Am I a Dark Side?

Today was the day that I would be able to talk to the lawyer that the courts provided for me. Maybe today was also the day that someone would actually believe me. I had to tell my story to this lawyer, and I was absolutely terrified. I was terrified that the lawyer would say that he wouldn’t be able to win my case. I thought he would tell me that I should just give in now. Truth be told, I wouldn’t give up if he told me, or if anyone told me to.

A scruffy man walked in with a five o’clock shadow. This lawyer did not care about looks at all. He was wearing a tattered, navy blue suit jacket, which obviously didn’t fit because the sleeves came up to about his elbows. He didn’t even have to decency to have his suit pants match in color; the suit pants were black and for as unfitting his suit jacket was, his pants were too big. This man looked about 65 in age because he was so uncared for. This would be the man defending my case. A man who couldn’t even dress himself in fitting clothes would be defending me.

“Hello, Ms. Strawbridge. My name is Chad, but you will refer to me as Mr. Lawrence. I will be defending your case,” the man spoke abruptly, and with a bit of venom in his voice. He was a dirty, shabby lawyer with an attitude. I guess that’s what you get when the courts appoint you a lawyer. The courts don’t want the person being accused to get away with whatever they have done. So if you couldn’t afford a lawyer, which would help their precious economy, they would give you some crap-ass lawyer, who probably just got out of law school.

“How long have you been doing your practice, Mr. Lawrence?” I asked out of pure curiosity.

“That is none of your business. I ask you the questions here, not the other way around. You got me?” my lawyer spoke with poison seeping off his tongue.

“Excuse me? It is my business, even if you were appointed by the courts. I have the right to ask questions, and I have the right to remain silent if I so please. I remember what the officers told me when, I was arrested. You have the right to remain silent…”

Before I had the chance to cut in, Mr. Lawrence interrupted my sentence. “Are you forgetting the rest of that sentence? Anything you say will be held against you in a court of law. Don’t start getting angry with me for a crime you have obviously done. You obviously have a dark, aggressive, and violent side to you, and you acted upon it. Exactly how you are acting upon it now.”

He really pissed me off now, which takes a lot. “I am so sick and tired of people telling me that I have a dark side that I choose to act upon. I didn’t choose to act upon my dark side; I choose to act in self-defense. I am not a stone-cold murderer. Why does no one ever fucking see it from my side? Everyone says that I committed a crime that I didn’t do. I had to do, what I had to do, but just know this…even if you quit this case on me, I am not giving up on the case. The world may have given up on me, and the world may not believe me right now, but I know that I didn’t do anything wrong. What matters is what’s in my heart, and that I know what I did and what I didn’t.”

“Oh, so I see we have a little spit-fire here. I like that, kid. Now, if you would like, tell me what exactly happened the night of the supposed murder.” I swear this lawyer is bipolar. He goes from being a complete ass to me, to being nice and wanting to hear my side of the story. Who does that?

Well, whatever reason he had for wanting to hear it, I was going to tell him exactly what happened. “Get your notepad ready because this is going to be a long story,” I told him quickly before diving right into my story.

“Well, it all started out like a normal day. It was the first day of school. I had all new teachers, and I liked all of them…all except one. I didn’t like my English teacher. You know how you get the vibe about someone, and you can’t shake it? That’s exactly what I got from him. From the second I entered his room, I felt like a lost, scared child. I felt that his vibes were bad, and I really did try to give him a chance.

As I slowly gave him a chance, I started to think, this might not be too bad. I thought I was overreacting, but oh was I in for a surprise. The bell rang, and moved along through all my classes, and everything seemed perfectly fine. I went to bed that night, and I felt perfectly fine. I even felt a little excited for the next day.

So the next day, I went through a couple classes, and I got to that English classroom again. I walked into the room and something didn’t feel right. Still, I tried to suppress that feeling. Then, he gave us an in-class assignment to do. It was just basic recall of the last year vocab, and stuff like that. I went on with the questions perfectly fine. I even remember what the word loquacious meant. It means verbose in case you didn’t know that.

