Forget Me Not

Three days later, Absidee still hadn't heard much of anything about Beau's condition. Evelyn called late Sunday morning to let her know that the doctors were running tests, but now it was Tuesday evening and she hadn't heard anything else. She didn't call for fear of bothering them, or causing trouble with Heather, although she had to admit she was more than a little concerned. And, she missed talking to her friend. She didn't even realize how much she missed it until her father came by to sit her down to finally have that serious conversation about finding a nursing home for Mac.

"I want you to remember, Absidee, that we're not just thinking of Grandpa here. We have to think of you. I know you say that you're fine here, but if your friendship with Beau has shown me anything, it's that you deserve the chance to live life in the same timeline as anyone else your age," Michael started.

Absidee shook her head. "How selfish is it of me, Dad, to think of myself? I came back home to take care of him and to do what needed to be done. Everyone deserves the chance to live their life normally, or however you want to put it, but that doesn't mean that every person gets that chance. So my life will be different. I've accepted that."

"Sid, do you think that if you had met Beau under different circumstances, you two would still just be friends?"

"We're not talking about that right now," she defended.

"But I think it's relevant," Michael replied. "I know you love him; you couldn't possibly hide it. If it weren't for your current arrangements, you would have a chance to pursuit that."

"Beau is with Heather, and I think that actually makes this irrelevant." Absidee could feel the tears beginning. She was running out of excuses and reasons to disagree with her father.

"If it isn't Beau, then it will be someone else. The whole family knows what you sacrificed to come here and take care of your grandfather. Perhaps he's just more advanced than we all knew; I did think you would need to be here more. The truth is, Julie is starting to get overwhelmed, and don't tell me you're not, too."

Absidee shrugged. "I'll admit, it is easier when Julie and I are here together. When Beau was coming over, it was even easier."

Michael nodded. "That's what I'm saying. He needs to be in a place where people who are trained for this can watch him as a team. Putting him in a home doesn't mean we don't love him - it means we know that we can't properly take care of him anymore."

The tears were too much to fight then. Absidee knew her father was right; as much as she loved her grandfather and did her best, it was just getting to be too much for her to handle on her own. Mac was beginning to forget who she was more often than he remembered her, and those were the times when he was most difficult.

"I just feel like I failed him," Absidee sobbed. "I knew in the back of mind I wasn't going to cure him and he wasn't going to get better, but I just always imagined him the way he was when I first moved back. He's gone downhill so fast."

Michael moved to put an arm around his daughter. "You haven't failed him, Sid. If Grandpa knew in the first place what you had done, quitting school to come home and take care of him, you know he wouldn't have allowed it. The only thing he has ever wanted for you was to be happy and be successful. Not to keep bringing up Beau, but I think if he could understand how happy you are when Beau's around, then he would really want you to be able to live your life. Agreeing to put him in a home doesn't mean you don't love him."

"I know," she sniffled. She regained control of herself and apologized for crying. "Growing up just sucks sometimes."

"I know it does. But you should know you're doing a fine job growing up."
Absidee smiled her thanks and hugged her father. They agreed they would do some research on nursing homes in the area, decide on two or three they felt were best, and then go from there. She felt better knowing that nothing was going to be put into action right away. She just needed to take this one step at a time.

~.:.~

Beau looked down at his phone for what seemed like the millionth time. Her name was highlighted in his contacts list; all he had to do was hit the connect button the mobile would dial her number.

He shook his head and set the phone to the side. No wonder he had thought Absidee was sleeping there in the hospital room with him when he woke - she had been the last person he had seen before the seizure. The doctors were telling him now that he'd also suffered a transient ischemic attack - a "mini-stroke" they explained - which was why he couldn't make sense of what he was trying to say just before the seizure.

"Whether it caused the seizure, there's no way to tell," Dr. Turner had explained. "But I'm sure the TIA has something to do with that cyst. We've got to do something soon, before your condition worsens."

Heather and his mother had cried. His father looked on with a solemn countenance, and they left the doctor's office without speaking a word between them.

When they got home, Heather wanted to lay down and take a nap. Beau excused himself to the garage, and Owen followed not long after. Beau had asked exactly what happened, as he still couldn't remember. That's when he found out he had been speaking to Absidee when the whole thing happened.

"Was she freaking out?" Beau had asked.

Owen shook his head. "She reacted fairly well, really. I think she was scared for you, but she got you on your side and had someone find me right away. Your mother told her you were doing better, but didn't let on any details. I think that's up to you to tell her what's really going on."
And he knew his father was right. He wouldn't be a good friend if he continued to keep a secret like this from Absidee. It raised questions in his mind, however, about the firm decision he thought he had made to break things off with Heather and pursue Absidee wholeheartedly. Did he really feel that way about her, or was his mind simply latching on to the last person it registered before going haywire?

So he avoided her. He didn't go to the parts store, and he didn't call or text her. His father had gone to ride a scheduled practice at the track, but Beau declined to even go watch for fear of crossing paths with Absidee.

