Dirt

The funeral was filled with not only the Avenged Sevenfold club, but also the Angels. Solemn faces were at every turn. Erin sat by her mother, Lori, but she didn't look at anyone. She seemed to be in a daze. The only person she even acknowledged was Lori or Brian. The night Matt and I had driven in, we got into town sometime the next morning, and went straight to the hospital. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't respond. Jessi said she'd been like that since the crash.

It was ironic, really. Wolf and my father were involved in some highly dangerous, and highly illegal activities on a regular basis, but it was a simple ride down a back road on a warm day that killed Wolf. The shock of it caused Erin to have a miscarriage. I'd lost a parent before, I knew that pain, but I'd never lost a child, unborn or not, so I couldn't imagine what she was feeling. But if I knew Erin like I thought I did, she was blaming herself. She was probably feeling like she could have prevented the miscarriage somehow.

After the service, where several people spoke about what a good man Wolf was, we all rode in a procession to the gravesite. There was a seemingly endless line of motorcycles and the rumble was almost deafening. The pastor said a few more words before they lowered him into the ground. I walked over to the casket as it was being lowered and said goodbye one last time to the man that I had grown to love as an uncle. To the man who helped raise me.

Almost everyone reconvened back at Lori's house. I found her in the kitchen, sitting at the island, drinking a cup of coffee. I took a seat next to her. She gave me a sad smile and wrapped an arm around me. "I love you," I told her. "I'm gonna miss him like crazy."

Lori nodded. "Me too, kid. I wish Erin had stayed." I asked her where she went. "Brian took her home. She's...different, Ash. I know she's hurting, but...something's not right. I remember when you're mother passed away. I was a wreck, but you...you were so strong, and so brave. You sat in your living room with your head held high, and let everyone fall to pieces around you. You mourned you mother, clearly, but I remember thinking how proud she would be of you. I only wish Erin was as strong as you. I'm worried. Has she talked to you?"

I almost didn't want to tell her. "No. I tried to talk to her while she was in the hospital, but she wouldn't respond. It was almost like she didn't even see me."

She didn't reply, only sighed. A few people came through and offered their condolences. Lori gracefully accepted, but didn't really have anything else to say.

"I love you," I told her again, "I'm gonna go check on Pop, then I'm going over to Erin and Brian's. I want her back, too."

"You're mother would be so proud of you. I'm proud of you. You've grown into an amazing woman. Wolf loved you, you know."

"I loved him, too." I hugged her one last time before I made my way through the house in search of Pop. I found him sitting on the stairs, staring off into space. I took a seat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He seemed to snap out of his reverie to give me a small smile. "How you holding up?" I asked him.

"I'm okay. That was my best friend, and now he's gone. It's just so surreal. I feel like maybe there's something I could've done...."

"Pop. He was by himself. What could you have done to change that?" He shrugged. "I love you."

Pop studied me for a minute. "I love you, too. You leaving?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I've got to check on Erin. She's taking this so hard...I'm worried. Lori says she hasn't eaten or anything since the hospital."

"Okay. Tell her I love her. Is Matt going with you?"

I looked across the room and caught Matt's gaze. He smiled and nodded at me. Ever since we'd gotten back into town, I'd seen less of him. Since I was staying at Pop's house, there was no real need to have him there for protection. I really had only seen him a couple times when I had gone out during the day without Pop. But now, it was almost like he knew what I was going to do, and was silently confirming that he was down to come along. "Yeah. Matt's coming, too. I'll call you later, Pop. I love you." We hugged for a long time, and by the time he let me go, Matt had crossed the room and was standing near the front door. With one last smile to Pop, we were out the door.

I sat on Brian and Erin's bed next to Erin while she lay on her side with her back to me. I was watching their TV with the sound down low, just waiting. For anything. I had been sitting with her for over an hour and Erin hadn't spoken yet. The only sound she made were the small sniffles and light crying. At one point she let me hold her hand, but after only a few minutes, she let mine go to fold both of hers under her head. I wanted to cry for her, with her, but I knew that wasn't what she needed. Erin needed support, and someone to be strong for her. I was determined to help her out of her funk.

Brian cleared his throat from the doorway. "Hey," he said softly, "I'm, uh, I'm gonna go to bed now, I think. It's been a long day. Thanks for coming over, but you should get some rest, too. The funeral couldn't have been easy on you either."

I got up from the bed and shuffled over to give him a hug. "Thanks. I'm kinda tired, but I'll be okay. I just want Erin back to normal. Did the doctors tell you anything?"

Brian sighed heavily. "Just that she's in a state of shock. They gave me some pills, mostly antibiotics, but also some mood stabilizers, to keep her in balance, I guess. I dunno...they just seem to put her in a daze." He ran a hand over his face in frustration. "I don't know what to do."

I hugged him tighter and held back a few tears. I needed to be strong, not only for Erin, but for Brian now, too. "I know it's hard. We're gonna get through this, I promise. Be patient. Don't give up on our girl."

"Never."

"I'll be back in the morning." I went over and brushed some hair out of Erin's face and whispered to her that I loved her. I gave one last soft goodbye to Brian as I made my way down the stairs, where I met up with Matt. He asked if I was ready to go home. "Yeah, let's go." Even I could hear the sadness in my voice. All the way back to my house, Matt held my hand. We didn't say much, and once we got there, he quietly let me slip inside with only a small wave goodbye.

The next morning, Jessi was at my house early. I quickly threw on some clothes, and said goodbye to Pop. We quickly grabbed some breakfast, and ate in the car on the way to Brian and Erin's. When we got there, the other four guys were there. We said a quick hello to them, and made our way upstairs to see Erin. She was in the same spot I had left her in the night before.

Jessi tsked as she kicked off her shoes and sat on the bed next to Erin. "Hey, chick," Jessi greeted her quietly. "Ash and I came for a visit. Sit up. We're gonna talk all about how she totally fired that jerk, Tyler. Didn't you?"

I giggled. "Didn't fire him. I just told him he had to get his act together, and if he couldn't, then he could get a different job. In all honesty, I don't know what his decision was. We left to come here and I haven't heard from him since."

We waited for some kind of response from Erin, but nothing ever came. We continued to talk to her anyway. We carried on conversations as if she were participating in them. We only hoped that she would eventually join in. She didn't. The boys would periodically come in and try to strike up conversations with Erin as well, but nothing seemed to be working. She only stirred to go to the bathroom and take her pills. She didn't even eat.

At the end of the day, Brian came up to try to get us to go home, but Jessi decided she wasn't moving. "I love you, Bri, but I'm not going anywhere. Not until this bitch is back to normal."

I nodded. "Get used to seeing a whole lot more of us," I informed him. He didn't argue, just let us set up shop for ourselves in the guest bedroom. We said goodnight to the boys, and to Brian and Erin, and we settled down together in the bed. "Jess, I'm scared," I whispered to her.

She clasped her hand in mine tightly. "Me, too. But we're gonna get her back. We said best friends for fucking life, and we meant it, right?" Right, I told her. "That's what I thought. Now get some rest. We're gonna have to think of some creative ways to pull her back out. I'm thinking...old school rock show?"

I smiled at the memory. When we were in high school, whenever one of us was feeling down, the other two would put on a rock show for her. We would dress in crazy outfits and dance around to all our old rock albums. "I like it. Good idea. What do you think? First thing in the morning?"

"Oh, you're evil. Before anyone has had any coffee or a chance to wake up?" I nodded. "Brilliant. We're gonna get an ass chewing, but brilliant."