Holding On

The scenery was blurry as I looked out from the window, it wasn't helping that the cab I was in wasn't all that steady so I could feel every bump in the road as it drove faster than the speed limit. I looked down at my hands as they shook a bit, they weren't shaking that much but you could still tell that I really wasn't steady on my hands. I took a deep breath to myself, feeling more and more nervous as we got closer. A few rain drops started hitting the car windows, a light pecking on the windows turned into full blown bangs against the car in a few seconds. Great, now I was going to wait in the rain and possibly wait for nothing.

I knew it was stupid to hold on to old promises but it was almost as if the memories had faded away. This promise was the only thing keeping me going, all though I felt pathetic knowing that I would be waiting there on new year’s eve and in the end come out empty handed. A part of me just wanted to believe that he hadn't forgotten about me, our secrets and memories, I guess I was just holding on to the past.

We met each other in school, first year in High School actually. I had just started my second year and so had he, we had art class together. It amazed me that we never actually had seen or noticed each other before but one day in class we got paired up together for an assignment and I guess we just clicked.

We were practically attached to the hip throughout the entire high school stage, though he didn't graduate from college. He was in a band, they were really good and I had no problem with supporting them. It just became really hard the last months in school. He announced that they would be leaving in a couple of days to tour around the country, to build up their fan base and hopefully get their dreams fulfilled. That meant leaving me behind.

He knew I was extremely upset that I wouldn't be seeing him for almost a year; I was scared he was going to forget all about me. I had no other friends than him; he was the one I had hung out with all the time, every minute of every day. He always would sneak into my room at night and force me out on parties, just teaching me to live my life. I smiled at the memory as I shook my head.

The night he left as the hardest ever, he had wanted me to come and tell him good bye but I knew if I did it then I would be heartbroken. My mind had really been at it the last days and I realized that I had loved him more than I imagined, more than a friend in reality. So I couldn't go through with it. Instead I sat at home watching some crappy old movie and ate chocolate ice cream.

I was sprawled out over the sofa with a blanket covering me. In my left hand I had my bucket of ice cream and in the right I had the spoon. I was watching some crappy black and white movie but my mind kept drifting off to Zacky. I sighed heavily as held back the tears that were threatening to fall. My sniffles were something I couldn’t control though as I shoved another spoonful of ice cream in my mouth. The rain fit perfectly for a day like this, to me everything felt sad and just not worth it. The couple that was starring in the movie was now dancing in front of a sunset on a cruise ship, it looked perfect and romantic. Why couldn’t life be like that?

I threw the blanket off me and got up as I heard banging on the front door. The pounding didn’t stop and it made the sound of the rain fade away, my eyebrows furrowed as I thought to who could be at my door right now.

I turned the knob and opened the door, revealing a soaked from head to toe Zacky with an exhausted expression. His eyes were squinted, his beautiful plump lips were curved into a light ‘o’ as he exhaled heavily. I gulped loudly, what was he doing here?

I stepped to the side allowing Zacky to enter, not caring if he made the carpet dirty by his muddy footprints. He walked in; after I closed the door and turned around he looked at me with a saddened expression.

“Zacky, what are you doing here?” I murmured softly as I stood frozen. His eyes were burning holes in me and I felt really uncomfortable for the first time around him.

“Why didn’t you come?” He asked in a loud voice, almost shouting at me. I could tell he was hurt, hell I could even hear it in his voice. My eyes moved down, looking at the floor in front of me. I couldn’t look at him nor explain it to him; it just would make my feelings for him too real. Which was something I couldn’t handle when he was about to leave for a year.

“Look at me!” he growled, I bet he looked angry now. His face had to be red and his eyes would be a darker green, like they always were when he was angry or upset. I shook my head, I couldn’t look at him, it would break me.

I felt him grab my chin and lift my head up as his eyes softened, probably from the sight of tears in my eyes. His voice was softer as he spoke, “Look at me”. My eyes travelled up his face, from his snakebites that to adorn his perfectly full lips. I met his green, sparkling emerald eyes. I had a hard time to stop my eyes from flickering back and forth to his lips.

I exhaled slowly and shakily as he brushed a strand of hair from my face. He gave me a soft smile as he cupped my cheeks, looking at me intensely.

“Why didn’t you show up, Isabelle?” he wondered as his thumb caressed my cheek.

“I- I just… I can’t tell you” I whispered as I once again looked down. He told me to look at him again. Really I didn’t know why it hurt so much looking at him. We were going to stay in touch but the thought of not seeing him in real life, felt so weird. It felt almost empty.

He pulled my face closer to his, which I may add caused me to stand on my toes otherwise I would have been really shorter. He leaned down and I think he was going to kiss me because he closed his eyes. My heart rate sped up so did my breathing as I too closed my eyes and leaned in.

It was like fireworks, explosions and just breathtaking as his soft lips were placed on mine. I had never felt like this before, it felt amazing and wholesome. Our lips softly massaged each other, not daring to take it further. It felt like such an innocent and romantic moment, I never in my dreams would have guessed that Zacky and I would be kissing. Though I had always hoped for it but I guess the feelings were mutual. We pulled apart both in need of
oxygen.

“Now why didn’t you show up?” Crap I thought to myself.

I pulled away from his embrace and back a step or two before I decided to tell him. Sure he kissed me but I wasn’t sure he really felt the same way.

