Love Like a Tidal Wave

Carolina

"Camping?" I suggested to Tony as he laid down in bed next to me—still keeping his distance. He's been staying at Jaime's since the whole Mike thing, but he's been staying over since yesterday. We don't sleep in the same bed or same room. He slept in the living room, away from me.

"I guess," he replied briefly, uninterested in going out as a family. I doubt he’ll ever ask Mikey. It bothered me but I can't force him to do it. I'm just starting to give up on convincing him that I wasn't lying to him. If he won't trust me then it's not my problem. I'm not gonna deal with it anymore.

"When should we go?"

"I don't know."

I rolled my eyes and just stayed quiet. It'll piss me off if I continued asking him things and him replying with short answers. I don't want to get him mad—even though we're supposed to refrain from yelling. But knowing Tony, he won't listen. He'll argue back or walk away. Maybe a combination of the two.

I sat up on the bed then grabbed my laptop from the night stand. I opened up google once I log in on my computer, then searched for some area where we could go camping that had a lake. I put on my reading glasses and searched for some places in the area or in San Bernardino…whichever one I like.

Tony adjusted himself in bed and I felt myself sink in the mattress. I clicked on a link and I'm pulled up to a web page with pictures and information about the lake area.

"Where's that at?"

Oh, now he's interested.

"San Bernardino." I whispered since I was reading the information in my head.

"San Diego is a better place to camp."

"Th–" stay quiet Carolina. What you'll say will upset him and make him mad. Just ignore his comments and focus on finding a place to camp.

I continued looking at places and clicking links. A new page opened up and I saw a beautiful lake and landscape. I liked it so far. So I read the information and my lips curled up in happiness. Tony read my face and made a noise with his mouth—implying that he didn't like it. My smile went away and I stared at him. He looked up at me with his brown eyes. He's propping himself up with his left elbow and holding his head with the palm of his hand. His tattoos "SITH", "WARS" and the sugar skull with a rose were easily visible.

"What's wrong with it?"

"Everything."

Typical. He doesn't like any of my ideas. That's how 90% of our fights are about. Either his way or the highway. Well, not this time. It’s my way or fuck off guey.

"Like?"

He looked back at the computer screen and pointed out all the things he didn't like—which happened to be everything, just like he had said. "Search some camp sites in San Diego. I don't want to repeat myself."

Excuse you!

"I don't want to camp in San Diego." I murmured to myself but I forgot he was a few inches away from me.

"I'm not gonna camp anywhere else."

"We always go to San Diego for everything. Dinner, zoo, malls, fairs, everything."

"Do you have a problem with my hometown?"

Tell him how you feel! Speak up! He doesn't wear the pants in the relationship!

"Yes!" I raised my voice. "San Diego this, San Diego that. It's all you talk about."

"Well it wouldn't be like that if we moved to San Diego in the first place." He argued back.

"Like I've said a thousand times, I don't want to move over there. We never will."

"It's the best place to live in Southern California."

"No it isn't! We're not camping there."

"Yes we are." He took my laptop away and searched up campsites in San Diego. I rolled my eyes and got off the bed. I went to the kitchen, grabbed a Gatorade and walked back to my side of the bed.

"Found one." He turned the laptop towards me and I saw the slideshow of the pictures.

"I don't like it."

He got mad. "You don't like it because it's in San Diego."

"And because I don't like it. I rather go to the one I picked."

"Well you can go by yourself because I'm taking the kids here."

"We're supposed to go out as family not split up in a ratio of 1:3!" I argued.

"You're the one being hard headed about this. The doctor said we have to make decisions."

"Exactly! You're the one making it! We're supposed to choose as a couple."

"Oh you like San Diego too? Okay we'll go there!" He faked a smile and saved the directions on his phone.

He will be punched for using sarcasm in this argument. He knows it upsets me. I can make him suffocate with my pillow but I wouldn't know where to hide his body. He's too famous for anyone to not know he disappeared.

I took deep breaths and let the anger cool down in my veins. I can control my anger and I will not shout or throw something at his stupid face.

