Love Like a Tidal Wave

Ever since we went camping, Tony and I haven’t argued. Well, not like before. We still held it in. The tension between us has decreased. Not too much but the therapy sessions were working and I was a bit content. But the thought of our second court date approaching soon only scared me. He hasn’t said anything about calling the divorce off but I doubt he will. I knew he still thought I cheated on him on purpose and I knew he hasn’t asked Mike yet. Like I've said before, I wasn't going to force him to talk to Mike. Maybe I’ll try getting Mike to talk to him but then Tony will get mad at me and we’re going to start back to the cold shoulder routine and I don’t want that. I’d like to stick where we are right now and hopefully improve on our trust.

It’s still not the same as before because he continued to live with Jaime. As for talking, we converse here and there but it was just about the children or decisions we planned on making. Like always, he made them. We still needed to work on that. And work on everything else. But I kept telling myself baby steps. I don’t want to rush it and make a mistake.

There was a little part of me—deep down in my heart—that had hope that our marriage will survive and stay strong. I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but I’m gonna hold on to that small piece of hope and see where it takes me. I know I've said I was giving up but we almost kissed a couple of times this past week. We just need to re-spark the candle between us so we can finally have our happily ever after. A big happy family of four is what I'm hoping will be the result after all this.

We ended up going to the counseling session together and that was something new to experience. Even Dr. Smith smiled when she saw me and Tony walking in together in her office. Her face lit up and we sat down on the couch. Not much of a big gap between us but there was still some space. But hey, we’re not in a bitchy mood. Well, I’m not. He still hates me...well by now dislikes me.

One step at a time.


Dr. Smith

“I’m guessing you two did your homework last week?” I crossed my leg over the other and examined the couple sitting across from me. They didn’t look mad like they always did. At least Carolina didn’t seem upset. Tony wasn’t making that face he always made when he sat down, so it’s a good sign.

“We indeed do our homework.” Tony responded.

“The communicating and listening?”

“Yes,” Carolina replied with a grin. Seemed like they did do their homework. Excellent.

“How was the camping?” I said as I wrote down on my notepad.

“She couldn’t catch a fish.” Tony began. “When she reeled one in and then grabbed it, she screamed and dropped it back into the lake. It was funny because that happened about three times until she gave up.”

He was smiling!

“They’re slimy and slippery. But I swear, next time I go fishing, I’ll make sure to grab that sucker without letting it fall back into the lake.”

“Well that is really great to hear. I’m glad both of you enjoyed a no-fighting weekend with the family.” I beamed at them.

“I tried my best.” She rubbed her hands together.

“I’m sure you did. I don’t feel the negativity tension as strong as before. Let’s get started in our session. Shall we?” They nodded their heads. I adjusted myself on my seat before starting. “We're going to start with the past in today’s session. Your childhood, relationships and family. Mr. Perry, what type of home did you grow up in?”

“Well, my dad passed away when I was little so I grew up with no father. My mom and I moved in with my aunt and uncle while she worked overtime to help support me. I only saw her for a few minutes so my aunt and uncle were kinda my parents.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He half grinned and looked around the room. I could sense that he didn’t like to talk about that subject so I jot it down. "And you Mrs. Hernandez?"

She didn’t look at me. She didn’t say a word. She didn’t even move a muscle. I waited for to answer but since it was silent, I figured she didn’t want to talk about it either. So I started to move on but her voice beat me to it.

"Christina is a promiscuous woman. My dad worked at the international airport in Phoenix, Arizona so he was always gone and traveling. They constantly fought whenever he got home from work since she wasn’t performing her role as a ‘mother.’ She cheated on my dad various times while I witness many of them. It's like she didn't care if me and brother saw her with different guys every night or week.

