We Can Lay With Our Eyes Closed
This, Is What I Need
“Hayley this is…” “I’m Josh and this is Alex,” one said and I smiled “Hi, I’m Hayley” I replied and Kevin shook his head. “I told you she was real, I spoke to her!” Alex snapped and Josh laughed “What?” Kevin asked moving to stand next to me “Well we kind of had a theory she wasn’t real and you just made her up to feel included” Josh admitted and I smiled as Kevin glared at them.
“Yeah then Josh found the photos and Neil said they could be photoshopped and then when I said she’d answered your phone nobody believed me, well she’s real and Kevin’s not as strange as we first thought” Alex explained. “And this is why you hadn’t met her yet, you thought I was strange babe I’m nothing compared to the others” he joked and I smiled “Shut up! Anyway what’s this about a spider?” Alex asked and Kevin shook his head “Nothing at all” he replied quickly and they both looked at me as I laughed.
“Hales don’t you dare” he warned and I smiled “Kevin’s scared of spiders” I said and they both laughed “You wimp! Is that why you always want top bunk?” Josh asked and Kevin nodded “You know they can climb up things right?” I asked and he looked at me glaring. “I hate you so bad right now, this will be all I hear for fucking months now. Ergh you suck so bad” he grumbled and Josh smiled “Aww but it’s okay she saves you from spiders so that’s a bonus point” he teased.
“Are you happy now?” Kevin asked, “Yeah, full of questions but happy” Alex replied “Questions?” “Yeah well she’s not what we expected” Josh said and I looked between them “Guys come on” “No in a good way, well Josh thought she was fucking non-existent and well I thought she must be crazy to go near you but Kevin I think I speak for us both when we say well done” Alex joked and Kevin laughed “Tom thought you’d bought a wife online” Josh teased.
“What? You didn’t tell them the truth did you? Kevin I told you I was only staying if you told the truth, what he told you some story bout meeting me here? That’s such a lie, dammit Kevin I told you about telling lies about me, he bought me online. Hayley’s not even my real name he just said something about his friends already hearing about Hayley so I agreed” I cut in and they both looked at him “I told you that was a secret! How many times and languages do we have to go through before you understand that we tell people I met you here and your names Hayley. You ruin everything!” he shouted at me and I laughed.
“Dick” he stated and I smiled “Says the one whose friends thought he had an imaginary girlfriend,” I said under my breath and he smiled “Hayley I feel the need to clarify, did he or did he not buy you online because we wouldn’t be shocked if he did?” Alex asked and I shook my head “No he didn’t buy me online” “Aww Tom had his heart set on that theory I think, trust you to break him down Skaff” Alex teased and he smiled, Tom was someone I’d never heard Kevin mention before but there had to be more than one Tom from Ocala right?
“Well now you’ve met her can you go away?” he asked and they smiled “Charming, well we’re going to Thomas’ house to chill and Hayley is welcome to come as well, we’re going to pick Neil’s girlfriend up now so she won’t be alone with us” Alex reassured and Kevin shook his head “Nope we’re staying here now off you go tell them Hayley is in fact real and you’ve met her and tell Tom to shut up about me buying people online, just because that’s how he met his wife doesn’t mean it’s how I met Hales” Kevin joked back and they laughed.
“Yeah we’ll tell him because you’re not brave enough to do it yourself. Well it was nice meeting you Hayley and I’m sure we’ll see you again. Bye” they both said and I smiled “You too, bye” I replied and they left. “Sorry baby but they weren’t going anywhere until they saw you” Kevin said and I smiled “So people thought you made me up, they have such high thoughts about you don’t they?” I joked and he smiled kissing me.
“Hey who’s Tom?” I asked as I sat on the couch “Tom? Oh long story short he’s a friend. I took his spot in the band, he’s a bit older than us so he wanted to settle down, lives a few blocks from where you work” he explained as he walked off and I nodded. It had to be a coincidence right?
