Things Aren't Always What They Seem

It had been almost a month since Charlotte left-- and Jon hadn't spoken to her. He wanted to, and he would have chased after her, but he had no clue where it was she had gotten transferred to. He tried to convince her office to tell him where they relocated her to but he had no such luck. He couldn't understand why she'd leave him like that, how she could just go and not say good bye. It was the hardest thing he ever had to go through and he was trying each day to put it behind him since she apparently had.

He and Patrick hadn't spoken-- it was just that simple. They didn't talk about anything other than hockey. Charlotte hadn't come up since before she took off and though they hated each other over the situation, it just was something they didn't allow to come up.

Things weren't the same without Charlotte there. Jon found himself looking up in the stands every game hoping to find her even though he knew that she wouldn't be there smiling down at him. He secretly hoped that she'd be waiting for him after games- that they could go home together, but she wasn't. Jon had never really lived without Charlotte- not really. They were apart a bit during high school simply because he traveled and she had to be in school, but after high school she had moved to Chicago for him and they were together most of their free time. Sure they had separate lives, but they didn't really know how to live without the other one. Now that Jon was learning to live without her he realized he didn't like it very much.

After losing three of the last five games they'd played the team was getting ready for their stint on the east coast to play the New York teams before finishing up with the Devils. It was safe to say that no one was in a good mood, and as they walked off the ice after an optional practice things started to get a little heated between Jon and Pat.

Words were exchanged about how one needed to start hustling, someone accused the other of being too selfish-- things got a little nasty and Pat took the opportunity to hit Jon below the belt. "Yeah well at least I can sleep at night knowing it wasn't me who drove her away," he said under his breath as Jon began to walk away.

"What the fuck did you just say?" Jon spun quickly around and began to lunge at Patrick. Seeing this, Duncan and Sharpy intervened and grabbed each teammate before they could start hitting each other.

"You heard me," Kaner yelled back though he was constrained by Sharpy.

"I saw you with her getting coffee the day before she left-- so don't tell me it was my fault. You're the cheater-- you're the one who pushed her so hard that you were fucking her days after she got home from the hospital." Jon winced at his own words but felt no guilt as he layed them into Patrick.

"What are you even talking about?" Pat spat back confused and annoyed. "I haven't slept with her since well before the accident."

Jon's heart started pounding and he realized he was speechless for a second. "You haven't?"

"No you asshole. I won't say I didn't try but every time we'd even get close to considering it, she'd push me away." Their tempers had gone down a notch and they were able to be released without fear they'd start going at each other again.

Seeing Jon's content reaction to his response, Kane felt bitter kept going. "Don't act like you had nothing to do with that."

"I don't know what that's supposed to mean." Jon tried to ignore his comments and shrug him off but Patrick didn't let him.

"She only had eyes for you since the second she woke up in that hospital bed. Don't act like you didn't see it. It was just more I had to overcompensate for."

"She went home with you so I don't see how I'm at fault."

"Please. C'mon Tazer. You mean to tell me you honestly haven't spoken to her since she bailed out of Chicago?"

Jon shook his head and angrily gave him a dirty look. "No, I haven't."

"And that's why I said it's your fault she ran."

"How is it my fault if I wasn't the last one to talk to her-- you were. Whatever you did or said that day is why she left." Jon asked deflecting any of the blame Pat was trying to throw at him-- not seeing how he could be in any way at fault.

Patrick's demeanor changed like he had lost a battle-- he calmed down and took a breath as he looked down at the floor. "The only reason she agreed to meet up with me is because she had no reason not to. She flat out told me there were no feelings there-- that despite the fact that I tried to get her to give me another shot, she knew there was no risk in staying and changing her plans by seeing me. She just wanted answers to why I did what I did and I can't blame that," Pat said as he looked back up at Jon. It was clear it still hurt him to talk about.

Jon's heart dropped to his stomach and he shook his head as he walked away. He realized he should have given her the benefit of the doubt, but then again, she should have given it to him as well.

After a few seconds Jon spun around again and hastily walked back over to Kane. "Do you know where she went?"

