What Makes Me Happy

I'm standing here in front of the mirror shaking violently. There's a light sheen of sweat forming on my forehead. I feel hot all over because in a few short minutes it's all going to be final. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not scared or nervous... Because I am. I can't stop my mind from thinking about the negatives. What if something goes wrong. What if there are some technical problems. what if they fuck up the paper work. What if? That's all that's running through my mind...What if. I've been waiting my whole life for this. This is a life changing moment. Once I walk into that room my life is going to change... Forever. I won't be able to stay out late with my friends anymore. I won't be able to just storm out when I get mad or when things don't go my way. I can't be a baby anymore, I have to grow up. I can't be the center of attention anymore, and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with putting my social life to the side, I'm okay with growing up, I'm okay with not being the center of attention, I'm okay with it all. I'm okay with the change, Hell I'm excited!...but I'm scared. I don't wanna fuck this up like I do with everything else. No matter how much people tell me I'm not. I know I am. I'm a fuck up and I know it. It surprises me to no end how this even lasted this long! I'm surprised I haven't done what I'm good at...running. I run from the things I'm scared of like the coward I am. Everyone tell's me its natural to be scared and to be proud I made it this far, and I am. I really am, but I'm disappointed I even considered running for a second. This is my life I'm talking about! I've worked so hard for this and the fact that I'd even consider running disappoints me. Am I really this big of a coward. Can i not just face something millions of Americans face all the time, some more than once?

I don't even have time to answer my own question before there's a knock on the door. The door opens and a head is popped through. "It's time." Is all he says before he leaves again. I look at myself once more before nodding. You can do this...You can do this. I tell myself a few times before I walked into the room...

One hour and Thirty minutes later I stand looking down at the most important thing in my life... My family. Franks held our beautiful baby boy in his arms. He was five pounds 8 ounces and 16 inches long. We named him Preston Chase Way and he's the love of my life... Well one of the loves of my life.

Mikey, Alicia, and our parents all came to see him. They're already spoiling him rotten. Mikey, the little jackass, Is already cracking short jokes saying the baby's almost as tall as Frank, but we're both to happy to care... That night in the hospital while Frank sleeps, I sit up holding out son...our baby. It shocks me still, but i'm still happy... I'm a daddy. Realization hit me and if it's even possible my smile grew even wider. I'm a daddy and this is my son. My heart swelled at the thought. All traces of doubt left as I looked down at the little blue bundle in my arm, my son. My perfectly beautiful amazing son...My son.