But You Still Have All of Me
fourteen.
March 10
Over the last two weeks, I had really come to terms with my feelings for Gerard. There was still a part of me that worried what Frank might think of the whole thing. I guess that was the guilt in me. I didn't want him to hate me, and that didn't make sense because he was gone.
I had spent a few days hanging out with Ray, talking through the situation with him. For the third time this week, he sat on my couch looking rather amused.
"It's not all that surprising Aid." He smiled warmly at me.
I rolled my eyes. "Please take this seriously." I gave him a little bit of a pout.
"I promise I'm being serious Aiden. Something about you and Gerard seems fairly natural. I know how much you loved Frank. We all do. Maybe right now being in love with someone else is off the table, but you deserve to be happy. If seeing Gerard is what will make you happy right now, we'll all be on board. He's amazing with Lily, and you guys have a lengthy history already. Any romance aside, you love him, he loves you. The two of you will be able to figure it out."
There was absolutely no hesitation in any of what he said. He spoke matter of factly, as if he could actually see into the future.
"There's always going to be a part of me that blames myself for what happened, for taking Frank from you, preventing him from ever meeting Lily. I know it's not the case and it's something I really just have to accept and move on from. I'd do anything to see the two of you happy."
I got a little bit choked up as he spoke. I had tried countless times to reassure him that I in no way blamed him. I was blessed to not have to have buried my best friend and the love of my life in one week. It was no use arguing with him anymore though. I knew where he was coming from and that he really was trying to accept that he wasn't at fault.
"I'm just glad you're still here Ray. I need someone who can talk me out of my stupid moments." I smiled up sadly at him. "You've always been my rational brain."
He laughed at this. "I just tell you like it is and don't let you get yourself worked up."
For a few moments we sat in a comfortable silence. The house was quiet except for the faint sounds of quiet snores coming from down the hall.
"I see she takes after Frank." Ray laughed lightly as a giant grin made it's way across his face.
"Oh, you bet." I nodded, acknowledging that my baby snored much like an old man- the same way Frank had for years. "She's such a good sleeper. I am definitely lucky."
"Once she's up, did you want to head out and see the guys?" He asked, trying to figure out what to do for the afternoon.
"Sure, that sounds good!" I smiled.
While we waited for Lily to wake up, I packed up her diaper bag and Ray started texting the others to arrange our little get together.
About an hour later, Lily was up. I fed her and we were on our way to the Way household. Somehow, I had a feeling Ray was plotting against me.
Over the last two weeks, I had really come to terms with my feelings for Gerard. There was still a part of me that worried what Frank might think of the whole thing. I guess that was the guilt in me. I didn't want him to hate me, and that didn't make sense because he was gone.
I had spent a few days hanging out with Ray, talking through the situation with him. For the third time this week, he sat on my couch looking rather amused.
"It's not all that surprising Aid." He smiled warmly at me.
I rolled my eyes. "Please take this seriously." I gave him a little bit of a pout.
"I promise I'm being serious Aiden. Something about you and Gerard seems fairly natural. I know how much you loved Frank. We all do. Maybe right now being in love with someone else is off the table, but you deserve to be happy. If seeing Gerard is what will make you happy right now, we'll all be on board. He's amazing with Lily, and you guys have a lengthy history already. Any romance aside, you love him, he loves you. The two of you will be able to figure it out."
There was absolutely no hesitation in any of what he said. He spoke matter of factly, as if he could actually see into the future.
"There's always going to be a part of me that blames myself for what happened, for taking Frank from you, preventing him from ever meeting Lily. I know it's not the case and it's something I really just have to accept and move on from. I'd do anything to see the two of you happy."
I got a little bit choked up as he spoke. I had tried countless times to reassure him that I in no way blamed him. I was blessed to not have to have buried my best friend and the love of my life in one week. It was no use arguing with him anymore though. I knew where he was coming from and that he really was trying to accept that he wasn't at fault.
"I'm just glad you're still here Ray. I need someone who can talk me out of my stupid moments." I smiled up sadly at him. "You've always been my rational brain."
He laughed at this. "I just tell you like it is and don't let you get yourself worked up."
For a few moments we sat in a comfortable silence. The house was quiet except for the faint sounds of quiet snores coming from down the hall.
"I see she takes after Frank." Ray laughed lightly as a giant grin made it's way across his face.
"Oh, you bet." I nodded, acknowledging that my baby snored much like an old man- the same way Frank had for years. "She's such a good sleeper. I am definitely lucky."
"Once she's up, did you want to head out and see the guys?" He asked, trying to figure out what to do for the afternoon.
"Sure, that sounds good!" I smiled.
While we waited for Lily to wake up, I packed up her diaper bag and Ray started texting the others to arrange our little get together.
About an hour later, Lily was up. I fed her and we were on our way to the Way household. Somehow, I had a feeling Ray was plotting against me.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry it's a short one, hopefully there's still a couple readers out there. If you're still reading let me know xx :)