"Whatever Tony."

"We'll leave tomorrow morning since the kids don't have school on Friday." He smiled in a wicked way that continued to make me mad. So I retaliated by making him mad.

"To San Bernardino?"

"Suck dick." He sneered.

SAY IT! I dare you to say it.

"I can't. Mike's not allowed to be near me." I sat on the bed while I put my hair in a bun. It was quiet so I glanced at him. The look on his face: Priceless....and a bit scary. I shouldn't have said it. I fear for my life now.

He slammed my Mac notebook shut and just glared me like he was about to kill me.

"Don't even get mad over that. Remember what Dr. Smith said." I informed him while trying to suppress my smile.

His hands gripped the sheets while he stared in the distance. I got up, went to my closet then picked out a shirt to change into. The kids were almost out and it was my duty to pick them up. I smiled evilly and removed my shirt then put on the fresh one. "I'm leaving. Have fun buying the tent and sleeping bags."

"WE need to go buy them together." He said through his clenched teeth. It amused me so I tried not to laugh.

"Uh, you chose the place, then you can go ahead and pick out the tents and sleeping bags since you don't like anything I pick."

"You have shitty taste."

"That's why I married you. Buh bye now!" I walked out the room then headed to my car with a wicked smile on my face. I giggled evilly and climb into my car.


I packed our stuff in the duffle bags while Tony went to buy the tents and other things that we would be utilizing during the camping. I didn't know if I was supposed to pack Tony's things or if he wanted to do it himself so I packed them anyways. So far I have three duffle bags packed and ready to go.

I heard my bedroom door open and a whining Leia coming inside. "I don't want to go camping without dad."

I picked her up and sat her down on the bed. "Your dad is coming with us. In fact, he's buying food right now." I creased my eyebrows and make an “o” shape on my mouth so she could smile but she didn't. She just stared at me with her big green eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Does dad hate you?"

Yes, very much.

"Ok, that was out of nowhere. Um, why do you ask that?"

"Because." She looked away from me and got distracted by something else. She got off the bed then walked to the closet. She opened the door then stared back at me. "You guys don't wrestle anymore."

My mouth formed a hard line after she spoke. I stayed quiet and tried to think of a way to respond but nothing seemed to come out. I was hoping Nicholas would come in and distract us or Tony to come home early but nothing. Not even a damn phone call or anything.

It's just me. and her. in my room. alone.

She continued to look at me while I said nothing. I really don't know what to say. Should I change the subject? I waited for mind to say something but it stood quiet. When I need her the most, she wasn’t even there. Jerk.

"Honey," I began.

“He doesn't sleep here anymore either. Did you kick him out of the house?"

He kicked himself out.

"Leia, your dad still lives here. He just likes sleeping in the living room or having sleep overs with your uncles."

"Why don't you guys talk?"

HE won't talk to me.

Dammit. Why does she have to ask a lot of questions? Why can't she ask me about the weather or why the sky is blue? Not grown up questions like these that I can't even answer myself.

"We do talk. We were talking yesterday." I forced a grin but she didn't fall for it.

"He looked mad at you."

That's because he IS.

Man this kid is smart.

"Ok, um...let's get you and Nick dressed."

She stomped her tiny foot on the floor and I instantly stopped to look at her. "Ugh, you always ignore me!"

I'm surprised at what she just did. I don't know if I should ignore her or just tell her another lie. If she throws a tantrum, I will punch the wall or punch Tony. I’m not fond of her tantrums and they literally drive me crazy. I always wonder if I ever was a hassle to my parents when I was five. I mean, I know kids are all very energetic and annoying but not all of them…right?

Not knowing what to say, I replied with a "You're too young to know what's going on."

"I'm five."

And I’m thirty one.

"When you're older, you'll understand. Just not now."

"I want to know now!"

Okay. Um. I don't know what to do now. Help? Mind? Anyone? I don’t care if someone's voice talks to me in my mind…in fact, I speak to myself and mind. Call me insane but I am in fact seeing a fucking shrink with my husband…so that makes me crazy already! So speak now or forever hold your peace!

