Catalyst

As I wake up, I feel sore. Everywhere. My hips mostly. I don't want to turn around, in fear that I might find an empty spot.
I finally bring myself to turn around and see exactly what I expected. No one. Nothing. My heart breaks a little.
Stop it. You knew what was going to happen, you knew exactly what was going to happen.
I collect myself and get up off the bed, dragging myself to the bathroom. I sigh and open the door, revealing Tony shaving. I stop in my tracks and gasp.
"Tony?", I say shocked.
He takes a glance at me and smiles, then continues to shave. "Mornin'. Sleep well?"
My heart is pounding inside my chest. "Um, yah. I did. You..?"
"I slept great. I haven't slept like that, well, since... A long time."
I stare at him, still shocked that he's still here. He turns the faucet on and rinses off his razor.
"It's always when I'm with you that I'm happy."
I swallow, not knowing what to say. He turns to me and gives me a soft hug and kisses my neck. "You okay?", he asks.
He pulls away a little and I place my hands on his chest. "Yeah, yeah. I didn't think you'd.. Be here."
He frowns. "I'm sorry.", he says quietly and looks down. "I've been a real douche bag. I just- I'm really confused with a lot of shit right now. But you're the only person that makes sense in my life."
"Tony-"
He looks up and stares right into my eyes.
Here's your chance to tell him everything on your mind. Just do it. Now! He's listening. Tell him.. Everything you feel. Do it.
".. it's okay..", I say.
I pull away and walk towards the kitchen before I start to cry.
Why do I do this to myself??
Because having him for a little bit of time is better than not having him at all...
I get a cup of water and wipe away the tears from my eyes.
Tony enters the room and scans me. Once he sees that I seem okay, he starts to talk.
"Hey, so, there's this party over at my place. With Vic and them. I want you to come with me."
I bite my lip. "Who else is going...?"
In other words, is that bitch you fuck behind my back gonna be there.
"Just old friends. Guyfriends. Their girlfriends too. Natalie is going."
"Oh, I haven't seen her in forever."
"Wanna go?"
I look around. "Yeah, sure."
He smiles. "Awesome."
"What time?"
"Seven. Wanna go out to eat?"
I give him a confused look.
"Oh- um... Sure."
"Alright!", he says and lightly slaps my ass. "Go get ready."

"I'm going to drive.", I say and walk out the door.
"Nope! No, no! I will."
He tries grabbing the keys from my hand and we wrestle around each other for some time until I finally poke his weak spot and run to the car. "Not fair!!", he laughs.
I smirk. "Life isn't fair."
He runs up to me and grabs my arms, then bites my neck.
I let out a big laugh and try to get away from his grip. "Tony, you freak! Fine!"
I give him the keys and he stuffs his face in my neck, kissing it. I twitch away and laugh.
How I've missed moments like these.
As we drive to Denny's, he whistles a small tune. I look out the window with a smile on my face, enjoying every second of this. I'm happy, yet confused. I'll just make it last.
I feel him intertwine his fingers through mine. I turn to him and smile. He smiles, looking ahead of the road. I feel safe and warm. This is where I'm supposed to be.

