Things Aren't Always What They Seem

***Flashback to Jon's first game with Hawks***

"Are you nervous?" Those words and Charlotte's voice echoed through Jon's mind. It was his first game with the Blackhawks and when Charlotte first asked him earlier in the day he tried to pretend that he was cool, calm, collected, but she knew he was lying-- and he knew she was onto him. Now that he was on the ice and the game was about to start, he took deep breaths to keep his composure.

During the game he looked around the arena until she caught his eye and it instantly made him feel calm. "You're going to be fine Jon. I'm so proud of you." He heard her soft voice in his mind and felt the heat on his cheek from where she had rested her hand. Her vote of confidence as she looked him deep in the eyes put him at ease and whenever he needed to be settled down, it was her words that put his nerves at ease and the thought of her blue eyes looking into his that made him feel like superman.

Now that the game was over and all the adrenaline and nervousness he'd built up in anticipation for this day, for this moment, had been skated out of his system, he was overjoyed and ecstatic-- and the first person he wanted to see was Charlotte. He had made her promise she'd come down as soon as the final buzzer sounded and once he was able to, he went to her-- still in his gear and equipment-- and lifted her off her feet as he spun her around with a huge relieved smile. They both had goofy smiles on their faces and laughed the second their bodies met. She clung to him and squealed in his ear.

"I am so proud of you. So so so proud of you!" she repeated as he placed her back on her feet. "How'd it feel?"

Jon sighed and shook his head trying to find the right words. "Surreal. Amazing. It's a dream come true." Over the years he knew that he had gained the reputation of being serious, quiet, but no one knew him like Charlotte and even if he didn't say much, his genuine happiness was on display for her.

"You're a big shot now," she teased. "Don't forget about the little people-- and I mean me when I say that." They both laughed and before doing anything else, Jon looked down and saw the camera in her hands. "Took a lot of pictures, huh?"

"More than you care to see," she said with a smile as she looked up into his eyes. She didn't care that he was sweaty and sticky-- it didn't stop her from leaning into him.

"Hey," Jon got the security guard's attention who was nearby. When the older gentleman looked his way Jon motioned for him to come by him and Charlotte. "Would you mind taking our picture?" The security guard nodded his agreement and stuck his hand out for Jon to give him the camera. Jon looked at Charlotte, who handed it over.

"Ready?" the guy asked and Jon wrapped his arms around Charlotte, pulling her close to him and she held him right back.

"Yeah," Jon nodded and both of them smiled big. When the flash went off and he turned his head to look at Charlotte he felt his heart flutter and he realized his relationship with her was more than friendship whether she knew it or not. She was the first person he thought about when he woke up, the last before he went to bed-- she was the person he shared his life with. He imagined for just a moment what it'd be like to have her meet him down here after every game...except she'd jump into his arms and kiss him. Run her fingers through his hair, look into his eyes and tell him he played fantastic. Then she'd grab his hand as they walked out to go home together, only he'd pull her tight to him, protecting her from anything that could hurt her.

He shook his head and tried to get that out of his head. To him, it was nothing more than wishful thinking-- and it hurt.

***Present Day***

Jon was completely frozen.

Accident

He couldn't hear anything else. He knew that the woman calling from the hospital was still talking, he heard noise, but he couldn't hear anything else. His chest rose and fell hard as he tried to catch his breath. He had started kicking his flannel pants off and putting his jeans on before he hung up the phone and he fumbled with getting a shirt and hoodie on as he ran to the front door. He grabbed his coat but as he sprinted to his car he forgot to put it on and carried it in his arms. He hadn't even tied his shoes and his entire body shook as he drove to the hospital not knowing what to expect when he got there.

All he could think of was the way his last encounter with Charlotte ended earlier that night-- that he was the reason she got into the accident in the first place. I don't need you in my life, he had looked her in the eyes and said those bitter, untrue words. He'd broken her heart and now, if something happened and he lost her, she'd always think that's what he felt-- and he'd have to live with that guilt.

