But You Still Have All of Me
eleven.
February 16th
My eyes felt like sandbags as I tried to open them. I was pretty groggy and didn't really know what was going on right away. I couldn't remember what had happened. The first thing I noticed was the IV stuck in my wrist, beyond that, that someone was holding my hand. Seconds later my memory caught up with me, and I tried to call out to whoever it was that was holding my hand.
My throat was so dry that I barely got a sound out, my voice was barely a whisper.
"Lily, where is Lily?"
Within seconds of their head shooting up, I realized that it was Gerard who had been holding my hand. His face was damp and his eyes were red and puffy. I repeated myself, squeezing his hand. "Where is Lily?"
He pulled his hand quickly away and wiped at his face, sniffling before answering me.
"She's just in the nursery Aid, she's okay. I can't believe you're awake. I'm so glad you are. I should go get your parents."
He got up shakily and was out of sight for no more than a few moments before he came back, followed by my mother and father. My mother had her hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. My father stood holding her, a tired look on his face.
"Oh thank god Aiden." My mother choked on her words while moving to put her arms around me. I moved my arms to return the action, still not fully understanding what was going on.
"They said we might lose you." She sobbed, holding me tighter to her.
"What happened?" I asked. The only thing I knew for sure was that I had for sure given birth to my daughter, Gerard had confirmed that much.
"There were some complications with the delivery honey. Lily came early, and though the doctor is sure she's going to be just fine, he wasn't so sure about you. You hemorrhaged Aiden, you lost a lot of blood."
"Explains why you're so groggy." Gerard pointed out quietly.
I tried my best to give him a smile.
My mother was now wiping her eyes and smiling at me. "I'm just so relieved."
"Helen, why don't you go get a nurse to bring Lily in to meet her mother." My father suggested from the doorway.
My mother gave me another hug, kissed me on the forehead and briefly left the room. My father moved closer, sat in the chair next to my bed.
“She’s beautiful. Isn’t she beautiful Gerard?” He looked over to my friend who stood near the door.
“She sure is.” He smiled. “Excuse me for a few minutes, I’m going to call the guys and let them know everything is fine. They don’t really know all the details. I think I’ll leave it that way.” His eyes lingered on me just a moment longer and then he was gone.
“That boys been in here for the last two days with you, he wouldn’t leave.” My dad commented, watching Gerard leave the room.
“I’ve been out for two days?” I was surprised by this. I guess I shouldn’t have been, what with all the blood loss.
“Yes. Do you remember coming in at all?”
“All the details are pretty fuzzy.” I answered honestly. I had an idea of how I’d come in, but I wasn’t quite sure of how accurate that was.
“It’ll come back to you, you’re just exhausted right now.” He covered my hand with his own, and smiled at me. “We’re just really grateful for Gerard calling us right away when he brought you in. He cares a lot about you Aiden.” His expression grew serious, only for a moment and then it was gone.
The idea that Gerard had been by my side the whole time I’d been here, was a lot to take in. Add in the tears and the sleeplessness that had been in his features when I’d woken up, a realization hit me. There was something much more to this than my best friend being there for me. With everything over the last few months, I should have noticed things much earlier but I think maybe guilt had been making me deny those things. For the moment, I needed to focus on my daughter though. I was so happy she was here but I was scared that it had been so early.
Sure enough, a moment later my mother entered my room followed by a nurse. My heart sped up a little, the anticipation of meeting my baby bubbling over.
“Miss Lily, this is your mama.” The nurse introduced with a southern twang, smiling sweetly down at her. She handed her gently over to me, and all I could do at first was tear up.
“Hi baby girl. I’m so glad you’re finally here.” I kissed her forehead, and held her close. “She’s so tiny.” I marveled at her little fingers. “She seems perfect considering she’s over a month early.” I looked up at the nurse, hoping she could reassure me.
“She’s as perfect as can be hon. She was 7lbs 4oz, an amazing weight for an early arrival. Sometimes these things just work out. Sometimes miracles do happen.” The nurse explained. I liked the way that she explained it too- no doctor terms, just plain and simple.
I smiled up at her. “Thank you.”
She reached down and squeezed my hand. “I look after ‘em as if they’re my own. Miss Lily was a joy. One of the quietest in the nursery.” Her eyes sparkled as she spoke.
My mother’s voice chimed in. “Ellie Mae here has been Lily’s primary nurse. A real god send.”
A thought came to mind. “Lily Mae, has a nice ring to it.” I smiled. “Ellie Mae, thank you for everything you’ve done for my family.”
“It was my pleasure Miss Aiden.”
I looked up to see Gerard standing once again near the door, this time with a content look on his face. Our eyes met for a brief moment and I swear I must have blushed. That feeling was of course followed by a wave of guilt. Here I was holding Frank’s beautiful baby girl, the little girl we made together and I was blushing at the way Gerard was looking at me? Once my family had settled down with me being alive and well, I knew I’d have to talk to him. Even if I was too damn scared to do it.
