Butterfly Kisses

I stood behind my friends, watching as Ellie and Ashley prepared to head down the church aisle first, imagining everybody’s heads turned in their direction, watching and waiting as our procession made our way to the front of the church. As I stood off to the side, out of the view of the people inside, I couldn’t stop myself from biting at the inside of my cheek or at my lip, or squeezing the stems of the bouquet of white flowers I had in my hands. I was nervous as hell, but it was an excited type of nervous, and all I wanted was to be standing at the other end the church with Dan.

“You’re not gonna freak out and ditch us now, are you?” Matt asked quietly, his dark eyes shining with amusement. I narrowed my eyes at his joke, unable to deal with his antics while I was so on edge, starting to hate the slow pace we were supposed to be walking at. Holly, standing to his right, reached up with her free hand and punched him, eyebrows creased to form a similar glare. Matt flinched away as best as he could with his arm linked through Holly's, eyes widening at his girlfriend.

“Hey, hey! I was kidding! Relax.” Matt said defensively, grinning between Holly and me.

“Come on,” Holly sighed, rolling her eyes and tugging on his arm. She gave me a soft smile as she led Matt to the doors, saying something quietly to him.

I took a deep breath, itching to run my hands through my hair or something, waiting here was starting to feel like forever. I started smoothing out my dress with one hand, running my fingers down the material, anything to do with my hands and my time before it was my turn to step through the doorway with my escort.

“Before you know it you’ll be Mrs. Allison Flint,” I heard next from Amy, seeing the large smile on her face. “Don’t forget to breath,” she teased as she pulled me into a quick, one-armed hug and then stepped away to link her arm with Josh's. Before they started walking down the aisle, I noticed the way Josh was watching her, and the way Amy flushed and grinned wider when he complimented her.

As they moved away from me down the aisle, Amy's last few words started to replay over and over again in my head. I had to say them out loud, to see how they sounded once again.

“Allison Flint,” I whispered, only loud enough for my own ears. I’d imaged thousands of times what it would be like to be married to Dan, to have his last name as my own, to share the rest of our lives together, and it felt almost surreal now to be standing in a church, wearing the most perfect wedding dress, knowing Dan was waiting for me at the other end.

“Allison,” my dad’s low, quiet voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “Are you ready?” I turned to him, a sad, soft smile turning onto my lips when I met his eyes. He extended his arm, trying to keep a solemn expression on his face. My dad was never one to be too emotional, and I couldn’t even imagine what he was feeling now as he prepared to walk his daughter down the aisle to give away to a man so they could start their own life together.

I wrapped my arm through his, holding it tightly, taking a deep breath and swallowing hard as we moved into the doorway. There was a sound of rustling as the seated people stood up, angling their bodies to face me. As my eyes traveled down the pews of people, I could discern almost everybody’s faces that I could see. Dan's mom was already wiping at tears under her eyes, Amy and the boys staring at me, and friends of mine from school.

The eyes of everybody in the church were on us as we started slowly down the aisle to the quiet music from a piano, but my eyes made it to the end of the church and landed on the figure of a man, with dark brown hair, looking up, and swallowing hard. Instantly, my eyes were stuck on his pair of blue eyes, staring straight back at me, watching me intensely. My entire body warmed under the passion of his stare, and there was no way that I could hide the blush that was tinting my cheeks a light pink and the enormous smile on my mouth that grew even more at Dan’s own mouth turning up into a smile. Standing there in his tuxedo, hands clasped lightly in front of him with a smile meant only for me, he had never looked more perfect, and it became all I could do not to drag my father to the end of the aisle to be near him.