He didn't remember the drive, or the scenery or anything when he finally arrived at the hospital. He just looked up and realized he was there. He still couldn't think straight, he just ran to the desk and asked for her room. When he found out where she was and where he needed to go, the devil himself could have stood between him and her, and Jon would have kicked his ass to get through to her.

His heart bled, he could feel it, when he heard them say ICU-- that's where she was and he needed to prepare himself for what he might see. He couldn't feel his body and he couldn't form a thought. He just needed to go to her and figure out what exactly was going on. When he finally motored himself over to her room he stopped and for the first time took a deep breath, unsure of what to expect. He pushed the door open and felt his stomach tighten when he saw her body bruised and bloodied lying on the hospital bed.

His hands trembled as he reached the edge of her bed where he saw the IV's hooked up into her arms and the wires strategically placed on her head. Her eyes were closed and her arms rested delicately at her sides, the only noise was the ever-constant beeping from the monitors and the shakiness of his loud breathing. The longer he looked at her and took in what he was actually looking at, the faster the tears poked at his eyelids and fell down his cheek. "Charlotte," he sighed barely audible as he lightly brushed her face with his hand. "What are you doing here?" he asked with a soft voice as he looked at her closed eyelids praying they would open.

"Excuse me," he heard a female voice coming from behind him as the room to her door opened and he instantly turned his head and wiped his tears away on his sleeve. "Yes?"

"Hi," the nurse looked at him sympathetically and tilted her head as she tried to offer a supportive smile. "I'm Melanie." Jon smiled politely-- well, as much a smile as he could muster. If people accused him of being serious and stoic before, they'd think he was a mute now.

"I take it you're," she looked down at the file in her hands, "Mr. Toews. Jonathan Toews?" she looked back up at him for his confirmation.

Jon nodded his head. "What's going on? What happened?"

"We got an emergency call from a by-passer. Apparently she was being tailed by a drunk driver who went to go around her but ended up hitting her. She lost control of the car on a patch of black ice and spun into oncoming traffic where she was hit by another vehicle. The passenger from the other cars were able to walk away with minimal injuries."

"What about Charlotte?"

"Well. The good news, she didn't suffer any broken bones."

"And the bad?"

"She suffered some head trauma. We aren't sure of the extent. As you can see we are keeping track of her brain activity, which seems to be alright. She hasn't woken up and we don't know how long it will take for her to come out of it."

Jon's stomach tightened harder and he put his hand on his stomach.

"I'm very sorry," the nurse said sincerely, seeing how visibly distraught Jon was.

"What about when she wakes up? What then? Is there going to be memory loss?"

"We don't know; we won't know until she wakes up, whenever that is."

Jon's eyes squeezed shut and he took a deep breath. He opened them and tried to focus his attention to the conversation with the nurse. The room was spinning and he was doing his best to keep it still. "How did you know to call me if she was unconscious at the scene of the accident?"

"We went through her personal items. Her wallet held her driver's license, which we used to I.D. her, and behind her license she had a laminated card that said 'In Case Of Emergency Please Call' and it was your name and information."

Jon nodded hearing those words.

"Smart girl," the nurse added nonchalantly, though impressed, as she looked back down at her chart. Charlotte inadvertently helped herself by being prepared in case anything ever happened to her.

"Yeah," Jon gave the slightest smile. He figured she must have made it long ago-- when she first moved to Chicago, before she started up with Kane.

Kane. Shit. He had to call him, he had to. It was the right thing to do.

"Thank you for all your help," Jon said weakly.

"And what is your relationship to the patient?"

Jon paused for just a second. His relationship? Earlier in the evening he yelled at Charlotte; screamed they never had one to begin with, and he shuttered as his words replayed in his mind.

You can't end a relationship you never had.

He closed his eyes and shuttered again, shaking his head to try and forget it. The guilt inside him was overwhelming him but he needed to keep his composure for not only his sake, but hers as well.

"We're uh, she's my best friend. We've been friends for eight years."

"Good for you," the nurse said impressed. "We're going to need to run tests and possible procedures, we'll play it by ear until we know more. Right now she's stable but that could change at any moment."