"As for her being a ‘mother’, she didn't care if we were home or not. I had the opportunity to do whatever I want without getting in trouble by her, but when my dad was around, she put on an act and started becoming a ‘mother.’ She started lecturing me about my ears and hair and just about everything. But once he was gone, she’d go back to being careless. She'd leave the house and wouldn't come back until she felt like it.” Carolina’s eyes started to glisten and I saw the tears wanting to come out. Her voice became softer too. “The day I got my lip pierced I got raped. I found Christina in bed with some other guy and I never told her what happened. I thought she would care but by the looks of it, she wouldn’t. My dad divorced her and we flew to San Diego to start a new life while my brother stayed with my aunt. That's the kind of home I grew up in.”

Mother issues, I wrote down on her side of the notes. It’s the whole reason why she didn’t want to get an abortion back then. She loved the dream she had about the little girl when she was pregnant and that made her want to have the kid even more. She pictured herself being a better mother than her own mother. She didn’t want Leia to be miserable like she was. All she wanted was for her mother to love her but she never got that.

“What was your view on marriage after your parents’ divorce?”

She continued looking down and I saw the tear drop down to her cheek. "I never wanted to get married since then." She looked up at me. "I was afraid to even be in a relationship because I didn't want to have sex or have that person cheat on me. I didn’t want to experience any of that. I still have my dad's hurt expression tattooed in my head." She shook her head as another tear fell from her eye. She wipes it away with her hand and looked away.

I noted that she was sensitive about her past. I also noted that she was still traumatized. She feared being touched again since she got raped. She wanted to stop being traumatized so she agreed with Tony’s favor back in high school, but since that day, she only had sex with Tony and only Tony. She didn’t want anyone else touching her but Tony because he already had and she was used to it. If she was to have sex with someone else, it wouldn’t go according to plan. She would feel uncomfortable and she would start thinking back to that day. I trusted Carolina when she said she didn’t cheat purpose. Tony should be aware of that, but knowing his personality, he won’t get it through his head. Hopefully after hearing that, Tony will at least reconsider his opinion about Carolina and Mike.

Another thing that I got out of her story was that she feared abandonment. Perhaps that was the whole reason why she didn’t want to get divorce because she felt that the people she was supposed to love are getting thrown out of her life—first her mother and now Tony. Those are two of the most important relationships everyone was supposed to keep—their parents’ and their loved ones. Hearing about her past, she didn’t want to get intimate with anybody else. Tony got her out of her bubble and now that he was divorcing her, she was going to refuse to start all over again. She would probably go back to the way she was before Tony came back into her life. She would have a negative thought about commitment again. That was something I didn’t want her to think. She had to know that all relationships weren’t perfect. One has to learn and live.

“The relationship you witnessed from your parents—and the day you got...raped—changed your views about relationships, correct?”

“Yes.” She answered.

“Have you had any boyfriends before your departure from Arizona?”

“No.”

“Have you had any boyfriends or partners since your arrival to California—besides Mr. Perry?”

She shook her head. “He’s basically my first boyfriend, my first serious relationship. I’ve went out to eat with a few guys but that was basically it. I never kissed them or went on a second date. I wasn’t very fond of attachment until Tony made me change my perspective.”

Carolina had commitment issues in the past. That’s the whole reason why she didn’t want to be in a relationship with Tony in the first place because of her parents’ marriage. That was also the reason why she refused to be his girlfriend and refused to marry him the first time he proposed to her. The thought of Tony deceiving her is tattooed in her head. Every girl’s dream is to fall in love and have the wedding of their dreams, but back then, Carolina didn’t. She thought by having that sexual relationship with Tony would be enough. But since they both caught feelings for each other, she only wanted to settle down with being “boyfriend/girlfriend” not a married couple. Saying yes to Tony’s proposal was a huge step for her.

I turned to her husband and his face was filled with guilt. He was thinking about something; something that he did or witnessed that he didn’t want to say anything because he knew Carolina was vulnerable right now. Maybe he was feeling guilty for wanting to divorce her?

“Tony, what were your past relationships like?”

His facial expression changed, “In the beginning, they were short and brief.”

"Can you elaborate on that?"

