Not Like the Movies

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. --Unknown

"How are you feeling today, Louis?" I looked over to the gray haired man who, like every time I was here, would hold his black pen between his thumb and pointer finger and slowly spin it around in a circle.

I wasn't sure why he kept asking me that stupid question. I figured the first time he asked me he would do his little note taking thing that he does and we'd be done with the question. But I was wrong. Every time I came into this boring white room I was asked the same thing.

"Same as always, I s'pose," I managed to get out. I turned my attention towards the window, staring intently at the bare tree. It's leaves had gone farely quickly this year and for some bizarre reason I felt like the tree was me. Like it's leaves, I had somehow lost all of the people and things that I loved and wanted to hold onto. I had to be there alone and watch my leaves flutter through the wind.

"Anything you want to talk about specifically?" he asked me, catching my attention for a brief moment. When he questioned me like this, I never knew what to say. My mum told me I should try to make conversation with the man to make the time go by quicker.

"Why is it that in all of those movies that everyone loves, the couples always end up happy? It's like no matter what happens to them during the movie at the very end there perfectly content and in love. Why is that?" I questioned randomly, eyeing him as I shifted in the leather seat.

"Well, I suppose us humans like to know that there is some sort of romance in the world. They like to know that no matter what's happening in their lives they can still look at this on screen couple and know everything will work out." he spoke, slowly. I hated that. I hated how slowly he talked. It only reminded me of Harry and I did not want that.

"But that isn't what happens though. People don't end up happily together. They end up separated, and one's happy while the other feels like complete shit. So why would they lead the world on? Why can't they just end the movie with the two breaking up since that's what happens anyway." I responded angrily.

"Have you ever thought about the idea that maybe things will eventually turn out okay?" he asked curiously.

"No, because that would be a lie." I told him.

"Oh but Louis, you don't know what the future holds. You could find another love, someone better than Sarah." I could feel the anger course through my body. How dare he. He had know idea what it was like.

"The future holds nothing because without Sarah I have no fucking future! Don't you get that? Sarah is my only love. I'm never going to love again. I am not some stupid idiot in a Nicholas Sparks movie who finds some wonderful lady to whisk off into my chariot. I had Sarah and now I don't. I'm alone and I will never find someone again." I huffed. I stood up and without a farewell slammed the door shut.

I hated this place. I didn't understand what the point of sending me here was. This wasn't therapy to me. Therapy was suppose to make you feel better, help you. But this place just reminded me of how lonely I really was. I needed out of here.

I hurried down the plain, empty hallways and out the door. I didn't feel like driving though, knowing fully well that the car would only make me think of her.

I began wandering down the sidewalk unsure of where I was going. I didn't know where I wanted to go, I just knew I needed away from that god damn place.

I walked for what felt like thirty minutes before I came across a small park I had never heard of. I decided to walk through it, hoping the scenery would clear my mind. Sarah always said that nature walks were best when you had a full mind.

As I walked down the paved sidewalk and began thinking of One Direction. It was funny how such a simple dream could be pushed aside so quickly.

It had been Sarah's idea that I take a break from touring. She told me I needed to see what it's like to stay in one place for a long period of time.

So I did. I remember telling the lads that I wanted a break. They had all agreed, that is except for Harry. He had been in denial about it for a couple weeks. I couldn't understand why he was so upset about it. It wasn't as if we were going to be done forever. But he kept muttering things about how tour got his mind off of 'her'.

At the time I thought he was speaking nonsense. Harry had never mentioned any 'her' in our conversations. Of course I didn't know at the time that that girl he had been muttering about was my soon to be wife.

I couldn't help but wonder to myself what would have happened if I hadn't listen to Sarah. If One Direction had continued would, Harry have gotten his mind off of her? Would the two of them still go behind my back? I'd like to think they wouldn't have. But there was some part of me deep down, that knew the truth.

No matter if the band was still together or not, the two of them would have still gone behind my back. And if it wasn't Harry, it would have probably been someone else.

I just couldn't understand though. Didn't she love me? Wasn't I enough for her, because she was plenty enough for me. How did it end up that I loved her more than she loved me?

"Excuse me!" I turned around to see a small boy, looking sheepishly at me. He reminded me of myself as a child with his brown hair and happy smile.

"I threw my ball up there, could you get it down for me?" I smiled weakly at the boy, before agreeing and walking over towards the tree.

The tree was barely taller than me so I effortlessly grabbed the black and white soccer ball that was stuck between the branches. "Here you are, buddy." the child smiled, and with a thank you and a laugh he was on his way.

I sighed as I watched him run around, chasing the ball. If only my life could be as simple as that child. If only I could just kick a ball around and be happy. If only I could be small again.