This Year I've Had Enough

I wake up in white.
Everything white.
From head to toe.
All i see is white.
All i feel is white.
All i hear is white.
If that even makes sense.
"Is this heaven? Most likely hell with my history..." huh, so i'm alone? And it's quiet...so this is what it feels like for normal people in their heads. I like this.

My peace is suddenly interrupted by red.
The walls are running red.
I'm covered in it, running fast down my hands.
My vision blurs.
Fading from white to red.
Then i feel like shit, and it all comes back to me. I tried, and i failed.
"...fuucck..." i groan, the pain is unbearable. There's something splashing my face, shit i'm still in the shower. I check my phone, i've been out for 3 hours. Apparently thirteen wasn't enough. And then it hits me like a ton of bricks. It feels like my brain is swelling, my body feels cold. I just want someone to hold me, tell me i'll be alright.

I just want Jack....

I try to crawl out of the bathtub, which results in me pulling down the curtain and dragging myself across the floor.

I just want my Jack.

I see my phone, it's just in my reach, then it feels like someone is stabbing me in the chest, tears start falling down my cheeks.

I just want Jack....

I grab it from the floor, it scroll through my contacts trying to find his name, it seems like the hardest task in the world at this point.

But i just want my,

"Lex?" what do i say?

"Jack?" my voice is barely a whisper but it's there.

My head is spinning and it's getting dark again, i'm not going to make it longer.

"Lex what's wrong?"

"I, Jack hel-"

And once again, I'm surrounded in white.