Kane held his gaze for a few seconds before answering. "No," he said somberly.

"Are you telling me the truth?" Jon pressed him.

"Yeah," Kane answered still glaring at him. "Believe me I'd love to have the power to withhold information, but I don't have the answer either."

"You know," Jon shook his head clearly frustrated. "You can be angry at me all you want, but this is your own doing. No one put a gun to your head-- especially not me-- and asked you to fuck someone else behind her back. You're the one who lied to her, you're the one who made the choice to cheat. You're directly responsible for it. I told you when you two started dating that if you hurt her, I'd kill you, so you can't be surprised by my reaction."

"Look in the mirror captain," Pat threw back at him. "You're just pissed at me because deep down you're really pissed at yourself--pissed that you'd been lying to her all along. You're mad because I had the balls to make a move while you never could. So go on and blame me all you want, we both know you're the one who pushed her over the edge."

Jon inhaled deeply and turned back around to walk away with his fists clenched at his sides. "What does it matter to you anyway, you moved on, remember?" he heard Patrick snarl at him as he walked away.

***

They were on the last leg of their trip after losing to the Islanders and beating the Rangers. All they had left to do was get through the game against the Devils at the Rock and they'd be going straight to the airport and heading back home. Jon couldn't wait to get home and enjoy the three days they had off before their next game in Chicago. He was still so emotionally exhausted that games wiped him out. The good news was that no one could tell how much his life was in shambles personally by the way he played.

The second period was almost over when Jon got called for a hook. He didn't bother arguing the call, but he wasn't pleased he was going in the sin bin. As he skated over to take his little time-out for committing his crime he nonchalantly looked up in the crowd. Something caught his eye and he did a quick double take. His mouth dropped slightly when he realized that Charlotte was there looking down at him. Knowing that he'd spotted her, Charlotte looked into his eyes for that split-second and gave him a very slight smile. He turned around one last time to look at her before sitting down on the bench and turned his attention back on the ice.

He was watching the game and he suddenly had a new rush of adrenaline running through his veins but he knew that it wasn't from the game. It was her. She was there. He thought it was funny that he found her. What were the chances he was randomly see her at a game in New Jersey? A game he had absolutely no idea she'd be at. He chalked it up to the fact that it came down to their connection. They'd always had it no matter what. Ever after everything they'd been through, seeing her there made his heart jump-start for the first time in a month.

Charlotte had wrestled with the decision to go to the game. She'd gotten transferred to Jersey and was working in Manhattan. She purposely didn't want Jon or Patrick to know, she wanted to stand on her own two feet for the first time in her life. She was so dependent on Jon she didn't know who she was apart from him-- and that was something she was convinced she was going to need to figure out eventually.

Truthfully, leaving was the hardest thing she'd ever done. She spent the week in Chicago after she and Jon had slept together coming to terms with how she felt about Jon and Patrick even though she knew all along. Patrick never really had her heart, Jon always had. She was terrified of losing him, of him rejecting her and expecting to go back to being their normal selves when all the dust had settled. She'd waited for so long for him to love her, for him to hold her in his arms and kiss her-- she just didn't want to be the rebound girl; the girl who was such easy revenge for what they'd both gone through with the betrayal of their significant others.

It was her fault too-- she was entirely just as much to blame as Jon was and she knew it. In that moment, when he showed up at her place and kissed her like the sun wouldn't come up the next day, she lost herself in him. She'd wanted him for so long she couldn't push him away and be the rational one. She couldn't stop them from making a mistake that would, in one night, ruin their entire eight year friendship. She wanted to believe that he loved her when he said it, but she knew better. If he hadn't loved her in the eight years until that point... what changed? She hated that he'd project his feelings on her, that he'd think he felt more for her than he really did-- and watching their friendship implode was something she couldn't handle. He'd already broken her heart so many times over the years the only thing she could do was leave to make it easier on them both. Jon was the only one who could convince her to stay and when she went to that public bar to say good bye to him and saw him with that other girl she realized she didn't need to say anything. He hadn't changed and she couldn't stay and keep her life on hold for nothing.

