Doing What He Does Best, Leaving. Again.

“I cannot believe this!” I shouted as I sat at my computer. This is not supposed to happen. This is supposed to be my time away from him. Now with this tragedy I will have to see Kris all the time. I was looking forward to having him traveling around the country on weekends. There would finally be peace and quiet around the house.

I let out a sigh before standing up from the computer and walking into the living room. I would just have to learn to deal with this. I mean it is not that big of a deal. It will be just like it has been the past few months. Giving the kids off every other weekend. Going to both relatives for the holidays. That I do not really mind much though since I do love Kris’ parents even though it means I have to spend the day with him. I cannot say I am glad about this situation but there is not much I can do about it. The phone began to ring so I walked to the hallway to grab it. I let out a groan as a I saw the number across the caller id.

“So did you call to gloat?” I asked through gritted teeth. I heard him let out a sigh and the line went still. I knew he did not hang up but he was just being quiet. As if he was trying to form the words in his head before speaking which is usually not something Kris does.

“You know this is not my fault. This is also not something I like. Why the hell would I want a lockout? I am out of a job Danielle. This is serious.” He snapped back.

“This is not that serious to you. Don’t try to pull the whole oh I’m jobless bit on me. You make ten times more than the average American a year. This lockout will hardly put a dent in your bank account.” I shot back at him.

“Oh right but after all this parental support money I owe you it sure as hell will.” He shot back just as angry.

“You hardly owe me anything! It’s not my fault the judge gave me the primary custody of the children. You are never home anyways so why should they always be with you?” I began to pace around the living room like I always do when we fight. I began to look over the pictures of Dakota and Ryan. Their smiling faces beaming up at me through the frames as Kris was silent on the other end of the line.

“Look Danielle I didn’t call to gloat or fight. I really hate fighting with you.” His voice began to calm down and he sounded sorry. I could tell he was hurting. Hell I was too. This divorce took a toll on us. We were always both fighting over the stupidest things ever. Things that did not warrant a fight over. Just like this fight was not needed.

“I hate fighting with you too.” I barley said in a whisper as I sat down in my oversized lounge chair and curled up emotionally drained.

“Well I was just calling to see if you and the kids wanted to come over for dinner. Sidney is coming back to Pittsburgh tonight and he was talking about calling you so I figured why can’t we all have dinner together?” He asked. I could tell he was hopeful about this.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. But I can drop the kids off.” I wanted to go. I really did. It’s just that Kris and I only hang out with the kids when we absolutely have to. Like when we go to the relatives for holidays. Or when Kris has a game the kids want to go to. Or when the kids have a sporting event or a school social we will both go together. We act like we like each other for the kids’ sake even though half the time I just want to scream at him.

“I want to get pass this Danielle. I want us to be able to hang out like we did before everything…”
“But Kris things have changed.” I interrupted him. I cannot let Kris talk a lot. He is too good at getting what he wants.

“They have changed. There is no denying it.”

“Then why do you think it will go back to the way it was?” I asked. I know it cannot go back to the way it was. We are not a happy family anymore. Whenever anything gets rough Kris gets going.

“It does not have to be the same as before. But I want us to be able to communicate better. To be able to hang out together with our kids. To be friendly with each other. No more of this nonsense fighting. It’s tiring. It’s not fair to Ryan or Dakota either.” And there he goes again. Trying to guilt me by bring the kids into the conversation.

“But we are fine when with the kids. We always act like we like each other.”

“But that is it. We act. I am sick of acting. I just want us to be friends again. I cannot do this anymore. I want it to be real. I need this.” I wanted to cry at his words. There was just something so genuine about what he was saying. I wanted to believe him.

“I can’t do this.”

“What’s stopping you?” his voice poured out the phone in a seductive manner. I wasn’t thinking straight. I needed to get off the phone before he convinced me to go. Think about the kids.

“Kris…” I wanted to tell him why I couldn’t. There was so many reasons as to why. I did not want the kids to get hurt was the number one reason. But I also had to think of myself. I did not want to be hurt again.

“Ok good since there is no reason I’ll pick you up at six.”

“Kris wait…” I started before I was cut off with the dial tone.

“Bastard.” I whispered before getting up and walking towards the kitchen. The kids would be home soon so I would have to get them a snack and make them start their homework. They’d be excited to see their dad tonight. And I know Dakota will be ecstatic to see Sidney. After all this time she still has a crush on him.

“WE ARE HOME!” Dakota shouted as she and Ryan ran through the door.

“Take your shoes off! I do not need any mud being tracked through the house!” I shouted back before they could run through the house. I heard them groan and I laughed as they took their boots off.

“I have a surprise for you if you do your homework.” I pushed away my sadness and singsonged to the kids as they marched into the kitchen to wash their hands for snack time. I sauntered over to the fridge and pulled out some celery and carrots and began to cut them up into shorter pieces.

“What is it mom?” Ryan asked as he jumped onto the stool by the breakfast bar.

“Yeah mom what is it? I love surprises!” Dakota yelled as she sat down next to Ryan at the bar.

“Dakota we have discussed this for years. No shouting inside.” I exasperatedly sighed as I put a plate of celery and carrots with peanut butter in front of them. She muttered a sorry before digging into her snack.

“So…” Ryan said between bites. I gave him a look and he shut his mouth while he chewed. I swear they pick up the worst habits when they are away with Kris. Sadly he lets them get away with more than I do. Guess we will have to have a talk on our parenting styles soon.

“Well Sidney is in town…” I gave Dakota a look as she squealed in her chair, “and Kris decided to invite us all over to dinner.” I said with a fake smile on my face. The kids cheered and quickly finished their snack. I could tell they were excited.

“Come on Dakota hurry up! We have to finish our homework or we can’t go!” Ryan exclaimed. Dakota shook her head and finished her snack.

“Thanks mom!” they said in unison as they rushed off to their rooms to do their homework. I nodded my head as I began to wash their plates wishing I was as excited as they were. I just don’t know if my heart can handle this.