Status: Complete
Intergalactic Alps
Chapter 3
“Kryten? There’s something funny about that woman who just visited.”
“How so, Mr Lister sir?”
“I only say that because when I first saw her, she was blonde, and that woman who visted was a brunette.”
“What are you implying, Mr Lister sir?”
“I’m implying that she might be a Psiren. I might also be worrying over nothing but my gut instincts are rarely wrong, are they?”
“Well, from all the experiences we’ve had sir, roughly half of your gut instincts are wrong. Are you sure she’s a Psiren, sir?”
“Trust me Kryten, no sane woman tries sincerely to seduce me like that. No way, man, she’s definitely a Psiren.”
“In which case, sir, you’d have to catch her out.”
“Yeah. That’s given me a plan.”
*next day*
“Please, come in Elise.” Lister invited the Psiren into his cabin.
“Such the gentleman you are, Dave.”
“I know.” Lister said smugly. “So, you wished to talk to me?”
“Yeah, you seem so awfully popular, I barely get the time to come and chat. Such a shame, isn’t it?”
“A shame indeed.” With this there was another knock on the door.
“Hi Lister.” A blonde Elise just walked in, showing no apparent interest in Lister. She saw her “other self” and was immediately confused.
“What is going on Lister?” The blonde Elise asked.
“I’m trying to figure out which one of you is the real Elise Riggs and which one of you is a Psiren.”
“And a Psiren is…?”
“A Psiren is a shape-changing GELF who’ll lure anyone to them to feed on their brains. Like zombies, but apparently very attractive, very clever zombies, so to speak.”
“Right. The brunette’s definitely the Psiren. No way would I ever go brunette and no way would I ever try to seduce you, not even if you were the last man alive.”
“But…. I am the last man alive.”
“I rest my case. Take out the brunette.”
“No way, I’m the real Elise Riggs! Blondie here is the fake.” The brunette screamed at Lister.
And the two Elises carried on arguing until the blonde knocked the brunette out cold with Lister’s help - he was getting a bit pissed at the arguing - and while the brunette Elise was out, she shifted back into her original form; a gangly alien-like creature who seemed to look a bit like E.T.
And so this is where Lister and Elise really got to know each other, with no hints of flirting or innuendo in their conversation at all. Just as acquaintances. Lister’s gut instinct was right after all, following which came profuse apologies from Kryten, who doubted him in the first place. And then it hit Lister like a bullet to the brain.
“The Cat!!”
And he raced out of the cabin to look for his feline friend, who he thankfully found in the lobby having elevenses.
“Cat! Thank Smeg you’re OK.”
“Of course I’m OK, why shouldn’t I be?”
“So the Psiren didn’t try to get to you then?”
“What Psiren?”
“Phew, never mind Cat. The Psiren’s gone now, so we can carry on as normal.”
After all the Psiren drama died down, and Atomika found that no-one’s brains had been feasted on by a Genertically Engineered Life Form who took the shape of Elise Riggs, everyone could carry on snowboarding as normal. Lister had his mind fully focussed on beating Psymon Stark as the Boss of the SSX Circuit, and so far, he was doing quite well, particularly in the Races.
This was the final event of the Circuit, and it was Lister racing against Eddie, Mac, Kaori, Psymon and Zoe on Gravitude.
“Ready to lose, Lister?” Psymon taunted.
“Ready when you are Psycho - I mean, Psymon.” This slightly aggravated Psymon, much to Lister’s surprise.
The lights went green and Psymon took no time in trying to knock Lister down, all attempts at which Lister defied. He sped down the course, wasting no time on tricks except for the odd inevitable ramp he came across where he’d stick in a BS 540 Tailgrab, y’know, just to rub it in a bit. For the most part of the race he was followed by Psymon - after all, he was the Boss of Peak 3 and therefore the toughest competitor there, even tougher than Elise who wasn’t even racing today - and Lister narrowly missed Total Victory where by some miracle, Psymon tried to knock him down yet again but Lister caught Psymon’s wrist and used it to pull himself forward and snipe the victory at the last second. This made Psymon furious.
As Lister was crowned Boss of the SSX Circuit, Psymon vowed to exact his brutal revenge on Lister. Although, Psymon’s mission was futile, as Lister - knowing that Psymon would come after him - dragged his fellow Dwarfers back to Starbug and legged it.
“Now that’s what I call an adventure, don’t you think so guys?” Lister asked the crew.
“Oh most definitely! It’s a shame you couldn’t join us, Kryten. The adrenaline rush was intoxicating.” Kochanski added.
“And the look on Madman’s face when Lister won that final race was priceless!!” The Cat said.
“I know, man, I smeggin know!!”
