The Storm.

Later that night when I get home, Austin is sleeping on the couch. I turn on all the lights.
"I can't believe you left me!" I yell, he jumps out of his sleep. "You embarrassed me Austin. How dare you leave me like that! What if I couldn't get home. It's freezing out! Do you see what I'm wearing?!" I don't give him time to answer. "I don't understand you, you never talk to me about anything!" I realize I'm crying again.
"He was flirting with you, and you were practically drooling over him!"
"Who cares Austin! You're mine! I'm yours!" I choke out. "Doesn't that count for something?"
"Well, it just seems like you're sleeping with him or something.... he didn't even know I existed!"
"He didn't know you existed because we don't speak personally! How dare you accuse me of cheating on you... I would never!" That hurt me the most. "You know what, maybe you should sleep out here tonight." I say sniffling , trying really hard to stop the tears. "Maybe for a few nights." I say I go into the bedroom and he follows me.
"No, that's not fair."
"It's not fair that you're accusing me of sleeping with my boss!" I say the tears keep following, anger and frustration. I pull out my earrings and set them on our dresser.
"Well, I'm sleeping in here." He says.
"Cool, stay on your side of the bed too." I unstrap my heels and kick them off. I need to take a hot shower. Clear my head, stop crying, clean off my makeup, breathe. I hear Atticus crying. "You can handle that right?" I say angrily unzipping my dress and walking into the bathroom. I lock the door and turn on the water letting it get hot, letting the steam rise up and clear my nose.
After what seemed like two hours, I come out and Austin's watching TV on the couch I go check on Atticus who is back sleeping. I change into something comfortable. I lay in bed and face away from Austin's side. I hear him walk in the room and I know exactly what he's doing. Taking off his shirt and pants, just like every night. I don't even turn around. He slides into bed behind me.
"Can I get a kiss goodnight?" He says quietly. I want to explode on him, and yell at him, how dare he ask for a kiss after all of that. Not even a sorry, and when I go to face him, I forget how close I was to the edge and bam! I'm on the ground. I just lay there surrounded by the blankets. I'm crying again. Austin looks over the bed at me. "Listen, I'm really sorry." He says, in his sincere voice. "I messed up." He's looking me straight in the eyes.
"I'm just sick of us fighting." I sniffle. "We've never fought." I fold my arms.
"It's normal." He says, "But that doesn't make it right. I got jealous, and I don't know... It's not an excuse, but I'm sorry.. I love you." He's saying.
"It's okay." I say, "I'm sorry for not mentioning you to him... it's just we didn't really talk personal to begin with." I say.
"I know." he says. "I just got so angry and.. I don't know." He sighs. "Need some help?" He finally smiles that smile I love. I shake my head. And he leans down to kiss me, and when he does, I pull him down with me. He's giggling and kissing my lips.
"I love you." I say.
"I love you too." He kisses my lips one more time, and lays beside me. I lay my head on his bare chest and begin to listen to my favorite sound in the world.
Austin.
It's been two weeks since Lea and my last fight. It felt great again, and I liked that feeling. We've been just going with the flow, and handling it.
I've been chatting with Mandy... Amanda a lot lately. She's funny, and makes me laugh a lot. We usually go for walks at the park with our kids too. It's nice to re-connect with an old friend.
"Lea send you that funny picture too?" Tino asks one day when we're out at lunch.
"Huh? What?" I ask confused.
"You're smiling real big over there... I thought Lea sent you this old picture of us." Tino says showing me his phone.
"Oh. Uhm she might have... I'm not texting her right now." I say.
"Well you had a huge grin on your face. Who is it?" He says taking a bite of a French fry in his hand.
"Just a friend. Her name's Mandy... I knew her from middle school!"
"How does Lea like her?"
"She doesn't know..." I trail off, at how bad that sounds. "It's not like I'm doing anything wrong you know, just talking, I just haven't mentioned it."
"Well dude, I think you should... girls take things serious bro."
"Yeah, I think your right." I say shrugging. Whatever, there's nothing wrong with having girls that are friends... right?

Lea.