His mood went back to the way it was on our first few sessions. I took a note on that. "Once I had sex with them, I ended the relationship. I didn't take any of my relationships serious so I cheated on all of them when they wouldn’t give in."

“Up until you met Stephanie, right? The ‘short and brief’ part.”

“Correct.” He stated.

“Do you consider her your first serious relationship?”

“Yes. But it didn't work out, obviously.” His tone of voice changed and that was my cue to stop talking about his previous relationships. He was very touchy about that subject but I want more information about his past relationships to figure out what he was like back then.

“And why was that? Can you explain to me what didn’t work out in your relationship with Stephanie?”

He took a moment to speak, “It wasn’t a stable relationship. Always arguing, always cheating and there wasn’t any trust or commitment. I just wanted to get out of that relationship so I can enjoy life again.”

So his story is a bit familiar to Carolina’s. He didn’t take any relationships serious until he found that one girl that made him change his perspective about love. I’m assuming he fell in love with Stephanie but they ended up hurting each other so he gave up on love but then Carolina came back in his life and he developed feelings for her. But since Carolina and his best friend ended up kissing, he thought it was going to be the whole Stephanie relationship again. That’s not a very good thing.

Both these couples had commitment issues in the past and if their marriage ends, they will go back to their old ways. I, for one, think they were destined to be together. They both grew up with only one parent and both experienced the “commitment issue” thing before they fell in love with each other.

I didn’t need to ask any more questions. Their stories had answered them for me already. So I cut the session short.


Tony

Thinking about everything that was said in that session made me realize many things:
1. Carolina might not have cheated on purpose. She sounded so sad and hurt after hearing what she had to say.
2. I have to remind myself that she’s not Stephanie. She’s not gonna hurt me the way Steph did. I don’t want my relationship with Carolina to turn out like my relationship with Stephanie.
3. I’m mad at Carolina and I don’t trust her because of my previous relationship. Once Stephanie cheated on me that was it. Our relationship went to the gutter. That’s exactly what’s happening right now. That shouldn’t be happening.
4. I have to talk to Mike. It could have been accidental. Whether it was or not, the answer will help me pick a solution for all this.

We left the office and headed to my car. Her tear stains were on her cheek so I handed her a Kleenex when we climb in the car. We drove to our house and I contemplated whether or not I should hold her hand for comfort or just keep my distance until I talked to Mike. We were still married and she needed a hug right now. I’m supposed to be there for her. So I grabbed her hand from her lap and gave it a squeeze. I didn’t look at her; I just drove to our house.

We reached our driveway and I stopped the engine. We stayed in the car for a moment before climbing out. I walked around the head of the car and waited for her. She looked up at me. I fixed my hat and pulled her in for a hug—something we haven’t really done in a long time.

She gripped my shirt and I pulled her in closer. I rubbed her back soothingly and stayed there for a few minutes. I knew she didn’t like to talk about her past. It was a hard subject for her and I honestly didn’t like her past either. It upset me.

“I’m gonna stay with you tonight, okay?” I whispered to her and she nodded her head while I heard her sniffling. I fixed her hair when we pulled away and smiled at her. “Everything is going to be alright. Okay?” She smiled back, nodding and we headed inside.

“Do you know what Leia drew today in school?” Feena approached us and crossed her arms under her chest. I looked behind her and saw Luke on his tricycle in the backyard. Leia had her crayons and markers all over the floor. She was on the ground and drawing.

“What did she draw?” Carolina asked.

“I’ll let you see it instead.” She walked to the kitchen and came back with a medium size poster paper and hand it to us.

I didn’t really know what I was looking at. It looked like two people—a boy and girl—they looked like they were hugging…in a square box that is supposed to look like a bed because there’s a window and curtains and oh my fucking gosh.

I looked up at Feena and she looked amused. “I had her explain to me what this was and she said wrestling: a Queen and a King wrestle. She said she’s not allowed to wrestle because her dad doesn’t want her to.”

We flushed red and I took the drawing away and folded it into my back pocket. Carolina laughed and crouched down on the floor and kissed Leia.