It was 2 days before my birthday and I was laid on his couch watching TV when I heard Kevin’s breathing slow and smiled at the fact he was asleep, his fingers clamped onto my top. I snuggled into his body pushing my hand down the inside of his shirt; I saw the time and nudged him only for him to pull me nearer. I smiled kissing his cheek, he shifted around “Kevin, lets go to bed” I whispered and he shook his head pulling me nearer “Ssh” “No bed, come on handsome” I replied.
He stayed still “Wake up babe” I said quietly and he groaned so I kissed him softly and he sighed as I pulled away “I love you” he whispered and I smiled “You what?” “Nothing” he lied. “No I think you just said something” I teased and he shook his head “Yes you did,” I stated and his eyes opened “I said I love you” he said and I smiled.
“Mean it?” “Of course I mean it, your beautiful and I love you” he admitted and I kissed him “You know that your so annoying but I love you too” I replied “Mean it” he asked “Yep, your cute and you took the whole age with pretty well” I explained and he smiled kissing me again. So love wasn’t how Disney made you think it was; there was no perfect Prince Charming going to sweep you off your feet and give you everything you ever wanted. Movies and TV made it out to be this thing that’s earth shatteringly fantastic, that you just felt it one minute and that was it that love happened as easy as anything but it didn’t.
Kevin wasn’t perfect but I liked him more this way than I would if he was perfect, he was lazy as hell sometimes and he could annoy the life from you but I would rather have that than nothing. There was no definitive moment that I fell in love with him it was a gradual thing but it was anything but easy, if it was easy then it wouldn’t be special. Love wasn’t about finding the perfect person and loving every small thing about them, it was about ignoring the imperfections and I knew I was far from perfect but he made me feel like I was perfect for him and that’s what counted.
It was about that feeling you got when they text you or rang you, the way knowing they were around somehow made you feel better, the way everything might feel wrong but they made you forget it. Even if he didn’t understand something he tried explaining his way around it to me, he had no clue what to say or do about my mom but he tried his hardest to help out; if he spotted me getting upset he’d offer to talk or he’d just let me be upset but he wouldn’t just leave me to it.
It was that invisible protection you felt when you thought about them and I was surprised that we hadn’t really ever argued, the whole lying thing was the only time we’d ever fought and even then it never lasted long, he just couldn’t be bothered to argue half the time and I didn’t really want to argue so we both were fine making a few snappy comments and dropping it. As hard as he tried he didn’t hide the age problem all that well, I knew it touched a nerve with him somehow and I respected that, he could shout at me over it and I’d probably just accept his point but he didn’t.
He nodded and I figured now was a time to ask, “Does it really bother you?” I asked and he closed his eyes “You want to talk about it?” he replied “Yeah” I said and he sighed. “I was upset you felt you had to lie but I know why you did, if you’d told me you were 17 I’d have never gotten involved with you. If someone said to me I’m 26 and my girlfriends 17 I’d be saying something’s to them,” he stated as his fingers traced patterns on my neck.
“Like?” “Like that’s illegal, your taking advantage, get a girlfriend your own age, she’s a kid and that sort of thing but being that person makes you see it differently. I never looked for a 17 year old girlfriend I just got one, it’s got nothing to do with unsuccessful dating of people my age, I know we’re illegal and that’s why I’m careful with you, you’re a kid but your very grown up for your age and your actually more mature than me a lot of the time. I felt so bad when I found out you were 17 and I knew I’d tried to sleep with you on more than one occasion but I always backed off when you wanted me to so that made me feel a bit better about it” he explained.
“I’m not really sure how much I need to watch my step with you, I don’t want to get wound up and say something that’ll upset you but then I don’t want to change who I am just to keep from bothering you” he added “I’m a bit bothered about how people will take it when they find out your 18 because we can hide it from most people but my friends will still know we were dating when you were 17 and they should be okay with it but people will start saying things about a 26 year old guy having a 18 year old girlfriend. I’m not ashamed of you Hales, it’s just I want to know what I’ll get before I get it if that makes sense” he rambled and I nodded and he kissed me gently.
