The Third Kiss

Their first kiss had been complete and utter chaos.

With a boldness driven by cocaine, her lips had crashed forcefully into his, leaving him to quickly ponder whether he should return the kiss or pull away. He did neither, his lips awkwardly fumbling against hers as he tried to process what exactly was going on.

It was a kiss that, in theory, never should have happened, a kiss that sent the world as Logan Mitchell knew it crumbling down around him.

Even though this was nothing like Logan would’ve imagined their first kiss to be, he still felt that undeniable surge of electricity shoot down his spine, that tingling sensation coursing through his limbs. The girl whose lips seemed to be melting into his wasn’t the same girl that he fell in love with, the best friend that he found himself constantly fighting his feelings for.

The girl that stood in front of him held little resemblance to the small town southern girl he knew and loved. Somehow, Hollywood had managed to put its stamp on her, to change her into something he barely recognized. She was wearing too much makeup. Her milky complexion washed out and exhausted by an array of creams, powders, and lotions that Logan would’ve had no clue what to do with. Her honey brown eyes seemed to be weighed down with smoky violet eye shadow and thick black liner, her lashes abnormally long. Any linger of color was gone, making her look cold just like the steel and darkly-stained wood that surrounded them.

The Kandi he knew would’ve never stepped foot in this party, sprinkled with some of young Hollywood’s finest celebrities and flooded with an entire cast of wannabes. The Kandi he knew would never date Dak Zevon, nevertheless stay with him after all that he had put her through. A car accident, deemed the result of Dak’s intoxication, a bruise on her arm that she had claimed was a souvenir from the wreck, but Logan never told her that he had noticed it days before. It was all too much for her, and he could see all the bits and pieces of her that made her real start to fade away, replaced by s numb creature that no longer felt anything.

Logan wanted so much from her in that moment, but he knew that she couldn’t give it to him. That realization caused a shift in him that he’d never experienced before. Instead of being pushed away by the stranger she was slowly becoming, he felt this underlying drive to save her.

That urge to rescue his friend had earned him a smack in the face and a punch to the eye, but he didn’t regret a thing.

Later that night, once he’d gotten her back to the apartment he shared with his friends, he could feel her coming back with every bit of the party she washed away. With her hair loose and her body curled up in his bed, her frame draped in one of his old t-shirts, he was reassured that she could be saved, even that he could save her.

It was the night that changed everything.

>>

Their second kiss was impulsive and unexpected.

A few weeks had passed since the party at Dak Zevon’s mansion, and Kandi was completely immersing herself in her work as a means to avoid the reminders of their overly publicized breakup that seemed to be everywhere. Her face graced the cover of every tabloid magazine on the shelves, accompanied by outrageous headlines claiming her infidelity as the cause of the split. Candid photographs snapped of her and Logan out having lunch, getting coffee, and going to the movies, each outing taking place before she had even broke up with Dak, a poor-quality camera phone photo of the one time she’d met with James after the breakup to discuss her feelings for Logan, each of these pictures were dissected, twisted into lies manufactured to sell magazines.

According to them, she had apparently fucked all of Big Time Rush behind Dak’s back, which couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Logan urged her to do an interview, to set the record straight about her relationship with Dak, but she refused. It wasn’t as if Dak was telling the media all these lies, so she didn’t see the point in trying to destroy his image. All she could do was hope that it would blow over soon.

In the meantime, she was focusing on what she’d come out to Hollywood for, her acting.

Kandi had asked Logan to come up to the rooftop of their building with her to run over some lines for a monologue she planned on using in her upcoming string of casting calls, and of course, he’d agreed. Though James was probably a much better actor, she somehow felt more secure practicing with Logan, as if who she was as an actress was something she could only reveal to someone she really trusted.

Though Logan wasn’t sure if her channeling all her mixed feelings into her career was healthy, he had to admit that it felt nice, seeing her begin to return to her old self. Her hair was swept up into a messy bun, her face free of any makeup. A simple white tank top and a pair of charcoal gray yoga pants clung to her frame, and though she had come out of the wreckage a little less naïve and more guarded, Logan found beauty in that underlying strength.

He could feel her gaze fixated on him as his lips trembled over the lines, but his own coffee-colored eyes stayed glued to the script in his hands. Once he’d finished his part, he waited to hear her voice, knowing that as self-conscious as she was about her abilities, she would make the words feel real.

“Do you think it’s possible to love someone your entire life and never realize it until something happens that makes you see?”

Logan was too busy trying to sort out his own anxious thoughts to pick up on any significant in the line, but Kandi was all too aware of how a simple sentence seemed to embody the whirlwind of mixed emotions she felt towards her adorably awkward best friend.

