Pandora

I hope you never understand me. Because understanding means knowing me. And, once you know everything there is to know, I'm afraid that you'll grow tired of me.

Because where is the magic when that spell has died out? When you know a person, inside and out, there is nothing new to learn. It's like a book that you have read cover to cover. Better the first time around, then left there to sift through the words on the page. Before you have memorized every quote and there is nothing left to comprehend. And, at that time, there are new books sitting on the bedroom floor.

But I don't want this book to end. I don't want to be an old book on the shelf that is taken to charity after spring cleaning. I want to be a tunnel with no end. A roller coaster with infinite loops. I want to be summer and winter and autumn and fall. I want to be fire and ice. And a fresh breeze through your hair.

And I want you to keep wanting more. I want to be a mystery. I want to be a fucking Pandora's box sitting on your front porch, just waiting for you to tear off the lid. Taunting you to open me. I want to be a goddamn murder case. I want you to solve me, but I never want to be solved.

I never want you to tell what's running through my mind or what emotions I'm feeling with such brilliant clarity that I'm trembling in your arms. You'll never see the swarming intensity of the fierce drive for adventure that floods the screen behind my eyelids. I'll never tell you what we're bound to do and what we are meant to be doing with our ticking clocks. I want you to guess for yourself. But I'll never tell you if you're right.

I never want you to be able to undress me with your eyes. I want to be encased in beeswax. You'll have to peel back the outer shells to reach the kaleidoscope center. And, damn, I want my heart to shine when you dig deep enough to find it.

But that's not where you stop. No, I only give my heart to somebody that I truly love. I give you so much more, because you are more than love itself. I give you my soul, my essence, my whole being. I give you my life. I give you my time. Every goddamn minute that I live.

And I wish I could give you so much more.

I hope you never find the center. I hope you never find my heart. And never will you find my soul. Because why stay when you have stolen everything that there is to take? When there's nothing left to take, there's nothing left to know. And when there is nothing left to know, there is nothing left to understand.