"Do whatever you need to do," Jon said quietly. "I'll cover whatever her insurance doesn't cover. Just take care of her."

"I can assure you Mr. Toews, we'll do everything we can."

"Thanks," he said solemnly.

"If there's anything you need I'll be down the hall. I take it you're staying the night?"

"Yeah. I'm not leaving."

"Very well." The nurse nodded her again and turned to make her way out of the room.

When she left the room and shut the door behind her Jon sprinted to the bathroom and puked harder than he had during any drunken night or sick day-- he thought he threw up his heart.

***

Patrick walked into his kitchen to get himself a glass of water when he heard his phone ringing. He wrinkled his brow. With how late it was he couldn't imagine who would be calling him.

He walked over to the coffee table in his living room and picked up the loud object that was lighting up his dark room. When he saw Jon's name he took a deep breath and picked it up. "Yeah, man, what's up?"

"Kane," Jon's voice was serious and shaky. Pat didn't know why, but he felt his heart catch in his throat. "Are you sitting down?"

"No...what's wrong?" he asked more nervous than he was five seconds ago.

"You might want to sit down for this." Jon paused and the silence on his end was driving Patrick nuts.

"Just spit it out. You're scaring me man."

"Okay..." Pat could hear Jon take a deep breath. "I'm at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. I got a call a little bit earlier that Charlotte was in an accident."

"What?" He asked frantically as his heart started pounding faster. "Is she okay? What happened?"

"No. She's not. I just finished talking with the nurses. She's out, they don't know when she's going to come out of it, or the extent of it. I think you should get down here. I'll fill you in when you do."

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Pat felt sick, his stomach was twisted in a million directions. His hands shook as he ran to his bedroom and threw on a pair of pants.

"Everything okay?" Rose asked as she walked out of the bathroom and saw how the color had completely left Patrick's face.

"No," he shook his head. "Charlotte was in an accident. I gotta get to the hospital." He brushed by her, not even acknowledging her as he ran out of his room and made his way to the front door.

Rose gasped and her jaw hung open. "Let me know if she's alright," he heard her request as he slammed the door behind him.

***

"Charlotte," Jon sighed out as he pulled a seat up next to her bed. He looked at her face and cringed at the bruises and dried blood though he could see the hospital did their best to clean it up. He looked down her arms to see the marks the accident left and the bruise in the center of her arm where they'd stuck the needles for the IV's. His eyes made their way down to her delicate hands and he grabbed it in both of his, gently rubbing her fingers and rolling them between his own. He winced as tears poked at his eyes once again and quickly shook his head as he brought his head down and kissed her hand. He brought her hand to his face and had it feel him so she knew he was there. He stood up and gently kissed each bruise on her face before lightly resting the bridge of his nose on her cheek close to her ear where he felt his slowly falling tears drip onto her face.

"I'm so sorry," he breathed out inconsolably. "I'm so sorry," he repeated as he sat back down in his chair. He placed his hand under hers again and held it lightly as he leaned forward. "You shouldn't be here. It should be me--after what I said to you-- it should be me. I didn't mean it Char. I didn't mean a word of it. I just...I wanted to push you away. I thought it was what was best for you and it's not true. I need you," he sighed out in a relieved sort of way. "I need you so bad it hurts me. I could lose anything in this world and I'd be okay, but not you. You can't leave me Char. You gotta come out of this," he said as he began to break down. "I need you to come out of this. I love you."

He leaned his head down on her bed on top of his hands which held her hand between them and somehow drifted off to a light sleep. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," he looked up at and saw Kane. "It's just me man."

"Hey," Jon nodded groggily as he backed up and took in Kane's face when he really looked at Charlotte. Patrick had walked over to the other side of the bed and looked up and down her body, visibly shaken and holding back tears. Jon couldn't know at that moment that Patrick had guilt tearing up inside him as well.

"A drunk driver hit her, sent her into oncoming traffic where she lost control on black ice. They said she has no broken bones but she's got some head trauma. They, uh, they don't know when she'll come out of it or what she'll remember when she does."

