Sometimes...
46
I walked down the streets when I saw someone wave at me and I recognised him "Hey Heath!" I yelled over the road and he smiled at me "How's things?" "Good thanks, you?" he nodded at me "I gotta fly so I'll be seeing you soon Jenna!" he called back walking off and I smiled at him.
I was deep in thought when I heard someone "Jen!" they shouted and I turned around ready to explode only to see a grinning Brett Keisel "Okay so I see I interrupted a deep train of thought didn't I?" I shrugged at him and he scowled at me before sighing "Fancy going for a coffee, I'm sorry for calling you Jen?" he apologized and I nodded walking with him. As we sat down my phone rang and I saw Ben's picture flash up on the screen "Can't leave you alone for 5 minutes can he?" he joked and I nodded "He can wait" I grumbled as it went to voicemail and Brett looked at me.
"I have to check this" I stated dialing my voicemail, "Hey Baby, I'm going to go pick Bryony up and I'll cook dinner. I'll save you some for if you're hungry when you come back, look I know I've obviously upset you and we can talk when you get home. I'll be waiting, I love you!" I heard Ben say down the home before hanging up. "So is there a tension I'm picking up on?" I nodded and he carrie don talking about nonsense until it got to near the end of the coffee cup, "So are you going home or are we buying another?" he asked and I held out some money and he walked off himself.
"What's wrong then?" "He called me a housewife! A 'Housewife' Brett!" I snapped and he smiled "You are his little housewife, he doesn't mean anything mean by it. Ben adores you being his housewife, you can tell in his actions. He gets to the end of training and we're all grumpy and boring and he's all 'My Jenna will have dinner waiting for me and we'll just hang out' he visibly brags about you Jenna" he reasoned and I shook my head.
"I just snapped at him, I told him to...well it wasn't repeatable! It's just frustrating!" I growled and he looked at me over his coffee mug, "Why?" "Because I know what Ben means by it, I know what he wants" I said and he grinned "A baby?" "Yes! He wants kids, he thinks I'm a machine, I just...don't want that for myself" I admitted feeling awful. "Why?" "Look Ben wants kids, he knows I'm an only child and I was lonely as a child. If I'd had a brother or sister maybe my childhood would've been a bit easier, in his mind and so he wants more than just Bryony. Ben loves kids, always has done all the time I've known him he's been very...paternal!" I explained and Brett nodded.
"Is that a bad thing?" he quizzed and I shook my head drinking, "Far from it but I just...I wish we'd stuck to our plan in life" "Plan?" he said and I nodded. "We agreed to a plan, we would get married after his 2 season in the NFL and then we'd have a child. Then this all happened" I admitted and he smiled "Do you regret it?" "No! Sort of! I don't regret having Bryony, I regret that we were so young. If someone said you have Bryony now or not at all I'd have taken her then everytime but it was just...too much for us. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing anymore" I mumbled and he sighed.
"Look Jenna I love Hannah hanging out with you because I know you're a good girl, you don't mess about and that's great! But maybe you need to tell Ben that you just need some space, there's only one problem with you Jenna and that's that you're too old! I'm all ready to go hard or go home and you're all ready to go home and read bedtime stories, I get that you're a mom but sometimes sweetie you have to let your hair down! I think you guys just need a new plan" he reasoned and I shrugged.
"Anyway Ben is willing to follow your lead" "You know he's not as much of a pushover as you think" I laughed. "To us? No. To you? He's putty in your hands and he knows it. One look from you and he's all 'Okay Jenna, whatever you say'" he mocked and I grinned.
"Jenna its gone 7 don't you think you should head home?" I nodded standing up and I said bye walking home. I walked in to hear Ben reading to Bryony heading to her room, "Mommy!" she screamed and Ben looked at me "See I told you she'd be back before bedtime. Now it's time you went to bed, love you" Ben smiled kissing her forehead as I sat at his time talking to her after he'd left.
She was asleep by 8 and I walked out to see food at the table with Ben sat opposite, I sat picking the fork up eating slowly. "So we need to talk" he started and I nodded, "I'm sorry I snapped at you before I just got frustrated with you. I get that I am a housewife but I hate it Ben" "Jenna I don't mean it negatively, I like that I know you're here and will be whenever I get home. Why do you hate it?" he asked watching me eat.
"Because I'm more than that! I don't want to be forever in this house, I don't want to rely on you financially! I want to be independent and god knows you should be aware of how important independence is in my life" I snapped and he sighed.
"I'm sorry! What do you want?" "I want to go to work and have the job love, I went to college and I still can't use them skills! I am annoyed that the plan we worked in never happened!" I argued at him and he sat back. "I know but we did what we had to do! I have no regrets in my life at all Jenna, but I go regret that I potentially destroyed your dreams" he admitted and I looked up at him.
"It's not your fault! I wouldn't change Bryony but I just feel like I list chances, we never got to be normal college kids and I just miss what I didn't have" I reasoned feeling tears in my eyes and Ben's fingers intertwined with mine. "Jenna we're not dead and gone yet! We can still have that life if we want it! I get you feel the pressure more and I guess me getting on your back for more kids doesn't help you, if I say we wait another 6 months and talk then will that help?" he asked and I nodded looking at him.
"I just feel like you missed out as a kid because you were an only child and maybe it was easier for your parents to separate because there was one child and mine stuck it out because there was more of us. I just don't want to lose you and her" he reasoned and I smiled at him. "My parents were incompatible that's why they separated. We're not like them, for one they argued constantly and we rarely do! We ain't leaving!" I reassured and he nodded. "I still worry that you will, you're bright and everything someone could want and I'm a fool who is away from home a lot. I worry okay" "Well don't! I'm sorry" I offered and he grinned "Me too baby, now come on let's go to bed" he said kissing my hand as he got up taking my plate away.