Then I got to the last question. It was a question on the Shakespeare book Romeo and Juliet, which we hadn’t even read yet. So like any other person, I went up and asked the teacher what this question was on here for. He looked me directly into my eyes and told me he didn’t know. He proceeded to tell me that him and I could be like Romeo and Juliet and run away. That comment really caught me off guard, though I knew there was something twisted about him.

In that instant, I realized that my vibes about him were absolutely correct. When I said no, he reacted with such rage. I could see in his face that I had angered him. I physically saw the veins in his neck protruding, his face turning red, and him cringe. In order to contain himself, he had to walk out of the room. He didn’t come back, even when the class ended.

Right before I left school that day, I saw him roaming the hallways. We made a quick eye contact, in which he gave me a cold, icy stare. That’s when I started to get paranoid. I started walking to my bus, and felt someone’s eyes on me and felt like I was being followed to my bus. I glanced behind me, and of course I wasn’t being followed.

Later that day, as I got off the bus, I felt as if I were being followed again. I looked around, and no one was around. The only person around was in a red vehicle, which appeared to be slowly following me. I know that you are supposed to look a person’s face when you figure out you are being followed, but I was too scared. I fled to my house, and the car sped up behind me. I would have closed the door behind me fast enough, if only I hadn’t fumbled with my keys.

I got into my house, and saw a person running towards the house. I closed the door, but right before I got it to click, the man- I could tell by his knuckles being hairy- he grabbed the door. Knowing I couldn’t hold him off for long, I decided my best chance of getting a weapon was a steak knife from the kitchen.

As he ran in the door, I ran up the stairs. Even though I was running I could identify him as Mr. Peter, my English teacher. He grabbed my foot as I reached the top step, and tried to pull me down. Luckily, I was able to slide my shoe off and continue to the kitchen. I got there and grabbed a steak knife, hiding it behind my back because he was too far away to stab.

I know it was a bad idea to entice him to get closer, but it was the only logical option. I acted like an innocent child and asked him what he was doing here. He responded with, “No one denies me, bitch. So you’re going to give me what I want, and never tell anyone.”

As soon as that last word escaped his lips, he dashed right to me, and started kissing me like mad. He tried to take my shirt off, and I stabbed him close to or in his heart. He made me feel so scared, so vulnerable. I’m sorry, I just….” I couldn’t speak anymore. I just put my head in my hands, crying.

I was surprised to feel a hand on my shoulder, as I cried. I looked up to see my lawyer, rubbing my shoulder to soothe me.

“I believe you, but that doesn’t mean the courts will. Tears won’t win over a jury. We’re going to need some sort of evidence. Could any of your neighbors have seen him, when he ran into your house? Or was anyone close enough to hear what he said to you in school?” he prompted.

I responded, “Neighbors could have seen. Like I said, I was behind the door when he pushed his way through. There’s one girl that sits near the teacher’s desk, but I don’t know if she heard.”

“Well, we’re going to interview your neighbors, and question all the girls in your class to see if he had done this to any other girls. Hopefully, we can gather some evidence that isn’t against you.”

“I hope so. The court already thinks that I acted on my dark side. That’s what every-“

My lawyer cut me off. “Who tells you that you have a dark side? You know, I have girls in here every day, some with this same case, but you have something they don’t. They fear the courts, but I can see you don’t. You’re not scared of getting in trouble like them; you’re more scared of setting a standard for girls after you. Don’t look that perseverance when you go up against the courts. You’ll need it.” With that he walked out of the room.

A police officer came in, and I expected him to just take me back to my cell. “You’re free to go until your court hearing.” That’s all the officer had to say, when I dashed to the fresh outdoors. The air was crisp with a slight chill, but to me it was more beautiful than the four sterile walls of prison, or even the coldness of the officers’ voices.