Healing Hearts

Cleaning her room was a much harder task than digging and watering a small garden. In truth, the tasks involved the same amount of thought, effort, and physical activity, but there was one new element that was not present in the previous task.

Cleaning her room was much more a mental challenge. There was something mentally hard about it that made her put it off and then complete with great difficulty. She did not understand why she was spending her time sorting, folding and putting away her clothes that were to be found in all corners of the room. She did not see the point in making her bed when in some hours she would be asleep and under the covers. Dusty the significant dust and dirt from various counters only made her sneeze and caused her eyes to water. She discovered bad tests that made her depressed and feel worse about herself. And then there was the slight panicking feeling of not enough time to climb the impossible mountain of the task. She kicked herself for putting it off and then quietly cursed the Jedi master for rudely butting into her sad life and having the nerves to demand that she straighten herself out when there really was no point. Overall, the experience put her in a bad mood and she felt that she learned nothing.

Sarafire barely had seated herself on her semi neat bed, wiping away the sweat from her forehead. She looked at the time to see she had just made it and the master was due any moment. She scanned the now clean room and wondered how she managed to change her room so much. The room didn’t seem to be hers anymore. It lacked her characterizes of obscene chaos and a dark atmosphere. She had gone so far to put the lights on full power, chasing away the daunting shadows that stretched on her usually dark walls.

There was a now familiar knock on her door, signaling to her that the master had arrived and on time as she glanced at the time. She opened the door and stood back a step to allow the master to inspect her room. Again, she silently cursed him, hating the feeling of having to be proper without sound logic behind her actions. The master walked in without comment and made a complete, small circuit of her tiny room, poking and prodding at odd things. He ended his trip to the bed and sat down like normal. There was look of approval on his face and Sarafire found herself letting out a breath she was not aware she had been holding.

“I passed?”

Master Yoda nodded.

“Yes you did. Go out by your door and find something you will.”

She opened the door once again and stepped out, looking to her right and then left and finally down to the ground. There she saw a small vase holding a group of flowers she recognized from the garden. She carefully picked up the vase and brought it into her room. She spotted a place for the flowers and put them on a counter so the colorful flowers attracted all the attention to them.

“Change the water once a week and cut the stems a little as well.”

“Um, thank you.”

Sarafire wasn’t quite sure what else to say. No one had ever given her flowers or anything else for that matter. The gesture put her off balance and emotional uncomfortable. It was a rare gift and a strange one, yet she liked it all the same and wished she knew how to express her thoughts and feelings.

“Deserve you do. Did a good job on the garden and your room. It will brighten your room up and get rid of the smell.”

That made her blush. She had no idea her room smelled, but if he said so, she would believe it. She had learned never to question a teacher.

“What do you think of your room now?”

She took a moment to reflect upon the changes.

“It’s cleaner, a lot cleaner. It looks bigger and less crowded. But it doesn’t feel like my room.”

“Do you like it?”

She wanted say yes, because she knew that was the answer the Jedi wanted to hear. In general, if the Jedi made her change something, it was to be for the better and she was to agree to their opinion. But in all honesty, she still tightly clung to her claim it was a waste of her time and it did her no good.

“Um, er yes. It’s, er neater and more organized, like a Jedi’s life.”

With anyone else, that would have saved her from being caught lying, but with the Grand Master who knew and saw all, she was merely postponing the enviable. She glanced a look at him to see if he was buying her answer and she knew immediately he wasn’t.

“Tell the truth you should.”

Sarafire gulped.

“Sorry.”

She thought he was going to lecture her on the importance of telling the truth, but he let the subject drop and brought up another one she was not prepared for.

“How do you feel?”

She stared at him, wondering what did he really want to know. Of course she felt bad and embarrassed for being caught lying to him. She was annoyed after being made to clean up her room. She was unsettled by the spur of the moment gift. Did he really want to know all of this?

“Um, I don’t know.”

“Close your eyes.”

She obeyed the command.

“Now look inward. What do you feel?”

She saw within her a swirl of colors, mostly shades of red and black. There seemed to be an occasional stream of blue and green, but she didn’t know what these colors meant. Instead, she explored her feelings.

“I’m confused…and annoyed, like irritated. Everything is a mess. It doesn’t make sense!”

She opened her eyes in a flare of frustration. Anger started to stir within her and the nearby vase trembled. Master Yoda looked over at the flowers and held a hand at the direction of the vase. The vase at once stopped rattling. He turned his attention back on Sarafire.

“Calm down.”

She was not going to calm down. She stood up and started to pace.

“Why? What’s the point? So what if I’m calm for like a few minutes? I’m not going to stay calm. Remember? I’m a mess. I’m hopeless. I’m-”

She found herself unable to move as though some invisible hand held her legs still. She could not lift her legs at all. Her eyes widen in fear and she looked at Master Yoda.

“Calm down you will.”

He stared at her with a steady, calm glaze. She could tell she wasn’t going anywhere until he got what he wanted. She took a deep breath. Some of the anger left her. She took another deep breath and began to look in herself again. She found the swirl mass of anger that stormed her soul and brought it up and out of her, as though she was throwing it up. It was not an easy anger to get rid of for it was massive and hard to mentally lift. It took her several tries, but she eventually released the dangerous emotion out into her room, which dissipated like red mist. It was then the invisible hands let go of her legs and she was able to move.

“How do you feel?”

There was a wild, shocked look in her eyes.

“I, uh, I’m …empty. I mean like not angry….but nothing else. I’m…”

“Calm?”

“Yes! It’s strange…and different.”

The Jedi Master chuckled to himself. Sarafire wasn’t sure why, but she partially wondered if it wasn’t because she looked like a fool. She certainly felt a bit more than foolish for throwing the tantrum. She looked down at the floor and wondered what to do. Standing there like the fool she was, didn’t make her feel good, but she could not quite sit next to him again.

“Get use to it you will. Calmer the room is and help you the room will. Before your room was filled with anger, coming from you. Eating you, your anger was. Hurting you, it was. But that has stopped. Enjoy your flowers, young one.”

With that, the small Jedi got up from the bed and started walking to the door and out. Sarafire snapped out of the daze she was in.

“Master Yoda?”

The master stopped and looked back on her. She blushed a bit, but made herself look straight in his eyes.

“Thank you.”

She said it very quietly, but she knew he had heard. She also knew he knew how hard it was for her to admit this. He simply nodded and walked away.

For the rest of the night, she spent her time curled up on her bed, hugging her stuffed animal, and admiring the flowers. These flowers were alive and vibrating with peace. She noticed the Jedi was right. The room did have a sense of peace. Perhaps that’s why she always felt worse before in her room. There was too much negative emotion that she was feeding off of and spiraling down to a pit of doom. Now that she had stop the downfall, how she was going to get back up.