Besides the uncertainty in his own mind, he was positive that she didn't try and get in contact with him because she had no interest in doing so. What with the health problems her grandfather suffered from, Absidee no doubt felt as though Beau's were just a heaping more onto the already full plate in front of her. How could he possibly push that onto her, just because he needed her as his friend, if nothing else?

"That thought should tell you right there," he said aloud. "You know you care about her. Just talk to her."

So, he picked up the phone again, but he just couldn't do it. Absidee didn't deserve for Beau to complicate her life anymore than her family issues had already done for her.

Heather walked in the room with a concerned frown. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Beau nodded. "Just thinking about a few things."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really, but thanks." He looked up at her and tried to smile. "How about I take you to the movies this afternoon?"

"But Beau, you won't -"

"I don't care if I won't remember, Heather. You will, and I know you like to go. So let's go."
She leaned over to thank him with a kiss, then went to find the newspaper so they could decide on a movie to see and what time to go.

~.:.~

"We could stop in there, you know," Heather offered when they passed the parts store on the way home from the movie. "You haven't talked to her this whole time. She probably thinks you're unconscious or something."

Beau shook his head. "Mom talked to her on Sunday. Absidee will know that no news is good news."

"Just the same, I'm sure she'd like to hear from you."

"Don't fish for trouble, Heather."

"What are you talking about? She's your friend. I may not like it, but if we're going to be together, I have to deal with it, right? Wouldn't it be better if I got to know her, then we could all hang out?"

"I may not remember a lot of things," Beau said, "but I do remember that you're a jealous person. There's nothing wrong with that - shows me how much you care. Just the same, Absidee isn't in the best place right now, and I think it would just be too much."

"What would be too much?" Heather asked. "Me trying to be friends with her, or you telling her the truth about the brain cyst? You can't protect her from either of those things, you know. A good friend would want to get along with your girlfriend, and eventually she will find out about the cyst. It's just a matter of time."

"Can we please not talk about this right now?" Beau groaned.

"Why not? When would you like to talk about it, Beau? I've done nothing but be at your beck and call the whole time I've been here, spent the entire weekend in the hospital with you -"

"Oh, I'm sorry you had to do that," he replied sarcastically. "If I would have known you'd be so inconvenienced, I would have told you to change the dates for your trip."

Heather shook her head. "That's not what I meant and you know it. All I'm saying is that I've tried to be the girlfriend you want me to be, the least you could do is make me feel a little bit more comfortable about this other girl you've spent every day with!"

He clamped his mouth shut then, until they got to the house. He got out of the car without a word, and Heather pushed past him, going into the bedroom and slamming the door. That was just fine; he wasn't going after her. Not this time. It just wasn't necessary for Absidee and Heather to be in each other's lives - especially not when he was unsure how he felt about either of them. He couldn't very well explain that to Heather though, so, as selfish as it was, she would just have to be mad for the time being.

~.:.~

By the time Evelyn had supper ready, Beau and Heather still weren't speaking, although Heather had come out of the bedroom and sat herself in the recliner in the living room. Beau didn't even acknowledge her; he had read enough in Heather's tone to know that she didn't care so much about making friends with Absidee as making sure that Absidee knew who Beau belonged to. That was the part that really upset Beau.

"How was the movie?" Owen asked as they ate.

"Fine," Beau replied quickly before shoving more food in his mouth.

"What was it about?" Evelyn asked.

Beau remained silent, not able to remember a lot of the premise. Heather filled them in and then went back to eating as well. After a few more minutes of tense silence, Owen put his fork down.

"All right, you two. Enough," he said firmly.

"Owen!" Evelyn said. "Don't."

"No, Evelyn, this has to be said. I'm done walking on eggshells in my own house while these two decide what they want to do. If you're going to be together then be together. If you're going to be on pins and needles around each other after eight years of being together, then maybe that should tell you something."

Beau sighed and put his fork down. "I'm not doing this right now."

He got up from the table and went out to the garage. He sat on his motorcycle and closed his eyes, dreaming of a day when he could ride again without worrying about killing himself. The speed, the dirt, the jumps … it was always so relaxing for him. He could put any bit of stress he had into riding and come off the track feeling brand new.

"Do you still want to be with me?" Heather asked from the doorway.

Beau looked up and shrugged. "I don't know what I want, Heather. We have so much history, but I just can't do anything without worrying that you're going to walk away again. The only reason I remember what we fought about is because I can't stop thinking about it. Are you using Absidee as an easy out? Do you still want to be with me?"

She let out a deep breath and sat down on the step. "Do you really think I would have come out here if I didn't at least want to try? I'm not using Absidee as an out. If we're going to give this another shot though, I can't be the only one trying."

"How do you know I'm not?" Beau argued.

"Because what you've been thinking about this whole time is not why Absidee makes me uncomfortable or what to do to make your girlfriend feel more comfortable around your friend, but about how I might be offending her. You're not trying with me, Beau."

"Yeah, well, Absidee didn't walk away when she found out I was sick," he shot back.

Heather nodded. "Except that she doesn't really know how sick you are. Remember?"

Beau narrowed his eyes and pushed past her into the house. For her to take a strike at his memory, no matter how angry she was, that not only hurt him, but made him all the more angry.
"Beau," Evelyn said as he stormed through the kitchen.

