A Ballad of Love and Hate

[Noah]

The first two days of these two weeks away from Ryan, I spent in bed, not leaving or answering anyones phone calls or texts.

Lily, being the friend she was came into my apartment with her key and laid down with me in bed.

“You don’t have to talk, Devon told me everything, but I’m not going to leave you alone. You can’t get rid of me. So, you’re going to get your ass up, take a shower because you look a mess and instead of wallowing, you’re going to get to thinking,” Lily said directly. I looked at her before I rolled over on my side trying to escape.

But Lily wouldn’t have it.

Using all the strength she had, Lily stripped the blankets off of me and literally began to kick my ass out of the bed.

“Ouch! Lily, Stop!” I yelled as I stood off the bed and looked at her pissed off.

“No, I’m not going to let you fall apart for these next two weeks, you’re going to think and you’re going to pull yourself together. Ryan or no Ryan, you are not that weak ass girl that can’t do this alone,” she snapped. I looked at myself in the vanity.

Lily was right, I looked awful. I wore a long sleeve Florida shirt and leggings. My hair was knotted on top of my head and I had make-up smeared on my face.

I got into a shower and started to feel better already. I let the water wash away the bad feelings and hopped out and put on a button up and pencil skirt. I let my hair go natural and put on some fresh make-up and pumps. I went to my kitchen to find Lily sitting with a cup of coffee.

“Now you look so much better,” she smiled. I pulled out my phone and began looking at all the work I had to do and people I had to respond to.

-Just know I’m thinking about you, Noah, all the time, I love you- Ryan’s text read.

I smiled a little and texted him an I love you too before I looked at my email and sighed.

“I really do put my work first, Lily. Ryan’s completely right, what do I do?” I frown, taking the coffee from Lily, feeling tears well up.

“Let’s practice leaving work at work. Everyday for the next two weeks, after five pm, you’re done working. Let me and Mark take care of everything else,” Lily took my phone from me and turned off e-mail notifications after 5.

“But Lily, people need me after five,” I tried to explain.

“Nope, people can talk to us after five, if it’s something I can’t handle, I can call you but let’s be honest, I can handle a lot,” Lily grinned.

This is one step I would have to do, I would have to let go of work, Lily was right. The question then came of if I was willing to leave this city for real for Ryan.

Lily and I walked down the streets of New York and I took in the city air. I didn’t want to leave this place. I loved it here more than anywhere in the world.

Why did I promise Ryan that I would leave this city for him? My heart panged a little bit as I remembered something.

I loved Ryan an infinite times more than I loved this city. And while this city became my home, it hit me that now home was where Ryan was. He had all my heart now.

Looking around, Manhattan suddenly wasn’t as glamorous as it had once been, even just moments ago, that life I thought it bared was gone. Ryan was the life in me now, he was all I wanted.

It was if the light bulb finally flickered on in my head. All this frivolous planning and logistical thinking was irrelevant to me. Lily was right earlier, I just have to shut down work at 5, I can easily do that, if that’s what it took to be with Ryan.

I suddenly realized I was looking at things as a sacrifice and not as a reward. My reward being that I got to be with the man I loved.

“Noah, are you okay?” Lily asked. I wiped my eyes a little and smiled at her.

“Lily, I don’t care where I live, I don’t care what work I have to give up, all that matters is being with Ryan,” I smiled. Lily grinned and pulled me into a hug.

I began laughing as I pulled away from her.

“I have to go, I have to go to Florida right now, Lily, this two weeks apart is ridiculous. I know now, it doesn’t matter. None of this matters. Work, New York, hectic schedules, I just want to be with Ryan and I’ll do whatever it takes,” I smiled through the tears that fell from my face. Lily began to tear up as well.

“None of these logistics matter to me, I could care less, I just want to be a Lochte,” I laughed.

“Then GO! Tell Ryan he’s insane, tell him you’re insane! Go to Florida and be with him!” Lily encouraged, waving her hand to call a taxi.

“Take her to JFK, get on the next flight to your fiancé,” Lily grinned. I laughed and got in the cab and took off for the JFK.

I ran into the airport, with no clothes, no luggage and overnight necessities. I just had me in my business apparel and my purse containing my wallet with my credit cards. I went up to the Delta Airlines desk and said I needed to get to Gainesville.

“Okay, I have one seat left on a flight to Gainesville with a layover in Atlanta that leaves in forty five minutes,” the woman told me. I just nodded and handed her my drivers license and credit card.

“It’s economy is that okay?” She asked.

“Yeah, sure I don’t care, I just need to get there,” I laughed. The woman smiled and handed me my boarding pass and wished me luck. I ran down the airport to get through security. Throwing my phone in a bin with my purse and quickly removing my shoes.

“Is this all you have, miss?” The TSA worker asked me.

“Yes, I literally just decided to go to Florida about twenty minutes ago to see my fiancé, I need him to know I’ll do whatever it takes,” I smiled. The woman grinned at me as I went through.

“Go get your man,” she smiled, handing me my bin. I smiled and threw my heels in my purse so I could make it to my terminal to board my flight.

I dashed through the busy airport, not caring at the onlookers, just focusing on one thing; I needed to be with Ryan.

