If You Can't Hang, Then There's the Door

Kellins point of view.

I held on to Scarlett desperately, as we said our goodbyes for a second time. She was sobbing silently into my sweater. we only had a few minutes left, and I wasn't ready to let go of scar and our growing daughter. She was almost five months and she couldn't hide her adorable round belly any longer.

"Please don't be gone long." She whispered in my ear, causing my own tears to fall from my eyes. I gripped her hoodie tightly and brought her further into my chest.

"It won't feel long baby I promise" I kissed her cheek and frowned, I couldn't promise her, tours were always long and as much as I loved touring, they always broke my heart in some small way. Even before me and scar were together.

"We're going to miss you kells." She kissed my cheek and grabbed my hand placing it on her rounded baby bump.

"I'm going to miss you both so much, ill call every day I promise" I grabbed scars chin in my hand and forced her to look up at me, I kissed her lovingly. This kiss made the world stop and my heart soar, I never wanted to leave her lips. They made me feel like the most important thing in the world to her.

"Kellin it's time to go" Jesse said sadly patting my back and walking towards the terminal.

"Go baby, it's okay" scar forced me a fake toothy smile. Funny, even though I knew it was fake and so did she, it always gave me hope and made me feel better about leaving. I know it will never be a genuine smile that I'm leaving her, but the fact that shell try every time gives me hope that maybe someday this will get easier.

I pulled her close and kissed her deeply one last time, I told her I loved her and that she was my everything. I kissed her stomach and told our baby girl I loved her too. Then I took in a sharp cold breath and held back my tears as I dragged my luggage over my shoulder and followed Jesse into the crowded airport.

"I'm sorry man." Jesse broke the silence between us.

"No. Don't apologize, I love touring, I'm living the dream I've always wanted. But I've always wanted that dream as well." I pointed back to where scar was watching us walk away, tears falling down her beautiful face once again.

"I've always dreamed of having a family that loves me and I love them... something that i never truly had, I never imagined I'd have both my dreams coming true, I also never knew how hard it would be. But I swear to god ill make it work." Jesse smiled and gave me a side hug while we boarded the plane.

"I know it's rough buddy, but you of all people can handle it. I couldn't be happier for you and scar, your both strong and stubborn. There's nothing you guys can't get through." I smiled and took my seat next to the window. I hated planes, at one point I hated them as much as Scarlett does, but I've been getting over it a little more with every flight I take.

"Thanks Jess, I just... I don't ever want to end up like my father.. And I'm scared all this traveling will make me seem that way... Like an absent father." I sighed thinking back to my fathers drunken streak, leaving me and my siblings and when he finally did come back. He was less than a father figure to any of us, he was never there even when he was physically in the same room. He just never genuinely cared without the alcohol.

"Kellin, we all know there's no way you would end up like your father. Your going to be amazing, you care for scar more than I've ever seen you care about anything before... And as for your soon to come baby girl... When you even LOOK at scars belly you get a look of pure love and joy in your eyes without even realizing it. Don't ever doubt yourself kellin." I smiled at Jesse who smiled in return before flagging down a flight attendant. He always needed a drink before take off.

I stared out the window with my iPod in my lap. We would be landing soon, and the entire flight I couldn't help but think about scar and all I had planned for our future. I was listening to a special song I wrote... It was for scar. It was on the current album, however scars version of our CD doesn't have this song on it. I had plans for this song, and hopefully she never discovers the song before I want her to. Ashley, Lindsey, and Sophie promised to keep her from finding out about the song while we were gone. I smiled as the last verse played. My plan was perfect and I was dying with anticipation, I was ready to give my entire life to Scarlett, and I wanted everything to go perfectly. However, I would have to wait until after this tour. This tour was definitely going to feel like the longest tour of my entire life, even if it was a little under three months long.

"Ready boys?" Our manger asked raising his eyebrows as we approached the tour bus we would be living on for the entire tour.

"Fuck yea!" Justin yelled and ran straight on the bus. I smiled, and strided on after him, this bus was a huge step up from our old accommodations. There were enough bunks for us and our whole crew, the kitchen space was actually useable and the living room had nice fur couches coming out of the walls and two built in TVs, one for video games and one for actually watching TV.

"This is awesome!" Gave shouted and claimed his bunk on the very top left.

"I call middle !" Jack shouted and threw his bag below gabes bunk.

"I guess we get the two bottom bunks, huh Kell?" Justin asked me with a laugh.

"Don't we always?" I rolled my eyes and climbed into the bottom bunk opposite of Justin's, Jesse grabbed the bunk above me. I reached Into my wallet as I laid there staring at the ceiling of the bunk. I pulled out the photo of me and scar from Christmas and tapped it to the bunk ceiling. She was sitting in my lap, my arms were wrapped around her waist from behind and I was kissing her neck in front of our Christmas tree. Ashley had taken it and it was one of my favorite photos. Scars smile and blushing cheeks with her beautiful black dress on made my heart melt. Not to mention the way she was looking at me. I never knew she looked at me like that until I saw this picture, I was the world in her eyes.

"Hey is anyone hungry ?!" Jesse shouted from above me startling me from my thoughts of Scarlett and tearing my eyes off the current ultrasound picture I was staring at.

