The Faulty Camera in Our Minds

Madeline fumbled through her purse for her cell phone. She had the list of people who she had to notify when it got to this point, names and numbers scribbled down onto a scrap piece of paper that had haphazardly been shoved into her purse at the last moment. Finding her phone, she had just begun to type the numbers in when the whoosh of the automatic doors behind her caused the exhausted girl to turn around and inadvertently lock eyes with the lanky, dirty-haired boy who had made his way out to smoke.

The pair froze, green eyes locked onto steel grey ones, recognition almost instantaneous. Realizing that it had been years since they had even acknowledged each other's existence, both of them froze, words caught in their throats. There hadn't been much for them to ever acknowledge: they weren't friends, though by no means were they enemies. Growing up down the street from each other, the two had played together as children, In high school, they ran in similar circles, occasionally bumping into each other at parties on the weekends or hanging out with large groups of mutual friends.

John had always known Madeline to be a well-liked girl: not the queen bee, though no one could say a mean word about the hilarious girl. She was pretty, but not the prettiest girl in the room. She worked hard in school and had fun on the weekends, played volleyball, and last time he checked, she had been on a full ride to ASU to study biology. She was the girl that girls aspired to be: pretty, popular, and successful, all without rubbing it in. She didn't have a hard life.

Madeline had known John to be a typical teenage boy: she knew he played baseball, did stupid stuff with his friends, and was always looking for a good time. He knew that there were girls lining up to get their shot with him: he took advantage of that, earning a reputation as a womanizer by the time he strolled across the graduation stage as a senior in high school. She didn't particularly care for him, his childish sense of humor and cocky attitude had given her a sour impression, yet she could still list off people who she would choose him over. The only thing she knew about him these days was that he was in a band; his name rarely coming up in conversations with high school classmates who she would run into once in a blue moon.

“Ma-Madeline? Madeline Jackson?” John stuttered, attempting to regain his composure.

“In the flesh.” She meekly replied, attempting to force a smile on her face.

“Holy shit,” John replied breathlessly. “It's uh, it's been a while.”

“I suppose so.” She shrugged, her voice still small as her eyes trailed away from his figure and off to the sunrise, the golden sphere casting a host of hues into the Arizona skyline.

The pair remained where they were, feet firmly planted against the concrete in the entryway: her eyes on the sky, his eyes on her. There were millions of things running through John's head: why was Madeline here? Who was the little boy with her? What had she been up to since graduation?

“Want a smoke? That's uh, what I came out here for.” John offered, his eyes transfixed on the silent girl beside him. He kicked himself for not being able to start a conversation; his offer of a smoke deemed a poor cop-out.

Madeline shook her head no, leaning back on a concrete pillar and sighing. John reached into his pocket, digging out the light blue package of American Spirits, his long fingers sliding one white stick out and resting it between his lips as he returned the box to his pocket. Pulling out a lighter, John lit the cigarette, letting delicate curls of smoke pour from his lips as he exhaled.

The pair settled into another silence, the haze of the cigarette smoke reflecting the dazed state that the night's events had left the pair in. Occasionally another sigh would escape Madeline's lips, her attempts at satisfying her own curiosity about John's life failing to make it past her mind.

“Maddy!”

Madeline's head whipped around yet again to find a young nurse calling her name, one hand holding Tyler's as he waddled through the doors. The nurse sent the girl a sympathetic look, leading the flustered toddler to his aunt. Madeline's aura shifted the second the toddler came into view, her broken down demeanor being pushed back for a stronger mask.

“Ty Ty, what's going on?” Madeline responded, opening her arms so the toddler would come to her.

“Mama! I want Mama!” Tyler whined, attaching himself to Madeline's leg. John gawked as the scene unfolded, focused on the small boy as Madeline scooped him up and bounced him on her hip.

“We can't see Mama right now, sweetie.” She cooed, pressing her lips to Tyler's forehead. “Why do you need Mama?”

“I had a bad dweam.”

A slight curl caught on John's lips as the small boy spoke, unable to properly pronounce his words. Madeline had a way with children, or at least with this boy. He was already resting his head on her shoulder, his small arms clutching her torso as if she were going to vanish at any moment.

“Aww sweetie, it was just a dream.” Madeline soothed, running her free hand along Tyler's back. “Try to go back to sleep, okay baby? I'll be right here.”

Tyler's thumb shifted back to his mouth, lazily sucking as his eyes began to droop. Silence fell again as the toddler drifted off to sleep, the occasional trails of smoke escaping John's lips and the gentle bouncing of Tyler being the only changes in the environment from the silence before.