Pat stroked Charlotte's face and didn't take his eyes off her. "Is it a definite she'll have memory loss?"

"No. They just don't know what to expect. Won't know until she wakes up," Jon answered, physically hurting seeing how Kane was with her.

"Why," Patrick finally looked up at him. "Why did they call you? Not me?"

"I asked the same thing. They said she had an In Case Of Emergency Card in her wallet with my contact info. I'm assuming she made it when she first moved here since she didn't know anyone else."

Pat nodded his head, totally okay with and accepting that answer. He looked back down at Charlotte and Jon could see the tears well up in his eyes. When he finally looked back at Jon he let out a deep breath. "You take the windowsill, I'll take the chair. We'll switch in the middle of the night."

Jon nodded and headed to the windowsill where he couldn't believe he was spending his night. It wasn't comfortable and his heart hurt too much to sleep. All that kept running through his mind were the horrible words he'd so convincingly screamed at Charlotte earlier in the night. If he'd known then what he knew now, he would have just told her the truth. He would have told her he loved her. Now his fear was that he'd lose her. He'd lose her and she'd die thinking he didn't really care.

When he woke up he went to check on Charlotte and saw Kane sleeping next to her bedside. He placed his hand on Pat's shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. Pat stirred from his slumber and looked up at Jon. "We can take shifts here or whatever. We can go home and shower and get stuff since it's clear that we'll be here for a while. You take the first shift then go home and shower and whatnot, I'll take it later."

Kane nodded his head. Neither were in the mood to fight with the seriousness of this situation looming over their heads. "I'll see you later," Jon said not looking at Patrick as he leaned down and gently kissed Charlotte on the forehead.

***

Jon walked in the arena where the rest of the team was in the middle of practice. When coach saw him, his eyes fell much like the rest of the guys did. He knew right then Pat had already called and told them what happened while Jon was too distraught to even consider it last night.

"What are you doing here?" coach genuinely asked as Jon approached him.

"I really don't know," Jon answered seriously. "I thought I'd come talk to you and explain the situation. I need some time..."

"You don't need to explain," he said as he placed his hand on Jon's shoulder. "I know. You should be there in the hospital. Not here."

"I needed to breathe for a minute. I didn't know where else to go to be honest."

"Whatever you need ask. We're all here for you."

"I know." Jon appreciated the sentiment. He nodded his head but kept his quiet, serious demeanor. "I know," he said again before walking into the locker room. He sat down at his locker on his stool and dropped his head in his hands where he left it for a minute. All the emotions that had festered inside him came to a head and he felt rage course through his veins. He grabbed a stick and threw it forcefully across the room then whipped a roll of medic tape into an adjacent locker and kicked his stool.

"You okay?" Patrick Sharp asked as he walked in the room.

Jon snapped his head around and with the same stoic face shook his head. "I'm fine."

"You're not." Sharp put his stick in his locker and sat to take his skates off. "I'm really sorry about Charlotte."

"Thanks."

"Wanna talk about it?" Sharp asked as he looked up at him.

"I really don't know what to say. She hasn't woken up yet." Jon sat down on a stool next to him and his head once again fell into his hands. "They don't know what's going to happen or how bad it's going to end up being. And...and...the worst part? It was my fault."

"Your fault? You caused it?"

"No," Jon shook his head. "We had a huge fight, then she left and a little while later I got the call. I said some awful, awful shit man. Just awful."

"Like what?"

"I don't want to get into it." Jon was too ashamed to tell his friend what he'd said to Charlotte.

"Fair enough," Sharp said as he looked at a quickly unraveling Jon. "Or maybe you're pissed because you're in love with the girl...and she doesn't know it."

Jon's head popped up and his eyes widened.

"Yeah, yeah," Sharp kept going before Jon could object. "Save the denial. You've been in love with her since I first met you. I never understood why you didn't make a move until I realized you were so far in it with her you were physically afraid of rejection-- because if she rejected you, you'd lose her forever. Am I right?"

