Catalyst

My eyes slowly open and all my senses come back to me. My head starts pounding against my skull and I groan out.
I turn my body so I'm flat on my stomach and stuff my face into the pillow. As I breathe in the scent, my heart starts to beat faster.
This isn't my pillow and this isn't how Andy smells like.
I turn around and sit up fast, immediately regretting it. My head spins around and my stomach starts to hurt.
"Here-"
I'm startled to see Tony sitting on the edge of his bed, his arms extended towards me. In one hand he has a small, white pill and in the other, a glass of water.
I stare at him for a while. A huge part of me is angry. I don't know how I got here or why I'm here. But since he's giving me that pill, I assume it's because I got drunk. Not only drunk, but hammered.
I can't remember anything.
As much as I don't want to be here with him, I reach out and take the pill. I swallow it down with the water and turn my body so my legs are dangling off the bed.
"What am I doing here?", I ask quietly, staring at the ground.
"You got drunk last night then passed out. I carried you in my room."
I turn to him. "Where's Andy?"
He looks hurt that I asked, but sighs and stares at me. "Gone."
"Where's Andy, Tony?", I repeat impatiently.
He sighs again. "I told him to leave."
I roll my eyes. "Why would you tell him that? I came to the party with him! Why didn't you let Andy take me home? You're always-"
"Before I laid you down on my bed- you woke up for a minute or two and told me that you didn't want me to leave your side.", he says.
We stare at each and my heart sinks.
"So I didn't. I didn't leave your side. Andy heard what you said and decided that he'd visit you when you were back in your apartment."
I look away. "I said that?", I whisper.
"Yes.."
"What else... Did I say?"
He clears his throat and plays around with his fingers. "You- look, why don't I make you some breakfast so you could sober up and take you back to your apartment? Andy's waiting and-"
"What else did I say Tony? Quit making me repeat myself.", I say sternly and face him.
He sighs and turns his body to me, getting angry that I'm speaking to him like this. "You really want to fucking know what you said to me? In front of your so called boyfriend?"
I stay silent, still keeping my ground. "Isn't that why I asked?"
He rolls and his eyes. "You said you still loved me.", he says quietly. "That you-", he rubs the back of his neck nervously, "That you miss me and... and shit like that...", he mumbles.
He looks down and sighs. I feel my cheeks grow hot.
"Really?"
He nods. "Yeah.."
"In front of... Andy?"
He nods again. "Yeah."
I sigh and put my head into my hands. "Fuck.", I croak out.
"Then Andy and I got into a fight."
I snap my whole body towards him with wide eyes. "What?!"
"Wow, you really don't remember anything."
"What happened?! Is he-", I stop and notice his lip torn from the bottom and his left eye a little swollen. "Oh my god... Tony.."
He winces when I lightly touch his eye and I back my hand away, placing it back on my lap. "How did this even happen?"
"I don't really know. He thought I was taking advantage of you or something- It was just a misunderstanding. You got into your car somehow and you scared the shit out of me. I couldn't believe you were really going to drive, but instead you busted out and threw up all over my shoes.", he laughs at the last part.
I gasp. "I did?"
He nods. "Yeah... My new Nikes!"
I laugh this time. "Not those! The ones we got together at the Taylor Mall?"
He nods, still laughing. "Those. Now you have to buy me new ones."
I scoff. "I'll clean the ones you have for you."
He chuckles. "That works too."
I smile at him and notice how much I actually have missed him. I start to get scared though, I can't miss him. I can't fall for him all over again. I can't afford this. I just can't.
"I'm sorry about what happened.", I say nervously, standing up.
He stands up with me. "It's okay.."
"I should get back to my place. Call Andy.."
I really was feeling guilty. I said all those things to Tony in front of him. Fuck.. That's not okay at all.
He simply nods and walks with me to my car in silence.
"You sure you're alright? Do you want me to drive?"
"I'm fine, I'm sure. My stomach hurts, but I'm fine."
He grins and nods. "Alright... Well.."
"Thanks Tony.."
"Of course."
We stand in silence for a second or two, before I nod and reach to open my car door. Before I could do anything else though, I feel him grab my arm and press his lips to mine.
My eyes are wide open as he kisses me and I'm stiff at first. It doesn't seem to phase him and slowly, I let myself fall into the kiss. My hand makes its way to the back of his neck as his makes its way to my waist, pulling me closer.
He bites on my bottom lip and my mouth opens up, letting his tongue in. Our breathing grows heavy and minutes later, we pull away from the long kiss.