I reached the terminal at last call and and quickly handed them my boarding pass. The woman looked at my frazzled demeanor and barefooted self.

“Oh my gosh, you’re Noah Wilson,” she said to me. I smiled and nodded.

“Such a fan of your work, I have like half your line in my closet and I saw the preview of your new line from what you learned over seas, it’s stunning,” she commended.

“Thank you, I appreciate your compliments and support,” I smiled, just wanting to get on my plane.

Finally being let on, I found my seat in economy where I sat on an end seat next to an old married couple. The two were arguing about taking pills and in the end the woman made her husband take his pill and he passed out.

“Are you married dear?” She asked as her husband snored behind her.

“Soon,” I smiled.

“Well when you get old like me and my husband, always make sure you make your husband take his medicine before the flight, that way he won’t be the old complaining man on the flight,” she warned. I laughed and thought of what Old Ryan would look like and if he would be one to complain.

“I’ll be sure to do that, ma’am,” I promised.

My flight went quickly and landed in Atlanta. I rushed to my next terminal and quickly boarded my plane to Gainesville.

I grew nervous. This whole time I had felt so sure that this was it, that Ryan would be relieved that I had come to this conclusion but what if he really needed these two weeks without me? What if he really needed to be apart and think? What if this wasn’t what he wanted from me?

“Miss, you’re clutching your seat quite harshly, are you okay?” A younger girl asked me. I turned and looked at her and she gasped a little.

“Oh my God, you’re Noah Wilson, why are you in economy? Are you okay? Is Ryan okay? Oh my God, I’m such a fan, sorry, I’m calm, I’m cool, I’m Lizzie,” she rambled. I held out my hand to greet her.

“Hi Lizzie, it’s nice to meet you, I’m on a last minute trip to Gainesville. Literally all I have is my purse but I just had to tell Ryan something,” I laughed. She nodded.

“Last I heard, he threw all your stuff into a cool down pool in Austin, but I see you still have your engagement ring so that’s good!” She beamed.

“Yes, I do still have my ring, I’m just nervous about what I have to tell Ryan. Tell me, you seem to be a fan so you must know Ryan well, do you think he will like that I am surprising him from New York even though he wanted some time to think?” I asked feeling a little bit stupid asking a fans advice.

But I was desperate and wanted to calm my nerves.

“Well, I do love Ryan, and I love you too. But I think we both know Ryan’s not a deep thinker, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. And I think a surprise from you would be a dream come true,” she smiled.

“Thank you, truly, you helped calm me down,” I grinned, feeling better about my decision.

I talked to Lizzie the rest of the flight and when we landed I took a picture with her and thanked her for all her help before running to find a taxi.

I still had no shoes on as I sprinted out of the airport to get in a taxi. Once I got outside, it began to rain extremely hard. I hopped in a cab and told him Ryan’s address, knowing he would just be getting in from training this morning.

The cab sped down the highway, making the short drive to Ryan’s house. I tried to collect myself as I got nervous once again the closer we got to his house. Upon arrival, I saw his cars (along with mine) in his driveway through the pouring rain. I quickly paid the taxi driver before getting out and immediately getting soaked.

My shirt began to get more and more see through and I was still not wearing any shoes but I didn’t care. I went to grab my keys to Ryan’s house in my bag but they weren’t there. Not having another choice, I knocked harshly on the door, hoping that he would answer.

I waited for a moment and didn’t get an answer. I knocked again and got nothing. Where the heck was he? His cars were here, my car was here, where could he be? I looked for the hidden key to find that it was gone.

This wasn’t suppose to happen, Ryan was suppose to be home, I was suppose to tell him it was him and him alone that I wanted. It was suppose to be a sunny day as well and I was suppose to have my fiancé back.

But life didn’t always work up to our minds expectations. Not knowing what to do I began walking down the driveway, still barefoot, to go to campus and get back to New York when I heard my name.

I looked up, blinking through the rain to find Ryan getting out of Conor’s car, making his way up to me.

“What are you doing here and standing in the rain and where the hell are your shoes?” He asked me confused.

“It’s you,” I said simply in a loud voice so he could hear me through the rain. Ryan looked at me confused.

“Ryan, I don’t care about work, I don’t care where I live, I know that maybe you think that we have to think through all this stuff but after a mere two days, I realized that it doesn’t matter to me. I just want you, Ryan, all of you, and you have all my heart, all my attention, work will be done by 5, I don’t care I just want to be with you, I wanna be there like you’ve been there for me all this time,” I explained. Ryan looked at me through his blue eyes that were brighter due to the grey skies.

I watched the Ryan drip off of his hair and down his muscular arms, waiting for him to say something to me.

I was about to speak again to tell him he could take more time and I understood but I wasn’t going anywhere when his lips crashed forcefully into mine.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

He fumbled with the door, not letting me go as he reached for his key out of his pocket and unlocked the door to let us in.

Ryan kicked the door closed and led us to his bedroom.

We wasted no time. Ryan pulled his wet t-shirt off as I unbuttoned my soaked oxford and unzipped my skirt.

Ryan laid me gently on the bed and looked at me one last time.

“I love you, Noah, so much,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” I smiled before he began to show me just how much he loved me.

Once again, we were going to be okay.