Gravity

"Any sign of her?" Dee asked as soon as Andy stormed onto the bus. He stopped, turning to her. He wasn't expecting anyone to be in the bus waiting for me. As far as he concerned, he was public enemy number one at the moment. "Everyone is in the hotel. I waited for you to come back," She added softly.

He sighed, "Kat said she took all her stuff and left. No one knows where she is," He said, tossing his keys and wallet on the table.

"John called her earlier. She's in a hotel, but didn't say which one," Dee informed him and Andy nodded. He paced for a moment, not really sure what to do with himself, "What happened?"

"She cheated and I ended it," He stated simply.

Dee watched as pain contorted his face as he looked away. She watched him pace the floor, wondering what to do with himself. "Have you talked to her?" He asked.

"She won't answer any of us," Dee said softly and sighed, standing up, "You obviously need to be alone. But, the guys aren't mad at you."

Andy scoffed, "Sure."

"They're not," She argued, "They're upset that you're in denial about everything, and that you're missing the most important part of all of this. But, they're your friends. They're here for you."

With that Dee left. Andy sighed, stalking over to the bunks and diving into his own. He kicked the blankets off of him. He looked up, seeing the pictures of Kat he taped to the ceiling. He reached up, ripping them off. He fought back tears as he ripped them between his fingers, creating confetti before tossing them over the side of his bunk. He let out a mangled sob and angrily punched the ceiling where the picture had been before falling back into the mattress.

He let himself calm down, although he couldn't stop his eyes filling with tears. He wasn't crying because he lost Kat. He was crying because he had been lied to, and he felt betrayed. He felt like the last two years of his life had been a lie.

He thought about Kennedy. It was unfair that he had looked past her, just because Kat had thrown herself in front of him. It was no lie. Andy thought Kennedy was gorgeous from the moment he saw her, but he got distracted.

It was true what everyone was saying. He fell in love with the wrong girl. He loved Kennedy, more than anything in this world. For the longest time Kat was his illusion of Kennedy, and he was finally accepting that.

Reaching into his pocket he pulled out the note he had found earlier. He had three hours until he had to be at the venue. He had no better time than that moment to read it.

Dear Andy,

I know the last thing you want to hear is 'I'm Sorry'. But I am. I'm sorry for lying to you, because it wasn't my intention.

I couldn't help that when I first looked at you, I was smitten. It wasn't even your good looks. I saw you on that stage with so much confidence and your voice was so perfect. I was in complete awe as you galloped around that stage like you were on top of the world. You were so inspiring with ever word you sang. I couldn't believe how perfect you were. Not even ten minutes later the show was over and you actually spoke to me. You asked me about the kind of music I liked, where I was from, and if I was going on tour. I answered you in one-word answers because I was so nervous to talk to you and you just assumed I was shy.

The next show you met Kat, and of course she caught your attention. I knew that I had nothing to compare against Kat. I wrote the letters because in a weird way, I was confessing my love to you, and you were telling me you loved me. Even though they are meant for Kat, it still gave me some peace knowing they were from you. But deep down I knew they would always be for Kat. So I gave up. But no matter how much I wanted to not love you, I still did.

I tried so hard, Andy. I really did. I'd go weeks beating myself up, trying to get you out of my head. Everything I did or thought had to do with you in some way, and you didn't even realize. I tried so hard so look at other guys, fall in love with someone else so I could let you go. But I couldn't let go. Something wouldn't let me. That song was about you, Andy. You have this effect on me. Your gravity just pulls me towards you, and so I couldn't stop loving you.

The truth is, I changed because of you. I wanted you to notice me and so I changed the way I dressed. I thought that if I dressed more like Kat, I could get you to notice me, and you would realize that it was me writing those letters. That's all I wanted. I only wanted your love. When I found out about what Kat had done with Jake, I was so angry. I couldn't even show her how angry I was, because then she would know how in love I was with you. So CC joined my side and we kind of intimidated her. I convinced her to leave tour, which was a pretty bitchy thing to do. But I did it because you were so unhappy. I felt like everything was working out then. But it obviously didn't work and just made things worse. But now I have to let go.

So I'm sorry for everything, but at least you know I won't be around anymore. I don't care if you think I'm a liar or a fake. I loved you. And I promise you that my love for you was never a lie or fake. I really did love you, Andy. I hope one day you find someone who makes you happy, because I know I won't be that person. Goodbye.

Love Always,
Kennedy

"Why didn't I see it?" He asked out loud, his voice breaking. He should have seen the signs like everyone else did. He should have realized what was truly happening. It all seemed to obvious to him now, and that made him angry. He sent another punch to the bunk above him, breaking a crack in the wood this time. He didn't care. He was so made at himself for being so oblivious to what was right in front of me.

Andy let out a mangled sob. She left for good. He couldn't do anything to bring her back, and he knew it.

-

"Kennedy... It's CC. Listen, I just... I miss you. And I'm so fucking sorry for what happened, okay? I am. So will you please call me? We can work this out and everything is going to be okay. Please?"

Delete.

"Hey, Ken, it's Dee... Listen, everything is going to be okay. Just... Will you call me? Please?"

Delete.

"Ken, this is Ash. Dee is really torn up about the whole thing. She's really sorry, and she just wants you to talk to her. She... She hasn't been the same. She's your best friend, Kennedy. Please call her?"