Though Jon didn't know it, she'd been at the Garden for their game versus the Rangers just the night before. It felt so good to see him that being in the same building made her feel complete again. She knew he had no idea that she was there but it didn't matter. She wanted to run down to him after the game but she had no credentials to do so, plus, she didn't think it'd do either of them any good. The point of her leaving was so that they could get on with their lives. Now, that she was there and Jon had seen her, there was no hiding. She didn't know what to expect, honestly. She didn't know if he'd be pissed or happy-- or if it would matter at all. To him, she'd abandoned him, and she couldn't expect him to want to see her.

Her heart pounded the entire rest of the game. She watched him skate back to his bench and she couldn't take her eyes off him. She saw him tell Duncan and Sharpy that she was there. She could tell by their body language that he told him, and he looked at her one last time before heading into the locker room for the second intermission.

He looked at her with a lingering glance one more time before they walked off after the final horn sounded. She fought back tears as she looked back at him and she didn't leave until he was out of her sight.

Charlotte battled herself on what she should do. She wanted to go to him but once again she had no way of doing so-- and she didn't know the tricks to the trade like she did in Chicago. The Rock was unfamiliar to her, she didn't know her way around or where to even find the guys. She walked to the train and waited for her ride not being able to take her mind off Jon. She got on the train and felt her stomach tighten as it pulled away-- each second that went by meant she was further away from him and she finally realized she couldn't keep faking it. She immediately got off the train at the next stop and waited for one that was going back to where she just left.

When she finally arrived back to where she'd just been, she ran as fast as she could back to the arena not caring if it were safe or not. It took her some time to figure out where she needed to go, where Jon and the boys would be exiting the building to go on the bus, and when she finally got there she realized that it was too late.

The bus was pulling out and away and there was absolutely nothing she could do but stare at it heartbroken as it carried him away from her. She watched the side of it pass by her and she looked as hard as she could into the dark windows hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but it was just too dark for her to see anything. Charlotte was out of breath and tired and she bent over, resting her hands on her thighs in defeat. She felt the tears run down her face and she tucked her windblown hair behind her ear as the bus turned totally out of sight. She slowly walked back to the train station feeling completely broken and defeated. She didn't get to see Jon but this wasn't for her anymore.

She wanted to go home.

***

Jon's heart pounded as he looked out the window on the dark bus and saw Charlotte standing there in the street frantically trying to catch her breath. He could see the disappointment and hurt on her face that she was too late and he tried to bang on the window one time to get her attention but he quickly realized it was useless. She couldn't see him and she certainly couldn't hear him. Duncan Keith saw the commotion and he came over and sat down next to his friend.

Jon looked over at him and pursed his lips but didn't say a word. He didn't need to, it was obvious how he felt by the look on his face. Duncs nodded his head and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "She came for you huh?"

Jon slowly nodded with a faint grin. "Yeah," he answered quietly. "I have to watch her stand there as we drive away and know there's nothing I can do because we have a flight to catch. I haven't seen her in a month and I finally see her and I have to watch her just stand there hopelessly as we drive away."

"At least she came. Who knows when you'll see her next." Duncan tried to find the silver lining but Jon shook his head confidently. "She's gonna come home man. She is."

"How can you say that? Don't get your hopes up and then have a breakdown when it doesn't pan out the way you want it to. I'm afraid you'll get your expectations up and it'll hurt more when she doesn't."

"She will," Jon answered again completely convinced of his words.

"How can you be so sure?"

"She's miserable. She wouldn't have been here if she didn't want the same things I do-- if she didn't feel as empty as I do. If she wanted to stay here, if she were really happy, she wouldn't have been here tonight and she definitely wouldn't have come running out here to find me. You forget I know her inside and out-- I can tell just by looking at her."

"You sure about that?" Duncan asked again not totally sold on Jon's confidence.

Jon nodded with unfailing faith, "Yeah, I am. She loves me," he breathed out unable to hide the smile that followed as he came to that realization.

