Status: Complete
Intergalactic Alps
Chapter 1
“Mr Lister sir, breakfast is ready.”
“Cheers Kryts.” Lister sat at the table, ready to have his breakfast; corn flakes with shredded onion on top, served with a cool glass of chili sauce. This was the life.
“Served exactly the way you like it, sir.”
Lister tasted his bizarre breakfast and groaned as if it was an orgasm for the tastebuds. Before he had a chance to fully enjoy it though, the Cat put the ship on autopilot and went to tell the other crew members about his latest discovery.
“Guys, according to the scanner, we’ve found a breathable planetoid!!”
“Is it Earth?”
“No, it’s all snowy.”
“Let’s check this baby out!” Lister and Kryten followed Cat back into the cockpit to examine this weird and wonderful discovery. It was indeed a breathable planetoid, covered entirely by snow.
“Shall we land and explore the place?”
“I’m not sure sir, we don’t know what could possibly be on this planetoid, and whatever it is, it can’t possibly be humans.”
“But according to the scanner, it IS populated with humans. And the scanner never lies.” Lister, the last human alive, said.
“In that case, it can’t hurt to check this place out, right?”
“I suppose you’re absolutely right Sirs. Miss Kochanski Ma’am, what do you think we should do?”
“Get out there and explore.” The one woman in the crew answered.
The four crew members were walking around the snowy planetoid, to find that it was, in fact, populated with humans. It looked like a ski resort or something. They heard a Swedish-sounding voice shout “Look guys! Newbies!” The Swede came over to them in curiosity.
“Excuse me mate-” Lister called out, but was interrupted.
“Hey guys! My name is Viggo Rolig, and welcome to part of the Intergalactic SSX Circuit. I am, of course, one of the most popular riders here- OOFT!” Viggo got rugby-tackleglomped and pushed into an unbearably hot hot tub and left to burn. The guy who killed Viggo came back to the Dwarfers and makes himself known, with an uncannily British accent.
“A’ight guys, the name’s Jones. Moby Jones. Like Ladyboy Viggo said, this is part of the Intergalactic SSX Circuit, and if you like I can teach y’all how to snowboard and knock that Sketchy Psymon Stark off the top o’ the leaderboard. And who will you guys be?”
“I’m Dave Lister, this is Kristine Kochanski, Kryten and the Cat.” Lister introduced them all to this Moby guy.
“A’ight kids, let’s get this party started!” Moby said.
As the months passed by, Lister, Kochanski and the Cat all got the hang of snowboarding. Kryten would have, but to put it simply, water and electricity never did mix. Moby was impressed with how quickly the three humanoids were getting it. With what Moby was telling them about this Psymon Stark, they did not like him, and wanted to beat him. “The man’s a nutter,” Moby had said, “he’s ruthless enough to knock down anyone who gets in his way, whether they be friend or enemy. And his signature über is otherwise humanly impossible.” The Dwarfers needed Moby to define ‘signature über’, which he referred to as ‘your very own finishing trick. It can be as insane as ya like, but it has to be strictly YOURS’. And they had to be quick inventing them too.
“Cheers Kryts.” Lister sat at the table, ready to have his breakfast; corn flakes with shredded onion on top, served with a cool glass of chili sauce. This was the life.
“Served exactly the way you like it, sir.”
Lister tasted his bizarre breakfast and groaned as if it was an orgasm for the tastebuds. Before he had a chance to fully enjoy it though, the Cat put the ship on autopilot and went to tell the other crew members about his latest discovery.
“Guys, according to the scanner, we’ve found a breathable planetoid!!”
“Is it Earth?”
“No, it’s all snowy.”
“Let’s check this baby out!” Lister and Kryten followed Cat back into the cockpit to examine this weird and wonderful discovery. It was indeed a breathable planetoid, covered entirely by snow.
“Shall we land and explore the place?”
“I’m not sure sir, we don’t know what could possibly be on this planetoid, and whatever it is, it can’t possibly be humans.”
“But according to the scanner, it IS populated with humans. And the scanner never lies.” Lister, the last human alive, said.
“In that case, it can’t hurt to check this place out, right?”
“I suppose you’re absolutely right Sirs. Miss Kochanski Ma’am, what do you think we should do?”
“Get out there and explore.” The one woman in the crew answered.
The four crew members were walking around the snowy planetoid, to find that it was, in fact, populated with humans. It looked like a ski resort or something. They heard a Swedish-sounding voice shout “Look guys! Newbies!” The Swede came over to them in curiosity.
“Excuse me mate-” Lister called out, but was interrupted.
“Hey guys! My name is Viggo Rolig, and welcome to part of the Intergalactic SSX Circuit. I am, of course, one of the most popular riders here- OOFT!” Viggo got rugby-tackleglomped and pushed into an unbearably hot hot tub and left to burn. The guy who killed Viggo came back to the Dwarfers and makes himself known, with an uncannily British accent.
“A’ight guys, the name’s Jones. Moby Jones. Like Ladyboy Viggo said, this is part of the Intergalactic SSX Circuit, and if you like I can teach y’all how to snowboard and knock that Sketchy Psymon Stark off the top o’ the leaderboard. And who will you guys be?”
“I’m Dave Lister, this is Kristine Kochanski, Kryten and the Cat.” Lister introduced them all to this Moby guy.
“A’ight kids, let’s get this party started!” Moby said.
As the months passed by, Lister, Kochanski and the Cat all got the hang of snowboarding. Kryten would have, but to put it simply, water and electricity never did mix. Moby was impressed with how quickly the three humanoids were getting it. With what Moby was telling them about this Psymon Stark, they did not like him, and wanted to beat him. “The man’s a nutter,” Moby had said, “he’s ruthless enough to knock down anyone who gets in his way, whether they be friend or enemy. And his signature über is otherwise humanly impossible.” The Dwarfers needed Moby to define ‘signature über’, which he referred to as ‘your very own finishing trick. It can be as insane as ya like, but it has to be strictly YOURS’. And they had to be quick inventing them too.