If You Can't Hang, Then There's the Door

Our breakfast was quiet and quaint. We ate at a small bistro that caught Kellins eye as we walked hand in hand down the streets from our apartment. We made a small stop at the store to get what we needed for Dinner later that night. As we were walking back to our apartment and up to our door we passed Jesse and Justin who stopped dead in their tracks as they saw us.

"You two look happier then normally" Jesse stated walking up to us.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I questioned as Kellin unlocked the apartment and took our bags inside.

"Just that you guys look very.... Smitten" he continued inspecting me as Kellin came out and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me, kissed my cheek and grinned wildly from ear to ear as I blushed.

"THAT'S IT!" Justin said pointing to me and Kellin dramatically

"What's it?!" Me and Kellin said at the exact same time and blushed at our weird in sync moment.

"You two had sex" Jesse stated as I blushed a deep red and Kellin hit him hard on the shoulder.

"We'll thanks for confirming it little Kellin" Jesse laughed deeply as Kellin smacked himself in the forehead and cursed under his breath because he gave our personal life away.

"We'll at least someone in our group is getting laid!" I shouted as Jesse and Justin flipped me off and walked out of the apartment complex.

"That was awesome. I fucking love you" Kellin pulled me into a kiss and then into the apartment while doing so. I smiled as we got inside.

Kellin played some video games in the living room for a few hours as I cleaned around the apartment before it was late enough to make dinner.

When I started cooking I couldn't help but giggle the entire time. Kellin kept laying light sweet kisses on my neck and cheek the entire time I seasoned and cooked the steak for our taco night. He even helped dice onion, lettuce, and tomato. As I was cutting up the finished steak and making our plates Kellin was putting all the toppings into bowls and taking them all to the living room.

I sat next to him on the couch and handed him a plate of soft steak tortilla tacos and smiled.

"I love seeing you so happy Scar, are you excited to be opening the bakery next week ?" Kellin asked between bites.

"I am, but I've been struggling with anxiety over it, lately I've been so worried. The only reason I haven't broken down about it yet is because I have you" I said shyly.

"You know I'm always here for you baby, you can always talk to me just like in high school when you would sneak into my room when you were upset or hurting" he placed his hand on my thigh and gently caressed it. I smiled remembering all the times I would sneak in through his window, weather he was home or not. Kellin was my home, He always made me feel like I could face the world.

"I know Kell, I just don't like how I can't control my anxiety, I'm scared that when you leave I won't be able to handle it, I'll have to run the store on my own and hire people I don't even know and the store isn't even opened yet" I said nervously as he squeezed my thigh.

"I'll always be just a phone call away Scar, and I'm going to help everyday I'm here." He kissed me on the cheek and I sighed.

"My heart hurts me a lot more lately Kellin and I don't know what it is. I'm afraid when your not around it will get worse." I finished my tacos and put them on the coffee table.

"We will take you to get checked out and see if you need a new medication before I leave" Kellin stated an grabbed my hand.

"You know I hate how those medications make me feel Kell... I don't like them" I whispered sadly as he frowned.

"Scar, you have them on you always don't you? in case of an emergency? We have to get you checked, because I'd worry every second on tour not knowing what's going on with your health." He asked me frantically with wide eyes.

"I still carry them with me wherever I go Kellin, just like I promised you in highschool" he sighed in relief and let his body relax into the couch.

"That was the scariest moment of my entire life scar!" He had a sad tone in his voice as he remembered the Incident from high school.