“The no sex thing has been frustrating as hell though, I mean to start with it was fine; I could take it knowing you weren’t wanting it but when you started to make it clear you wanted it and I knew I wanted it it’s been doing my head in knowing we can’t. It’s just frustrating that we can’t do that but I know we can soon and patience is a virtue, or so my mother tells me” he joked and I laughed at him. “Now I made it sound like the moment you turn 18 I’m going to try jump you, I won’t although I’m not making any promises I won’t try my luck with you” he added smiling as he spoke “Want to go to bed baby?” he asked and I nodded so he pushed himself up pulling me after him into the bedroom.
I got changed as he pulled his clothes off “I also love you for being able to talk like that about things, I like that you ask things. I’m serious though just because you’ll be 18 don’t say yes to me if you don’t want to do things, yes it’s frustrated me but I can wait until your ready it won’t do me any fucking damage” he stated as he climbed into bed and I collapsed on him making him laugh. “You know what else, I love this little body of yours. You eat all this pizza and stuff with me and yet you’ve got a flat stomach but your not skinny” “Erm thanks” I said and he laughed “That didn’t sound right at all, lets just leave it at I love your body shall we?” he asked and I kissed him.
His phone rang and he grabbed it “Yeah?” he said “No I’m not coming out” he stated as I smiled kissing his neck, “No I don’t want to go out with you three” he replied as I heard someone else talking and his fingers played with my hair as I kissed along his shoulder. “Yes she is here, what is your obsession over her? I have a girlfriend is it really all that surprising?” he snapped as I laughed against his skin “Your so drunk, go away. Fine, Hayley Neil says hi” he grumbled “Hi Neil” I replied and he shook his head “Now go away and don’t ring me again or come around my house, go see your own girlfriend or something” he growled hanging up turning his phone off.
“Idiot” he said quietly and I laughed as he turned the light out cuddling me into his body “Night Hales, I love you” he whispered in my ear making me smile “I love you too” I said kissing his chest and he squeezed me tight before loosening his grip.
I woke up to hear my phone ringing and I groaned reaching over, I pushed it to my ear “Happy birthday beautiful!” I heard Kevin shout “It’s 7am go away” I grumbled, “No, get out of bed and get to the park. Breakfast time” “No” I stated “Don’t you say no to me, get up and get dressed otherwise I’ll come get you myself and it won’t be pretty” he warned and I sighed “Fine you’re a jerk, bye” “Bye baby” he said laughing as I hung up.
“Yeah then Josh found the photos and Neil said they could be photoshopped and then when I said she’d answered your phone nobody believed me, well she’s real and Kevin’s not as strange as we first thought” Alex explained. “And this is why you hadn’t met her yet, you thought I was strange babe I’m nothing compared to the others” he joked and I smiled “Shut up! Anyway what’s this about a spider?” Alex asked and Kevin shook his head “Nothing at all” he replied quickly and they both looked at me as I laughed.
“Hales don’t you dare” he warned and I smiled “Kevin’s scared of spiders” I said and they both laughed “You wimp! Is that why you always want top bunk?” Josh asked and Kevin nodded “You know they can climb up things right?” I asked and he looked at me glaring. “I hate you so bad right now, this will be all I hear for fucking months now. Ergh you suck so bad” he grumbled and Josh smiled “Aww but it’s okay she saves you from spiders so that’s a bonus point” he teased.
“Are you happy now?” Kevin asked, “Yeah, full of questions but happy” Alex replied “Questions?” “Yeah well she’s not what we expected” Josh said and I looked between them “Guys come on” “No in a good way, well Josh thought she was fucking non-existent and well I thought she must be crazy to go near you but Kevin I think I speak for us both when we say well done” Alex joked and Kevin laughed “Tom thought you’d bought a wife online” Josh teased.
“What? You didn’t tell them the truth did you? Kevin I told you I was only staying if you told the truth, what he told you some story bout meeting me here? That’s such a lie, dammit Kevin I told you about telling lies about me, he bought me online. Hayley’s not even my real name he just said something about his friends already hearing about Hayley so I agreed” I cut in and they both looked at him “I told you that was a secret! How many times and languages do we have to go through before you understand that we tell people I met you here and your names Hayley. You ruin everything!” he shouted at me and I laughed.
