Dirt

Almost a full year later, and I had only been back a handful of times. It was too much at times. There were too many conflicting emotions that went through me when I went there. I would drive down the road and think, 'There's the place that Jessi, Erin, and I got kicked out of for cussing too loudly', or ,'There's the place I found out mom was sick and was going to die'. I missed my family and friends, but the town its self hold no more sway over me.

I had done as I promised, though, and focused on my music. It was really starting to become popular around Seattle, where I had moved to. I played a bunch of local shows, and I signed to a local indie label. I was very proud of myself, but my dad and the girls were even more proud. I couldn't go through one phone call without them telling me how cool it was that I was going to have an album out. It wasn't a full length album, just an EP, but to them it didn't matter. I had released it and had begun really playing around the state promoting it. I even noticed a few repeat faces in the crowds. It made me feel good that people liked my music enough to come to several shows to watch me play.

I guess that's where my life went down the toilet again. It started out innocently enough. After a show I would get a note passed from the bartender from a fan telling me how good I did and how much they like my music, or sometimes it would be a small gift, like a small stuffed animal, or a drawing. Then things started escalating. I started getting letters talking about how much I meant to that person, then they went to how the two of us would make the perfect couple. I usually wrote these off, although they did give me the creeps. I figured it was just an overzealous fan who didn't really understand boundaries.

Then came the pictures. I started getting envelopes full of pictures of me from afar. I'd be walking down the street, or climbing into my car. The ones that freaked me out the most were the ones that were not so far away. How was someone taking pictures of me without me ever noticing? It was at this point that I told my management team how uncomfortable I was with the situation, so they made it that someone read all of my letters before getting them from fans. Sure, that meant that I never had to read them, but it didn't necessarily mean that they weren't still coming. I still hadn't told my father, though. He worried enough as it is. I didn't want him to fly off the handle and come drag me back home so he could keep an eye on me at all times. I'm not making that up or exaggerating. He'd said that to me before. He told me that if I wasn't careful, and I didn't call him regularly to give him updates, he would drag me back home so he could keep an eye on me at all times.

Everything came to a head one night when I had come home from practice to find an envelope slipped under my door. I nearly stepped on the damn thing. After dropping my purse and keys on the side table by the door, I picked it up and ripped it open. Inside what a picture of my apartment building. Nothing too ominous, aside from the fact that whoever this was, now knew where I lived. There was a letter as well, but I needed to sit down before I actually read it. It was short. Just a couple of lines.

I'm disappointed. Your managers are trying to keep us apart. That won't work. We're meant to be. I'm completely in love with you. Last night when you slept, you were so beautiful. I love that purple nightgown. I know you wore it just for me. I can't wait for us to meet. Until that time, don't let them sway you from me. Remember that I love you.

I was shaking like a leaf. I could only remember being that scared one time, and I really didn't want to remember that experience. My thumb still gave me problems at times. The doctors said it may never be the same. I jumped up from my spot on the couch and quickly grabbed my purse and keys. Once I was in my car, I quickly dialed my father's number. He answered on the second ring.

"Pop! Pop, I'm freaking out. Can you come up here?" I didn't even give him time to say hello.

"Ashlynn, where are you? I'm coming but you have to tell me where you are? Your apartment?"

"No!" I yelled into the phone. "I can't go back there! Please, Pop. I'm really not okay right now. I'm gonna go to a hotel. Shit! I don't know which one. Okay, I'm gonna call you right back once I've checked in."

He sighed. "I'm in the car. I'm coming. Call me back and let me know where you are. Do you need to call the cops?"

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "I don't know. No. I'm just gonna wait for you. I love you, dad."

"I love you, too, kid. Lock the door. I'll be there soon."

I didn't know what time it was when he finally knocked on the door, but I quickly raced to the door to let him in. After checking in to the hotel and giving Pop the room number, I couldn't force myself to go to sleep. I was awake and staring at the door when he finally got there. Pop instantly scooped me in for a big hug.

"Tell me what the hell is going on, Princess," Pop told me once I'd relocked the door.

So I explained everything that had been going on. I told him about how my managers simply stopped sending me the letters, which only pissed him off, then I gave him the envelope that I had been in my apartment. He looked over everything and was silent for a long time. "Pop, say something. What am I supposed to do?"

Pop shook his head. "I can tell you what I'd like to do. I'd like you to just come home with me. Although I'm pretty sure you won't go for that." I shook my head no. "I want to talk to your management team first thing in the morning. Don't worry," he cut off my denial, "I'm not going to do anything crazy. If you're going to insist on staying up here and continuing this career, then we'll have to work out some kind of protection. I can't stay up here all the time. I'll need to know someone is around you who'll look out for you."

