I'd Give Up Forever to Touch You
Chapter 1
Even though she had done this a million times, first school days were still making her nervous. New building, new faces. The first school day was like testing the water. Once you know the temperature it was easy to adjust. Every school had their same cliques and the ones left out were not that hard to read either. But it took time to get to that point.
Fortunately this was gonna be her last first school day. After this she was done. With high school with studying and the rest of the whole package. What she was going to do next was still a complete mystery to her. That was ok, it was in relevant anyway. Her mind was blank trying to think about the future. She never had a plan , a dream. Thinking about that made her realize she never had a proper education. Mom wasn’t much of a role model. And Dad? He was far out of the picture. Just a seed donor , that’s what she thought of him. She didn’t long to bond with him. And apparently he didn’t had that longing either.
No.Man were liars, jerks and cheaters. Home was just a word. Friends were for benefits and after all temporary. And moms can never be a girl’s best friend, that’s just a lie. That was her life lesson. It made her realistic rather than pessimistic.
They had moved here right before the summer. It was a small town, she hated those the most. How lower the population how faster the gossip went around. Being the new girl meant being the subject of interest. Lots of heads would turn around in the streets, every little detail about your history would spread all over the town in no time. But even though they wanted to know everything about you they would never let you in on their groups, their community. Forever the outsider.
She preferred big cities. No one cared about your name, your back ground. If you had a criminal record. People in big cities lived like loners. Each for his own. That was fine, cause people would leave you alone. It was better to be a loner than an outsider. As loner you were nobody as outsider you were a gossip magnet.
But it was not her decision where to go. She just had to tag along with her mother. As a kid she thought that this kind of lifestyle was normal. But along the way she saw different worlds. Kids with both parents, kids with divorced parents. It didn’t matter, they were loved. They had best friends, hobbies and clubs to go to. They had a routine. And then there was she, always unsure what mom would decide next. Moving from place to place. The many guys her mom brought home, and none of them had the word dad written on them. They were moms cheap fucks. Or maybe the other way around.
It was hard for her to respect her mother. The woman created such a big mess of her life. Not for the world to see. Because in fact she was a very smart and loved Biologist. That’s what made it so easy for her to move around. Wherever she’d go she was wanted. If they could only see the monster at home. In her head she pictured her mom sitting on the couch smoking, the room filled with smog. On the table a glass of scotch, waiting for her new playboy to arrive. It confused her. How could one person have such different sides. But her mom was living proof that it could be. And she had more faces.
She was nothing like a mother figure. To her own daughter she was competitive. Which made her even hateful sometimes, not granting her anything.
But as daughter she was smarter than her mom. She stopped playing her little games a long time ago. Gave up the fight. After all there was nothing to fight about.
Maybe she should’ve run away a long time ago. But she has nowhere to go. She barely knew her family if she was even welcome over there. They were not in touch. Not a surprising situation considering her mothers’ behavior.
And deep down she felt very protective towards her mom. What would the woman do to herself if she was not around? Or maybe that was her own excuse because she was scared to leave “home”.
For now she was ok. She made a friend over the summer. Not that she never had friends in the past but this one was different. His friendship felt real. Over the years she lost contact with the friends she made in the past. And that was ok with her. But losing him as a friend the thought alone killed her. She knew that getting to know him better was not a good idea. Yet she didn’t stop herself.
Alec was special.
Fortunately this was gonna be her last first school day. After this she was done. With high school with studying and the rest of the whole package. What she was going to do next was still a complete mystery to her. That was ok, it was in relevant anyway. Her mind was blank trying to think about the future. She never had a plan , a dream. Thinking about that made her realize she never had a proper education. Mom wasn’t much of a role model. And Dad? He was far out of the picture. Just a seed donor , that’s what she thought of him. She didn’t long to bond with him. And apparently he didn’t had that longing either.
No.Man were liars, jerks and cheaters. Home was just a word. Friends were for benefits and after all temporary. And moms can never be a girl’s best friend, that’s just a lie. That was her life lesson. It made her realistic rather than pessimistic.
They had moved here right before the summer. It was a small town, she hated those the most. How lower the population how faster the gossip went around. Being the new girl meant being the subject of interest. Lots of heads would turn around in the streets, every little detail about your history would spread all over the town in no time. But even though they wanted to know everything about you they would never let you in on their groups, their community. Forever the outsider.
She preferred big cities. No one cared about your name, your back ground. If you had a criminal record. People in big cities lived like loners. Each for his own. That was fine, cause people would leave you alone. It was better to be a loner than an outsider. As loner you were nobody as outsider you were a gossip magnet.
But it was not her decision where to go. She just had to tag along with her mother. As a kid she thought that this kind of lifestyle was normal. But along the way she saw different worlds. Kids with both parents, kids with divorced parents. It didn’t matter, they were loved. They had best friends, hobbies and clubs to go to. They had a routine. And then there was she, always unsure what mom would decide next. Moving from place to place. The many guys her mom brought home, and none of them had the word dad written on them. They were moms cheap fucks. Or maybe the other way around.
It was hard for her to respect her mother. The woman created such a big mess of her life. Not for the world to see. Because in fact she was a very smart and loved Biologist. That’s what made it so easy for her to move around. Wherever she’d go she was wanted. If they could only see the monster at home. In her head she pictured her mom sitting on the couch smoking, the room filled with smog. On the table a glass of scotch, waiting for her new playboy to arrive. It confused her. How could one person have such different sides. But her mom was living proof that it could be. And she had more faces.
She was nothing like a mother figure. To her own daughter she was competitive. Which made her even hateful sometimes, not granting her anything.
But as daughter she was smarter than her mom. She stopped playing her little games a long time ago. Gave up the fight. After all there was nothing to fight about.
Maybe she should’ve run away a long time ago. But she has nowhere to go. She barely knew her family if she was even welcome over there. They were not in touch. Not a surprising situation considering her mothers’ behavior.
And deep down she felt very protective towards her mom. What would the woman do to herself if she was not around? Or maybe that was her own excuse because she was scared to leave “home”.
For now she was ok. She made a friend over the summer. Not that she never had friends in the past but this one was different. His friendship felt real. Over the years she lost contact with the friends she made in the past. And that was ok with her. But losing him as a friend the thought alone killed her. She knew that getting to know him better was not a good idea. Yet she didn’t stop herself.
Alec was special.