Me and Kellin had only knew each other for a few month now, but we had become close fastly. One day I was walking down the stairs carrying my books as I felt my phone go off. I never answered it during school so I just ignored it. I made it to the ground level of the school and could see the class that me and Kellin shared. As I got closer I noticed our school principal, guidance counselor and a police officer outside the door. I didn't think anything of it and noticed Kellin talking to our teacher at the front as I got closer to the door. But before I could enter the classroom my guidance counselor mrs. Janice stopped me by placing her hand on my shoulder and telling me we needed to talk in her office and that shed always be here for me. I brushed her off and tried to enter my classroom. But the officer stopped me and started to explain to me as calmly and nicely as possible, that my mom... Had died. I had always had anxiety problems that messed with my heart, but that day intensified my problem. The second the words escaped the officers lips I felt my heart in my throat, I steadily started losing my breath more and more as he explained that if my mother had just left work a few minutes later that she'd probably still be alive. But she left early, she wasn't paying attention as she walked home, she hadn't noticed she was being followed, and was killed by a deranged man who tried to mug her. I learned that day every little decision you make can impact everything, you need to always be cautious. My eyes got wide as the officer finished his explination, I could see Kellin in the class watching us, I could no longer breath and collapsed on the floor gasping for air as my heart stuck in my throat making breathing impossible. I could see Kellins face as I collapsed. It was a face of sheer horror and heartbreak, his eyes looked as if they'd pop out of his head I've never seen a look like that on him ever since. Kellin tried to rush out of the classroom to me as I felt myself losing consciousness, the police officer had called nine one one and was holding Kellin back from me. Kellin was screaming my name and reaching his hand out to me as I held my hand out to him and blacked out. I woke up hours later in the hospital, with Kellin holding my hand and sleeping on the side of my bed. Turns out the phone call was from the hospital wanting me to confirm my moms death.

Kellin got me through the hardest thing that had ever happened to me. Losing my mom. He learned about my heart that day and my anxiety and made me promise to always have my medications on me. I've never broken that promise. I never wanted to see a face like that on Kellin ever again.

"Kellin... I don't feel right, I'm starting to hurt, can we go lay down ?" Tears were flowing from my eyes at the memories. I felt my throat tighten at my erratic heart beat. The pain in my chest was starting to surface.

Kellin didn't say a word, just picked me up like I was weightless and carried me to my bedroom, he laid me in my bed and sat on the edge rubbing my back as I hugged my teddy bear trying to steady my breathing.

"Scar, I'm so sorry. Why does it hurt?" He asked me softly still rubbing my back.

I placed my hand on my heart, it was beating so hard I thought it would burst out of my chest. The pain happened when I my heart would skip a beat. The pain would come and go in a flash, but it scared me causing my throat to close sharply I was on the verge of a being a hyperventilating mess.

"I just wish she was able to see how far we've come, to see my store, to see your band. To see everything we accomplished in such a short period of time, she loved us Kell and these last few weeks have been hard on me without her" I cried as he kissed my tears from my cheeks. Each kiss left a calming sensation inside me.

"Scar, I love you, I'm here for you no matter what, I'm sorry I have to leave you sometimes, but I'm always here to listen and help just as I've always promised. Just as I've always done" he laid down behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. he placed his hand over mine that was still on my heart.

"Your heart is also mine Scar, and ill never let anything hurt it" he whispered and kissed my neck lightly.

He started to sing, me a song I've never heard before. It soothed me and I slowly felt my heart return to normal rhythm the pain got steadily replaced by flutters and warmth. I felt tingles under his touch and his angelic voice made me want to smile again. I felt safe in his arms, I never wanted him to let go.

"Kellin, promise me you'll never leave." I whispered tiredly, yawning slightly. He laughed lightly, he understood that I knew he'd be leaving for tour. He understood what I meant- I wanted him to never forget me, to never leave me emotionally. To always try his hardest to be there for me.

"I promise Scarlett, no matter how far away i may be. I'll never leave you. I love you baby." He turned me gently onto my back and hovered over me. He placed a sweet kiss on my lips that I happily returned. I wrapped my arm around his neck and deepened it briefly. We released as he smiled.

"I love you to Kellin." I whisperer as he smiled and laid down next to me, he weaved our fingers together as I cuddled into his chest and fell asleep.