It's been a good two weeks, without a fight. Thank goodness, no fighting is a great feeling. I'm sitting at my desk and flipping through my phone when I find an old picture of Tino, Austin, Phil, Felicia, Alan, and I. We're huddled together, clearly laughing. We're all wearing our cap and gowns from graduation. I smile to myself when I get an email on the laptop that is in front of me.
Mrs. Carlittle, what's so funny?
I giggle to myself, Mr. Greene... uh Collin. Makes me laugh. I lean back and see him in his office. He looks up from his computer with a sheepish grin.
Well Mr. Greene. Just an old picture of me. Would you like to see it? Also, I'm in the mood for coffee, can I run and get some? I'll get you a cup, on me.
I click send and wait for his response as I send it to everyone that's in the picture.
Sounds like a lovely idea, but coffee is on me.
Before I even get to the end of the sentence, Collin is standing right in front of me and nodding me towards the elevator. I grab my purse and follow him through the door.
"The usual Mrs. Carlittle?" He asks when we're at the counter at Starbucks.
"Yes please... and call me Lea." I feel a bit gutsy.
"Ah, that's what I like to hear, a woman in control." He says, and there I am giggling again. I take a seat at a table in the back and Collin waits for our drinks. I look at my texts, Tino texted, Phil texted, Felicia texted, no Austin... Hm. He's been acting so strange lately, but I decide to shrug it off as nothing.
"Here's your latte." I here Collin's voice, and when I look up he looks at me confused or concerned. I can't really tell. "What's up?" He sits across from me and looks into my eyes.
"N-Nothing." I lie. I know he knows but he doesn't ask anything else. He just begins talking about work. Talking about things coming up. I barely listen but I stick my eyes on him for as long as I can. My mind is racing. What if Austin is cheating on me... usually they accuse you right? He wouldn't. Again, I'm trying to shake this all off my mind.
After we finish our coffee's we start heading back to the office, I have an hour left of work, but Collin's telling me I can leave early.
"Listen, I know something's wrong... just, let me know if I can help you know?" He says looking down at the ground. Shy? He's never done that, and it brings a smile to myself.
"Yeah, okay, I'll let you know." I say. I almost want to go in for a comforting hug, but I know that's inappropriate for work. I bite my lip and smile a goodbye to him before I start walking to my car. I decide to maybe talk to Felicia about this, I mean she could probably help me figure this out. She tells me to come over, and I head right there.
"So what's going on?" Is what she's asking before I even get in the door.
"I don't know. Austin's been acting weird." I say following her through Phil's living room, to his kitchen. She's making tea, like usual.
"Well, what do you mean?" She's pouring the hot water into to tea cups. I watch her as she adds the teabags.
"I... I don't know... He's been ignoring me... like he has someone better to talk to... and he goes to the park everyday... He hides his phone from me... I mean basically."
"What do you mean basically?"
"Like, it's not like put in a safe but when he went to take a shower he brought it with him... I just needed to call my phone, because I lost it somewhere in the house... but he had it with him in the bathroom... He's just never done that before." I say thinking about these things. "And I already told you when we got in that fight... he accused me of cheating on him... guilty mindset?" I say when she gives me the sugar.
"Hm, I don't know... That isn't like him... maybe we should investigate?"
"Yeah... I just feel like what if I am over thinking things?"
"Just ask him, honestly, I knew Austin for a long time, Just ask him." She says. I nod blankly. Just ask him? What would I even say? I bite my lip nervously, and look into the teacup.
"I'm gonna go." I sigh, "I want to see Atticus." I say to her. She nods, hugs me goodbye and I'm on my way.
When I get home Austin and Atticus aren't there so I lay change into something comfortable and sit on the couch and try to find something on TV. I fall asleep, because I'm awakened by Austin's voice.
"You're home early!" He says. I look at him through sleepy eyes and nod. Atticus is mumbling in baby talk to me. I sit up and Austin hands him to me. I hold my warm child in my arms and hold him close kissing his forehead.
"How was your day?" I yawn asking Austin who grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and sits next to me. He kisses my cheek.