…

Nothing. Dammit.

"I’m hungry." Nicholas came in, rubbing his eye. Thank the lord, Jesus. I love this kid even more now. What a life saver! I'm going to buy him anything he wants when we come back from camp.

"Hi papas!" I cooed at him. "Let's go get you some cereal." I walked away from Leia then pick up Nick from the ground. I took him to the bathroom first so he could brush his teeth. After, we headed to the kitchen and I let him pick out his cereal. He chose the fruity pebbles.

Leia ignored me the rest of the morning. I didn't mind because I didn't want her bringing up that conversation again. I’m not prepared for it and I don’t want to say something I’m not supposed to. Knowing Tony’s temper.

When the turtle came back, she ignores him too and just ate her cereal.

"What's wrong with Leia?" He walked into the kitchen and looked at me.

"Ask her yourself."

Sarcasm initiating in three....two....one.

"Gee, let me go repeat myself to her."

"That's a very good idea." I pointed at him, faking a smile as well.

He got irritated. "So you’re not gonna tell me? What happened to communicating?"

Oh, you want to communicate now?! Let me fucking introduce you to my fist!

"She's asking what's going on with us. I lied like I always do but she knows I'm lying and now she's mad because I won't tell her the truth. Since you're involved, she's ignoring you as well."

"Did you tell her she’s too young to know?"

Noooooooooooooooooooooo.

"Yes. She said she’s five. I didn't know being five was an age where you become older. I told her when she’s older she’ll understand but she’s giving us the cold shoulder. I wonder where she got that from.” I growled the last part. It slipped and I regret nothing.

"See there you go trying to pick a fight with me."

"I’m just testing how much you can hold back your anger." I forced a smile on and hopped on the counter in the corner of the kitchen. I grabbed some grapes from the bowls and popped one in my mouth every often.

"Okay, two can play at that game."

"Ooo, I love games." I chuckled and glanced at the kids for a second.

"She can’t ignore us forever. I know what will get her to talk to me." Tony said.

"I already tried what you’re thinking but it won’t work."

"Well you suck. That’s why. Let Tony Perry work his magic." He rubbed his hands together while looking at Leia.

"Oh please. I bet you $20 she won’t tell you what’s wrong."

"Alright then. $20 it is. But just to give you a heads up, she's Leia Perry. I’m Tony Perry. You see that? We’re both Perrys. I’ll get her talking like this." He snapped his fingers. "If you would have kept my last name, maybe you’d probably have the same magic as me."

"I don’t want to be the sloppy seconds of being Mrs. Perry." I said in confidence. His face expression changed and I just smile. I wanted to laugh but I held that back but ended up losing. He just glared at me. "Go work your Perry magic." I shooed him out of the kitchen and watched him head to Leia.

This should be an easy twenty bucks.

He crouched down next to her and I tried to listen to the conversation. "What’s wrong Nena? Did mommy yell at you?" Leia continued eating her cereal as if no one was talking to her. "How about this, you tell me what’s wrong and I’ll get you any toy you want." Silence. "Or anything you want?"

"What’s wrong with you and Carolina?" She asked.

Did she just call me by first name?! The kid is asking for someone to slap her.

"I can’t answer that baby." He caressed her cheek. She stayed quiet and went back to her cereal. He put his head down then got up and walked back to the kitchen. I put my hand out and he gave me the twenty dollar bill.

"Some Perry ‘magic’ you have." I laughed in an atrocious way.

"At least I tried. That’s what counts." He leaned back on the other corner of the kitchen counter.

"You tried but failed to succeed." I smiled.

"Neither did you."

Then my smile went away. "She’ll come around to me first. Guaranteed. We’re both girls and I’m her mother." I smiled while popping a grape in my mouth.

"Haven’t you ever heard of the phrase 'daddy’s little girl'?"

"Indeed I have, but you see, I bathe her 95% of the time, feed her 95% of the time, have long conversations with her every day and when you're gone, I dance with her, bake with her, play with her and the list goes on." I counted them with my fingers with a wide smile on my face.