He turned around and pointed at Heather where she was coming in from the garage. "I want her gone. I'm done trying."

He slammed his bedroom door shut, not caring how loud it was or how uncomfortable it might make anyone else. Heather was the one to come back to him, not the other way around. He wasn't going to sit around while she acted like that and still be expected to make their relationship work. The bedroom door open, but Beau stayed where he was on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry," Heather told him quietly. "You know how I get when I'm angry and hurt. I was wrong - very wrong - and I shouldn't have said that."

Beau shook his head. "No, you shouldn't have. When you walked away in North Carolina, you blamed my brain thing. Now this, tonight? Is that what you're going to resort to every time your angry? It isn't fair, and I can't keep trying with you when you clearly still haven't accepted my life as it is now. Things have changed, and if you can't change with me, then we've got nothing. I'm sorry to be the bad guy, but when I said done, I meant done. I'm done, Heather."

"You just want to be with Absidee," Heather accused.

He sighed and shook his head. "I honestly don't know what I want. I'm sorry that I was harsh - you know I how I can get, too. I love you, Heather, I do. We had a lot of good years together, and you were the first girl that I ever fell in love with. Somewhere along the way though, we stopped getting it right. I do love you, but …"

"Not enough to try anymore," Heather finished for him, wiping the tears that were streaming down her face. "I get it."

He stood and hugged her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you came all this way for it to not work out."

"We tried, right?" she shrugged. "I'm going to get online and see if I can change my ticket."

Beau nodded as she turned out of the room. Things had gone too far out of control before he even began to get a handle on it. He would wait until Heather was back in North Carolina, and then he would decide what to do from there. He would decide if he wanted to keep having the treatment on his brain, and he would decided what to do about Absidee. Picking up a pen and a piece of notebook paper, he sat down at his desk and wrote it all out before he could forget.

~.:.~

It was a slow Friday afternoon at the shop. Bill had offered to stay so she could go home and spend time with Mac, but Absidee declined. For once her need to be out of the house overruled her desire to want to stay with her grandfather.

Mac hadn't spoken a single word since Wednesday morning. He didn't recognize her when she woke him for breakfast that day, and it seemed to throw his orientation off entirely. He didn't know who Julie was either, and it seemed to make him weary of the two girls. When they asked questions, he would nod yes or shake his head no, but any open-ended questions were met with a blank stare. Michael reminded her that the doctors had warned withdrawal would come, but Absidee didn't expect it to be so sudden.

She leaned against the counter, facing the shelves that housed all the parts, and sighed. She missed Beau desperately, and not just because her heart hurt not seeing him. Beau was her friend, and with her grandfather's withdrawal only getting more overwhelming the more she thought about it, she needed him there to talk with her. Really, she wouldn't even need him to say anything; she just needed him to listen.

The bell over the door sounded, so she turned to greet her customer. Instead of one of her regular customers, who she would have expected, Heather approached her at the counter.

"Hi, Absidee."

"Heather," she nodded. "How are you?"

"Fine," Heather replied curtly. "Listen, I know you've been in the dark this week and that it can't have been easy. I wanted to come and tell you what's been going on."

Absidee frowned. "Why do I get the feeling that Beau and his parents don't know you're here?"
"I'm taking a cab to the airport."

"You're leaving him again?"

"No, this was more of a mutual decision this time. You need to know and understand what's going on with Beau, Absidee. It isn't just a seizure disorder."

"But Beau said …"

"I know." Heather took a deep breath. "Beau's memory is degrading. It's been degrading for some time now, and Dr. Turner finally found a cyst on his brain that is causing the memory loss."

Absidee couldn't believe it. He had covered it so well, but it did explain a few of his quirks that she thought was just part of who Beau was. Well, they were part of Beau, but because of the cyst not just the way he was.

"That day at the track, when you were talking with him, he actually had a mini-stroke, just before the seizure," Heather continued.

That explained the gibberish. "Was it caused - did the cyst cause the stroke?"

"They're not sure. Beau doesn't remember anything that happened with the stroke or the seizure."

"Thanks for telling me, I guess. Is he home or is he still in the hospital?"

"He's home. It's been a long week for him."

"I would imagine. I got a little worried when I didn't hear from him, but that makes sense I guess. I would be exhausted after something like that."

"That's actually why I thought you needed to know about all of this," Heather said. "When we tried to explain to Beau what he was doing when it happened, we told him he was talking to you. He looked confused for a few seconds, and we thought he was just trying to sort out the whole thing."

"But he wasn't."

Heather shook her head. "I'm sorry, Absidee. He doesn't remember you at all."

She stared at the other girl, completely in shock. This was so much worse than every scenario she had thought up in her head of telling Beau how she felt about him and having him reject her. This was beyond rejection. They could pass each other in the street and there wouldn't be any awkward moment as they made small talk, pretending to care about what had gone on in each other's lives. He just wouldn't remember her at all.

Heather apologized again and said goodbye. Absidee waved absent-mindedly as she tried to make sense of what her life had become. Her grandfather didn't remember her, Beau didn't remember. Who was going to forget her next?