But You Still Have All of Me
five.
When I came to, both Gerard and Mikey were watching me with worried expressions.
“Aiden, are you okay?” Mikey asked wearily.
“What happened?” I answered, slightly dazed.
“You passed out after you got off the phone. Who was it that called?” Gerard asked.
“Oh.” It all hit me again, only this time I managed to stay calm. “It was the doctor’s office.” I answered with almost no emotion.
“Is something wrong Aid?” There was a look of concern on Gerard’s face.
“Yes. No.” I couldn’t think straight.
“What’s going on Aid? What’s going on?”
“Could I get some water?” My throat suddenly felt like it was closing.
“Mikey, go get some water.” Gerard instructed as he sat down beside me.
Mikey turned with no hesitation and went to the kitchen to get water for me.
“I’m freaking out Gerard.” I looked to him, like a terrified child looks at their mother.
“I know Aid, just tell me what’s going on and we’ll get through it okay?” He rested his hand on my knee reassuringly.
I shook my head. “I don’t think I can get through this..”
“Of course you can Aiden. You can get through anything, you’re the strongest person I know.”
“I can’t have a baby…” I almost whispered.
“A baby?” His eyes grew wide looking into mine.
I barely gave a nod. “I’m pregnant. I went for the test before I came here.” I went silent again.
Mikey returned with a glass of water for me, to see Gerard with a look of shock on his face and I, with a complete blank look on mine.
“Here‘s your water Aid.” He handed me the glass. “Wait, what did I miss?” He asked, looking very confused.
“I’m pregnant.” I choked on the words.
“Oh wow.” Was all Mikey managed to get out.
“I can’t do this. I can’t have a baby, I can’t bring a child into this world… I just lost Frank. How can I possibly do this without him?” My voice was raising and I was getting hysteric.
Mikey sat down on the other side of me and together the brothers tried to calm me. My breathing was out of control and I had gotten shaky. I should have been happy about this news, but all I could think of was how much I couldn’t do it alone.
Gerard’s voice broke through my thoughts, in a calm even tone. “Aiden, listen. I know it’s really scary, but you can do this. That’s a part of Frank in you. I know you’re scared now, but I know that part of you understands how much of a miracle it is that that part of Frankie will live on. We’ll be here for you no matter what you decide, okay?” He leaned in and hugged me and Mikey followed suit.
I could only nod while tears streamed down my face. “Please don’t tell my family yet.”
I hadn’t mentioned any of my sickness to my family, I’d barely spoken to them since Frank’s death. They had tried so hard to get through to me, but I had pushed them away. Even things with Ray had changed, only he’d pushed me away, not the other way around.
“Aiden, are you okay?” Mikey asked wearily.
“What happened?” I answered, slightly dazed.
“You passed out after you got off the phone. Who was it that called?” Gerard asked.
“Oh.” It all hit me again, only this time I managed to stay calm. “It was the doctor’s office.” I answered with almost no emotion.
“Is something wrong Aid?” There was a look of concern on Gerard’s face.
“Yes. No.” I couldn’t think straight.
“What’s going on Aid? What’s going on?”
“Could I get some water?” My throat suddenly felt like it was closing.
“Mikey, go get some water.” Gerard instructed as he sat down beside me.
Mikey turned with no hesitation and went to the kitchen to get water for me.
“I’m freaking out Gerard.” I looked to him, like a terrified child looks at their mother.
“I know Aid, just tell me what’s going on and we’ll get through it okay?” He rested his hand on my knee reassuringly.
I shook my head. “I don’t think I can get through this..”
“Of course you can Aiden. You can get through anything, you’re the strongest person I know.”
“I can’t have a baby…” I almost whispered.
“A baby?” His eyes grew wide looking into mine.
I barely gave a nod. “I’m pregnant. I went for the test before I came here.” I went silent again.
Mikey returned with a glass of water for me, to see Gerard with a look of shock on his face and I, with a complete blank look on mine.
“Here‘s your water Aid.” He handed me the glass. “Wait, what did I miss?” He asked, looking very confused.
“I’m pregnant.” I choked on the words.
“Oh wow.” Was all Mikey managed to get out.
“I can’t do this. I can’t have a baby, I can’t bring a child into this world… I just lost Frank. How can I possibly do this without him?” My voice was raising and I was getting hysteric.
Mikey sat down on the other side of me and together the brothers tried to calm me. My breathing was out of control and I had gotten shaky. I should have been happy about this news, but all I could think of was how much I couldn’t do it alone.
Gerard’s voice broke through my thoughts, in a calm even tone. “Aiden, listen. I know it’s really scary, but you can do this. That’s a part of Frank in you. I know you’re scared now, but I know that part of you understands how much of a miracle it is that that part of Frankie will live on. We’ll be here for you no matter what you decide, okay?” He leaned in and hugged me and Mikey followed suit.
I could only nod while tears streamed down my face. “Please don’t tell my family yet.”
I hadn’t mentioned any of my sickness to my family, I’d barely spoken to them since Frank’s death. They had tried so hard to get through to me, but I had pushed them away. Even things with Ray had changed, only he’d pushed me away, not the other way around.
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sorry :( i know it's short but there will be more soon i promise! thanks for reading!!~jenn xx