“Dick” he stated and I smiled “Says the one whose friends thought he had an imaginary girlfriend,” I said under my breath and he smiled “Hayley I feel the need to clarify, did he or did he not buy you online because we wouldn’t be shocked if he did?” Alex asked and I shook my head “No he didn’t buy me online” “Aww Tom had his heart set on that theory I think, trust you to break him down Skaff” Alex teased and he smiled, Tom was someone I’d never heard Kevin mention before but there had to be more than one Tom from Ocala right?
“Well now you’ve met her can you go away?” he asked and they smiled “Charming, well we’re going to Thomas’ house to chill and Hayley is welcome to come as well, we’re going to pick Neil’s girlfriend up now so she won’t be alone with us” Alex reassured and Kevin shook his head “Nope we’re staying here now off you go tell them Hayley is in fact real and you’ve met her and tell Tom to shut up about me buying people online, just because that’s how he met his wife doesn’t mean it’s how I met Hales” Kevin joked back and they laughed.
“Yeah we’ll tell him because you’re not brave enough to do it yourself. Well it was nice meeting you Hayley and I’m sure we’ll see you again. Bye” they both said and I smiled “You too, bye” I replied and they left. “Sorry baby but they weren’t going anywhere until they saw you” Kevin said and I smiled “So people thought you made me up, they have such high thoughts about you don’t they?” I joked and he smiled kissing me.
“Hey who’s Tom?” I asked as I sat on the couch “Tom? Oh long story short he’s a friend. I took his spot in the band, he’s a bit older than us so he wanted to settle down, lives a few blocks from where you work” he explained as he walked off and I nodded. It had to be a coincidence right?
It was 2 days before my birthday and I was laid on his couch watching TV when I heard Kevin’s breathing slow and smiled at the fact he was asleep, his fingers clamped onto my top. I snuggled into his body pushing my hand down the inside of his shirt; I saw the time and nudged him only for him to pull me nearer. I smiled kissing his cheek, he shifted around “Kevin, lets go to bed” I whispered and he shook his head pulling me nearer “Ssh” “No bed, come on handsome” I replied.
He stayed still “Wake up babe” I said quietly and he groaned so I kissed him softly and he sighed as I pulled away “I love you” he whispered and I smiled “You what?” “Nothing” he lied. “No I think you just said something” I teased and he shook his head “Yes you did,” I stated and his eyes opened “I said I love you” he said and I smiled.
“Mean it?” “Of course I mean it, your beautiful and I love you” he admitted and I kissed him “You know that your so annoying but I love you too” I replied “Mean it” he asked “Yep, your cute and you took the whole age with pretty well” I explained and he smiled kissing me again. So love wasn’t how Disney made you think it was; there was no perfect Prince Charming going to sweep you off your feet and give you everything you ever wanted. Movies and TV made it out to be this thing that’s earth shatteringly fantastic, that you just felt it one minute and that was it that love happened as easy as anything but it didn’t.
Kevin wasn’t perfect but I liked him more this way than I would if he was perfect, he was lazy as hell sometimes and he could annoy the life from you but I would rather have that than nothing. There was no definitive moment that I fell in love with him it was a gradual thing but it was anything but easy, if it was easy then it wouldn’t be special. Love wasn’t about finding the perfect person and loving every small thing about them, it was about ignoring the imperfections and I knew I was far from perfect but he made me feel like I was perfect for him and that’s what counted.
It was about that feeling you got when they text you or rang you, the way knowing they were around somehow made you feel better, the way everything might feel wrong but they made you forget it. Even if he didn’t understand something he tried explaining his way around it to me, he had no clue what to say or do about my mom but he tried his hardest to help out; if he spotted me getting upset he’d offer to talk or he’d just let me be upset but he wouldn’t just leave me to it.
It was that invisible protection you felt when you thought about them and I was surprised that we hadn’t really ever argued, the whole lying thing was the only time we’d ever fought and even then it never lasted long, he just couldn’t be bothered to argue half the time and I didn’t really want to argue so we both were fine making a few snappy comments and dropping it. As hard as he tried he didn’t hide the age problem all that well, I knew it touched a nerve with him somehow and I respected that, he could shout at me over it and I’d probably just accept his point but he didn’t.