"You see, Mrs. Hernandez," he stepped toward me. "When you’re at work, I do all of that AND watch Star Wars with them. We know all the entire character’s name besides the ones you know." He continued walking to me. "We recite the lines on each movie AND she knows what Jabba the Hutt says." He stopped in front of me then placed his hands on either side of the counter near my thighs. His eyes never left mine. "I bet you didn't know that."

I grinned and stare at his brown eyes.

"Star wars will always be our movie. Something you'll never have with them since you hate it."

"Correction, abhor it."

"Right," he leaned in to kiss me and all these feelings rush in my head. Happiness, confusion, shock. My heart pounded inside me but he stopped himself before our lips could even meet. Grr. He stepped away from me and headed out the kitchen. "Let's go!"

Now I’m filled with sadness again.

"Nick, Leia, let’s get you two changed."

Leia got up from her seat, carried her plate to the kitchen and dropped it in the sink. She then headed to her room. I picked up Nick and took him to the room but the door seemed to be locked.

"Leia, I need to change Nick." I knocked on the door but she didn't say anything. I knocked again and she continued to not respond. "Nicole. Open the door."

Nick knocked on the door, "Nicole open the door now!"

I smiled at him and kissed his soft cheek. We wait a few more seconds. I looked down the hall when I heard Tony’s footsteps. "She won’t open the door."

"Leia!" He shouted then walked to her door and knocked. "Open up princess. We have to go."

We heard something fall and started to worry. "Are you okay baby?" I pressed my ear to the door and tried to listen to what she was doing inside.

"Okay, we’re gonna leave you here alone with the mons–"

She opened the door and we saw her dressed in different clothes. Surprisingly, she matched. She just needed her socks and shoes. But apparently she wanted to wear her sandals since her sock drawer was too high for her to reach.

She left her room then walked to the living room to sit down. Tony and I watched and then looked at each other.

"See, Perry magic."

"Ah!" I pretend to be amazed.

I changed Nick while Tony loaded the bags into his car. It didn't take long before we made our way to the car. Leia got inside by herself and buckled up. She didn't need or want our assistance. I wondered how long would she act this way.

I climbed inside and then Tony started the car. He put on his seat belt and looked in the rear view mirror and stared at the kids. "Are you guys ready?"

Nick shook his up and down. Leia continued looking out the window. Tone put the car in reverse and we head down south of California. He put music on but the car was in total silence. An uncomfortable silence that annoyed me.

In two hours we arrived at the woods. Nick was asleep but Leia wasn't. She was still grumpy. We got off the car and left the back door opened while we took out the tents. Leia stood inside the car—not bothering to get out or help.

"Read the instructions before building the tent." I told Tony before he threw the little booklet away like he did to everything that he bought. He thought by doing it himself will make him manlier. He sucked at everything besides playing the guitar. True fact. Okay, well maybe not everything but you get my point. He won’t be able to fix the tent without the manual.

"I can do it by myself."

See.

"Okay then. Suit yourself." I grabbed a part of the tent to help him. But he just looked at it.

"I don’t need that yet."

"You need this to build that thing." I told him.

"That goes last."

Motherfucker.

"No it doesn't. I know how to build tents."

"You never even went camping." I commented.

"How would you know that? You ignored me part of high school."

"All I'm saying is that men ar–"

"Don’t start with the male bullshit." I put my hands on my hips.

"Because you know it’s true."

"I’ll have you know, it’s proven that women are smarter than male. They listen and get the job done the right way." I informed him.

"$50 says I build the tent within ten minutes."

"You’re on. I’ll be sitting in the car waiting for you to call my name for help." I got my phone out and put the timer on. "10 minutes starting....now."

He worked right away while I walked back to the car and sat down on the passenger seat.

The next five minutes, the poles of the tent kept falling off. I snickered as he got frustrated. Another five minutes passed by and he was almost done building it. When his time was up I didn't stop him. I just ate a protein bar and read a magazine I brought along.