"Yea I'm starved. Are we stopping soon ?" I shouted back as Justin tore open my bunk curtain.

"Kellin!" He shouted and climbed in next to me.

"What are you doing ?" I questioned as I was pushed further into the wall.

"Just checking up on you. I thought some Justin love would make you smile" he winked and bumped his hip to mine as I laughed.

"I'm fine Justin, now about that food?" He turned and looked as me while crossing his arms.

"We're stopping at this diner the GPS found in about thirty minutes. We get to grocery shop and get settled into the bus at the first city tomorrow." I nodded as Justin scooted over giving me room to be comfortable in my own bunk.

"Is it bad I forgot what city were going to first ?" I laughed and Justin frowned.

"Sort of... It's your hometown after all." I froze and swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Oh, is it?" I completely forgot about Florida, and all I left behind there. I kept in touch with my siblings, but my parents.. That's another story. Maybe I would be a horrible father.

"Did you sen tickets to your family?" Justin asked nonchalantly.

"I sent tickets to my siblings and my mom, hopefully they're the only ones who show up." I stated and wondered if dad was still around or if he had left yet again.

"Hey guys we found food!" Jack shouted and fell out of his bunk with a loud thud.

"We'll let's go!" Justin grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the bunk with him.

We were stopped at a small diner that had a gas station within walking distance from it. I had to remember to run by there before we left, so i could get some drinks and snacks.

"Whose down for a gas station run after this?" I asked and Jesse raised his hand.

"Hell yeah, I need cigarettes." I gave him a high five as we were seated into a small booth with bright blue Cushions

"ERRRRMAHGERD FRENCH TOAST!" I shouted obnoxiously in the deserted diner making our entire crew burst out laughing.

"Well thanks for the breaking news there kellin." Have laughed and set his menu down.

"Whatever French toast rules. Your just jealous I saw it ok the menu before you did" I shut my menu and hit gabe over the head with it.

"Whatever, I saw that they serve bloody Mary's and I shall be indulging in one shortly." Gave stated as our waitress returned.

"What would you boys like to drink?" She questioned and we all looked from one another and then at gabe.

"Bloody Mary's all around!" Gabe shouted understanding our unspoken glances to one another.

"Coming right up!" The woman smiled,
Scribbled into her notebook and walked off.

We all started conversation about the upcoming shows, I was lost in my own little world. I started to zone out at Justin spoke about his new moves for on stage, I felt my phone vibrate in my jacket which snapped me out of the staring contest I was having with my French toast while I sipped my Bloody Mary. I fished my phone out of the jacket pocket and smiled. It was Scar calling with FaceTime. I got up from the booth and quickly walked out of the diner to answer the call.

"I love love love love you!" I shouted as I clicked the icon and saw scars beautiful face appear on the screen.

"I love you to baby" she laughed and smiled widely.

"I miss you." I pouted sticking my bottom lip put as she studied my face with wide eye.

"I miss you too, where are you Guys?" She asked.

"Um I have no clue, were on our way to Florida though..." I sighed sadly, scar frowned, I knew she missed Florida.

"Oh, that's great baby." She stated sadly making me feel bad.

"I know you miss it scar. I'm so sorry" I whispered and she waved her hand and shook her head 'no' on the screen.

"I don't exactly miss it Kell. I miss mom, I miss our field of daisies, the beaches we could always run away too and all our old playgrounds. I don't miss dad- or the way we struggled through our lives in Florida. That I don't miss." She was stern and tears brimmed her eyes, I wished I could just wrap my arms around her.

"Scar please don't cry baby." I pleaded as she silently wiped away a few of her tears with her hoodie sleeve.

"It's fine kellin, I promise." She gave me a weak but genuine smile, which calmed my worry.

"Good, how was your day babe?" I asked and I felt my heart flutter as I watched her speak. God I missed her and it hasn't even been a full day.

"My days been good, just been relaxing at home, our little one has been making it impossible to go to sleep though." She giggled her adorable laugh I loved so much before showing me her stomach.

"Awww what has baby Quinn been doing to mama?" I cooed at her stomach, she moved the camera back up to her face and laughed

"Well baby Quinn here has been sitting on my bladder, I have to go to the bathroom almost every ten minutes" scar frowned making a baby voice which made me laugh. She was so cute.

"I love you Scarlett." I stated seriously which made her light up and the pain of missing her hit my heart.

"Oh baby I'm sorry I have to go, baby is acting up and I need to lay down, I love you call me when your free tomorrow." She smiled and waved goodbye.

"Goodnight I love you" I waved and she clicked end. My heart sank as her face disappeared from the screen.

I walked slowly back into the restaurant not really wanting to eat my French toast anymore. But I forced a few bites down and ordered some water to get the taste of my Bloody Mary out of my mouth.

"So guys, who's ready for the show tomorrow?" Our manger asked aspirin waitress cleared our tables. I frowned and bit the celery our of my drink.

"Whooooop!" The entire crew and band cheered, I faked a smile and thought about my father.

I really hoped he wouldn't be there, and I didn't know if I was ready to face my family, I'm sure they've heard about me and scars pregnancy, and not from me. They would either be really happy, really disappointed in me, or really angry. I was trying to mentally repair myself for all outcomes, but as everyone knows, you can't predict the future.