Sunflower

I thought this would be uplifting. Maybe it’d make things better. Maybe I could befriend all of my old friends and things would go back to normal. Maybe I’d stop trying to kill myself. Maybe, just maybe I could stop smoking. Maybe something good could finally happen.

I return home. The house is quiet. I strip off my clothes and enter the shower. The hot water soothes my neck and back muscles. I turn off the hot water tap, leaving me with the cold water to shock my body. I don’t mind though. It’s nice, relaxing actually.

I slip on some underwear and an oversized t-shirt. Sliding into my bed, my eyes flutter for a moment before my head collides with my pillow and my hands loosely clenching the blanket.

For the first time in five months, there are no nightmares. Only dreams, dreams about a field of sunflowers where my parents greet me, and I pick the petals of a sunflower and throw them in the air. Colin’s there too, and he’s smiling with me, the way it should be. The way it always will be.