"Done! Told you I got this." He smiled and tried to be all smart and shit. He put both fists in the air. I let him have his moment of victory before I put my hand up and showed him the timer.

It read 15 minutes 38 seconds and 49 milliseconds.

"Bullshit."

I got up, walked towards him and put my hand out. "Cough up my Grant."

"You added more minutes just so you can win." He pointed at me.

"You don't trust me?"

"No, you fucked my best friend." I pointed out. I gave him the most nastiest glare ever. "'Don't even get mad over that. Remember what Dr. Smith said.' " he mimicked me in a stupid girl voice. "'I’m just testing how much you can hold back your an–' "

"Ya callate," I muttered in spanish and he chuckled. (Just shut up).

We heard Leia gasp to the side of us. We whipped our heads to her direction and the tent collapsed on top of her. I laughed out loud and put my hand up for my money. Tony slapped the fifty on my hand and headed towards Leia and the tent.

"Shall I teach you how it’s done? Or do you want to take my advice and read the manual?" I helped him get the tent off of Leia. Leia got even more mad so Tony and I erupted into laughter.

"IT’S NOT FUNNY!" She yelled and started to cry. Tony tried picking her up but she ran away from him before he could even grab her. She went inside the car and continued crying.

I continued laughing hard and he did the same.

"You’re so mean," he said during his laugh.

"You have to admit that was funny," I held my stomach and he made his way to me.

"Now she’s not gonna talk to us even more." We looked at the car and we saw her crying on her car seat.

"Oh she’ll forget about it tomorrow." I looked back at Tony and he looked at me with a smile. That smile that I haven’t seen in a while. I really missed seeing it.

The wind started to blow and my hair got all over my face and in different directions. Tone removed some of my hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. Then, with his fingers, he trailed my skin down my neck and cupped it with his hand. My smile left and I pressed my lips together while looking into his chocolate brown eyes. His face started to get closer to mine and I got pulled in. I slowly closed my eyes but once again he stopped himself from kissing me…leaving me upset.

"We should probably..."

"Yeah," I replied, stepping away from him and heading to the car.

We tried opening her door but she ended up locking it like she did back home. Right when she looked up, she turned the other way. Tony pulled the handle from the driver’s door, but he forgot his car auto-locks. We knocked on her window and try convincing her to open the doors but she pretended we didn’t exist.

"Leia, open the door." Tony ordered her but she just ignored us.

"It’s not funny Leia. Open the door!" I raised my voice but she continued to ignore us.

"You’re gonna get grounded if you don’t open the door right now!"

Then it occurred to me, "Don’t you have the keys?"

He stopped knocking then looked at me. He reached into his pockets and I heard the keys dangling inside. I smiled and shook my head. "Hernandez magic!" I faked my excitement which made him chuckle.

"I feel stupid."

I laughed and walked to the tent. "Shall we let her think we don’t have the keys?"

"I don’t see why not. Let’s build this tent so we can lie down. I’m still tired."

I stopped him from walking over to the tent. "Let a woman show you how it’s done." I grabbed the poles and pulled them out of the cloth material. He stood still. I looked up at him and smiled. "Tony, would you like to help me so you’ll know that I was right all the time?"

"HA! We’re supposed to do this together."

We built the tent without fighting. I just made jokes that got him mad. I found it entertaining. I’m actually surprised that we were working together and getting along. Camping was probably a good idea. I should thank Dr. Smith on our next session.

We finished up and then stepped away from the tent. "You go in first so it doesn't fall on me."

"Wanna bet again?" I smiled at him, placing my hands on my hips.

He glared at me in a playful way. "You just want my money."

"You’re the one making bets with me. So far you lost $70 within a few hours." I beamed at him.

"Okay, when we go fishing, I bet you $50 that I’ll catch the first fish."

"That’s not fair. I don’t know how to fish."

"Didn't you said you used to camp?"

"Camp! Not fish. I don't even know how to hold a fishing rod."

"Give me your hand." He put his hand out in front of me.

"Why?"