He balances the fork on his upper lip, but it falls, making a loud noise.
We both laugh.
"You're so stupid.", I say laughing.
"How stupid?"
"Pretty stupid.", I nod.
He smiles and kisses my hand. "Whatever you say."
I look down and take a sip of my water.
"So, what's been new, Gabby?"
I shrug. "Nothing really. Just been busy with college and work."
"That's good. I'm proud of you."
I grin. "How about you? I'm sure the band has been doing good. I see and hear more and more of you guys each day."
"Yah, we've been working pretty hard. Trying to work on some new things. We're getting there."
"That's really good, Tony. I've always knew you guys were gonna make it."
"Thanks, Gabby. Really. We're playing head stage in warped this summer. It's amazing. We headlined our first tour."
"Oh yah, I went to that. Pamona right?"
"Yes. I forgot about that. Last year. Eleven, eleven, eleven."
"Yep."
I take another sip of my drink.
That day was both good and bad.
Good because I spent almost all day with Tony. We were.. Together I guess. They all referred to me as his girlfriend. He didn't mine and nither did I. Until after the whole show was over, we went to the bar to relax and have a good time. She was there... and he didn't mind her touching him..
He even denied it. Denied inviting her, denied speaking to her..
"That was a weird day..", he says.
"I hardly remember it.", I lie.
"Hello! Cheesecake pancakes with hash browns?", the waitress lady says.
"That'll be me.", I say.
She places the two plates in front of me.
"And vege omelet melt?"
"Right here."
"Anything else I could get for you guys?"
"No, we're good. Thank you.", Tony says.
I start to cut my pancakes and I put a piece in my mouth.
"I still haven't said sorry for what happened that day."
Oh god, I thought this topic was over with.
"That's okay.", I say and stare at my food.
You never say sorry for a lot of things.
"You always say that. You always forgive me. Without even yelling at me or doing anything. Why?"
I look up at him.
"Because..", I sigh, trying to think of something that won't start up an argument. "You mean a lot to me, Tony. I'll always forgive you."
I'm such an idiot.
"You promise?"
We stare at each for a while.
"I promise."
"I don't deserve you..", he whispers.
The rest of the breakfast is eaten in silence.

"So, are you gonna get ready?", he asks while playing with Sasha, my puppy.
"Yep. Right now."
"Alright. I'll just wait for you right here."
He flops on the couch and turns the tv on.
I get into the room and look through my closet. I ask myself the cliche question; what should I wear?
"Hey! Is it going to be like a dress kind of a party? Or should I take some jeans?"
"Wear a dress! You'll be my eye candy for the whole night."
I start to laugh. "I'll wear pants then."
"Aw come on! I haven't seen you in a dress in the longest time."
"I'll see what I can do.", I laugh.
I pull out one of the few dresses I have. The one I wore when I met Tony. I wonder if he'll recognize it..
As I strip from my clothes I think about what's been going on lately. Why is he doing all these things with me? The boy is so random.. I haven't heard from him in almost two months. Then all of a sudden, he shows up! I better get ready for when he leaves. It's going to be a hard drop.
"Tony, can you zip it up for me?", I call out.
"Be right there."
He walks into the room and comes up behind me. He lifts up the small black zipper and when he's done he stares at me through the mirror.
"I remember this dress."
Ding ding ding.
"That time at that club.. It was Jaime's birthday.", he chuckles, "That was one hell of a crazy night..."
"It really was. I can't believe it happened four years ago now."
"Four years.", he mumbles.
We stare at each other and he turns me around to face him.
"I think about that day a lot. When I saw you, everything else was a blur. I'm really thankful I wasn't completely wasted..", he chuckles.
I laugh. "Yeah, me too."
He pecks my cheek and lets out a sigh. "You look great.", he says and pinches my hip.
I chuckle. "Leave; I'm not done yet."
He steps out the room and I turn back into the mirror. Four years ago, Tony and I were actually a couple. It's so weird to think about. He was living here with me. There's no doubt about it, this guy is my fucking soul mate.
But when I found out he was fooling around with his past, I quickly ended it. He always had a thing for blonde chicks... I should have seen it coming, the way Stephanie looked at him. They way he looked at her.
It's sad too, because she was a really cool girl. We were actually friends before any of this happened. But people have their secrets deep inside of them...
Apparently they were together a long while back, and they bumped into each other at the mall or something. She ruined everything. And he killed something beautiful by going along with it.
It's never been the same since. Four months ago, we started going out again. Until she arrived at the party, and it went down hill from there.
I'm hurt and still filled with anger and confusion.
If he loved me so much, why can't he just forget about her? Isn't he happy with me? He tells me all these things.. That I'm his muse and the apple of his eye... But yet, he still sees her.
That's it, tonight is the night I confront him about it. I'm done playing his bullshit game.