And the Starbug crew continued travelling through space as normal.
“How so, Mr Lister sir?”
“I only say that because when I first saw her, she was blonde, and that woman who visted was a brunette.”
“What are you implying, Mr Lister sir?”
“I’m implying that she might be a Psiren. I might also be worrying over nothing but my gut instincts are rarely wrong, are they?”
“Well, from all the experiences we’ve had sir, roughly half of your gut instincts are wrong. Are you sure she’s a Psiren, sir?”
“Trust me Kryten, no sane woman tries sincerely to seduce me like that. No way, man, she’s definitely a Psiren.”
“In which case, sir, you’d have to catch her out.”
“Yeah. That’s given me a plan.”
*next day*
“Please, come in Elise.” Lister invited the Psiren into his cabin.
“Such the gentleman you are, Dave.”
“I know.” Lister said smugly. “So, you wished to talk to me?”
“Yeah, you seem so awfully popular, I barely get the time to come and chat. Such a shame, isn’t it?”
“A shame indeed.” With this there was another knock on the door.
“Hi Lister.” A blonde Elise just walked in, showing no apparent interest in Lister. She saw her “other self” and was immediately confused.
“What is going on Lister?” The blonde Elise asked.
“I’m trying to figure out which one of you is the real Elise Riggs and which one of you is a Psiren.”
“And a Psiren is…?”
“A Psiren is a shape-changing GELF who’ll lure anyone to them to feed on their brains. Like zombies, but apparently very attractive, very clever zombies, so to speak.”
“Right. The brunette’s definitely the Psiren. No way would I ever go brunette and no way would I ever try to seduce you, not even if you were the last man alive.”
“But…. I am the last man alive.”
“I rest my case. Take out the brunette.”
“No way, I’m the real Elise Riggs! Blondie here is the fake.” The brunette screamed at Lister.
And the two Elises carried on arguing until the blonde knocked the brunette out cold with Lister’s help - he was getting a bit pissed at the arguing - and while the brunette Elise was out, she shifted back into her original form; a gangly alien-like creature who seemed to look a bit like E.T.
And so this is where Lister and Elise really got to know each other, with no hints of flirting or innuendo in their conversation at all. Just as acquaintances. Lister’s gut instinct was right after all, following which came profuse apologies from Kryten, who doubted him in the first place. And then it hit Lister like a bullet to the brain.
“The Cat!!”
And he raced out of the cabin to look for his feline friend, who he thankfully found in the lobby having elevenses.
“Cat! Thank Smeg you’re OK.”
“Of course I’m OK, why shouldn’t I be?”
“So the Psiren didn’t try to get to you then?”
“What Psiren?”
“Phew, never mind Cat. The Psiren’s gone now, so we can carry on as normal.”
After all the Psiren drama died down, and Atomika found that no-one’s brains had been feasted on by a Genertically Engineered Life Form who took the shape of Elise Riggs, everyone could carry on snowboarding as normal. Lister had his mind fully focussed on beating Psymon Stark as the Boss of the SSX Circuit, and so far, he was doing quite well, particularly in the Races.
This was the final event of the Circuit, and it was Lister racing against Eddie, Mac, Kaori, Psymon and Zoe on Gravitude.
“Ready to lose, Lister?” Psymon taunted.
“Ready when you are Psycho - I mean, Psymon.” This slightly aggravated Psymon, much to Lister’s surprise.
The lights went green and Psymon took no time in trying to knock Lister down, all attempts at which Lister defied. He sped down the course, wasting no time on tricks except for the odd inevitable ramp he came across where he’d stick in a BS 540 Tailgrab, y’know, just to rub it in a bit. For the most part of the race he was followed by Psymon - after all, he was the Boss of Peak 3 and therefore the toughest competitor there, even tougher than Elise who wasn’t even racing today - and Lister narrowly missed Total Victory where by some miracle, Psymon tried to knock him down yet again but Lister caught Psymon’s wrist and used it to pull himself forward and snipe the victory at the last second. This made Psymon furious.
As Lister was crowned Boss of the SSX Circuit, Psymon vowed to exact his brutal revenge on Lister. Although, Psymon’s mission was futile, as Lister - knowing that Psymon would come after him - dragged his fellow Dwarfers back to Starbug and legged it.
“Now that’s what I call an adventure, don’t you think so guys?” Lister asked the crew.
“Oh most definitely! It’s a shame you couldn’t join us, Kryten. The adrenaline rush was intoxicating.” Kochanski added.
“And the look on Madman’s face when Lister won that final race was priceless!!” The Cat said.
“I know, man, I smeggin know!!”
And the Starbug crew continued travelling through space as normal.