“Because I…I just… I don’t want to see you leave me and then come back to have forgotten about me” my voice was so quiet as I explained myself to him, I wasn’t even sure he heard.

“I would never forget you Issa, okay? Don’t think about that. I love you…” Ì felt a blush invade my cheeks as I smiled softly at his confession. Though I couldn’t help but to frown as I thought about what if he would forget about me.

He hugged me and asked me what was wrong.

“What if you do forget me?”

He sighed as he pulled away slightly and placed his hands on my shoulder, looking deeply into my eyes.

“If I do… which I doubt I will. Let’s make a deal, okay?” I nodded.

“In ten years, on new year’s eve we’ll meet up at our special spot okay?”

I burrowed my eyebrows together. “Why so long, I mean ten years?”

“To see if we remember each other and if we have been holding on to our promises”

So here I was at New Year’s Eve in a blue cocktail dress with nude colored heels. My hair was curled to perfection and I wasn’t wearing that much make up, I never had. I was scared to death that he wouldn’t show up; I would probably end up feeling humiliated and embarrassed, sitting on that roof top alone.

I took a deep breath after I had paid the cab driver and opened the door. I slowly climbed out and waited for the cab to drive off before I headed to the old brick house. My heels clicked against the pavement as I got into one of the alleys, I never was afraid to walk around in them since this wasn’t a bad area in town. Thankfully the rain had stopped pouring.

As I came to the end of the alley I turned to the left to see the old latter that hung on the wall. I slowly placed my hands on one of the steps and shook the latter to see if it would hold me and my weight. It made a weird sound but other than that it seemed fine but looks can deceive.

I pulled myself up and placed one of my feet carefully on a step, making sure that my heel and the platform of the shoe placed the step in between. That way it wouldn’t be so slippery.

Somehow I managed to get all the way up the latter and used to my left leg to balance myself over the other side. I landed with a thump against the concrete roof top. It was a bit chilly so I wrapped my arms around me, slightly regretting that I hadn’t brought a jacket with me. As I walked around on the roof top I tried searching for a familiar face but the roof was completely deserted. It was old and everything looked worn out, if this had been my first time here I would call it creepy.

I leaned on the short, brick wall as I too a brief look over the city at night. We made sure that we would meet at midnight, just as the fireworks would start but I wasn’t sure he remembered. Of course I was 7 minutes early I noticed as I glanced down on my left arm, looking at the time on my silver wristwatch.

The city was truly magnificent at night. You could spot all the tiny lights from people’s houses as they almost twinkled; making it look like it was shimmering. Even if it was New Year’s Eve, it was calm outside but then again almost everybody went to the yearly firework display down by the harbour.

It felt as if the minutes passed by slower than usual, it felt like years had gone but only half a minute had really passed.

I sighed heavily as I heard all the fireworks go off in front of me. Guess it was a new year now. I took a look behind me to see if somebody was there but it was empty. I should have known, a big rock star wouldn’t have remembered me; Zacky probably had more important things to do than visiting an old friend he hasn’t seen in ten years.

A tear escaped my eye as I shook my head when I walked towards the latter. I didn’t want to believe that he forgot, sure it had gone ten years but I felt like I had been holding on to that promise since he made it. My heart was broken, I always loved him and I would till the day I would die but dammit! I’d never felt as rejected and humiliated as I did now.

I climbed down the latter as tears slowly ran down my cheeks. My hands subconsciously went to my face to wipe away the tears as I got down. The time was now 12.05 a.m.
I walked out of the alley and a bit further up the street, waiting for a passing taxi. When I saw one I immediately waved my hand at it.

“Taxi!” I shouted.

The cab made a U-turn and then stopped in front of me. As I slowly opened the door, I took a last glance at the building with our roof top on. A sad smile tugged on my lips. I turned and got in the car.

I told the cab where he could drop me off as I tried to shut the door but it felt blocked. I pulled on it more harshly but it wouldn’t budge. So I turned around and tried to shut it but I noticed a tattooed hand on the top of the door. My gaze travelled from the hand up to the persons face.

Zacky’s face.

He flashed me one of those million dollar smiles, his beautiful green eyes twinkling from the street lights. He had changed, he was bigger now. He had meat on his bones and he looked like he had muscles. His famous snakebites still had their place though which almost made me smile.

“Isabelle” he spoke.

“Zacky” I breathed. “I thought you forgot”

He grabbed my hand and effortlessly pulled my out of the cab, sending it away with a wave. We walked over to the sidewalk so we wouldn’t stand in the middle of the road.

“What are you doing here?”

He frowned, “What do you mean?”

“I just… I didn’t think you would remember, that’s all”

I got the feeling of dejá vu as he cupped my cheeks, bringing me closer to him.

“I could never forget about you or what we had. I’ve been holding on to those
memories. I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier; I’m not talking about just tonight. I meant years ago. I was just so caught up in my rock star persona and career that everything slipped my mind.” His thumb grazed my cheek as he frowned once again.

“Have you been crying?”

I smiled pathetically, “Uh no…”

“Don’t worry, it just shows that you care about me just as much as I care about you Isabelle.” He told me as he pressed his lips against mine in a passionate kiss. It was like fireworks, not the fireworks from the beach. No, it was like fireworks from our kiss ten years ago. It was just like I remembered, if not better.

I had a couple of relationships during the years but now I was glad that all of those had failed. I was glad that both Zacky and I had been holding on to our love.