“I heard you're in a band?” Madeline finally broke the silence, her voice low to prevent Tyler from waking.

“Yeah,” John's voiced lacked any of the attitude that Madeline would have expected from high school John, his simple answer carrying heaviness as he spoke.

“I didn't know you were into music.”

“Yeah, I didn't do much musical stuff before joining.” John shrugged, a slight melancholy smile playing off his lips. “I sing and play some guitar, and a little piano.”

“That's cool.” She nodded, gently shifting Tyler to her other shoulder.

“What have you been up to since... wow, since high school?” John finally allowed his curiosity to get the best of him, asking the first of many questions that had been plaguing him since realizing who he had encountered.

“Stuff.” She half-heartedly answered. “I went to school for a while, then had to drop out and work. I take care of this kid and his mom when I'm not working.” Madeline nodded towards Tyler, who was oblivious to the world as he rested on her shoulder.

“Who's the little guy?” John asked, curious about the boy asleep in her arms.

“Tyler.”

“How do you know him?”

“He's my nephew.”

Looking between the two, John caught the resemblance. They shared a similar nose; the toddler’s shaggy brunette locks matching Madeline’s brunette waves perfectly as well.

“I didn’t know you had a nephew.”

“He’s only a couple years old. My sister had him right before she got sick. We don’t know who his dad is, so we’ve—well, lately it’s just been me taking care of both of them.”

“Sarah’s sick?”

Madeline’s lips pursed together, pausing to gain her composure before answering. “Cancer. They don’t think she’ll make it through the night.”

The breath caught in John’s throat as she finished, astounded at her response. Had he really missed that much in being gone? Where was her grandma? It had only been five years since they had graduated together, and yet it felt so much longer.

Almost in a flash, John was taking in everything he had missed in the years spent on the road: she was taller, thinner. Her hollow cheekbones were drained of their color and heavy bags had appeared under her eyes, the spattering of freckles across her face faded from back when her days were spent lounging in the sun. The lips that had always been precisely covered in lipgloss were cracked, her eyes unlined and her hair lacking its previous luster.

“I’m so- I’m sorry to hear.” John stuttered, the words stumbling over his tongue on the way out.

“Thanks.” She pursed her lips together, her response hardly audible.

“So what brings you home?” The words finally snuck out, Madeline’s lips hardly parting as the sounds traveled through.

“My mom... she uh, was in an accident.” John's voice cracked, attempting to maintain his composure. “I got home a couple hours ago and came straight here.”

“I'm sorry.” Madeline sighed, shifting her eyes from the sunrise over to John. John simply nodded, his eyes leaving hers to study the same sky that she had been so transfixed on moments before. “How is she?”

“Thanks… She’s supposed to be okay. It’s just scary, you know? Like, what if it had been worse? What if she had passed away before I even made it home?” The thoughts escaped John before he even had a chance to process them, cringing at his last comment. Madeline probably thought he was a horrible person: her sister was about to die and here he was just talking about how lucky he was that his mom was going to be just fine. “Shit, sorry I--“

“You don’t have to apologize.” Madeline cut him off. “I’ve been preparing for this for a while now… I get what you’re saying.”

The silence that echoed between them was uncomfortable, John unsure of how to make up for his comment and Madeline unsure of how to make her situation more bearable.

“Are you close with your mom?” Madeline broke the silence, trying to find anyway to make things more bearable.

“Yeah…” John trailed off, searching for the best way to word his response. “This might sound kind of dumb, but she’s honestly my best friend. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

Madeline couldn’t help but smile at this information. She never would have pictured this response from the boy who she used to live down the street from, yet she knew Jenny O’Callaghan well enough to know that Jenny was an incredible mother, and John would be foolish to not love his mother as much as possible.

“I’m glad she’s going to be okay. She’s a wonderful woman.”

John didn’t realize that Madeline knew Jenny as well as she did, but he nodded anyways. The sincerity behind her voice, even if it was coated in fatigue, was enough to assure him that she must have known a thing or two about the woman.

Madeline turned to head back inside, her legs growing weary from the night spent pacing and standing.

“Where are you going?” John asked, suddenly desperate to not lose the company he had recently rediscovered.

“Inside. My legs are tired.” Madeline sent him a half smile, adjusting Tyler so he was in a more comfortable position.

“Alright… well I think I’m going to run to Starbucks. You want anything?”

“Surprise me.” A glint caught in Madeline’s steel eyes as she answered, her smile widening at John’s kind gesture.

And with that, she turned and made her way inside, leaving John to wonder if there was even more to Madeline than he had just seen.