In those few minutes of walking down the aisle, everything about our last three years together came flooding back to my head in small snippets and pictures, from the first day I met him at the pub, up until this day. From the fight we had from the stress of distance when we weren't even together and just being sick of each other in that moment. From the first time we kissed when we were at his flat, when he held my hand, when he told me the truth after four weeks of not talking, when he kissed me after the film, to the first time we slept together on our anniversary, and to the moment he first told me he loved me. Every small detail about our past together came rushing back to me, pulling me so deep into my thoughts that the walk down the aisle went by quicker than I would have thought, and in no time at all we had stopped at the opposite end.

I handed my bouquet of flowers to Amy before I turned to my dad, breaking my eye contact with Dan for the first time, to my dad.

“I love you, Dad,” I said softly, leaning forward and kissing his cheek softly.

“I love you too, Ali,” he said back, smiling as he unlinked our arms and handed me over to Dan before backing away to take his seat.

I turned, hating how my palms had started to sweat as I stood less than one foot away from Dan, both of us seemingly oblivious to all the people around us.

“You clean up well,” I teased, speaking softly as my smile shifted slightly into a smirk.

“You look… incredible,” Dan whispered, the most proud, exultant look in his eyes and expression as the people behind us settled down in their seats. “Actually, incredible can’t even begin to describe how good you look, love.”

The warmth of my cheeks increased, bring the pink-ish tint back to my skin as the pastor spoke up above us, addressing the crowd behind us as to why we were seated in this church today. I licked my lips a little, glancing over Dan again.

“I love you,” I mouthed, feeling as if my heart was swelling inside of my chest from the immense joy I was feeling, loving the way Dan's eyes held mine for a moment, and the way his blue iris’s told me everything I needed to know without him having to speak a word, but it never hurt to hear the next three words that were breathed out of his own mouth.

“I love you,” he just barely whispered, and I felt his hand graze mine, fingers pushing between them, squeezing lightly as the preacher continued to talk.

The pastor started to speak, and I could barely find it in myself to listen to what he was saying. I had never been to church before. But I was trying my hardest to follow his speech to the crowd behind us, but I could barely see past Dan's eyes watching me through his lashes.

I hadn’t realized I was crying until Dan lifted his hand, brushing his thumb across my cheek while my vision blurred. I sniffed quietly, trying to fight off the small laugh that escaped my throat. He chuckled lightly, fingers cupping the side of my face for a moment before allowing them to fall back to hold mine.

I could see my mum and dad from the corner of my eye. I could have sworn I saw a glint of light near my dad's eyes, as if, in some strange and abnormal moment of weakness, he was crying.

Max’s eyes met mine from the right side of Dan’s face, and his mouth turned up into a smile that was bigger than I had seen in a long time. His cleanly shaven face showed more of his cheeks, and he nodded twice at me. For some reason, I knew that nod meant a lot more than what it let on.

The pastor’s voice continued to droll on, and it felt like I had been standing with my hands linked with Dan’s for hours. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, nails moving in circles around Dan's palm.

“Patience, Al,” Dan whispered so quietly, even the pastor continued his speech, not aware of the words passed between us. I could see his mouth turned up on one side.

“My impatience isn’t going anywhere,” I said softly, biting my lip and meeting his blue irises. They were wide, awake, but most importantly, excited. There wasn’t a hint of hesitation in his pupils, not a moment of turning back. My heart pumped, knowing he wasn’t changing his mind about me.

“I wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t know that,” the conversation went unnoticed, the minister so into what he was saying, I was sure he zoned us out completely.

His hand flexed around mine, and I couldn’t stop the tears from working their way to my eyes again. I retracted my hand, wiping them away in embarrassment. Dan’s thumb moved across the back of my hand in reassurance.

“There isn’t any backing out now,” I whispered, tilting my head to the side. “Are you ready for that?”

He paused, crooked smile finding its way to his mouth before he shook his head in disbelief. “I’ve been waiting for awhile to marry you, Allison. I’m not going anywhere.”

I could feel my limbs shaking, and I almost wanted to sit down, or jump into Dan's arms and kiss him as hard as I possibly could. The only thing keeping me from that was the priest bringing me back down to earth, finally addressing the both of us.

