Free to Us

Free To Us

Louis Tomlinson couldn’t breathe.
His chest was tight, feeling weighted.
This couldn’t be true, it just couldn’t. He would know…. Wouldn’t he? Eloise was always as much of a part of his as even he was. She couldn’t be… the word wouldn’t even register in his own mind. It was impossible.
No
Louis refused to believe it.
“Louis, sweet? Do you hear me?” His mothers wavering voice finally registered.
“Um, yeah mum, I’m here,” His voice sounded hoarse to his own ears.
“So you’ll go?” her voice was pleading, begging him not to make her do it, to see Eloise… no. It wasn’t Eloise, it wasn’t.
“Of course mummy,” his voice was falsely cheerful. “I’m sure it’s nothing at all.”
Because it couldn’t be, I couldn’t be something.
“Oh boobear, I hope so,” he could feel her desperation through the phone, with the use of the nearly forgotten nickname of his childhood. “I love you so much… you know that right?”
Louis couldn’t help but pause…. He had never heard his mother sound so desperate. So close to the edge.
“Of course,” he was sure to keep his voice steady “I Love you to mum, so much.” As he pressed the end button Louis felt his façade break.
“Oh my god.” He whispered, dropping his phone and pushing his hands through his hair. This couldn’t be happening, anything but this, please. A harsh whimper tore out of his throat.
“no, no, no, no,” he whispered, fully aware of the boys in the next room, not wanting to disturb them. Not wanting them to witness his distress.

“Ellie, can you please be okay baby, just please, please be okay.”