Jon didn't make a move and his complacent silence was enough of an answer for Sharp to keep going. "Her taking up with Kane has you so insane you can't see straight. I'll never understand how two people who have such amazing chemistry on the ice can have such a cold relationship off it. The reason me and Duncs said we don't think you care about Rose cheating, and that's if she is, the reason we don't think you care is because we know you love Charlotte. You always have and we see it clear as day. I don't know if you want to see it yourself, but if you can't now with what happened, well, I don't know what to tell you."

Jon took a deep breath and absorbed Patrick's words. He contemplated talking and nodded his head but he couldn't find the words.

"This is the last thing I'm going to say on the matter. I know that her wedding, the fact that she'll walk down that aisle to Kane and not you, I know that you can't handle it. If you can, and I'm wrong, then okay. This is all provided everything works out alright and she comes out of it. If you can watch it and still be just friends more power to you. But you'll be lying to yourself."

"I love her," Jon admitted quietly. "You're right. I do. She's been the one...the one constant in my life. She's..." he shook his head and let out a sigh. "Truthfully, she's everything to me." It was obvious how bad shape Jon was in and Sharp felt for him.

"You've been coming to terms with it since the engagement right?" Patrick slowly nodded his head and rubbed his chin. "Me and Duncs were watching you come to a boiling point. Looks like you're there."

"Yeah. I gotta end it with Rose. I can't tell Charlotte how I feel, well, when she wakes up, I can't tell her when I'm still in a relationship. It wouldn't be fair to her. I know I waited about eight years too long but if she picks Kane at least I'll know."

"Ever figure out whether she's cheating?" Sharp asked as Jon stood up.

"I don't know. She said she went to California for her trip and then her luggage said Cancun and she got all nervous. I don't buy what she's selling to be honest. We didn't leave off on good terms anyway."

Sharp tilted her head and wrinkled his brow. "Cancun?" The word had caught his attention.

"Yeah," Jon answered. "Why?"

"Nothing," he shook his head. "Nothing," he said again reassuring himself.

"No," Jon insisted. "What?"

"It's just...Kane was bragging about Cancun the same weekend."

Jon thought back and remembered he heard that too. "Yeah..."

"I doubt it means anything." Sharp swallowed and looked at Jon looking for an answer.

"I don't know. You think?"

"I don't know man."

"Nah," Jon shook his head though it didn't sit right with him. "I'm going to end it with Rose, I just need to get it over with. I should have done it a while ago... and then I'm heading back to the hospital. I'll keep you posted on her condition."

"Yeah," Sharp nodded. "We're praying for her. Anything you need, we're here."

"I know," Jon began to walk towards the door until he stopped midway and turned around.

"Forget something?" Sharp asked as he watched Jon go to his locker.

"Yeah," Jon responded not looking at him. "This," he said as he ripped the picture of him and Charlotte out of his locker from the night of his first game with the Hawks. "I'm bringing this to the hospital for her."

Sharp smiled and nodded his head. "Good for you."

Jon should have felt nervous or worried-- should have felt those torturous pangs of anxiety when you break up with someone, but he felt none of it. He only wished he'd done it a long time ago. They'd been dating a year and he'd never said those three little words to Rose. Not once.

He wanted to get it over with so he could get back to the hospital. He knocked on her door lightly and when she didn't answer he utilized the key that she'd given him all those months ago. When he walked in he didn't see her so he made his way down the hall to her bedroom.

When he walked in he saw her sitting up, her naked back to him, straddling and riding someone beneath her. It took him a moment to absorb what he was seeing. "What the fuck?" Jon yelled. Startled, Rose screamed and turned around, grabbing the sheets around her to pull up and cover her exposed breasts--his presence giving her conviction like Eve had in the Garden after eating that forbidden fruit.

When Rose jumped off the dick she was riding, physically and metaphorically speaking, she landed on the side of the bed and stared at Jon with huge eyes.

That's when Jon looked down to see the guy she was fucking--which he realized when he looked him in the eyes would complicate everything.

Kane.