The L Word

Meanwhile….

L tried once again to call his husband.
“Welcome to Orange Answer phone. I’m sorry but the person you have called is not available…”
“Typical. That man never has his phone on when I need him! Where could he be?” L mused to himself.
“Calm down, Ryuzaki. I’m sure he’s just visiting a friend or something-” Yagami Soichiro tried to reassure him.
“Just visiting a friend…..? Which friend could that be?”
“I don’t really know; Light keeps his personal life pretty private. Always has done, since he was a teenager. I’m used to just minding my own business now.”
“That’s because you’re his father, Yagami-san; Teenagers usually behave that way. But what you’ve just said has triggered some suspicion…” L continued.
“Oh…? Like what? He could be with that….”
“Ilpalazzo. There’s a high possibility that he’s cheating on me with Ilpalazzo. I just have to find out for sure.” L said, determined to nail his husband a second time.
“Ryuzaki-kun…”
“Yes, Psnowy-kun?”
“Do you need me to beat him up for you?”
“No, that’s not necessary as of yet; I’ll get Miss Misora to investigate, after all that’s what she does best.”
“Fair Play. But if your suspicions do prove you right, then can I beat him up?”
“You’re free to do as you wish with him, Psnowy-kun.”
“Awesomesauce!” Psnowy was looking forward to beating up Light and Ilpalazzo, because she had Excel and Hyatt with her - well, Excel can help her stalk Ilpalazzo. Hyatt, however, is too frail to do much, so she is under the care of Amane Misa.

***

*Bzzz bzzzz. Bzzz bzzzz. Bzzz bzzzz.*

“Ugh, who rings at this hour?” Whoops, someone’s just disturbed an FBI agent’s slumber. She turned her bedside lamp on to find a withheld number calling her. ”It’s probably L.” She sighed and answered the phone.
“Hello, Miss Misora?” L said, in his natural voice for once.
“Hello, who is this?”
“This is L. I need your help. It’s…. personal.”
“Oh! Umm…. OK, what with?”
“I would like you to investigate Yagami Light’s actions by all means, even following him. But try not to let him spot you.”
“That’ll be difficult, but I’ll try. What’s the bastard done this time?”
“I suspect he may be cheating on me with a well-known home wrecker, who goes by the name Ilpalazzo.”
“Oh... that cunt. He tried to split myself and Raye up but with no success. Sure thing, L. I’ll do whatever it takes to catch him out. You have my word.”
“Thank you Miss Misora. I shall e-mail you Ilpalazzo’s address imminently. Thank you once again for you co-operation.” And he hung up. With this, Misora turned on her computer to check that L did indeed send her the e-mail with Ilpalazzo’s address, and he did. She took a note of the address down with a little reminder message on a Post-It Note and put it on her notice board, before going back to sleep. After all it was 2am when L called her, and she’d just drifted off.

Lately she’d been having trouble sleeping, because it was all over the papers that Ilpalazzo was lurking around Japan. It seems he was a criminal too. What his crime was, though, no-one ever really knew, though he was accused of a fair few things; paedophilia, drug dealing, attempted rape, all the rest. Quite the gangster, no? Well, knowing this made Misora fear going to sleep at night. You know what a woman’s imagination is like; they can sometimes get paranoid that someone will sneak into their room with a carving knife and brutally stab them up. And she obviously thought Ilpalazzo was capable of that, if he tried to get her and Raye to break up. Details of which, she will reveal maybe later.

***

One morning in July, Light had been summoned to Ilpalazzo’s mansion to have some sexy time. But Light had something else in mind, because he wasn’t dumb; he knew when he was being followed.