"It was okay... Had lunch with Tino.... and my little man. He lightly pinches Atticus on his cheek. He smiles to his dad. "What about you?"
"Collin let me leave early, after we went for coffee." I say.
"Oh..." is the only thing he says.
"What?" I ask. "What is it this time?"
"Nothing." He says.
"You never tell me anything anymore. How you feel, what you want. Nothing." I say. "You barely kiss me, or touch me, or anything like you used to..." I feel tears stinging my eyes. All of this has been weighing on me, pushing down on my mind. I've held everything in. I feel like one of those couples who can barely look at each other. He's not even looking at me now... "Nothing to say again... big surprise." I take Atticus with me into my room. I lay on the bed with him. He's sucking on his pacifier. I watch him as tears stream down my face.
What has happened to us. Have we just grown old so fast? It's nothing like it was, everything just feels off. I miss the playfulness. I miss those feelings. He still hasn't even come to the room, nothing. The tears fall harder. I watch Atticus look at me with his big brown eyes, just like his father's. He looks like him so much. Will he always love me? I feel unloved and alone right now.
"Lea."
"Don't do it Austin." I whisper. "I know you don't love me anymore." I say.
"I do love you." He says defensively. "Do you ever second guess us getting married... like it all happened so fast?" He asks standing in the doorway.
"No I don't." I say. "Do you?" I ask sitting up. "Do you Austin?" nothing from him. "Answer the question!" I feel my voice rising. "Answer the damn question!" I'm begging.
"I don't know." he whispers he has tears in his eyes now. "I don't know." He confirms. "Maybe... sometimes. I feel like we were to young, we rushed it. We're just in our early twenties." I feel like someone is carving into my chest with a rusted blade. I grab for my chest as if something really is.
"I can't believe you're doing this to me." I sob. "I-I can't believe I trusted you, loved you." I say.
"Lea I love you so... much. I just don't think it was our time. We rushed." He's saying and I can see some tears in his eyes. "I thought it was but I don't think it was now." I don't want to hear this. My worst fears are coming true. Their unfolding right before me. I feel a pit in my stomach, growing as I grab my things. I can barely see, it's so blurry.
"Lea, don't leave." He says and I know he's crying. "Lea, don't go." he's saying this to me, but what else is there to do? Stay with someone who is unsure of us.
"If you're not 100% sure about our marriage, I can't be with you... You said it yourself we rushed." I snap, why is he crying? Why should I feel bad for him? I try to blink the tears away.
"But what if we are... what if I'm wrong."
"Then you, figure it out." I say. I grab Atticus up into my arms and push past Austin, who follows me.
"Don't take my son too." He says.
"You can see him anytime you want, everyday even." I say, "but he's not staying here." I say packing his things, bottles, diapers, clothes. I brush past him again.
"Please don't do this to me." He cries.
"Do what? Do what you've done to me?" I say sobbing more and more. "Go find yourself Austin, I want you to be... h-happy." that comes out forced, because I do want him to be happy, but I wish it was with me... clearly that's not the case. I rush out the door, Austin's yelling after me, but I don't turn back. I don't know where to go, but I know I can't go to my parents.... I don't want Felicia or Phil to know yet. I figure maybe I can go to Tino's. I call him up.
"Tino... I n-need something, a favor." I am still crying into the phone, trying to blink the tears out of my eyes. I can imagine what my face looks like...
"Sure anything... come right over." he says, I can tell he's worried. When I burst through the door, I set a sleeping Atticus in his car seat on the couch. I fall into Tino's arms, I say nothing. I cry, and cry, and cry, into his shoulder as he tightly hugs me.
"What's wrong?" He whispers when I finally stop sobbing. I'm still trying to gain up what I want to say, but my chest hurts, my stomach feels empty. Why doesn't he still love me? What did I do?
"He's not sure about us being married. He-he doesn't love me anymore" I look straight past everything, I'm not even sure what I'm looking at, I just stare off.
"Lea he does. Don't say that, he can't just change his mind on loving you... It's been one month."
