Seeing You in Him

Amelia

Let me start off by saying I'm proud. I am so proud. Too proud that no words, however meaningful and complicated, would be able to describe the pride I have for you.

Your talents and love for music and the people who adore you, also individually but mostly band-wise, are infinite.

I wish we could say the same for our love.

From the day I was born and from the twenty five years I have lived, I have never felt more loved than I have when I was with you.

Through our relationship of four years and a half, I had grown to be accustomed to your style of living. Never at home anymore; traveling, touring and performing for months; when at home always working on more songs; barely having time for me.

I worked through those up and downs - we were always by each other's side, not once leaving or giving up.

Or at least, that's what you lead me on to believe. Zachary David Porter, the man who broke my heart.

I knew long distance relationships were difficult but you said we would go through it. That we would push on. I was always on the edge, on the verge of breaking down and breaking us apart but whoever though that you would be the one to do that?

Nobody knew what happened to me that day. People never thought I could hear them talking about me. "She's a mess," they said. "It's as if her who world's been torn apart," they whispered. "Nobody has died sweetheart," they murmured.

But they were wrong. Oh, how wrong were they about that.

When the words goodbye left those beautiful lips of yours, you either stole a piece of my heart or a part of myself had died and been taken away.

My negativity and pessimistic attitude continued on for a month or so. It had taken me weeks to finally come to the conclusion - you were never coming back. It made me feel like an utter idiot.

Jace Thompson, his name was. Well, it is still is his name.

He was my knight in shining armor. Came at around a year after you left and gently swept me off my converse covered feet.

Yes, I still wore Chuck Taylors. They are the most stylish and most comfortable - at the same time - shoes I'd ever come across. You shared your antics with me and I guessed old habits don't fade away so easily.

He has light blue eyes, almost grey if you think about it and had thick dark brown hair when I first met him. Now it's short but it suits him. He was awkward, quiet shy at first. Then we spent time together and something simply clicked.

To put it colloquially, he was almost exactly like you. Excluding the fact that you left me and he didn't. Still hasn't and probably never will.

A beautiful silver ring embraces the base of my ring finger as proof. Amelia Thompson. It carries a nice ring to it, don't you think?

And everytime I lock gazes with him, I feel the guilt drive deeper within me. Everyday, a surge of uncertainty wells up inside of my body. As if it knows what I'm doing wrong.

I do truly love him. But do I only love him because he reminds me of you? Do I love him because he was the perfect distraction? Or am I just simply in love with him?

I have no doubt that I'm happy marrying him and that I will be for the rest of my life. But your face always seems to appear in my visions when I'm alone with my thoughts. And I have to reassure myself all the time.

I decide to pour out all the thoughts and emotions I have hidden away deep inside into a letter. So for once, I can finally live in liberty without your sweet face always getting in the way.

But if fate disagrees, we will meet again someday in the future. And I think that will be the day I break promises.

Because you, were a part of my life and we are both to blame.

I'm so sorry, Jace. You knew about this but you took the risk. You loved me and care for me as I did with you. Though I told you about my situation and still, you didn't care.

You loved me for me.

I can't live knowing I betrayed you. I promise to try and steer away from Zach if I see him again but I can't promise that I'll be able to push away the feelings.

I don't know who this letter is for now.

I'm so sorry.