Begin Again

you felt it once before, I know you did.

When Niall and Ashley got to the pub, they slipped in relatively unnoticed. Immediately, they went to the bar and ordered their drinks. Ashley was sure the only way she’d get through the night was if she was drunk. Or, at least, it wouldn’t hurt.

They found a spot at the bar that wasn’t occupied and took their seats. The bartender slid two mugs towards them and instantly, Ashley took a drink. Niall laughed. “Thirsty, aye?”

She shrugged, taking another sip. She just wanted the night over with, if she was being honest.

“Thanks for comin’,” Niall told her after he took a drink of his own beer. “I know you didn’t want to.”

She backtracked. “No, no, no, that’s not true! It’s just--”

Niall smirked, cutting her off. “Ash, c’mon. I know you, remember?”

She didn’t answer. Of course she knew that. That’s what got her into this spot in the first place.

Niall chuckled. “So how have you been? It‘s been awhile.”

She shrugged her shoulders, tugging at the sleeves of her blazer that were rolled up to her elbows. “I’ve been all right. Just going to uni and trying to figure my life out, I suppose.”

He nodded. “How’s uni? You’re a bit far from good old Mullingar, aye?”

She shrugged again, making a mental note to quit the gesture for the rest of the night. “It’s good. I wanted to get away from home and uni was the best way to do it.”

“Bet your parents miss you, yeah?”

She smiled softly thinking of her mum and dad. “Yeah, they do. They hate it, but they come and visit when they can. My nana--”

“Lives in London, right?” he finished for her.

She was momentarily taken aback that he’d remember something so small. She loved it, the fact that after all these years he still remembered the smallest details of her life. “How do you remember that?” she asked, her voice quiet. She watched as he took a drink and then shrugged, turning back to face her.

“I remember everything about you, Ash.”

She felt the goosebumps cover her body, from head to toe. She hated that he still had such an effect on her. It had been too long. He didn’t have the right. She took a large drink of her beer to try to calm her nerves.

“What about you?” she asked, switching the topic so they weren’t focused on her any longer. “You’re some international pop star now. Are you sure you have time for the little people?”

She wasn’t trying to be mean--she never was with Niall. But the alcohol combined with her nerves and the buried feelings of everything made the question come out a bit harsher than necessary. For the second time, she found herself wanting to take back her words.

“Ash...” he said, trailing off. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?” she muttered, not looking at him. Her cheeks colored red. She wanted to leave.

“You act like I don’t care anymore, like I just... like I stopped carin’ for you.”

She turned her head to look at him, her elbows resting on the bar. “Didn’t you?”

He scoffed and shook his head. “Maybe you’re the one who stopped carin’,” he mumbled under his breath, but she still heard it.

When their beers were gone, they ordered another round. Slowly but surely, Ashley felt the knots in her stomach loosening and her nerves calming down. She didn’t want to be there, but at least she could act like a normal human for a few hours. She’d satisfy Niall’s... odd need to reconnect and then she could leave, forget it every happened.

But one more beer led to two more led to three more, and before she knew it, Ashley was drunk. Again. Sober Ashley was very upset with her, but Drunk Ashley couldn’t get over how fit Niall looked. A few years sure did the boy some good.

Neither were so pissed they didn’t know what they were doing, they were just buzzed. Certainly not fit to drive, but still. They were fine! Or so Drunk Ashley told Sober Ashley. Sober Ashley gave up the fight--she wasn’t going to win this one--and when Niall asked if she wanted to get out of there, Drunk Ashley quickly agreed.

***

They took a cab back to Niall’s. He claimed he had a birthday present for her, but both Drunk and Sober Ashley was sure this was a lie. She didn’t care. Suddenly, she didn’t want to leave Niall.

When they got to Niall’s building, he held her steady as they walked up the stairs to the third floor, where his flat was located. When they went inside, Ashley insisted she was steady enough to walk on her own and then she walked into his living room area before collapsing on the couch.

“Want anything? A water? Another pint?” he joked.

Her laughter echoed. “I’m fine, thank you.” She took in his flat, all the things her drunk self had missed the previous night. It was really nice, which she supposed was to be expected. He was, after all, a pop star.

“I know you said you didn’t want anything,” he said when he returned, a box in his hands, “And honestly I wasn’t sure you’d come back here, but I hoped. Anyways...” he trailed off as he set the box down in front of her on the coffee table.

The lid was off it and there were candle “19” on top. It was a small cake, so that’s all that fit really, but she didn’t care. On the top, written in purple frosting, was “Happy Birthday Ashley!” with small purple flowers all around. Purple. Her favorite color. She felt the tears welling in her eyes. She almost knew she didn’t have to ask, but she did anyways. “Is it...?”

“Red velvet. Still your favorite, right?”

She wanted to burst into tears right there in the middle of her favorite Irishman’s flat.

Instead, she nodded. She knew he was grinning, even though she wasn’t looking at him, as he sang to her. “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday my lovely Ashley, happy birthday to you!”