Delete.

Kennedy, Doll, please pick up the phone. It's CC. Let's just have a talk. Just you an me. We can work things out and figure something out, okay? Please call me back."

Delete.

"Ken, it's Ash. I know I've been calling nonstop, but you should really call Dee or CC. I understand you're upset, but so are we. Please?"

Delete.

"Kennedy, It's Dee again... I'm really sorry about everything. I am. Can you please call me? Text? Tell me where you are and I'll go to you. I really need to talk to you."

Delete.

"That's it. I'm done, Kennedy. So fucking done. I can't help that you're my best friend, okay? And I know this is tough. I understand how heartbroken you are. But I'm not going to put myself through this shit just to get our friendship back. You're hurting Dee and Ashley and they don't deserve it. I don't fucking deserve this. So this is the last time I'm calling... If you ever want to come around, I'll still be here. But I'm not going to fucking chase you anymore. I'm not. So goodbye."

I put the phone down, CC's voice still ringing through my ears. I sighed. The only calls I had been answering the past two days were calls from John. The show in San Diego had gone well, and they have one more tonight.

My phone rang for the fifth time that day and I looked down at the caller I.D. It was John. I sighed heavily before bringing the phone to my ear, "Hello?"

"Hey," He said softly before sighing, "Listen, I don't know how to say this but... I need your badge back," He said cautiously, as if trying to not hurt my feelings.

I need your badge back...

Words that I thought I would never hear. I had forgotten all about my I.D. badge that had the words All Access in bold letters. It had been the same I.D. I had used for every tour, just changing the style a little bit each time.

I looked down to my nightstand, seeing it tossed there, staring back up at me. I don't know why it hurt me so much to know I had to give it back. Maybe it was because I knew it was truly over.

"Normally it wouldn't be a problem with me... But as far as the contract goes... Legally, I have to ask for it back. It's a liability issue," He explained.

"No it's fine," I said all a little too quickly, "I should have left it... But it slipped my mind," I said softly.

"I can come get it tomorrow. It's our first day there, and it's an off day. I can come pick it up," He said and I sighed deeply. I really didn't want anyone knowing where I was, "You can't hide forever, Ken. You have to at least see me. And I promise I won't tell anyone else where you are," He said, a little amusement in his voice.

"I'm at the W in Hollywood," I said softly, "Room 720," I added.

"I'll be by tomorrow sometime in the afternoon."

"See you then," I muttered and he hung up.

I looked back to the badge, picking it up in my hands. The sides were a little worn out, the laminate bending in odd shapes in some places. The lanyard holding it was frayed. The text that had once read 'Black Veil Brides' was faded to a dark grey, and most of the letters were missing.

For two years this badge was my life. Every morning when I had to check in at the venue, I had to show it to security. Every time I had to go and wake up the boys in the hotel, I had to show it at the front desk. I had even lost it once, and got locked out of the venue until John had to come and rescue me. He, of course, was pissed and strictly told me that he would not provide a new one. I had found it that night thrown somewhere in the bunks.

This really was it. I no longer worked for them anymore. I no longer had anything to do with Black Veil Brides, or John, or Dee. I was on my own once John took it from me. For the first time, I actually felt a little guilty. I felt guilty for not giving a proper goodbye. I stormed off like a child in a tantrum... Because I had embarrassed myself more than I ever could.

Still, what's done was done, and I needed to move on. There was nothing I could do to fix it.

-

"That's it!" Dee stormed into the dressing room. The other band members had gone to their rooms in the hotel, except for Ashley who was following her. He trailed behind her, a look of panic on his face as he realized that Dee had been pushed over the limit. This Dee didn't take no for an answer, and that always frightened Ashley. "I'm not going to wait around any longer!" She screamed, pointing a finger at John. He sat on the couch, tallying up the the sales they had made that night, and making arrangements for the next show, "I know you know where she is! You better tell me where the fuck she is! If she won't come to me, then I'm coming to her. Because you're obviously not doing anything to get her back!" Dee screamed.

John sat in shock, his eyes wide and scared for the first time in his life. He looked to Ashley, who gave him an apologetic look, before turning back to Dee, "Actually, I just found out where she is," He started. "I was going to ask you to go down there, rather quietly," He added, "And pick something up for me."

Dee scowled, then a look of confusion spread across her face, "Wait, what?" She asked, "I thought I was going to have to fight you or something. Are you fucking with me? You better not be," She demanded and John shook his head.

"I talked to her earlier. I was going to go down and get it, but I figured if anyone deserved to go... It's you." Dee looked at him with wide eyes, "I know she'll hate me forever because of it. I told her I wouldn't tell anyone, and I'm bluntly defying her... But at least you guys can have some closure before she leaves for good."

"What am I picking up?" Dee asked.

John sighed, "Her access badge," He answered and Dee's mouth dropped open.

"You're taking it?" She asked and he nodded.

"I have to. It's the law. The contract clearly-"

"Fuck the contract!" Dee spat, "This is Kennedy we're talking about, John. Taking that away from her just makes it all the more official!" She protested and he nodded.

"It's already official, Dee... You knew that," He said softly.

Dee shook her head, determination in her watery eyes. They glossed highly in the fluorescent lights, a look that John couldn't really describe etched on her face, "Not if I can help it."