“Well she can’t wrestle at all. I won’t allow it. Maybe when she’s 32 or something.” I informed Feena and she laughed.

“I should get going. Ricky will be home in a few hours and I want to cook him something.”

“Thanks for picking the kids up and watching them.”

“Hey, they’re family.” She smiled. Carolina thanked her and gave her a hug. “Pues yo ya me voy. Adios chula y chulo!” She ran to Leia and attacked her with kisses. Luke came in and hugged her. She then exit the house.

“Are you hungry?” Carolina asked me.

“Huh? Oh yeah.” I grinned. “I’m gonna get a few things from Jaime’s house. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” She smiled. I was so used to kissing her before I left but I didn’t this time. It would have been awkward and I didn’t think we were ready yet. I just walked out the house and climbed back inside my car.

I pulled up to Vic and Mike’s driveway and cut the engine off. I haven’t seen Mike since that night I pounded him to the floor. I’ve talked to Vic and band practice changed. I didn’t want to work around Mike. But things were going to change soon.

I saw Daniel outside smoking a cig. He waved at me and I waved back. I got off my car then walked towards him on the porch. "Is Shapiro home?"

“Nah, he left to some meeting. I haven't seen you around.” He took a drag from his cigarette and blew the smoke in the air.

“I had court and...meetings.” I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t even want to be here but I had to. I’m doing this because it’s the right thing and I wanted to fix my marriage. “I'm gonna go inside and get a beer—if you don't mind."

He stepped aside and gestured me to the opened door. “Go right ahead.”

I walked right in and the first thing I found was Mike and Casey playing pool and drinking beer. Mike's smile dropped at the sight of my presences. He froze and just stared at me–feeling scared. There were probably a lot of things rushing in his head because when I walked near him, he took a step away. I found that intriguing.

“Look man, I haven't been around Carolina since that night. She visited me once bu—”

I cut him off before he continued. “I’m not here to fight with you. I just need to talk to you about that.”

“I didn’t have sex with her. I swear.”

That night came back to my mind and I got angry. “Your dick was hanging out after I pulled you off her.” My voice got louder after hearing his lie. I got closer to the pool table and Mike stood still—trying to put on a tough act. Caveman just stared at us and took a drink out of his Blue Moon bottle.

Getting irritated, Mike stepped closer to me. “I was about to fuck her but you pulled me away before I could! I didn't fuck your wife for the last time!”

My heart started to increase and I felt my face getting red but I thought about what the psychologist had told me so I held back my shouting and took a deep breath until I calmed down.

“I just want to hear your side of the story. That's all. I'm not gonna yell and I'm not going to hit you. I just need to know what happen. The truth Mike. You owe me that.”

“You have a short temper. Anything I tell you about that night will only upset you and make you want to kill me. So no. I'm not going to tell you anything from that night. You're just gonna have to trust me that I didn’t sleep with her.”

"Trust you?!” My eyes were wide opened and I was pointing at him. “Because of you, my marriage is being destroyed! If you would have kept your fucking dick inside your pants, I wouldn't be getting divorced to the love of my life!”

I failed at holding back my anger. I couldn’t. Mike was right. Remembering that night just pissed me off and I couldn't hold back. It's impossible. Who would stay calm when their best friend fucked your spouse? NOT ME.

I have the right to know his story and if he doesn't tell me, he'll be getting stitches again on his head. I will guarantee that.

“That’s your problem.”

Without thinking, I pushed him hard against the wall—causing the picture frames to fall to the ground. I had Mike pinned on the wall. My arm was across his neck, putting pressure so he wasn’t able to breathe properly. His hands were trying to pull my arm away but I continued putting pressure. His face was getting redder and he was getting angrier.

I heard Case say something and tried pulling me off of Mike but I shouted at him to stay out of it.

“If you don’t fucking tell me what happened that night I swear you’ll be waking up at a hospital bed with all these cast around your limbs and never be able to play the drums ever again. Now fucking tell me the truth before I make that threat come true, Mike.”