"Just give me your hand." He said again. I put my hand on his and he shook it. "There. We made the bet already."

"JERK!" I pushed him away from me while he laughed and unzipped the tent. He walked in and placed his arms up to guard his head. I laughed at him for being a dork.

"Toss me the keys so I can get the sleeping bags and blankets."

He tossed them to me behind his back and I caught them. I walked back to the car and opened the trunk. I grabbed the things and check on Leia and Luke. They were both asleep. I walked back to Tony and put the things down. I then went to grab the rest. Tony laid down and closed his eyes. I got the kids one by one and laid them down on the tent next to Tony. I then join them after fixing everything.

"What shall we do today?" He asked in his raspy tired voice. His eyes were closed.

"Hunting." It's the first word that came out of my mouth.

"What are we gonna hunt for?"

"You."

He chuckled, "You can hunt me down. I’ll be your prize." He scratched his belly and smiled.

I didn’t say anything because there wasn't anything to say. So I closed my eyes and took a nap.


I awake in two hours with a pair of arms around me and someone snoring in my hair. For a minute, I didn’t do anything about it but then I remembered we haven’t been that close in quite a while. It actually felt great to be wrapped in his arms. I missed the feeling. Is it possible to stay like this forever? If not, can time please stop for a year or eternity?

I searched around the tent for Nick and Leia. Nick smiled at me and crawled to me. I pulled him closer to me and kissed the top of his head. Leia was still asleep. She looked like she would wake up in a few minutes or so. Hopefully she wasn’t still mad at Tony and I because it was getting annoying and it’s not fun to camp with the whole family if she was just gonna ignore us and not participate on anything.

"I’m hungry." Nick informed me as he played with my fingers.

"What do you want to eat? A bear, a lion, a wolf? Or your dad?"

He giggled, "No. You can’t eat daddy."

"Why not?" I whispered with a smile.

"Cause we need daddy."

"How about we eat you?" I made biting noises and started tickling him. He laughed out loud and moved around which caused Tony and Leia to stretch out and change positions on the floor.

"Shhhh," he told me with one finger on his lip. “You’ll wake up daddy and Leia.”

"Okay," I whispered back. "Let's go get some wood to make food."

He got up and waited for me to. We walked out the tent and walked around in search for wood to build a fire. Tony woke up and got out the tent to helped us. He grinned when he caught sight of Nick and I putting the wood on the fire pit.

We made some food we had brought along from the store and then ate. Tony wanted to hike but we couldn't go since Leia was still ignoring us. So we decided to go fishing in the lake in front of us. Tony handed me a fishing rod but I just stared at him.

"How do you even hold this?"

"Be careful, they’re Vic’s and he will kill me if you break it." Tony warned me.

"What makes you think I’ll break?" I frowned. He walked behind me and with his hands, he placed them on top of mine and guided me. His head was sitting on my shoulder and I could feel the vibrations of his voice on my body. He slipped out a "babe" and I couldn't help but smile like a little teenage girl.

Once I got the hang of the fishing rod, he put his hands on my waist and watched me throw the hook to the lake. We got really focused on the fishing that he forget that he was ever mad at me. He snaked his arms around me and watched me fish. He laid his chin on top of my shoulder while I hoped to catch a fish today. It would make me happier than I already am.

Unfortunately, I sucked at fishing or the fishes didn’t like me because I haven’t caught a fish after fifteen minutes.

Tony’s rod was being pulled and he started reeling it in. Nick and I watched him. He thought it was a big one and we all started to get happy and filled with suspense.

“Hurry daddy!” Nick shouted with a big smile on his adorable face.

“Here it comes!” he shouted in excitement. He finally pulled the fish out and Nick began jumping up and down. I spotted Leia glancing over at us and wanting to join in. She’ll soon give up and join us. I could feel it.

The fish that Tony caught wasn’t too big or too small. He caught a fish before me so I had to give back his fifty dollar bill. Once Leia saw how much fun we were having, she decided to join us. I was right. She was talking again. It put a smile on my face. She went to Tony while Nick and I were in the other side of the lake.