“Now, the bride and groom have both prepared vows for one another,” he nodded, motioning for us to start. I had cleared my throat, gaining everyone’s eyes and attention directed on me and my make-up stained face.

I knew I had memorized what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find it in my head. It was lost amongst the millions of thoughts rushing through my mind, and I ditched the written version and began to speak.

“Dan,” I started with a raspy voice, swallowing hard and feeling my legs start to wobble. “I- I don’t even know where to start. I’m still amazed you’re in a tux right now, willing to marry someone as crazy like me.”

There was a wave of laughter that filled the pews while Dan beamed at me, chest rumbling with a chuckle.

“It’s been three years, and it feels like five seconds. Walking down that aisle, I remembered every second I spent with you, and even in the hardest times, I wouldn’t change any of it. I remember the first time I met you and I remember that night perfectly.

“I remember the first night I kissed you, how you called me to apologize when you were on tour, when I was out on stage with you, how you always called me love and I never want to stop hearing it. I remember when I made you dye your hair back, and when I saw you after four weeks of not talking. But I think what I remember the most is how I felt every time I think about the time I spent with you. Since day one, you’ve made me feel infinite, and that has never faded. Even with everything that has tried to tear us apart, I still want you. I want you as much as I did when I was twenty one, and nothing has changed. You’re my best friend, and I love you with all my heart.”

I was letting out shaky, uneven breaths, tears spilling freely down the sides of my face. I couldn’t stop the water works, because it was just so perfect. My throat was closing up, and I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that Dan was mine forever. We were tied together for life, until death.

Dan reached forward again, thumb moving across my cheeks with a small laugh. The silence fell over us, and I could see how his eyes glossed over, gazing at me intently. I didn’t need him to tell me he loved me, I could see it in the way he stared.

“Allison,” Dan began, jumping into his vows without moving his hands from my face. “You know I’ve never been good at this, telling you how I feel. But I sat down for hours trying to figure out what I could say to you up here, and nothing came close to what I feel. You’re there when I don’t want you to be, and you’re there when I can’t deal with anyone else.

“Our first few months together were awful to get through, but without them, I’m not sure if you would be here. And I can’t even think about you not being with me. You put up with the crazy fans, with the insane schedules, with the endless traveling, with me. You deal with my moods, the criticism from other people, sitting and watching me perform. You raised our beautiful baby girl while everything with tour was happening. You sacrifice everything for me and I can’t thank you enough for it.

“I know I don’t tell you how much I care every second of the day, but I do. Without you, I don’t know what I’d do. You are perfect, through everything that may make us mad at each other, you are exactly what I need to be happy. You’re the best part of me, and I love you.”

Dan's hands cupped the sides of my face, and I felt like there was no one else in the room. I wasn’t sure what to say, or how to react, and the only thing I could manage was to cry harder. My stomach flipped, and my heart raced faster than I thought possible. I could barely choke back my sobs of happiness, hands falling on top of Dan's and looking into his eyes with a similar, less watery expression.

“The rings,” The minister called quietly, gaining the attention from one of my smaller cousins, carrying the tiny pillow with two, white gold, circles attached to two strings. He wandered closer to the steps, offering the items to Dan and me with flushed cheeks. With a small giggle, and wiping under my eyes, Dan pulled himself away to take the pillow and hand it to the pastor who began to untie the ribbons and handed Dan my ring.

“With this ring, I thee wed,” he said slowly, waiting for Dan to repeat the words.

His hand was steady against my twitching fingers, slipping it onto my ring finger effortlessly, eyes glancing from the beautiful diamonds to my face. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Next was my turn, and with some fumbling, and tiny laughs coming from the both of us, it was securely on his finger, and I repeated the same phrase happily.

“With this ring, I thee wed.”

“By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Dan, you may kiss your bride.”

