Recover
May 1st, 3:30 A.M.
It's so beautiful, twisted and fucked up. Inhale and feel the colors swirl around you. My perfect smoky world, captured in a small room filled with broken hopes and dreams. I feel the bounce in every bass line, the rhythm in every boom of the drum. No words are needed, we all only want one thing. Escape.
We let ourselves crash into each other. We jump and sweat and bleed. I looked over to my right, my California boy. He was nothing I had ever expected in my life. I called him 'Ocean Eyes'. Beautiful blues that I always drown in. Perfectly bronzed skin, even in the middle of winter. I always searched his perfect body wondering how he could be so insecure.
The first time we met he stumbled over to me, drunk out of his mind. He told me his name was 'Jayden. And that was spelt with a 'y'.' I remember being so shy, blushing from being the awkward girl I was. Everyone I had met that night was a God, and I was a mere mortal among them. He made it so easy to talk to him though, it was the only time I had instantly felt like I belonged.
I wasn't sure where I belonged in this scene. It was all so foreign to me. I pushed my way through the crowd, no one even noticed me as I made my way to the back of the club where Mason and Kevin were seated. I was ready to go and say goodbye for the night.
Mason reached out to me as soon as I was in his sight. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me in to his chest. His whole body shook with the noise of this so called music.
"I'm going to get going." I shout into his ear.
"We're all going to come back to my place for a party, please come?" He looked at me with those puppy dog eyes that I always gave in to.
"I don't know..." I look any where else.
He pushes up my chin with his masculine hands making me look him the eye. "Please?" He whispers.
Game over. I nod my head and agree to come. There was no doubt in my mind I was falling deeply in love with him. And it scared me, to death.
I'm fragile and have collected too many scars to even entertain the thought of this so called love. My flaws are too much for anyone to love. These bones hold too many secrets and fucked up thoughts that are desperate to leak through my thin skin. Even professionals are afraid of my brain. No amount of therapy could ever fix me, and I was okay with that.
I remember feeling so high I could eat a star, and the next minute I would fall onto the pavement, and land on my face. Splat. I lived to flirt with the Monster though, I just couldn't get enough. One cut here, one cut there. What did it matter anyway? I was just floating through life. Until I met my saviour.
***
This was how fingers worked, how smiles were created. Sincere giggles were leaving my mouth, causing me to lose the ability to speak. This was total perfection, maybe not for you, but for me it was. Brilliant colors swirled around. Bright white teeth and happy tongues, these were my favorite times. A room full of very different people, but alike in some way or another. A small apartment that gave everyone the hope they needed. Just a glimmer of hope was all I wanted.
We let ourselves crash into each other. We jump and sweat and bleed. I looked over to my right, my California boy. He was nothing I had ever expected in my life. I called him 'Ocean Eyes'. Beautiful blues that I always drown in. Perfectly bronzed skin, even in the middle of winter. I always searched his perfect body wondering how he could be so insecure.
The first time we met he stumbled over to me, drunk out of his mind. He told me his name was 'Jayden. And that was spelt with a 'y'.' I remember being so shy, blushing from being the awkward girl I was. Everyone I had met that night was a God, and I was a mere mortal among them. He made it so easy to talk to him though, it was the only time I had instantly felt like I belonged.
I wasn't sure where I belonged in this scene. It was all so foreign to me. I pushed my way through the crowd, no one even noticed me as I made my way to the back of the club where Mason and Kevin were seated. I was ready to go and say goodbye for the night.
Mason reached out to me as soon as I was in his sight. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me in to his chest. His whole body shook with the noise of this so called music.
"I'm going to get going." I shout into his ear.
"We're all going to come back to my place for a party, please come?" He looked at me with those puppy dog eyes that I always gave in to.
"I don't know..." I look any where else.
He pushes up my chin with his masculine hands making me look him the eye. "Please?" He whispers.
Game over. I nod my head and agree to come. There was no doubt in my mind I was falling deeply in love with him. And it scared me, to death.
I'm fragile and have collected too many scars to even entertain the thought of this so called love. My flaws are too much for anyone to love. These bones hold too many secrets and fucked up thoughts that are desperate to leak through my thin skin. Even professionals are afraid of my brain. No amount of therapy could ever fix me, and I was okay with that.
I remember feeling so high I could eat a star, and the next minute I would fall onto the pavement, and land on my face. Splat. I lived to flirt with the Monster though, I just couldn't get enough. One cut here, one cut there. What did it matter anyway? I was just floating through life. Until I met my saviour.
***
This was how fingers worked, how smiles were created. Sincere giggles were leaving my mouth, causing me to lose the ability to speak. This was total perfection, maybe not for you, but for me it was. Brilliant colors swirled around. Bright white teeth and happy tongues, these were my favorite times. A room full of very different people, but alike in some way or another. A small apartment that gave everyone the hope they needed. Just a glimmer of hope was all I wanted.