"I hope for your sake that you're right," Duncan said in a low voice before he swallowed his concerns. He wasn't sure if this was real or just Jon saying his pipe-dreams out loud, but he hoped for his friends sake that he was right.

"Trust me."

***

Two days went by and finally Charlotte snuck back into Chicago and back into her apartment by herself. She was happy to be home but she had no idea what her plan of action was now. She didn't know what she expected or what she wanted but that overwhelming fear paralyzed her when she thought about going to Jon's. She unpacked her stuff and was so exhausted all she wanted to do was sleep. The last thing she did after tucking herself in under her covers was place that picture of her and Jon back on her side-table. It'd made the long trip with her to Jersey and now it was back where it belonged.

She spent most of the next day getting settled back in her place but soon she began to pace around nervously. She thought about calling Jon, like she had basically everyday she was gone, but she couldn't do it. She was too afraid he'd reject her. So, in a completely irrational moment, she made a different choice on what to do. She drove on over to a place she'd only been a handful of times over the years and swallowed as her heart pounded and she walked up the steps. She took a deep breath as she knocked on the door and felt her body go numb when she saw who she'd come to see.

"Hey..." she said timidly and let out a loud exhale-- her nervous and anxiety were betraying her.

"Hey," Duncan answered. His eyes had popped open the second he opened his door and saw her standing in front of him. "Wow," he breathed out. "Charlotte, how are you?"

"You don't have to do that," she smiled at him. "I'm sure you're just shocked I'm even here."

Duncan smiled knowingly and nodded his head slowly. "What brings you here?"

Charlotte inhaled deeply and looked up into his eyes. "I don't know how much you know about everything that's gone down lately, but I'm sure you know stuff. The long and short of it is this...well, how's Jon?" she asked genuinely concerned, genuinely wanting to know how he was.

"He's, well, he's alright."

"I want to call him, Duncan, I do. I just...things are so complicated. I'm afraid. But I miss him and I want to see him but I didn't know if I should-- or what to expect even if I do. You'd think after how long I've known him that I'd know what to do and I just...I don't. Is there....is there any part of him that wants to see me?"

"Well," Duncan smiled and bit his lip before rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't know how to tell you this Charlotte, but Tazer's got a new girl."

Charlotte's face fell and she instantly had to hold her tears back. "Oh." The ground felt like it was spinning out from under her.

"He's actually um, he's taking her out tonight I think-- he said something about some kind of cruise thing around the city." Charlotte squeezed her eyes shut and fought back tears as she realized what Duncan was talking about. She and Jon had been on that cruise together a few years back for Valentine's Day. It was the best one she'd ever had-- one of the most romantic nights of her life--and she thought just maybe Jon finally looked at her as more than a friend and that he would make a move, but he didn't. Now he was taking some other girl there and it made her sick. "But I would go there, if I were you," Duncan quickly added. "I would get dressed up if I were you and I'd crash."

Charlotte puffed out air at his ridiculous suggestion. "I'm not going to do that. That's silly, seriously. I can't," she said quietly as she wiped tears away from her eyes. "Imagine that. I go there and he rejects me and I'm stuck on a cruise with him and this girl for the rest of the night," she was crying but she couldn't help letting out a little laugh.

"You should," he insisted again. "If you care about him at all, I know he'd want you to. You need to take a chance. Look at me," he demanded and she obliged. "Do you love him?"

Charlotte took a deep breath and closed her eyes before slowly nodding her head and looking at him again. "Yeah, I do."

"Then you need to trust me Charlotte, don't give up now. You and I know you came back for him...now finish what you started."

***

Charlotte replayed Duncan's words in her mind for the rest of the day. She didn't know what she wanted to do. She didn't know if she could go through with crashing Jon's plans so she stayed under the covers in her bed watching crappy television and went over everything in her mind. She had all but decided against going but when she turned over and looked at the picture of him and her on the side of her bed, she knew she couldn't stay home and do nothing anymore.

