If You Can't Hang, Then There's the Door

Me and Kellin were sitting on the roof of our apartment complex, looking over the lake that swayed with the wind. My feet hung over the ledge we were on. We were not over the actual building itself, we were on top of an extra attachment in the center of the roof our feet dangling of the edge of it. I swayed my feet back and forth as Kellin held my hand and let his gaze wonder as we watched the sunset.

Just three more days until I opened, I was shaking from anxiety constantly lately. I was going to start cooking and setting up everything to sell the night before, I'd Have to cook literally twenty hours straight to have the store fully stocked and fresh for grand opening.

Sure I was worried about the cooking I had left to do and weather the grand opening would have a good turn out or not, but I was anxiously eating away at myself in side for a different reason. Kellin had arranged for me to see a specialist tomorrow , and the thought of the appointment scared me more than opening the store. Surprisingly.

"Scar?" Kellin asked concerned, snapping me out of my day dream as I looked over the lake, he must have been staring at me for awhile now, his grip on my hand had tightened, and it sent lightening through my body, his touch would never get old. My body craved him.

"Kell?" I questioned back, he smiled softly and brushed his finger tips across my cheek. He tucked a lose hair from my bun behind my ear, I could feel his hand press against my cheek as he slowly connected his lips to mine. The kiss was brief but it calmed my thoughts. He knew it to, he knew the simplest things he did, made me at ease instantly.

"Stop worrying so much beautiful, your far to breathtaking to let something bother you this much" he cooed as I stared into his huge blue eyes, I could never get enough of those eyes, his stare, the emotion I could read in them without his explanation. Everytime I looked into his eyes I felt that there was nothing more special or real then our love.

"I'm sorry, I'm just scared... What if its so bad you can't go on tour, or I need surgery, or something worse?" The words spilled out of my mouth quickly, nervously, all my worries flowed out to him at once.

"Shh, shh,shh, no, no, no, baby. Your over thinking it, your just fine. You just need a new way to deal with worry, a new way to relax. Tomorrow will do nothing but help you. Ill hold your hand the whole time" Kellin had pulled me into a side hug, I was cuddled into the crook of his neck. I took deep breaths to calm down. I breathed in his scent in the process, the sweet smell of orange and vanilla. It may seem weird but his scent, his warmth, his touch, his every thing cleared my mind completely in an instant.

"Promise?" I looked up at him pleadingly, he grabbed my chin in his hand and leaned me up to him for a kiss. I smiled against his teeth as he pressed his forehead to mine looking deeply into my eyes.

"Promise." He said confidently holding my hand tightly.

We both hopped down from our ledge and made our way back inside the complex. Kellin swinging our hands foreward and backward dramatically as we walked, it always made my heart soar when he did that. It felt like he was showing us off and I loved it, I loved being his.

"Want to sleep in your room tonight baby?" Kellin asked eyeing me as I yawned, I had stayed up almost two days in a row getting the store in perfect shape. Kellin practically had to hold me down so I'd get a few hours of sleep the night before.

"I know your not tired baby, you don't have to go to bed the same time I do" I giggled as he walked over to me in the kitchen. He rested his hands on my hips and lightly pushed my back Into the refrigerator, swaying his hips which made me feel like we were dancing.

He placed a kiss on both my cheeks and them my nose. I giggled wildly at the light brush of his lips on my skin.

"I want to go to bed with you every night, and wake up to you every morning. I wouldn't be able to sleep without holding you" he picked me up gently wedding style and carried me to my bed. He laid me in bed and crawled In next to me, I yawned loudly as he laughed at me.

"Sing to me ?" I breathed already drifting off into his arms.

"Is it wrong to make plans.. That seem, so far away?" He began softly singing let love bleed red. I drifted off long before he ever got to the chorus.

"Scar, baby we need to get going to your appointment." I felt Kellins warm hands on my shoulder. As he kissed my cheeks awake.

"I'll get dressed and we can leave" I stated climbing out of bed and throwing on a pair of dark gray leggings and and a tight comfortable black dress. Quick and easy outfit so we could get this over with. I didn't bother putting on any makeup and I had showered the night before.

"Ready to go cutie?" He said happily as he saw me enter the kitchen and pour myself some orange juice.

"Yea I'm ready I guess" I said sadly, he frowned and placed his forehead against mine then placed both his hand in my cheeks and kissed me.