"Like a bodyguard?"

He nodded. "Maybe. I haven't worked it all out yet. For now, though, I want you to get some sleep. It's late and you're exhausted."

I nodded and went to the bathroom to change into some pj's. When I came back out, Pop was climbing into the other bed. I smiled at him as I climbed into my own. I was so glad he was there. Just knowing that he was around and that I was safe made me slip into a deep sleep.

A week later, and Pop had arranged to have a bodyguard with me almost all day, every day, had moved me into a new apartment, and had left to go home. I was supposed to be meeting the new bodyguard at practice. Pop assured me that he would protect me, and that I didn't need to worry anymore. I felt relieved at his promise, and so was rehearsing with the band with a lighter air than usual.

"I don't know what's come over you today, but let's keep it up. We're getting some good shit done," Oscar, my lead guitar player stated about halfway through practice. I smiled at him. He was right. We were really on a roll. Out of everyone in the band, Oscar and I were the closest. I loved each of them in their own way, but Oscar and I had a closer relationship.

"What do you want to do next?" Tyler, the rhythm guitarist, asked me. I shrugged politely at him. Tyler was a little different. I knew that Tyler had a crush on me, and ever since I found out, I tried to ensure that I didn't do anything that could be construed as flirting with him. I liked Tyler, he was a great guy, but I only liked him as a friend. It wasn't that he wasn't attractive, it was just that I didn't feel that way about him.

"Just pick something, you guys, I'll jump in," I told the group. Gabby, my bassist, only smirked at me at my comment. She elbowed me slightly in the ribs, and started playing a funky riff. I loved her way of diffusing situations. I hadn't told her about Tyler's crush, but she's always thought that he wanted me. She also knew how I felt about dating, especially dating someone I worked with. "I like that one. Good job, Gabby."

We were halfway through the song when the side door opened. It was loud enough to catch my attention over the music. I couldn't make out exactly who it was because he was silhouetted by the sun behind him, but it was definitely a big guy. He was tall and muscular. He had to be my new bodyguard. I watched him scan his surroundings and come inside the building. That's when I noticed his dark, shaved hair, his piercing eyes that were fixed on me, and those damn dimples that showed when he smiled. And he was smiling. He had the balls to look like the cat that got the canary.

I diverted my gaze away from him and tried to focus on the song. Oscar managed to come over and nudge me before it was over. He motioned to Matt and I rolled my eyes. During a short pause in the singing I mouthed the word 'bodyguard' at him, and he nodded. Once the song was over I was able to focus my attention on how much I wanted to kill my father. I knew this was all his doing.

"Guys, I need to make a phone call," I told the group, "you can take a few if you want." Gabby immediately took off her base and announced that she had to pee. I chuckled. Gabby always had to pee. Without a glance in Matt's direction, I made my way out the door he just came from. I knew he was following me. Once we were outside and far enough away from eavesdroppers, I turned to look at him. "I think I know why you're here, and let me start this conversation off by saying no thank you."

"I know what you think, but I had no idea you were who I was sent to watch over."

"I somehow doubt that," I told him icily.

Matt held up his hands in defense. "I'm serious. I've been working for a protection agency for a couple months now. I got a call that I was needed for an up and coming singer, who has a stalker. They didn't tell me any names, only an address on where I was supposed to meet her. And here we both are."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "That's a pretty big fucking coincidence, don't you think?"

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter what you think. That's the way it is. And I have a job to do. You're potentially in danger, and I'm supposed to keep you out of it. It's just a happy accident that it'd be you I'm supposed to be protecting."

"I'm not happy."

He rolled his eyes. "I can tell. But whatever. This is happening. You can just go about your business. I'll be in the background, keeping an eye out."

I shrugged. "Fine. But don't expect me to play along. I'm not thrilled with having someone watch my every move anyway, much less that person be you. I mean, how do I know you didn't send the stalker to me in the first place? Oh! Maybe the stalker really hired you to spy on me, so he could get as much information on me as he can before he abducts me and takes me to his secret underground lair! Just stay out of my way," I spat as I brushed past him and into the building. I didn't turn around to look, but I could practically feel his stare on me. I knew it was pretty shitty of me to say that to him, but I couldn't help it. I don't know what came over me. Actually I did. Apparently, I was still pretty hurt by the whole thing. I thought that I was over it, but seeing him standing there in front of me brought back all the hurt and anger.

Having a bodyguard may potentially be more dangerous than just letting the stalker come after me.