Firefight

Your front door opens and I faintly hear your mother tell Shane to go lie down. I frown. He probably got too upset at school and had to be brought home. I hear him say he's going to lay down with you and my heart aches. You've always been close with your brothers. I envied those relationships. I didn't talk to my siblings much. The closest thing I had to true siblings were your siblings. I used to take Shane to baseball practice, and he came to all my games. I made sure to hang out with him as often as I could, but that stopped when we stopped talking.

I trail my fingers down your spine and sush you. I tell you that you should go see your brother and you nod, not hiding the tears on your face. You drag your way upstairs, hardly acknowledging your mother. She smiles weakly at me and tells me to follow her.

We to to your front hall closet, and she pulls out a box with your name neatly printed on the lid. She tells me it is from your grandmother, and she wants me to give it to you, because I handle you best. I find myself blushing at her comment, but I accept the box nonetheless. She takes me into her arms and thanks me for coming to your house. "We missed you." She tells me. "All of us." She rubs my back once more before telling me she needs to go back out. I tell her we'll watch Shane and she leaves without another word.

I quietly walk into your room to see you holding a crying Shane. I place the box at the foot of your bed and ignore your questioning glances. I go to leave but you grab my hand. You pull me towards your bed with you and your brother, and I lay next to you, admiring the bond you two have. Your fingers lace with mine and I attempt to rest my mind, but your thumb brushing along my knuckles is making it hard.

You carry Shane to his room once he's calmed down, then come lay next to me. I tell you I should probably go home to shower and change but you won't let me. You tell me I can use your shower and wear your clothes instead. You hand me a clean pair of your boxers and push me into your bathroom before I can argue. It's hard to control the smile from creeping onto my face. You make me feel wanted again, a feeling I've missed so much.

I bathe fast and pull on your boxers, knowing I'll blush the second I walk into your room. They're not too tight, but they're definitely not as big as I'd like them. There also not as big as they used to be.

Your health is on my mind again. I don't know if you're intentionally losing weight, or what's going on. I used to know everything about you. I never had questions, but now I feel lost. I convince myself that you've lost weight because you're so active.

I step into the hallway to see a pouting Shane. I think he's waiting to use the bathroom, so I step out of the way. He launches himself into my arms instead. I grab his thighs and haul him up, holding him tightly to my chest. He's holding me like I'm going to disappear. I never meant to hurt him.

Shane tells me he misses me and he doesn't want me to leave again because you were mean once I left. I frown. I didn't think you'd changed once we'd parted. I kiss Shane's hair and tell him I'm not leaving, much like I told you earlier in the day. I walk with him to your room to see you writing furiously.

Shane hides his face in my neck. He doesn't want you to think he's crying, but you notice right away.

You drop your journal and stand up, wrapping your long arms around your brother and myself. Your lips press against the back of Shane's head and he sniffles into my chest.

"Where did you go Kennedy?" Shane's voice is soft but he sounds in pain.

"I didn't go anywhere, buddy." I tell him, not wanting to upset him more.

"Yes you did. You and John were fighting and you left me here." He starts crying again.

"No, sweetheart, I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere ever again." Shane tightens his arms around my neck and I realize how much I really missed the kid. He was a constant in my life as I was in his.

Your hand trails down to my spine and I adjust your brother in my arms. I'm still in nothing but your boxers, and your hand is burning against my lower back.

I go to lay Shane down in his bed but he insists I stay with him. You lean in his door frame while I rub his back. His breathing evens out and I know he's asleep. I pull the covers over his small body and close his door behind me.

You smile lightly at me and I attempt to smile back. "He really missed you." You tell me.

"I missed him too." I nod.

You let a small laugh out. "He's woken me up numerous times asking for you."

I frown, knowing I abandoned your little brother sucks. I shouldn't have stopped seeing him, but I thought that it would be weird if I ignored you, but hung out with your family.

You know what I'm thinking, as always. Your fingers graze my hips and you tell me it's not my fault. I try to smile but it ends up like a grimace.

You pull me back to your room and throw some clothes at me. I examine the fabric to see it's your favourite tom petty shirt. I try not to smile but it's really difficult. I see you smiling out of the corner of my eye and I pull it on, being comforted by the familiar shirt. I pull the sweat pants up my legs, relaxing into your clothes.

"What?"

That's all I can manage to say upon noticing you staring at me.

I internally kick myself for saying the stupidest thing possible.

You shake your head and run at me throwing your body against mine. I embrace you, taking in your smell. You don't let go or say anything and I stay still. I don't want to let go. I've spent too much time away from you to reject these moments.

Your lips press against my collar bone and I try to control my breathing. Getting this close with you is dangerous, especially after the months I've had to spend away from you.