Truth or Dare

Hands were grasped together, trying to hold onto him for dear life. Salty rain drops cascaded down my cheeks and landed on his slumbering body. It had been three days since I had gotten that call. The call that made my world stop in a heartbeat. I had just hoped to God it wouldn't stop his heartbeat.

Three days ago Pete had tried to leave this world again the same way he did the first time. With a bottle of pills. But this time I wasn't there to save him. I had let him down, and now he couldn't get back up. Three days of being unconscious in a hospital bed. But I hadn't left his side. I sat next to him holding his hand all day, then at night I would crawl into his gurney and lay with him.

I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead. "You listen to me, you're going to wake up. You're going to wake up, and we're going to work through everything. Okay?" A sob exploded throughout me. "I love you Peter. Wake up! Wake the fuck up!!" I was shaking his shoulders, desperate to try anything.

"Juliet, stop." Ryan sternly told me, pulling me off of Pete.

"I can't! He won't wake up and it's all my fault."

"It's not your fault. Don't you dare say it's your fault." He pulled me tightly into his chest. "He's going to be fine, even the doctor said so. You just need to relax."

Ryan had stayed and sat with me for the rest of the night. I could see him drifting off after the sun had set, so I told him to go home, I was going to be fine I assured him. I had crawled into bed with Pete, and pulled the covers up to his chin, tucking him in just the way he liked it.

"I love you Peter, I'll be dreaming of you tonight."

***

I could see through my heavy eyelids that the sun was starting to rise. Pete's least favorite time of the day. I laughed to myself thinking about how much he was like a vampire. I got out of bed and pulled the curtains closed, just as if he was conscience.

I sighed looking at the clock, it was only five AM. My soul instantly sank when I remembered that from now until I fell asleep would be filled with worrying about Pete. My stomach ached with hunger pains so I knew it was time to get breakfast. Every morning I went and got a coffee for Pete and I, even though I knew he wouldn't drink it. Old habits die hard.

The cafeteria was empty this morning, so I decided to order a bagel too and sit down next to the window. You could tell it was getting colder by the way the clouds clung together in the sky. No sun wanted to peek through. It was so depressing.

One of the nurses who had been taking care of Pete gently tapped my shoulder, bringing me out of my daydream.

"Oh hi Sara, how are you?" I said sleepily.

"I'm doing good. You look tired hun, you should go home and get some rest." She looked concerned.

"But I don't want to miss anything. I don't want him to wake up alone."

"I know you don't, but in order to get him healthy, we have to keep his support system healthy." She grabbed my hand. "You know he wants you to be healthy. He wouldn't want you waiting around here."

"I guess you're right." I weakly smiled to her.

She reached into her pocket and grabbed a crumpled piece of paper. "This was in his pocket, it had your name on it. I want you to go home, read it, know how much he loves you and get some rest."

My hand shook taking it from her, "O-okay. Thank you."

I instantly jumped into a cab and took the short drive back to our house. I needed to be at home again, to wear one of his hoodies. To be surrounded by him. The house felt so dead, and reeked of alcohol. There were open and spilled bottles everywhere, but I didn't care. I ran straight for our bedroom and got cuddled in on his side of the bed.

I took a deep breath as I opened the letter.

I've loved everything about you that hurts, so let me see your moves. Lips pressed close to mine. True Blue, but the prince of any failing empire knows that. Everybody wants to drive on through the night, If it's the drive back home. Things aren't the same any more, some nights it gets so bad that I almost pick up the phone. Trade Baby Blues, for Wide-Eyed Browns. I sleep with your old shirts, and walk through this house in your shoes. I know it's strange, it's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you. I've already given up on myself twice, third time is the charm. Threw caution to the wind, but I've got a lousy arm. And I've traced your shadows on the wall, now I kiss them whenever I'm down. Just kind of figured on not figuring myself out. I was born under a bad sign,
but you saved my life. That night on the roof of your hotel, "Cross my heart and hope to die, splinter from the headboard in my eye" Photo-proofed kisses I remember so well.

Well you know me. That's my complicated way of saying I'm sorry. And that I love you so much. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. If I'm gone you never have to be scared of me again, or worried about what I'm doing. Everything will just be easier this way.

I love you.

xoxPeterpanda.[i/]