My eyes felt like sandbags as I tried to open them. I was pretty groggy and didn't really know what was going on right away. I couldn't remember what had happened. The first thing I noticed was the IV stuck in my wrist, beyond that, that someone was holding my hand. Seconds later my memory caught up with me, and I tried to call out to whoever it was that was holding my hand.
My throat was so dry that I barely got a sound out, my voice was barely a whisper.
"Lily, where is Lily?"
Within seconds of their head shooting up, I realized that it was Gerard who had been holding my hand. His face was damp and his eyes were red and puffy. I repeated myself, squeezing his hand. "Where is Lily?"
He pulled his hand quickly away and wiped at his face, sniffling before answering me.
"She's just in the nursery Aid, she's okay. I can't believe you're awake. I'm so glad you are. I should go get your parents."
He got up shakily and was out of sight for no more than a few moments before he came back, followed by my mother and father. My mother had her hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. My father stood holding her, a tired look on his face.
"Oh thank god Aiden." My mother choked on her words while moving to put her arms around me. I moved my arms to return the action, still not fully understanding what was going on.
"They said we might lose you." She sobbed, holding me tighter to her.
"What happened?" I asked. The only thing I knew for sure was that I had for sure given birth to my daughter, Gerard had confirmed that much.
"There were some complications with the delivery honey. Lily came early, and though the doctor is sure she's going to be just fine, he wasn't so sure about you. You hemorrhaged Aiden, you lost a lot of blood."
"Explains why you're so groggy." Gerard pointed out quietly.
I tried my best to give him a smile.
My mother was now wiping her eyes and smiling at me. "I'm just so relieved."
"Helen, why don't you go get a nurse to bring Lily in to meet her mother." My father suggested from the doorway.
My mother gave me another hug, kissed me on the forehead and briefly left the room. My father moved closer, sat in the chair next to my bed.
“She’s beautiful. Isn’t she beautiful Gerard?” He looked over to my friend who stood near the door.
“She sure is.” He smiled. “Excuse me for a few minutes, I’m going to call the guys and let them know everything is fine. They don’t really know all the details. I think I’ll leave it that way.” His eyes lingered on me just a moment longer and then he was gone.
“That boys been in here for the last two days with you, he wouldn’t leave.” My dad commented, watching Gerard leave the room.
“I’ve been out for two days?” I was surprised by this. I guess I shouldn’t have been, what with all the blood loss.
“Yes. Do you remember coming in at all?”
“All the details are pretty fuzzy.” I answered honestly. I had an idea of how I’d come in, but I wasn’t quite sure of how accurate that was.
“It’ll come back to you, you’re just exhausted right now.” He covered my hand with his own, and smiled at me. “We’re just really grateful for Gerard calling us right away when he brought you in. He cares a lot about you Aiden.” His expression grew serious, only for a moment and then it was gone.
The idea that Gerard had been by my side the whole time I’d been here, was a lot to take in. Add in the tears and the sleeplessness that had been in his features when I’d woken up, a realization hit me. There was something much more to this than my best friend being there for me. With everything over the last few months, I should have noticed things much earlier but I think maybe guilt had been making me deny those things. For the moment, I needed to focus on my daughter though. I was so happy she was here but I was scared that it had been so early.
Sure enough, a moment later my mother entered my room followed by a nurse. My heart sped up a little, the anticipation of meeting my baby bubbling over.
“Miss Lily, this is your mama.” The nurse introduced with a southern twang, smiling sweetly down at her. She handed her gently over to me, and all I could do at first was tear up.
“Hi baby girl. I’m so glad you’re finally here.” I kissed her forehead, and held her close. “She’s so tiny.” I marveled at her little fingers. “She seems perfect considering she’s over a month early.” I looked up at the nurse, hoping she could reassure me.
“She’s as perfect as can be hon. She was 7lbs 4oz, an amazing weight for an early arrival. Sometimes these things just work out. Sometimes miracles do happen.” The nurse explained. I liked the way that she explained it too- no doctor terms, just plain and simple.
I smiled up at her. “Thank you.”
She reached down and squeezed my hand. “I look after ‘em as if they’re my own. Miss Lily was a joy. One of the quietest in the nursery.” Her eyes sparkled as she spoke.
My mother’s voice chimed in. “Ellie Mae here has been Lily’s primary nurse. A real god send.”
A thought came to mind. “Lily Mae, has a nice ring to it.” I smiled. “Ellie Mae, thank you for everything you’ve done for my family.”
“It was my pleasure Miss Aiden.”
I looked up to see Gerard standing once again near the door, this time with a content look on his face. Our eyes met for a brief moment and I swear I must have blushed. That feeling was of course followed by a wave of guilt. Here I was holding Frank’s beautiful baby girl, the little girl we made together and I was blushing at the way Gerard was looking at me? Once my family had settled down with me being alive and well, I knew I’d have to talk to him. Even if I was too damn scared to do it.
♠ ♠ ♠
sorry, I have had a super bad block lately.. hopefully this doesn't suck too much.