He nodded and I figured now was a time to ask, “Does it really bother you?” I asked and he closed his eyes “You want to talk about it?” he replied “Yeah” I said and he sighed. “I was upset you felt you had to lie but I know why you did, if you’d told me you were 17 I’d have never gotten involved with you. If someone said to me I’m 26 and my girlfriends 17 I’d be saying something’s to them,” he stated as his fingers traced patterns on my neck.
“Like?” “Like that’s illegal, your taking advantage, get a girlfriend your own age, she’s a kid and that sort of thing but being that person makes you see it differently. I never looked for a 17 year old girlfriend I just got one, it’s got nothing to do with unsuccessful dating of people my age, I know we’re illegal and that’s why I’m careful with you, you’re a kid but your very grown up for your age and your actually more mature than me a lot of the time. I felt so bad when I found out you were 17 and I knew I’d tried to sleep with you on more than one occasion but I always backed off when you wanted me to so that made me feel a bit better about it” he explained.
“I’m not really sure how much I need to watch my step with you, I don’t want to get wound up and say something that’ll upset you but then I don’t want to change who I am just to keep from bothering you” he added “I’m a bit bothered about how people will take it when they find out your 18 because we can hide it from most people but my friends will still know we were dating when you were 17 and they should be okay with it but people will start saying things about a 26 year old guy having a 18 year old girlfriend. I’m not ashamed of you Hales, it’s just I want to know what I’ll get before I get it if that makes sense” he rambled and I nodded and he kissed me gently.
“The no sex thing has been frustrating as hell though, I mean to start with it was fine; I could take it knowing you weren’t wanting it but when you started to make it clear you wanted it and I knew I wanted it it’s been doing my head in knowing we can’t. It’s just frustrating that we can’t do that but I know we can soon and patience is a virtue, or so my mother tells me” he joked and I laughed at him. “Now I made it sound like the moment you turn 18 I’m going to try jump you, I won’t although I’m not making any promises I won’t try my luck with you” he added smiling as he spoke “Want to go to bed baby?” he asked and I nodded so he pushed himself up pulling me after him into the bedroom.
I got changed as he pulled his clothes off “I also love you for being able to talk like that about things, I like that you ask things. I’m serious though just because you’ll be 18 don’t say yes to me if you don’t want to do things, yes it’s frustrated me but I can wait until your ready it won’t do me any fucking damage” he stated as he climbed into bed and I collapsed on him making him laugh. “You know what else, I love this little body of yours. You eat all this pizza and stuff with me and yet you’ve got a flat stomach but your not skinny” “Erm thanks” I said and he laughed “That didn’t sound right at all, lets just leave it at I love your body shall we?” he asked and I kissed him.
His phone rang and he grabbed it “Yeah?” he said “No I’m not coming out” he stated as I smiled kissing his neck, “No I don’t want to go out with you three” he replied as I heard someone else talking and his fingers played with my hair as I kissed along his shoulder. “Yes she is here, what is your obsession over her? I have a girlfriend is it really all that surprising?” he snapped as I laughed against his skin “Your so drunk, go away. Fine, Hayley Neil says hi” he grumbled “Hi Neil” I replied and he shook his head “Now go away and don’t ring me again or come around my house, go see your own girlfriend or something” he growled hanging up turning his phone off.
“Idiot” he said quietly and I laughed as he turned the light out cuddling me into his body “Night Hales, I love you” he whispered in my ear making me smile “I love you too” I said kissing his chest and he squeezed me tight before loosening his grip.
I woke up to hear my phone ringing and I groaned reaching over, I pushed it to my ear “Happy birthday beautiful!” I heard Kevin shout “It’s 7am go away” I grumbled, “No, get out of bed and get to the park. Breakfast time” “No” I stated “Don’t you say no to me, get up and get dressed otherwise I’ll come get you myself and it won’t be pretty” he warned and I sighed “Fine you’re a jerk, bye” “Bye baby” he said laughing as I hung up.