The last syllable barely left the pastors mouth before Dan's lips found mine in the small distance between our faces. My hand rose to the side of his neck, holding his body close to mine. His mouth moved slowly and I tasted the sweet candy, reminding me of the hundreds of times it happened before. It still felt like my first with him, and I never thought that feeling would ever go away.

“I love you,” I whispered against his mouth as he pulled away, and an abrupt echo of cheers filled the church with clapping following shortly after.

“I love you too,” Dan said, leaning closer to my face to speak in my ear. I smiled brightly, sucking back a shaky breath and wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms found my waist, tugging our bodies together, his breath warm on my throat before kissing it gently and releasing me from his grip.

The next few moments were a blur of Dan grabbing my hand, Amy handing back my flowers and walking down the aisle quickly. There were flashes of light while I leaned on Dan's side, laughing the entire way out of the church with my fingers meshed with Dan's as we walked down the cobble path to the small, black limo.

I barely had time to turn and wave to my mum and dad before the door was being opened and Dan and I fell into the seat. I couldn’t stop my giggles with my hand on his chest, Dan leaning back from the fall inside of the car. He was laughing as well, unable to do anything else but bask in the moment with me.

Only after calming down slightly as the ride to the reception hall, Dan was reaching for the divider between the driver and us, waiting impatiently for the wall to move up before his lips met mine. My dress was ruffled underneath me, and I grinned against his mouth, head dizzy and legs still weak.

“You’re so beautiful,” he muttered against my jaw, hands moving gently at my sides.

“Well thank you, Mr. Flint,” I joked, running my fingers through his hair.

“You’re welcome, Mrs. Flint,” he answered, an obvious smile on his mouth at the name. I let out a content breath while his face met mine, kissing me forcefully.

“I love the way that sounds,” I admitted, kissing the corner of his mouth, and nose.

“Me too,” he said, eyes following my face while I pressed my mouth to his forehead. His hold on my arms didn’t let up.

“Your vows were perfect,” I said quietly, hand molding to his cheek. The bumps in the road caused his face to jump from my grip, but fell back into place willingly when we smoothed out.

Dan and I had fought for weeks about doing traditional vows or coming up with our own. I always loved the idea of making them personal, but he was convinced to keep them conventional. We argued and argued about it and it finally came down to him admitting that he didn’t know what the hell to say to me. I asked him to try, and he made it so much better than I could have ever imagined.

“I meant it, Al,” he said earnestly, nodding to the thought. “I know I suck at telling you that stuff all the time, but I do love you, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“I know you do,” I said confidently, baring my teeth in a bright smile. “Thank you.”

“Guess what?” Dan questioned, teeth showing in a grin.

“What?”

“We’re married,” he said simply, moving closer, as if it were possible.

“I know,” I said, beaming back at him.

“I really can’t believe you agreed to marry me,” he said teasingly, licking his lips once.

“I think I can handle you now,” I said softly, kissing him once. “It’s you that I’m worried about.”

“Handling you?” He asked, fingers moving around my waist, touching the sides of my dress. His forehead leaned against mine, breath cool across my face. “There’s nothing to handle.”

My heart swelled in my chest, and the lightheaded feeling never subsided when I looked into his eyes. There was such bliss in his stare; I knew I was meant to be with him. I didn’t give a damn how cheesy it sounded. I married Dan Flint and there was no turning back, because I wouldn’t let either of us give this up.

“I know I’ve said this a lot today, but I love you,” I whispered, swallowing hard.

“I won’t ever get sick of hearing it,” he mumbled, capturing my lips once again. “I love you too.”

And I knew from that moment on, there was nothing I would change about Dan and I. There was nothing too big for us to face, and there was nothing we couldn’t make it through. I had the rest of my life with him, and I wouldn’t have changed anything about the way we were together. I was ready to spend every waking moment in love with him, because I already had been for years. He was exactly what made sense to me, who I was supposed to be with.

He was my perfect fit, the best part of me, forever.