"He can't love me." I pull my knees to my chest and put my head on my knees. "He can't." I say, beginning to cry once again. I don't know how long I sat there but I hear Atticus making noises next to me. I hear Tino pick him up and start playing with him. Poor Atticus doesn't know what just happened, will he ever see his parents back together? I shutter a bit.
"You have any more stuff?" Tino asks quietly.
"I'm going to go back and get it... I need to clear my head anyway... watch Atticus for me?" I ask, I do want to see Austin right now. Maybe everything can be fixed right now...
"Of course." Tino nods. I smile weakly, and grab my keys to drive.
The ride there seems longer than 10 minutes. I sat and thought forever about what I would say to him, how I would say it. I rehearsed it like a performance. I needed it to be perfect. When I walk up to our door I hesitate... I almost run but I just gulp, close my eyes and open the door...
Austin.
I can't believe everything happened like this. I'm left here alone in my apartment with nothing to do, but cry. My eyes are swollen and I feel empty. Why did I have to say that to her. I never loved anyone more than I've loved her, but she left because I told her I wasn't sure. I texted Mandy, told her what happened and she was coming over to talk.
"Austin, you look terrible. come here." She says grabbing me into a hug. I don't know what to say once she's here. She pulls me over to the couch.
"Tell me what happened." She says softly. I decide to leave some things out. But I tell her a little. "Aww Austin, you didn't deserve that. I can't believe that." She says. She grabs my hand in hers.
"I love her." I say. "I love her so much."
"Well, maybe this is good, for you two, space apart... see other people..." I look up at her and before I can even process what's happening she's lunging at me, kissing my lips. I try to squirm but it's to late before I hear something worse...
Lea.
I can't even grasp what I'm seeing before my eyes, as I let out an "Oh..." I feel my heart sink further down as if that was even possible. I don't even think I just sink back against the wall and cover my mouth as he comes near me.
"Don't touch me!" I barely get out. "Don't touch me!" I say louder when he tries again. I feel warm tears welling again in my eyes, how do I have any left? He keeps trying to hug me, touch me, but I squirm away.
"Lea, it's not what it looks like, she kissed me." He's saying but I just sink slowly down onto the floor. I look at him, right in his eyes and try, and try and try to tell him I hate him, I never want to see or talk to him again. The words won't leave my brain. The blonde sitting on our couch slowly stands up and grabs her bag.
"How dare you," I don't even hesitate to hiss through my teeth. "You came in and ruined everything." I yell standing up quickly Austin grabs me and holds me to bring me to our room.
"Leave!" He says to her and she shutters at his voice. "Now!" she quickly obeys and is gone. He's holding me tightly but I'm struggling, trying to push away. We're in our room... his room. He stands in front of the door. "Don't try to leave." He says. "I want to talk, stop just jumping to conclusions."
"Let me go... I don't want to talk to you." I hiss at him, I'm spitting venom. "I don't want to hear your voice again... I don't want to see you... I hate you!" I say surprising myself. I see him shutter at the words I said. I pull off my wedding rings and throw them to the floor with anger. Austin cringes when they hit the floor. When his guard is down, I quickly run to the door past him and this time he doesn't try to stop me.
Going to get my things was the worst idea I had all night. Should I turn around now? Was Austin cheating on me? Now my tears are full of anger. Why did this all happen this way? I keep asking myself so many questions that are swirling around in my head. I want everything to just stop. I just want Austin to love me. Saying I hated him was a lie, and I knew that. I hate me right now... I really hate me.
Austin.
The pain in her eyes when she looked at me. Now she really thinks I was cheating on her. I hated myself right now. Keeping secrets got me nowhere fast. I knew I should have told her about Mandy and I being friends. That's all I wanted with her anyway... a friendship. I was so angry that she kissed me. I was so upset that Lea left again... Why did she come back? Probably to fix things. I don't know if I'll ever know. She told me she hated me. I cringe at that. I keep remembering that very moment an hour ago when she looked straight into my soul, when she told me she hated me. I can see why. I stare at her side of the bed as if she'll just appear but I know she wont... she probably never will again.