“Let. Go. Of. Me.” He grunted.

“Are you gonna tell me? Because if you lie Mike, you will regret ever kissing my wife.”

“Alright! I’ll tell you!” He said through his clenched teeth. I let go and he rubbed his throat and turned around. He started coughing and breathing heavily. I gave him a minute before letting him speak up.

“Do you really want to know how your wife seduced me!?”

“She was fucking drunk Mike! You seduce sluts all the time so don't fucking tell me getting drunk doesn't make you horny!" I took a deep breath and then continued. “Please. Just tell me. She doesn't remember what happened and I just need to know the truth from you since you were the only one lucid. I don't want to make this big mistake because I didn't trust her. Just do this favor for me and I’ll leave you alone.”

Well, I managed to stay calm on that last part. Improving....right?

Rubbing his throat, he finally talked. “She was calling her drink ‘apple juice’ which proved she was drunk. I started walking her to my truck so Vic and I can take care of her until she sobered up so she could drive home. But she started talking out of her ass. She then kissed me when we got to my truck. I couldn't get myself to push her away. I couldn’t help but think she could have been mine this whole time. So I kissed her back. We just didn't have sex. I swear to God we didn't. You pulled me away before I can even fuck her.”

I cringed a few times but contained my anger. I waited for him to continue but it looked like he was done. I wanted to punch him but I refrained. So I just said, "Thank...you."

Do I trust him? I don't want to but I'm gonna have to. The point of all this was that Lina didn't cheat on me on purpose and Mike didn't fuck her. So there really isn't a reason for me to get divorced now. I should have trusted Carolina in the first place. I really should stop being stubborn and should start trusting my wife. This marriage counseling was gonna help me with that.

I'm a bit happy that I was wrong but I'm still hurt that Mike would do that. At least Carol promised she'd stop drinking a lot because she didn't want it to happen again.

This is really my fault. If I would have listened and trusted her when she said she told my mom about Stephanie was an accident, none of this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have been ignoring her, she wouldn't have gone to the bar and drowned herself in alcohol and Mike wouldn't have picked her up and kissed her. I'm always doing that to hurt her. I never listen and I never tried to solve the problems that occur in our relationship. I just felt like if I ignored them, they'd go away. But with this, I thought a divorce would solve the problem...but separating from the woman I love will only hurt me.

I vowed to love her and to always be by her side and I'm not even doing that. I’m a complete prick. I need to call off this divorce but something told me not to.

I walked out the house and stayed outside of the house for a few minutes…or hours. I don’t know what I was supposed to do. Just call my lawyer and tell her I didn’t want the divorce anymore because I certainly didn’t want to get divorced anymore? I love Carolina. She’s my wife. I’m her husband. We have two beautiful kids together. I don’t want to ruin that.

A knock on my window pulled me away from my profound thoughts. Vic was standing there with a big awkward smile and doing the peace sign with his hand. I opened the door and looked up at him. It was kinda weird since I was always looking down at him.

“Que haces?” He rubbed his hands together with that smile on his face.

“About to leave back home.”

“You look sad. Come on give it to me. I can handle it.” He put his hands out and signaled to spill whatever it was that clouded my mind. I smiled and looked at the black steering wheel.

“What do you think about my relationship with Carolina? Honest truth. Should I be getting divorced?”

He heaved a long sigh. I know I’ve been bugging him and the guys about her but they’re my best friends, my brothers. That’s the whole reason why they’re my friends, to help me with my problems or get through them.

“I think she’s the one for you. You guys have that connection and compatibility whether or not what went down a few weeks ago. I know you’re hurting but you love her and she loves you. You have to believe what she tells you. That’s the whole reason why you two got married. Confide in one another. Mike told you his side of the story and so did Carolina. You’re just too stubborn to believe the truth. That won’t get you anywhere. You know deep down that you don’t want this divorce because I know Carolina doesn’t want it. I can see it all over your face.”