"Everything's going to be ok, do you believe me ?" He sounded sincere, not like he was just trying to calm me down. He meant it.

"I believe you" I whispered and a smile reached my face slowly, my worried drifted away as he held my hand leading me out the door and to the car.

The ride was quiet I couldn't stop fidgeting, Kellin would look at me now and then and start to sing the more nervous I got the more he rubbed my leg and sang. It was soothing but doctors made me nervous, my health made me nervous. I know I'm like a ticking time bomb of anxiety and its horrifying. Before I knew it we were parking, and Kellin was opening my door.

"Come on baby, it's all gonna be alright" he smiled warmly and helped me out of the car, we walked hand in hand to the waiting room, he signed me in and sat next to me on the cold sofa. I was tapping my leg constantly causing the sofa to shake. Kellin grabbed my hand and kissed it just moments before they called my name. We walked into the white check up room. I sat on the weird tables they make you lay on with the paper, and Kellin sat in the chair next to it. I played with my hand as the door opened quietly and an older brown haired man walked in.

"Hello I'm dr. Bateman and you must be Mrs. Porter" he extended his hand to me and I nervously shook it.

"Y-yes, and this is my boyfriend Kellin" I introduced and he turned to shake Kellins hand as well.

"No need to be so nervous Mrs. porter, I'm just here to help" he said softly noticing how tense I was, he asked me to take my dress off then lay back on the table and placed his stethoscope on my skin near my heart . He asked me to breath certain ways and placed it on another part of my chest. Then I sat up and he did the same to my back. I was shaking at how cold the room was, considering I was only in my bra and leggings.

"Ok Mrs. Porter, you have a very obvious heart murmur, and when your nervous your hearts beats pick up a little to fast and exhaust your heart causing your anxiety and hyperventilation. I want you to wear a heart monitor for twenty four hours and come back here tomorrow at the same time, then we can figure out which type of medications to put you on." He explained to me and Kellin as we held hands, I squeezed his hand so hard I'm surprised he didn't cringe. He just stayed focused on the doctors words.

"Dr. Bateman, what's the worst that may happen?" I whispered and he turned to face me.

"The worst case scenario would be surgery, but from what I examined today, there will be no need. Your heart isn't in any risk you just need to learn some stress controlling techniques and take it easy when you feel yourself become anxious. It just takes time to control" he smiled as Kellin let out a sigh of relief. I frowned and followed the doctor to have the heart monitor put on me.

"Sir is there anything I can do for her if she feels anxious? I just want to be able to help more then I am now" Kellin asked Dr. Bateman as we entered the room after the small square monitor was placed on my chest.

"Just help distract her thoughts, and talk to her about why she's feeling the way she is, I find the more communication you have when a patient or person is on the verge of an attack the more it helps then focus on something other than their worries" Kellin grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard. I squeezed back as a tear rolled down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away.

"Thank you Dr. Bateman" I said kindly shaking his hand one more time.

"I'll see you tomorrow Mrs. Porter, just go about your day as normally as possible so the readings are accurate" I smiled a fake smile and couldn't help but wonder how could I act normal ? The monitor was attached to me and made me feel anxious all on its own.

"Thank you so much for getting her in on such short notice, I was worried I wouldn't be able to find an appointment so soon" Kellin thanked Dr. Bateman an shook his hand as well.

"It was no problem lad, it makes me happy to know someone out there still cares about their loved ones like you" Kellin blushed and grabbed my hand again as we left the office.

"Don't be nervous Scar. I'm here every step of the way" He looked me in the eyes as he started the car. I was crying slightly but I stopped myself. I needed to be strong. For Kellin and myself.

"It's hard not to be nervous knowing that this thing is around for twenty four hours" I pointed at the square petrusion underneath my dress. It looked awkward.

"I know baby, but it's going to help, and It makes you look like a robot" he joked as we drove home. I couldn't help but laugh as he made robot noises and tickled my side with his one free hand.

"I'm the coolest robot you'll ever know" I laughed, the monitor seemed so silly now that Kellin was calling me his cute robo girlfriend in a movie Trailor voice.

"Your also the strongest" he smiled and grabbed my hand.

The rest of the drive we joked, we sang, we laughed, and by time we got back home- I was confident that everything would be ok, because Kellin was my reason to relax, my reason to smile and I had no reason to worry knowing he was always going to be by my side.