Gravity

Dear Andy,

My hand aches with every word I write to you, not from the task at hand, but simply because I miss you. It pains me to not see your face inches from mine. My heart aches every day I am longer without you. The sun does not shine on my side of the world, Andy. It shines where you are at. I cannot contain my utter joy as I think of you home again. My knees grow weak as I think of you coming home, to be with me. I cannot wait to see you, Andy. You're the light in my world, the love in my heart.

Love,
Kat

I sighed, finally finished, and shoved the letter into an envelope. Tossing it aside, I leaned back in the bunk, exhausted. I had been up all night on the phone with Kat, and reading Andy's previous letter.

Maybe it was because I knew Kat had feelings for Andy. It could have been because I didn't want Kat to see my true feelings. Or perhaps it was because all my life I've been doing things for other people. Or Maybe, it's because I knew deep down that Andy would always belong to her.

I don't know why I started writing the letters for Kat. She told me to just write the first one, to get his attention. It continued after that. Kat knew I could spill words onto a page like it was apart of me. Kat was, well she was Kat. She couldn't exactly write and elegant letter like I could. She was my friend, and friends help each other out, right? Kat was there for me, I guess. She was there to help me get a job with John, the tour manager, and eventual go on tour. She was there when I needed advice on how to dress or do my makeup. She was there - most of the time.

There was a time when I was obsessed with Andy Biersack. Not as the lead singer of Black Veil Brides, though. I was obsessed with just him. Everything was enchanting about him. His eyes, his hands, his smile, his voice. I could fall asleep to the sound of his velvety voice. I did often, usually playing Black Veil Brides softly as I would drift away. I had been entranced the moment I saw Andy Biersack. The way he smiled when he shook my hand, I melted. When he opened his mouth to speak to me, it was like I couldn't breath.

No matter how many times I tried to convince myself it wasn't logical, I couldn't bring myself to stop. There would me times when I had blocked every thought of Andy from my mind. He always found his way back to me. He didn't even know what he did to me. I was drawn to him. He was like a drug I couldn't weave myself off of. But there would be no rehab on this planet to keep me from loving Andy. No matter how hard I tried, he would always be there. He's like that thought in the back of your mind that never goes away. He was a part of my conscience now. He was apart of me.

"Hey," Dee had pulled me away from my thoughts long enough for me to glance over at her. She was beautiful as usual. It was hot, as she was wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top. Her green hair was the brightest thing in the room at the moment. "You slept in," She laughed and I looked around. I was on the bus, the view of the hotel building outside the window.

People who worked on tour never got to stay in the hotels. John did, because he's the boss. The tour coordinator, Josh, also got a room. Other than those two, the band were the only people allowed to sleep in hotels. All of us slept in the busses parked in the back parking lots.

The only person who was exempt from this was Dee. She, of course, got to go wherever Ashley went. She stayed on the bus with me when we travelled and during the day, but at night she retired to her room with Ashley. The couple had offered countless times for me to join them for the night. I refused, uncomfortable to say the least. They were the most romantic couple I had ever met (next to Andy and Kat), and it didn't feel right sleeping in the opposite bed while they tried to keep quiet on the other side of the room.

"What time is it?" I groaned. I sat up, attempting to find my phone. I was praying there were no missing calls from John, mainly because that always angered him the most.

"It's almost nine," She stated, "But John went out with the boys to breakfast. We have a later show tonight, so we don't have to start to early," She grinned.

I sighed, leaning my head back down on my pillow, "Why aren't you with them?" I asked. I hadn't meant to sound rude, but it did. Dee paid no mind, though. I did that a lot sometimes, and she knew not to take it so seriously.

She shrugged, "Just wanted to spend the morning here. I haven't seen you much this tour," She noted.