*Knock Knock!*
Ilpalazzo answered almost immediately.
“Aaah, Light. Nice to see you again.” Ilpalazzo went to kiss Light on the cheek but Light dodged. He said nothing and walked in.
“Ilpalazzo, we’re being watched. L’s sent someone to fricken spy on me!”
“How do you know?”
“Ilpalazzo, I’m not a retard; I spotted a woman actually following me here! I cannot believe it; he’s got me again!”
“Again, Light?”
“Yeah. I was Kira, remember? He saved me from a death sentence because we fell for each other during the Kira case.”
“Aah, I see. And he’s onto you again because you’re unfaithful?”
“Hole in one. So basically that means we can’t go on.” As Light said this, the door knocked.
“This’ll be the woman who’s spying on you I presume? I’ll go answer the door. You hide somewhere. There’s enough room.” Light did as he was told without question, while Ilpalazzo answered the door.
“Hello?”
“Hello there Sir, I am Morgana Nishidake, and I’m here to do some market research, if you have the time to answer some questions that would be great.” Misora said, in her disguise, hoping that Ilpalazzo didn’t recognise her.
“Yeah, sure. I have a few minutes. Come in?”
“Thank you.” Misora said as she entered Ilpalazzo’s mansion.
“Do make yourself comfortable, I’ll be right back.” Ilpalazzo said, as he beckoned Misora to sit down.
“Thank you Sir.” Misora sat down. Her plan was working so far.
Ilpalazzo had snuck off into the dining room to tell Light that he was safe. Unlike Light, Ilpalazzo was quite gullible and naive. This had actually given Misora time to get out of her disguise and confront Light. So she waited until Ilpalazzo returned (preferably with Light) so she could kick some serious butt.
“Miss Nishidake-” Ilpalazzo paused to find that he’d only gone and let Naomi Misora in. Needless to say, this was a facepalm moment.
“Yagami Light, foiled once again, can you believe it? You’re really not as smart as you think you are, it seems.” Misora said with a smug grin on her face.
“So you’re the one who L sent to spy on me?”
“Well yeah, I’m his most trusted FBI Agent, he’s trusted me to help him since the BB Murder Cases. Yes, I have been following you for the past week, keeping a close eye on your actions, and to be quite honest, I’m not surprised you fell for this guy. I still remember when you tried to split me and Raye up, Ilpalazzo. The mere memory of it haunts me to this day, but fine; whatever doesn’t kill ya.”
“What, are you going to arrest me?”
“Ya know? That’s not a bad idea. Yagami Light, you are under arrest for being unfaithful to your partner… and you know the rest.” She said as she handcuffed Light, and took him to her car so she could drive him back to L’s.

*back to L*

“I KNEW IT!!”
“What is it, Psnow?”
“LOOK! Light’s in handcuffs, that gives me the right to beat him up. L, can I beat him up?” Psnowy asked, after seeing Light through the window, with Misora.
“If that proves he’s been unfaithful, then yes.”
“WOOHOO!”

Light entered L’s hotel room, still handcuffed and accompanied by Misora.
“Ryuzaki, I practically caught him red-handed.” Misora took the handcuffs off Light.
“Thank you Miss Misora, you’ve been of great help once again. I knew I could trust you.”
“No problem.” Misora nodded and made to leave.
“Hold the phone a smidge, Miss Misora! Wait for me!” Psnowy followed, slyly leaving L and Light alone to talk through this affair.
“Well, well, Light.”
“Well…… what?”
“I don’t know whether to be mad at you or Ilpalazzo.”
“If it helps, be mad at both of us.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well…. Because Ilpalazzo’s the one that started this, and I didn’t exactly refuse him... I practically just invited him in…. and today, when Misora caught me….”
“What exactly happened?”
“Well, I’m probably wrong, but it felt like he’d betrayed me, like, he deliberately let her in so she could get me…”
“But chances also are, you’re probably right. Ilpalazzo is a well-known home wrecker, Light, remember. He’s also notorious for being a criminal. While I’m mad at you for cheating on me, I’m also mad at him for abusing you, and then that makes me mad at you again for letting him play you like a toy.”
“…….. Hmmm, your logic never fails to amaze me, Ryuzaki. So what are we gunna do about Ilpalazzo?” Light said, pretending to completely understand what L had just said.
“Whatever it takes for him to be dead and gone to us, Light. However, until he is out of Japan, or actually dead, I’m afraid I cannot even begin to forgive you.”
“That sounds reasonable. Shall I contact him now? I’ll let you hear our conversation if it gives you any peace of mind.” Light offered, apologetically.
“That’ll be great, thanks.”

So Light dialed Ilpalazzo’s mobile, and put speakerphone on.
“Aah Light, about today…”
“Save it, Ilpalazzo. L knows about us. It has to end, NOW.”
“Well…. if that’s what you want.”
“Yes, Ilpalazzo, this is what I want. But here’s the thing; you can’t stay in Japan. The police and the FBI might just go after you for whatever you’ve been accused of, so I suggest you move to, I don’t know, Italy or something. Do whatever it takes for them not to catch you.”
“As you wish, Light.”
“And one more thing, Ilpalazzo: I’d like my wedding ring back, please, after all; I am still a married man.”
“Yes, Light. Well. It was nice to know you. Sayonara.”
“Sayonara, Ilpalazzo.” And Light hung up.

*about a fortnight later*

Light received his wedding ring back, plus a note from Ilpalazzo:

“Dear Light,
By the time you’ll be reading this, I will have arrived in Italy. Here’s your ring, as you requested. I hope you and L have a long and happy life without me.
Ilpalazzo <3
xxxx”

Light placed the wedding ring back on his finger, and left to go grab L.

***

Light nervously knocked on the door to L’s hotel room.
“Hello- Oh, Light.”
“Ryuzaki, are you ready to start forgiving me now?” Light showed him he was wearing his wedding ring and the note Ilpalazzo sent him.
“Well… I guess so. I’ve missed having someone to snuggle up to at night anyway.” L pulled Light into the hotel room by his tie, and started to make out with him relentlessly. And with that came groping, caressing, kissing other parts of the body, getting increasingly intimate, until they found themselves getting down and doing the funky monkey, which they thoroughly enjoyed.

The End.