I was deep in thought when I heard someone "Jen!" they shouted and I turned around ready to explode only to see a grinning Brett Keisel "Okay so I see I interrupted a deep train of thought didn't I?" I shrugged at him and he scowled at me before sighing "Fancy going for a coffee, I'm sorry for calling you Jen?" he apologized and I nodded walking with him. As we sat down my phone rang and I saw Ben's picture flash up on the screen "Can't leave you alone for 5 minutes can he?" he joked and I nodded "He can wait" I grumbled as it went to voicemail and Brett looked at me.
"I have to check this" I stated dialing my voicemail, "Hey Baby, I'm going to go pick Bryony up and I'll cook dinner. I'll save you some for if you're hungry when you come back, look I know I've obviously upset you and we can talk when you get home. I'll be waiting, I love you!" I heard Ben say down the home before hanging up. "So is there a tension I'm picking up on?" I nodded and he carrie don talking about nonsense until it got to near the end of the coffee cup, "So are you going home or are we buying another?" he asked and I held out some money and he walked off himself.
"What's wrong then?" "He called me a housewife! A 'Housewife' Brett!" I snapped and he smiled "You are his little housewife, he doesn't mean anything mean by it. Ben adores you being his housewife, you can tell in his actions. He gets to the end of training and we're all grumpy and boring and he's all 'My Jenna will have dinner waiting for me and we'll just hang out' he visibly brags about you Jenna" he reasoned and I shook my head.
"I just snapped at him, I told him to...well it wasn't repeatable! It's just frustrating!" I growled and he looked at me over his coffee mug, "Why?" "Because I know what Ben means by it, I know what he wants" I said and he grinned "A baby?" "Yes! He wants kids, he thinks I'm a machine, I just...don't want that for myself" I admitted feeling awful. "Why?" "Look Ben wants kids, he knows I'm an only child and I was lonely as a child. If I'd had a brother or sister maybe my childhood would've been a bit easier, in his mind and so he wants more than just Bryony. Ben loves kids, always has done all the time I've known him he's been very...paternal!" I explained and Brett nodded.
"Is that a bad thing?" he quizzed and I shook my head drinking, "Far from it but I just...I wish we'd stuck to our plan in life" "Plan?" he said and I nodded. "We agreed to a plan, we would get married after his 2 season in the NFL and then we'd have a child. Then this all happened" I admitted and he smiled "Do you regret it?" "No! Sort of! I don't regret having Bryony, I regret that we were so young. If someone said you have Bryony now or not at all I'd have taken her then everytime but it was just...too much for us. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing anymore" I mumbled and he sighed.
"Look Jenna I love Hannah hanging out with you because I know you're a good girl, you don't mess about and that's great! But maybe you need to tell Ben that you just need some space, there's only one problem with you Jenna and that's that you're too old! I'm all ready to go hard or go home and you're all ready to go home and read bedtime stories, I get that you're a mom but sometimes sweetie you have to let your hair down! I think you guys just need a new plan" he reasoned and I shrugged.
"Anyway Ben is willing to follow your lead" "You know he's not as much of a pushover as you think" I laughed. "To us? No. To you? He's putty in your hands and he knows it. One look from you and he's all 'Okay Jenna, whatever you say'" he mocked and I grinned.
"Jenna its gone 7 don't you think you should head home?" I nodded standing up and I said bye walking home. I walked in to hear Ben reading to Bryony heading to her room, "Mommy!" she screamed and Ben looked at me "See I told you she'd be back before bedtime. Now it's time you went to bed, love you" Ben smiled kissing her forehead as I sat at his time talking to her after he'd left.
She was asleep by 8 and I walked out to see food at the table with Ben sat opposite, I sat picking the fork up eating slowly. "So we need to talk" he started and I nodded, "I'm sorry I snapped at you before I just got frustrated with you. I get that I am a housewife but I hate it Ben" "Jenna I don't mean it negatively, I like that I know you're here and will be whenever I get home. Why do you hate it?" he asked watching me eat.
"Because I'm more than that! I don't want to be forever in this house, I don't want to rely on you financially! I want to be independent and god knows you should be aware of how important independence is in my life" I snapped and he sighed.
"I'm sorry! What do you want?" "I want to go to work and have the job love, I went to college and I still can't use them skills! I am annoyed that the plan we worked in never happened!" I argued at him and he sat back. "I know but we did what we had to do! I have no regrets in my life at all Jenna, but I go regret that I potentially destroyed your dreams" he admitted and I looked up at him.
"It's not your fault! I wouldn't change Bryony but I just feel like I list chances, we never got to be normal college kids and I just miss what I didn't have" I reasoned feeling tears in my eyes and Ben's fingers intertwined with mine. "Jenna we're not dead and gone yet! We can still have that life if we want it! I get you feel the pressure more and I guess me getting on your back for more kids doesn't help you, if I say we wait another 6 months and talk then will that help?" he asked and I nodded looking at him.
"I just feel like you missed out as a kid because you were an only child and maybe it was easier for your parents to separate because there was one child and mine stuck it out because there was more of us. I just don't want to lose you and her" he reasoned and I smiled at him. "My parents were incompatible that's why they separated. We're not like them, for one they argued constantly and we rarely do! We ain't leaving!" I reassured and he nodded. "I still worry that you will, you're bright and everything someone could want and I'm a fool who is away from home a lot. I worry okay" "Well don't! I'm sorry" I offered and he grinned "Me too baby, now come on let's go to bed" he said kissing my hand as he got up taking my plate away.