But You Still Have All of Me
six.
When Wednesday morning came around I was restless. I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before thanks to my nerves. Gerard had offered to come with me, insisting that he would drive because my nerves were so obviously shot. He said he’d wait for me in the waiting room. I was grateful for his support. Seeing as I still hadn’t told my family, it was nice to have the support of my close friends. By the time the weekend had passed, I accepted the fact that I was going to be a mother. It didn’t make me any less scared to be a single parent, but it was a comfort knowing that part of Frank was still physically with me.
“Everything will be fine Aid.” Gerard smiled at me from the driver’s seat.
“I’m sure it will, I just need to get through this appointment.” I sighed.
We got out of the car to enter the doctor’s office.
“I’ll be in the waiting room when you’re finished. They said they just wanted to see how far along you are, right?” he wrapped a supportive arm around my shoulders.
“Mhmm.” I nodded. “I’m just scared.”
“I’ll be right outside that room, waiting for you. You’ll be just fine. The doctor isn’t gonna hurt you.”
“I know.” I sighed again, frustrated with my emotions. “I don’t really know why it is that I’m scared, I just am. It wouldn’t be so hard if he were here.” I felt guilty for asking what I asked next, but I asked it anyways. “Would you come in? You don’t have to, I know it’s weird.” I couldn’t even look him in the eye.
“Of course Aid. Anything to help ease the fear.” He squeezed my shoulder.
I signed in at the front desk and was told to take a seat, Dr. Tilson was running behind in another appointment and it would be a short wait for mine. I was okay with this, the seats in the waiting room were quite comfortable, and this helped ease my nerves just slightly. Gerard sat beside me and flipped through a random magazine from the pile in front of us. I just sat fidgeting with my hands in my lap. Within 20 minutes, a nurse was calling my name and I was to follow her to the ultrasound room.
“Right this way Miss McKeown. Oh and this must be the happy father.” The nurse smiled cheerfully.
“Oh, no. This is just my friend Gerard. The father passed a month ago.” I awkwardly stated. This was when I really felt horrible for dragging Gerard in with me.
“I’m so sorry.” The nurse blushed.
“It’s okay. No harm done.” Gerard smiled sweetly at her. I was so thankful that he was better with this situation than I was.
Thankfully once this awkward exchange ended, the rest of the appointment went by quickly. Dr. Tilson confirmed that I was around 9 weeks along in my pregnancy. Gerard sort of sat off to the side of me, and I held his hand tight as if that would make this all go away. I glanced at him while the ultrasound screen was up and he had a total look of awe on his face.
When we left, he was pretty quiet. “I’m really sorry about all of that. Thank you for coming in with me though. I owe you big time.” I didn’t know how I’d make it up to him but I sure intended to.
“It’s okay. Really, you don’t owe me anything. I feel worse for that nurse who got all embarrassed. Poor thing looked like she wanted to crawl in a hole and cry.” He laughed lightly. “It’s really amazing, to see that tiny little thing in there though.” He poked at my stomach.
I laughed at this. “Yupp, in a few more weeks it won’t be ‘little thing’ anymore though, it’ll be a boy or a girl.”
“You’re going to find out what it is?” Gerard asked excitedly.
“Yes, I think I’ve had enough surprises thus far.” I laughed. “I want to be able to plan things out a little bit if I can.”
“Fair enough.” He smiled. “Now, where to?”
“Mom and dad’s I guess, I should probably tell them before I’m any further into this. They’ll be pissed if I don’t.” I answered.
“Alright. Casa McKeown it is.” Gerard started the car, and before I could change my mind, we were on our way to my parent’s house.
“Everything will be fine Aid.” Gerard smiled at me from the driver’s seat.
“I’m sure it will, I just need to get through this appointment.” I sighed.
We got out of the car to enter the doctor’s office.
“I’ll be in the waiting room when you’re finished. They said they just wanted to see how far along you are, right?” he wrapped a supportive arm around my shoulders.
“Mhmm.” I nodded. “I’m just scared.”
“I’ll be right outside that room, waiting for you. You’ll be just fine. The doctor isn’t gonna hurt you.”
“I know.” I sighed again, frustrated with my emotions. “I don’t really know why it is that I’m scared, I just am. It wouldn’t be so hard if he were here.” I felt guilty for asking what I asked next, but I asked it anyways. “Would you come in? You don’t have to, I know it’s weird.” I couldn’t even look him in the eye.
“Of course Aid. Anything to help ease the fear.” He squeezed my shoulder.
I signed in at the front desk and was told to take a seat, Dr. Tilson was running behind in another appointment and it would be a short wait for mine. I was okay with this, the seats in the waiting room were quite comfortable, and this helped ease my nerves just slightly. Gerard sat beside me and flipped through a random magazine from the pile in front of us. I just sat fidgeting with my hands in my lap. Within 20 minutes, a nurse was calling my name and I was to follow her to the ultrasound room.
“Right this way Miss McKeown. Oh and this must be the happy father.” The nurse smiled cheerfully.
“Oh, no. This is just my friend Gerard. The father passed a month ago.” I awkwardly stated. This was when I really felt horrible for dragging Gerard in with me.
“I’m so sorry.” The nurse blushed.
“It’s okay. No harm done.” Gerard smiled sweetly at her. I was so thankful that he was better with this situation than I was.
Thankfully once this awkward exchange ended, the rest of the appointment went by quickly. Dr. Tilson confirmed that I was around 9 weeks along in my pregnancy. Gerard sort of sat off to the side of me, and I held his hand tight as if that would make this all go away. I glanced at him while the ultrasound screen was up and he had a total look of awe on his face.
When we left, he was pretty quiet. “I’m really sorry about all of that. Thank you for coming in with me though. I owe you big time.” I didn’t know how I’d make it up to him but I sure intended to.
“It’s okay. Really, you don’t owe me anything. I feel worse for that nurse who got all embarrassed. Poor thing looked like she wanted to crawl in a hole and cry.” He laughed lightly. “It’s really amazing, to see that tiny little thing in there though.” He poked at my stomach.
I laughed at this. “Yupp, in a few more weeks it won’t be ‘little thing’ anymore though, it’ll be a boy or a girl.”
“You’re going to find out what it is?” Gerard asked excitedly.
“Yes, I think I’ve had enough surprises thus far.” I laughed. “I want to be able to plan things out a little bit if I can.”
“Fair enough.” He smiled. “Now, where to?”
“Mom and dad’s I guess, I should probably tell them before I’m any further into this. They’ll be pissed if I don’t.” I answered.
“Alright. Casa McKeown it is.” Gerard started the car, and before I could change my mind, we were on our way to my parent’s house.
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it's short again, i know. i'm sorry :( i've been working lots! more soon, i promise!~jenn xo