It was true. I had kept to myself most of the tour. The situation between Kat and Andy was draining. I had to find time to write letters every couple of days before getting them to Andy on time. I had to put a stamp on it, as if it had truly been mailed, and write Kat's return address in the corner. Then, and this is where it got tricky, I had to draw the red postal stamp to prove it had gone through the US Postal Service. That was the hardest part, because if I messed up, I had to start a whole new envelope, wasting more stamps. By that time I'm usually rushing to get all the mail to the bus for Andy and the guys. He would get his letter, and I was exhausted.

"I've been busy. I like your hair, by the way," I noted. Dee dyed her hair just about ever few months, a different color every time. This time she chose a deep green.

"Thanks," She perked up, "Let's dye yours! Oh, me and Ashley could do it tonight!" She jumped up onto my bunk, nearly knocking me out the window in the process.

"Oh, please, Dee. I don't want to. I can't wear colors like that," I noted. It was true. I had wanted to dye my hair a deep red in the past. Kat had told me it wouldn't look good at all, and advised me to keep my natural dark brown color.

"We don't have to do all of it! I can do just a small piece. If you don't like it, Ashley can always fix it," She smiled. Dee was always like this. When she got an idea, it had to be tried or she would never shut up about it. I knew this was one of those times where she wouldn't stop pestering me. I groaned and agreed, so long as it was a surprise in the end. I wanted no business in picking out a color, mainly because it seemed like too much pressure for me.

Before she could start listing the colors she could attempt, my phone started to ring. Sifting through my covers, I uncovered it and brought it to my ear, "Kennedy, I need you at the venue. I'm out with the guys and there's a problem with the merchandise truck. Can you take care of it?" John asked.

"Not a problem. I'll be there shortly," I replied.

"Thanks, Doll. I'll see you in a bit."

Dee was already pouting when I looked up at her. I swore I was more mature, at 20, with her being five years my senior. "You can help me. It's your crap that got messed up," I joked.

Dee was a merch girl before she became in charge of tour sales. She was with Black Veil Brides from the beginning and worked her way up. She still works the tent, although with a bit more authority, and is in charge of anything that gets sold by the band whilst on tour. This was how Dee met Ashley.

It's a cute story, actually, when Ashley tells it. He would pass by the merch tent at every show, even on Warped Tour, to meet with fans. He took notice to her right away. When he first met her she had firecracker red hair inspired by a fire engine. He would watch her every day while on tour. Then, when tour ended, he thought he would forget about her. Ashley was a player, and never dwelled on a girl for too long, "You don't eat at McDonald's, then take the take-out bag with you. It's a one-time use," Was his motto. When tour started back up, he wanted to talk to her, but was too nervous. This wasn't like the Ashley Purdy at all. It had taken all of his guts, and Dee dropping an entire shipment of shirts on the ground for her to approach her. Dee claims it was love at first sight, and they've been together ever since.

I wished my story were as romantic as Dee's, but it wasn't. I was waiting tables at a diner when I met John. He would come in every day to make plans for tours in peace. He ordered the same thing every day, and eventually he began to talk to me about his job. I was fascinated, obviously, though I didn't listen to Black Veil Brides much at that time. One rainy day, when my junk of a car didn't start up, John offered me a ride home. It wasn't odd at all, because he was an older man of thirty, and I had known him. In that moment I told him of my love for music and he offered me a job. I refused at first, because I knew my parents wouldn't approve. When John found out about the hell I lived through at home, he said I didn't have a choice. I was going to be his assistant anyways, and he said I wouldn't have to ever go back. John became an older brother of sorts, and I went from a menial worker to his right-hand-man. Everything he didn't have time for, I was sure to do for him. I was in charge now.

"So what's going on?" I asked when I came up to the men running frantically around the merch tent.

"All of the merch is out of order. Whoever loaded at the last venue just threw everything into the truck. We can't find any of the sizes or styles together. They're all jumbled up. If we don't fix this before the show, we won't be able to sell anything," Anna, Dee's assistant explained.

"Well, let's get to work then," I sighed, staring at the masses of t-shirts piling out of the white van. Dee groaned before starting to sift through them.

It was times like this, that I really hated my job.