Simplified Lovesick

He thought he knew what it was like to have his heart broken, but Kendall Knight had never felt such an ache in his entire life.

When Jo had left for New Zealand, he’d been devastated, but that hurt seemed to pale in comparison to how he felt not having Lucy around. Without her at his side, a piece of him was missing, and unlike his breakup with Jo, this pain didn’t dull with time. Instead, it only grew more intense. With each passing day, her absence grew more and more prominent, and every inch of him longed for her more.

The only thing that brought him any peace was knowing that she was happy. Lucy was doing the one thing she loved most, sharing her music with the world, and if that meant the two of them had to spend some time apart while she toured, then so be it.

But he couldn’t shake the feeling that she was out of his reach. Even though they still talked on the phone every night, texted throughout the day, and had frequent Skype dates, it just wasn’t the same. He’d grown so accustomed to having her in the building, only a short walk away, that the distance seemed unbearable. Since they’d started dating, her apartment had become an escape for him. When things were getting too tense with the guys and he just needed to get away from it all for a while, she was the first person he called, and she had always been eager to listen and just let him vent, which he greatly appreciated.

Though Jo had been a great first girlfriend and he didn’t regret the time he’d spent with her, things with Lucy were different. The two of them connected on a deeper level. She had become more than just his girlfriend, Lucy was truly one of his best friends, and it felt strange not having her around. Whenever something funny or eventful happened to him, Lucy was the first person he wanted to share it with, and now she was gone.

For the first time in his life, Kendall felt the weight of loneliness pull at his bones.

He raked a hand through locks of dirty blonde hair, jade eyes drifting from the clock at his side to the ceiling above as he counted down the minutes before he would be able to see her face again. Fingers wandered downward, tracing the delicate guitar string wound around his neck until they brushed against the pick resting on his collarbone, yet another reminder of the girl he was so hopelessly in love with.

A sigh forced its way past his lips, his chest heaving in the motion as he shifted around restlessly in bed. Every inch of his skin crawled with that anxious anticipation at the thought of seeing her, of hearing her voice again, even if she was still a thousand miles away.

It was just enough for him to get by.

As soon as he heard the familiar ding! coming from his laptop, he immediately perked up, reaching over to turn on his bedside lamp before turning all of his attention to the screen in front of him.

“Hey, how’s it going?” he heard her ask casually, and as his stare flickered toward the screen, he noticed her tuck a strand of violet hair behind her ear.

“Pretty shitty,” he admitted with a half-hearted laugh. “But it’s definitely better now.”

A faint smile formed across her lips, a slight blush rising to the surface of her cheeks, and all Kendall could think about was how he’d never seen her look like that before. It was always very “what you see is what you get” with her, and a part of him appreciated her forwardness, the fact that she was completely honest and didn’t try to play relationship mind games with him like most of the other girls his age. Seeing that hint of vulnerability adorn her fair cheeks gave him more reassurance that she felt comfortable letting her guard down around him.

“What about you? How’s the road treating you?” he asked as his eyes struggled to soak in every inch of her while he still had the chance.

Her chocolate eyes tilted upward for a moment, her smile fading away as her posture seemed to sink. “It’s definitely an experience.”

Concern rose to the surface of his irises as he tried to find the right words to console her. “Why do you say that? I thought you loved performing.”

Her fingers ran nervously through her hair as she tried to explain. “I do, and don’t get me wrong, I’m totally grateful that I even have this opportunity, but I don’t feel like this is the right avenue to get my voice heard, if you know what I mean? I feel like they’re trying to change my music, persuading me to play the more upbeat and poppy stuff on stage instead of the songs I’ve worked harder on. It’s all bullshit.”

Before he had a chance to formulate a response, she continued, her voice more fragile as she diverted her stare away from the screen.

“I wanted to debut the song I wrote for you tonight, but they just brushed it off like it was nothing.”

Kendall wasn’t entirely sure if the words he held on the tip of his tongue had the purest intentions. On one hand, he wanted her to be happy, and if this tour wasn’t giving her the outlet she needed, he didn’t want her to waste her time with it. At the same time, he knew deep down that he was being selfish, that his own loneliness and desperation to be with her again was clouding his judgment. Instead of telling her what was really on his mind, he swallowed the words and plastered a smile on his face.

“At least you’ve only got two more weeks left of it though, right?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” she said, flashing him a quick smile.

“Surely the Lucy Stone can stick it out for two more weeks,” he offered.

“It’s just,” she began, lowering her voice and quickly glancing around the space before she continued. “The other female artists they have me touring with are beyond annoying.”

“Really?” he asked, glad that the conversation had taken a less serious tone. “How so? Spill it, Stone.”

“Well, imagine what would happen if the Jennifers were cramped up on a tour bus, and you’ve pretty much got the misery I have to deal with on a daily basis.”

“You poor thing,” he teased her, relishing in the way that it made her eyes light up.

“You know, you’re really lucky that you get to tour with your three best friends,” she joked. “You don’t know how rough you could have it.”

“I know, I know,” he confessed. Even though they got under his skin at times, they were still his best friends, and there was no one else he’d rather be in a band with. “So I take it you finished the song?”

She nodded slowly. Before she’d left, she had let him hear a new song that she’d been working on, a song she’d wrote about their relationship, but she’d been stuck on it, so all she had was a simple chorus to offer him.

“I’m actually pretty proud of it. I’ve never written a love song before, so it was all new territory. Plus, I don’t think I’ve ever written anything quite so personal before, but all in all, I like it, and I think you will too.”

“I’m sure I will,” he said with a grin. “Could you play it for me?”

Her eyes lowered at him suggestively. “Yeah, I could, but I won’t. Gotta leave you something to look forward to for when I get back to the good ole Palm Woods.”

“Ha ha ha,” Kendall replied dryly, but he couldn’t mask the grin that overtook his features.

Silence lapsed between them, both of them unsure of what to say next. As usual, Lucy was the first to blurt out her feelings.

“Damn Knight, I miss you so much.” There was a sincerity in her voice that he just couldn’t shake.

“I miss you too.”

Though Lucy could spill her heart in the words of a song, it still felt foreign to share those things with him aloud, between just the two of them. “Well, I’d better let you go. It’s probably late there, and I know you have class in the morning.”

Please don’t go, he wanted to beg her, but he just couldn’t say the words. All he had to give her was a nod.

Her lips pursed as she blew him a kiss from so many miles away, and he grinned as he pretended to catch it in his grip.