"I know you ment those words.", he mumbles against my lips heavily. "I could see it in your drunk eyes."
"Tony-", I shake my head.
"Shh..", he mumbles and presses his lips against mines again.
I kiss him harder this time, missing him and his touch so badly. My eyes grow watery though, and I push him away.
"No-", I cry out.
He looks at me worriedly. "Gabriella?"
"No- I can't keep doing this with you!"
"No, no, I promise, this time I'll change- I'm different! I miss you so much, Gabby. You're my world. I don't know why I've been so god damn stupid lately- letting you slip out of my hands and into Andy's I just-"
"Stop- please!", I cry out.
"No-", he grabs my arms and forces me to face him. "I love you, I love you so much. I'll never let you go. I don't want to let you go. I can't- I love you, baby, please. Give me another chance- please-", he begs, his eyes growing watery.
Tears fall into my mouth as I stare at him silently, not knowing what to say. My heart wants me to give into him so bad. He's right here, so why not? You know you want to. You know you want to kiss him and let him kiss you and love him all over again. So why don't you? He promised didn't he?
Again. He promised, again.
"I know you ment those words, Gabby! You fell asleep in my arms last night telling me how much you loved me. You told me to hold you and to not leave you. I didn't. And I never will. Ever again."
I'm still silent. I don't know what to say.
He lets out a deep breath. "Please, baby, please- talk to me! Say something!", he says desperately.
I look down and lick my lips. "I- Tony-"
"I love you, Gabby."
I look at him in his eyes. "Tony-"
"I know you ment it-"
I can't get hurt again. It's just not worth the risk anymore. My heart has to be given a break even though it doesn't want it.
"I was drunk, Tony."
"W-what?", he stutters in disbelief.
"I was drunk. I don't even remember half the things that happened last night."
Keep your ground, Gabriella. Don't fall into him again.
He stares at me angrily now. "You're fucking lying!", he yells.
I shake my head, straight faced. "No. I'm not."
"Of course you ment it! I know you did! I-"
"Tony, we're done."
His angry facial expression changes into sadness. "What...?", he croaks out.
"If what I said that day at my apartment wasn't enough for you to understand then I'm saying it again but in a nicer way. We're done. It's over. I'm with Andy."
Anger comes back to life on his face. "Bullshit, Gabby! Everything you're saying is bullshit right now!"
"You know what's bullshit?!", I yell back, the anger filling me up. "The fact that every time something you do that hurts me- I'm always there forgiving you again!"
I start shake from all the anger scorching through me. "My dumb ass always accepts your half ass apologies! Every. Single. Fucking. Time! All this shit about saying how you love me- and that it'll never happen again! And that I'm your only one! Well you know what-"
"Gabby-"
"Fuck that shit!", I yell. "I'm done being so gullible and I'm done falling so hard for you every single time you screw me over, Tony!"
"We're ment to be together- I just- I had some bad times back then but I'm better now and I know that what I have I don't want to lose again, Gabby, please! Baby please! Don't do this!"
"It's already been done- I can't keep hurting myself like this-"
"I don't want you to leave me-"
"If you love me so much, you'd let me go, Tony.", I say silently.
All emotions drain from his face.
"I'm so tired, Tony. I'm so tired of all of this. I just want a break. Please. I'm begging you- let me go."
"I can't, Gabby-"
"Please, just- try! Please- because I can't keep falling back into you- please just let me go-"
"Gabby-", he grabs me again and presses his lips against mine.
And of course, like a magnet, I get pulled right in, no force in me to pull away. Tears stream down my face at the realization that I do love him- of course I do- and I'll never be able to let him go. Unless he lets me go.
We slowly pull away from each other, our foreheads touching.
He wipes away my tears, tears of his own forming in his eyes. "You're my best friend. You're my everything. You're my girl, remember?"
I shut my eyes. "Let me go, Tony. Please.", I whisper. "Please."
He holds me tightly in his arms, no inch of him wanting to let go.
"I love you.", he says sternly. His grip loosens and he finally lets me go. "Don't you ever forget that, alright?" He puts his hands in his pockets, looking down.
I nod and wipe away my tears with my arm, opening my car door.
"I love you and that'll never change."
I look up at him before getting in my car. "I know."
I get in my car and start the ignition. I stare at Tony as he rubs his face from the tears he tries to hide, then gives me a pained look. He presses his lips shut and without any other look- walks away from my car and back into the house.
I drive to my apartment with no emotion. It's not until I reach my welcoming bed and sheets that the breakdown comes into full affect.
He let me go.