On an impulse, she leaned forward, letting her lips brush against his slowly and gently. Reassured by the way that he began to return the gesture, shaky and uneasy, as if he was just testing the waters, the pressure of the kiss increased as pent-up emotions began to rise to the surface. It was more passionate, it felt more right than their first kiss, but it still wasn’t enough to solidify anything.

It was the night that Kandi realized she was in love with Logan.

>>

They avoided each other for days afterward, both unsure of what the kiss meant, whether they could tow the line from friendship into something more. Though it was all he had ever wanted, just to be with her, Logan knew that if he ran into her in the hallway or went to visit her in her apartment, he’d have no idea what to say to her.

It was still difficult for him to comprehend that she could possibly feel that way towards him. The situation just felt so unreal, and Logan kept waiting to wake up from this surreal dream.

There was going to be this huge blowout by the pool that night, one last party to bring the summer to a close, and he knew that she’d be there. His mind ran rampant with different possible scenarios, anything that he could do or say to make her believe that what they had could go the distance. He just needed something to prove to her this unwavering faith that he had kept locked inside of him. If any couple could make it in these circumstances, it would be the two of them.

He just had to make her see it, that he wasn’t like Dak, that he wouldn’t take advantage of her or lie to her. Things between them could be so effortless if she would just let it be.

Though he was nothing short of a bundle of nerves, Logan had decided not to put much thought into what he was going to wear that night. His usual cardigan-v-neck combo was strewn across his bed, his khaki shorts already hanging loosely from his hips. A hand raked anxiously through his espresso locks, his stare darting all around the room. Maybe he could just pull her aside at the party and explain how he felt to her, but he knew that was unrealistic. Logan had never been great when it came to words, wandering through his seventeen years of life with his tongue constantly tied.

But it couldn’t be that hard to just ask her out on a real date, right? What if she didn’t realizehe was asking her on a date? They hung out all the time, so asking her to dinner and a movie wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary. These thoughts bounced around in his mind to the point that his hands were shaking and he was pacing back and forth around the small bedroom. When he eventually plopped down onto the end of his bed, a heavy sigh escaped his lips, and he came to the realization that her reaction was out of his control. Freaking out over it wasn’t getting him anywhere.

It wasn’t until he actually stepped through those heavy glass French doors out into the pool area that things began to suddenly fall into place.

His friend James was performing on a makeshift stage at the opposite end of the pool, his voice crooning over a soulful R&B song in yet another attempt to woo some girl into sleeping with him (as if he really needed the music). As Logan weaved his way through the crowd, keeping a lookout for Kandi or any of her girlfriends, he spotted Kendall hanging out near the stage, tuning his guitar.

“Hey man, what’s up?” he asked once he noticed the strange expression stamped across his friend’s face.

“Nothing much,” Logan replied automatically, thrusting his hands into his pockets. “I know this is gonna sound a little weird, but could you do me a favor?”

>>

The steady pounding of his pulse seemed to echo in his skull as he took the stage. Dark brown eyes scanned the crowd below, searching for her face, and Logan eventually found her. Kandi was squeezed in between her friends, and though her hips swayed gently back and forth, her brown eyes were wide as she gazed up at him.

The opening chords from Kendall’s guitar stirred Logan from his thoughts, and without a second thought, he began to sing.

When he saw James up there on stage, he had realized that he had been going about this all wrong the entire time. Kandi’s medium was film, and she felt more comfortable expressing her feelings towards him through another role. Logan felt more comfortable telling her he was in love with her in the form of a song, so that’s just what he did.

Up on stage, Logan didn’t feel like the awkward, lost for words teen that he was in his day-to-day life. Instead, he was instilled with the sense of confidence and pride that accompanied being a member of a fairly popular vocal group, and even without his three best friends at his side, he felt like he had finally found his voice.

Once he was finished, he rushed off of the stage, his slender frame threading through the crowd to find her. He’d caught a glimpse of that look in her doe eyes, the soft flicker in her gaze that told him everything he needed to know about their future.

When he found her, Logan didn’t need the words. His hands cupped her cheeks, his lips pressing against hers with a passion that he never knew he had in him. There was no fumbling, no awkward gnashing, and no one pulled away. Her lips blended into his effortlessly as she returned the gesture, her fingers lacing through tufts of his dark hair, clinging to him as if she never wanted to let go.

For just a moment in time, everyone else seemed to disappear. There was finally no unspoken tension between them, no lingering questions in their eyes. They had the chance to just be together.