towards our car. I watched in horror as he picked his way back through the overgrown park, my entire body frozen in fear. Did my brother hate me? Was I wrong to trust him?

He stopped and veered from the path we’d made, bending down for a moment before popping back up. He walked back towards me, one hand hidden behind his back, his face expressionless. He stopped before me and his face broke out in his trademark grin, a smile that took up most of his face and lit up all of his features. His hand came out from behind him and he presented me with a tiny yellow wildflower.

“Levi, everything is going to be okay. You’re the best little sister a guy could ask for, and no one is going to drag you away because you threw a football the right way. But if it really worries you, you can just attribute it to your dance ability.”

I took the fragile flower by its miniscule stem and smiled back at my brother.

“You’re an ass,” I chuckled while raising the flower to my nose. It barely had a scent, but it was comforting nonetheless, a true Devin gesture.

“You didn’t really think that I could hate you for something like that, right? There’s a lot of things I could hate you for, but that’s definitely not one of them,” he responded with a shrug, falling gracelessly back into his swing. A laugh bubbled up in my chest from nowhere and I couldn’t stop once I’d started. I doubled over, planting my feet on the ground to keep from tipping and just laughed. Ever since I’d started having that dream about the men dressed in white hauling me into the darkness, I’d found it hard to laugh, to enjoy myself. I was afraid if I was too loud or too myself, they’d come for me. But I had Devin, and we were in this empty, desolated park, and I was so paranoid that I was something special, and it was too funny. I couldn’t stop laughing.

“Oh, Levi’s finally lost it,” Devin muttered to himself between my peals of laughter.

“S-sorry,” I giggled, trying to get myself under control. “I’m just being ridiculous.”

“You don’t need to tell me.”

I shot him a look and gathered myself until only a small smile was left of my laughing fit. Devin’s lips curled into an amused smirk as he shook his head.

“I will never understand what I did to deserve you as a sister,” Devin commented, earning a well-deserved punch to the arm. At least in my ridiculous world, I had one constant.