She laughed gently as she closed her eyes, made her wish, and blew out the candles. Then, she reached a finger out to steal a dab of frosting. She licked it off her finger and turned to face Niall. “Why did you kiss me last night?” she asked, asking the question that had been bothering her for the past 24 hours.

“Because I’ve wanted to do nothing more for the past two years.”

She felt herself ripping at the seams, but she kept it together. “So why didn’t you? Where have you been these past two years, Niall? It was like you were there, right next door every day, and then you weren’t. It was like when you went away for the X-Factor, you just... forgot about me.”

He shook his head adamantly. “I’d never forget about you, Ash. I couldn’t! How could I? You were Ashley. My Ashley.”

She couldn’t help the way her body tingled when he said that. His Ashley. She liked the sounds of that. She hated that she did, but she did.

“You were my best mate, and you were the one supporting me through thick and thin. But then when I left, it felt like you didn’t want me anymore.”

Her jaw dropped. “How could you say that?”

He shrugged. “I mean, you were happy for me, but it felt like you were more closed off. I don’t know.”

Except she did. She knew, and he was right. When he left, Ashley had been his biggest supporter, but she had closed off. She knew that that was it, that Niall was on to bigger and better things. He didn’t need Mullingar anymore, and she was certain he didn’t need her either. So before she could get hurt, she just... shut down.

“Oh my God, this is my fault,” she muttered, rubbing her face in frustration.

“‘s no one’s fault, Ash. It just... happened. I like to think we ran into each other last night for a reason, you know?”

“Do you know why we were best mates?” Ashley asked Niall then, turning to face him. He shrugged. “Because I was in love with you.” Her words were fast and muddled together, but he got it. She could tell by the way he was smiling at her. She kept going. “You were just... Niall. For a long time, that’s all you were. But then it changed, and suddenly you were Niall. And then you kissed me, and I was a complete goner.”

“What about now?” he asked, moving closer to her. “Am I still just Niall?”

The smile on her lips told him otherwise.

Before she could say another word, he was kissing her. It momentarily caught her off guard, but then she was leaning into him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He fell back against the couch, pulling her with him. His lips trailed down her jaw, down to her neck and across her exposed collarbone while he nudged the fabric of her blazer out of the way. “I’m sorry,” she murmured into his ear.

“You’re here now, yeah? Not sure there’s anything to be sorry about, love.”

He kissed her hard on the mouth to confirm the fact.

She reciprocated. Before she knew it, he was lifting her off the couch and she was wrapping her legs around his small frame. He carried her to his bedroom, dropping her on the bed as gracefully as possible. While she was greedily pulling at his shirt to lift it off of him, he stopped.

“Are you sure? Because you were sure last night, but then you gave me the cold act this morning and I don’t--”

She silenced him with her lips. “I’m absolutely positive,” she murmured against his lips. That was all he needed.

Their clothes were shed and before they knew it they were tangled up in the sheets of his conveniently unmade bed. Ashley wasn’t entirely sure there was any other way she would have liked to spend her birthday.

But then he pulled out his guitar.

They were a pile of tangled limbs and sheets, Niall’s acoustic guitar resting nicely on top. He was laying so that his head and upper body were in her lap. Her fingers were either in his messy, bottle-blonde hair or tracing patterns absentmindedly on his bare skin.

She watched as he strum a few chords and tuned his guitar before he started to play.

“Settle down with me. Cover me up, cuddle me in. Lie down with me, and hold me close in your arms.” He grinned up at her, so she pulled him closer, wrapping her arms around his neck as best she could and pulling his head into her chest, even if only for a moment so he could continue.

“And your heart’s against my chest,” he sang, stopping to point to her chest and then to his. “Your lips pressed to my neck,” he grinned. She leaned down, pressing her lips in a delicate trail along his neck. He stopped strumming just for a moment so he could savor the feeling, and then he continued once again.

“I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet. And with a feeling I’ll forget, I’m in love now.” He was grinning at her, looking in her eyes as intensely as he possibly could. She felt the blush covering her cheeks, her neck.

“Kiss me like you wanna be loved, you wanna be loved, you wanna be loved. This feels like falling in love, falling in love. We’re falling in love.”

He stopped then, setting his guitar off to the side so he could sit up and kiss her properly. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him close and reciprocating the kiss with every ounce in her.

“Are we?” she asked when they finally came up for air.

“Are we what?” he asked, bringing his lips to her neck and leaving kisses wherever he could.

“Falling in love.”

He stopped and pulled away, staring her in the eyes intensely once again. “Ashley, I’ve loved you since I was sixteen and you gave me my first kiss. I’m not falling anymore. I’ve already fell.”

She grinned, kissing him again. “Me too,” she whispered against his lips.

Later, they were tangled limbs again, holding each other close as they tried to fall asleep.

“Happy birthday, love,” Niall whispered in her ear.

She couldn’t help thinking it had been her best one yet.
♠ ♠ ♠
........and part 2! Happy birthday Ashley! Hope you enjoyed this.
LOVE YOU!
xoxoxox