Angeles
Chapter Two
I frowned as I got into the car, slamming the door behind me. Sammy just had to go and bring up Lisa and Ben... The gaping hole in my heart that used to be reserved for them was now wide open again, allowing my thoughts to tumble down in a horrible spiral. I almost got lost in my thoughts again, almost plummeted down into the dark, depressing vortex of my memory... But the sound of Sam's door slamming woke me from my thoughts. I glanced at him for a quick second before turning back to the wheel and buckling up my seat belt.
I started up the car and put it in reverse, backing away from the cliff side that once held interest to me. Now it was just another reminder. I shifted the gears of my Impala and started driving down the long, winding road as silence weighed down on us like a thousand sandbags. I gripped the steering wheel so tight, my knuckles were turning white. Neither Sam nor I attempted to start a conversation. I could tell he was still hurt because I threatened him.
I drove to the crappy motel we were staying at and I parked, but didn't turn off the engine.
"Dean?" Sam asked, raising his eyebrow questioningly.
"I'm going to the bar. You should get to sleep." I muttered, just using a nice way of telling him to leave me alone so I could wallow in my sorrows alone. He frowned, more hurt than before, but got out and went into the room. I waited until he shut the door behind him before pulling out of the parking lot and speeding down the street to the nearest bar.
I parked hazardously in the parking lot, not caring that I was parked diagonally across two spaces. I got out and walked into the bar. I sat down at the bar and immediately ordered a shot of whiskey, plain. I tossed it down, then ordered another. Tossed it down. Another. Down it went with the others. I kept ordering more and more, the burn of the alcohol enough to numb the back of my throat. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, but didn't know if they were because of the burning alcohol, or the empty pit in my heart. I quickly blinked them away and paid before dragging myself out to my baby.
I got in and drove back to the motel, wanting to let sleep take me under and hopefully wash away some of this pain. I parked and sat in the car for a little while, trying to mask everything in case Sam was still awake. When I believed I was ready, I got out and walked inside the room, only to find Sam completely passed out on one of the beds. I frowned and sat on the empty bed, taking off my shoes and my jeans before crawling under the covers and burying myself. I shut my eyes tight, waiting for sleep to take over.
I slept peacefully, dreaming of a life without hunting. I was married, I had a real job. I even had a son... I didn't want to wake up. But as the sun rose and fell over me, I couldn't stay asleep any longer and I woke up. I didn't move at first, didn't open my eyes. It was stupid, but I was wishing that if I held onto the dream long enough, I'd open my eyes and see my wife next to me, sleeping soundly in my arms while holding our infant son between us. I wanted it so bad... But in the end, I eventually had to open my eyes, and it was just like every other morning.
I was alone.
I started up the car and put it in reverse, backing away from the cliff side that once held interest to me. Now it was just another reminder. I shifted the gears of my Impala and started driving down the long, winding road as silence weighed down on us like a thousand sandbags. I gripped the steering wheel so tight, my knuckles were turning white. Neither Sam nor I attempted to start a conversation. I could tell he was still hurt because I threatened him.
I drove to the crappy motel we were staying at and I parked, but didn't turn off the engine.
"Dean?" Sam asked, raising his eyebrow questioningly.
"I'm going to the bar. You should get to sleep." I muttered, just using a nice way of telling him to leave me alone so I could wallow in my sorrows alone. He frowned, more hurt than before, but got out and went into the room. I waited until he shut the door behind him before pulling out of the parking lot and speeding down the street to the nearest bar.
I parked hazardously in the parking lot, not caring that I was parked diagonally across two spaces. I got out and walked into the bar. I sat down at the bar and immediately ordered a shot of whiskey, plain. I tossed it down, then ordered another. Tossed it down. Another. Down it went with the others. I kept ordering more and more, the burn of the alcohol enough to numb the back of my throat. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, but didn't know if they were because of the burning alcohol, or the empty pit in my heart. I quickly blinked them away and paid before dragging myself out to my baby.
I got in and drove back to the motel, wanting to let sleep take me under and hopefully wash away some of this pain. I parked and sat in the car for a little while, trying to mask everything in case Sam was still awake. When I believed I was ready, I got out and walked inside the room, only to find Sam completely passed out on one of the beds. I frowned and sat on the empty bed, taking off my shoes and my jeans before crawling under the covers and burying myself. I shut my eyes tight, waiting for sleep to take over.
I slept peacefully, dreaming of a life without hunting. I was married, I had a real job. I even had a son... I didn't want to wake up. But as the sun rose and fell over me, I couldn't stay asleep any longer and I woke up. I didn't move at first, didn't open my eyes. It was stupid, but I was wishing that if I held onto the dream long enough, I'd open my eyes and see my wife next to me, sleeping soundly in my arms while holding our infant son between us. I wanted it so bad... But in the end, I eventually had to open my eyes, and it was just like every other morning.
I was alone.