Charlotte flung the covers off of her and went in her closet to pick out what she'd wear. Jon had always told her how much he liked blue on her-- how it always brought out her eyes-- so she put on a long, shimmery dark blue dress and matched it with a pair of silver heels. She curled her hair and put her make up on, trying to give herself the confidence to do the completely irrational thing she was about to do.

Her stomach was in knots the entire way there and she took a deep breath when she arrived to calm her nerves. She had no idea what her plan was and she almost turned around to go home but as she was about to walk on the boat an employee greeted her and she realized she'd look like a moron if she just turned around and ran away. She gave the guy a polite smile and nodded her head as she slowly walked on the boat and inside the dining area. She looked around the empty room and saw lights hanging while some candles were lit around the cabin. The entire floor was covered in rose petals. She swallowed as she walked deeper into the boat and saw there was only one table set and ready for the evening. She looked around and continued to walk through the dining area-- it wasn't very big and the only thing that separated the inside from the outside was a wall of mostly glass. She ran her fingertips over the linen on the romantically set table and slowly made her way out the door that led to the deck where lights were hung as well.

Charlotte felt the cool air on her face and she inhaled deeply unsure of what to do. She stopped when she got to the railing and wrapped her fingers around it. Charlotte looked out over the water and felt the boat jump-- saw the water ripple as the little cruise-ship began to make its way out on the water. She gasped and spun around, and when she did she saw Jon standing in front of her wearing a suit and a nervous smile.

Jon walked a few feet closer to her, looked down at the ground and took a deep breath before looking up into her eyes. "We were so young when we met. I was so stupid and immature and I had no idea what love was-- and I wasn't looking for it. You came along and we became friends so fast and it made sense. You were literally the best thing that ever came into my life and I cherished your friendship...but it didn't take me long to realize that I was irrevocably in love with you. I've been in love with you since we were kids Charlotte. I just had no hope that you looked at me the same way and that's why I went home with girl after girl over the years. I literally drowned myself in other women to numb the pain I felt not being with you. Watching you with Kane drove me absolutely insane, so crazy I couldn't see straight-- I couldn't think straight. I pushed you away because I thought he was what you wanted when the truth is I don't know who I am without you."

Charlotte had tears streaming down her face and her chest rose and fell as she tried to catch her breath listening to him tell her what he'd been dying to tell her for eight years.

"I wanted to tell you so many times over the years," Jon continued with a shaky voice as he took a few more steps closer to Charlotte. "But I couldn't-- I didn't want to tell you and have you reject me and end up losing you from my life entirely. I love you so much I was willing to suffer through you being with someone else just to keep you safe and in my life. I realized that I couldn't sit on my feelings any longer though, and I'm risking losing you now, right here, in order to have the chance to have everything I've ever wanted since I was sixteen years old."

Charlotte stared back at him and walked the few steps to him in order to close the gap between them. She reached up and gently rested her hands on his cheeks as she looked in his eyes. "I've been waiting to hear that since I was sixteen," she said softly with a genuine smile. "Jon you've had my heart for so long I don't think I could get it back if I tried."

Jon didn't say another word. Hearing her say the things he'd literally dreamed of for years caused him to instantly crash his lips down onto hers and pull her tightly to him. He cradled her face in one hand and pulled her to him at her lower back before running his hand down to her perfect ass. She wrapped her arms around his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck and caressed his cheek. When they finally pulled their lips apart Charlotte could see the faint tears in Jon's eyes, though he looked relieved and incandescently happy at the same time. "So," she looked up at him with a flirty smile, her arms still wrapped tightly around him. "Where's this other girl I heard about?" she asked knowing full well the answer to her playful question.

Jon shot her a cunning smile and swallowed. "You heard about her, huh?"

"Yeah," Charlotte nodded as she began to laugh. "I was looking forward to seeing this new girl."

Jon got a little more serious and looked down at her with his heart pounding. "It's always been you Char."

Charlotte reached up and gave him a soft lingering kiss. "I love you."

Jon smiled and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "You don't know how long I wanted to hear that." He let his hand find hers as he began to lead her back inside the boat. "You look absolutely beautiful by the way," he said with a grin. "You ready for dinner?"