He was right. Vic Fuentes was always right. When is he ever wrong?

“Hi Tony.” Cara came by with a smile on her face.

Oh yeah. He’s wrong about her.

She was holding Mason in her arms. He looked just like Vic except his eyes weren’t brown.

I didn’t like Cara. Ever since she cheated on Vic and got pregnant by the other douche, I despised her but I can’t argue with Vic on why he took her back because that would make me a hypocrite.

Ainsley ran out of the car and headed inside the house. Cara shouted at her and turned her attention back to us. I looked at Mason and he cooed which brought a smile on my face. It reminded me how happy I was when I had Leia in my arms the day she was born. So tiny and now she’s tall and walking.

“Hi.” I finally said back to her, still having a straight face on. “Well, I gotta go back to my kids. I’ll see you tomorrow at the studio.”

Vic picked up Mase from Cara’s arms and gave me a bro hand shake. He then pointedat me. “Tomorrow at five. Don’t be late. I have some ideas up my sleeves for that song we’re writing.”

“I won’t! Bye Mason.” I cooed at him while playing with his tiny hand. He giggled and kicked his feet everywhere. I chuckled and closed the car door and drove back home.

I arrived home in the evening and smelled the enchiladas that Carolina made. A sudden smile appeared on my lips and I walked to the kitchen. She was flipping the tortilla in the pan and smiled when she saw me.

“How many would you like?” She spoke softly to me.

“Five would be nice.”

“Fatty.”

I rubbed my stomach. “I have a beer belly. It’ll go away soon.”

She giggled and put the tortilla with chile on the plate with the others. I walk to the living room and sat down on the couch. I removed my shoes and sat back. I was pretty tired. Luke came and handed me Perry the platypus. He smiled and I took it from his hands.

“Come here, you.”

He climbed the couch and laid his head on my arm. Leia came by and rushed to me. She then joined me and Luke—only she was leaning on my other arm. It wasn’t long before my food was ready. I picked up Luke with one hand and move him around in the air. He giggled and held on to my wrist. Leia was tracing my princess Leia tattoo on my arm like she always did.

I sat Luke back down and got off the couch to eat. While I ate, Carolina sat on the chair next to me and read a magazine. We had some small conversations but they made me happy inside—despite that they were short. I insulted her just to see her smile and hear her laugh. I happened to miss that.

I finished eating and she took my plate from the table. I grabbed her wrist and stopped her from leaving. “I’ll wash my plate.”

She scoffed, “Tony Perry wants to wash his plate?”

I smiled, “Anyone can wash their plate. Leia knows how.”

“Because I taught her. You just leave them in the dishwasher without putting soap. I like to do it the old fashion and wash them myself.”

“Then what’s the point of having a dishwasher?”

“For lazy people.” She smiled with her eyes closed. I chuckled and followed her to the kitchen. I helped her wash my plates while I said stupid jokes to her.

It got late so the kids went to bed. I walked into our bedroom and watches her read a book. The night lamp was on and she was wearing her glasses. She looked cute with them on. I walked to the bed and laid down next to her while looking up at her. “What are you reading?”

“Some romance novel that Feena left for me to check out.”

“What’s it about? Besides the corny and frilly shit.”

She chuckled, “The guy cheats on his girlfriend who has cancer. He can’t let her go but he just continues cheating on her and she thinks he’s ‘working’. So like the next few chapters…” I just wanted to hear her voice. I didn’t really care what the book was about. So I just smiled as she continued talking. “...he proposes to her and she says yes. And so far she’s planning the wedding but she feels like there’s something that he’s trying to hide from her.”

“Mmm.” I took the book from her hands and closed it. I put it on her side of the night stand and turned off her lamp. I could feel her looking at me with a smile. I put my arm around her torso and pulled her towards me, her back against my chest. Our legs intertwined and I buried my head on the nape of her neck. I closed my eyes and breathe in the scent of her shampoo on her hair.
“I missed you.” I whispered to her and I felt her freeze.

“I missed you too, Tony.”