Truth or Dare

I would hold him up forever, whether he was hooked up to an IV or in the psych ward for the rest of his life. I wanted him to know no matter how bad it got, he always had me. No ifs, and's or but's. Even months after his attempted death, there were nights where I would hold him all night long while he cried. Any time I tried to leave him or let go he would grasp on to me tighter, begging me with his puppy dog eyes.

I would be cleaning our apartment and I would hear him mumble words to himself for hours. I would bring all of his meals to our bed, begging him to take even one bite. He didn't want to leave our safe four walls.

It was so hard on me too. I would go to the park and just cry for hours, wondering what I did wrong? Why did he feel this way when I was there for him. I didn't know how to fix it and it annoyed the hell out of me.

I thought back to how I had ended up here. I had a small spark that burned internally in me. The burning caused me to pack everything up and leave San Francisco, I wasn't sure where I was going to end up, but I was going to get discovered. I left when I was seventeen, big city dreams burned within me.

I ran out of money when I hit Illinois, Chicago. I luckily stumbled upon an old bar who was looking for a waitress. During the week it was mostly filled with old perverts, but come the weekend it was full of scene kids cheering on local and non local bands. The kids had inspired me, and I wrote so many songs.

One night during closing I walked onto stage, I picked up a guitar and started strumming and singing. I still remember singing the first lines of what would turn into my song San Francisco.

"I fell face down on the floor
This strange city won't feel sorry for
All my fairy tales and dreams
This old kingdom isn't what it seems"

Then everything seemed to fall into place, I found some friends to make a band, and we played shows at my bar to make some extra money. It was like that for a year and a half, until I met Pete.

We both knew we were going to be big rockstars.

**

Ryan pleaded me to tell the doctors the truth about my accident, but I just couldn't. He watched as they stitched every stitch and repositioned my shoulder, he didn't leave my side. There was no doubt I owed everything to him.

We got back to his car after an almost full day at the hospital. I played nervously with his radio while he drove us in the dark.

"Please don't tell." I whispered to him.

Ryan pulled over to the side of the road and put his hazard lights on. He turned to me and reached out his arms to hold me. "If you can't do it for yourself, do it for me." He pleaded.

What did he want, for me to pack up my last four years and just forget? To move on? Because that would hurt more then any physical pain Pete could cause me.

The only thing I could muster up to say to him was "I'll try, that's the best I can do for right now."

"You know you could stay with me.. Just for a couple of days even." He was begging me with his puppy dog eyes.

I nodded at him, "Yea, okay, I think that might be a good idea."

Ryan continued to drive on. He told me he would tell Pete, and I could stay in the car, but I said no. I was a strong female, I had to tell him myself.

I took a deep breath when we pulled up to my house. Ryan gave me a reassuring smile as he helped me out of the car and we walked up to the front door.

Pete immediately jumped up from the hard kitchen chair. It had been evident he had been crying, his eyes were so red and puffy. He looked me up and down, taking in the damage he had done to me. Which was twenty three stitches, a bruised bladder, one fractured rib and a dislocated shoulder.

I walked up to him confidently, he didn't dare to reach out to me, "Pete, I'm going to stay at Ryan's for a few days. I think it's for the best."

All he could do was nod and move to the side. I hurriedly packed a few things as the boys talked in the kitchen. I could hear Pete crying over and over, "I'm going to get help, I swear".

I walked past him and choked back my tears, "I love you Peterpan."

He barely whispered, "I love you too, my precious Jules."