But You Still Have All of Me
eight.
October
My parents had been happy to hear my news, my awful joke aside. My mother was more than thrilled to be a grandmother. I couldn’t believe how fast time had been passing, it seemed crazy that I was already five months along. Over the last two trips to the doctor’s they had tried to determine my baby’s gender but had not been successful at getting a clear shot. The nurse joked that I had a shy child.
My mother had started coming to my appointments with me and she was growing as impatient as me waiting to find out what I was having. My next appointment would be my third attempt and hopefully my last to find out. The guys had all gone in on a pool, betting on whether I was having a boy or a girl. Even Ray had started coming around again. I was so happy that he’d stopped pushing me away. I had missed him terribly. I tried my hardest to get him to not blame himself for what happened with Frank. It wasn’t something he’d had any control over in the first place. He was excited to be an uncle, he’d made this very clear.
“Aiden, almost ready?” My mom called out from my living room.
“Yes, just trying to find my sweater.” I answered, searching my room for the article of clothing I’d picked out earlier.
“It’s out here dear. We’ll be late if we don’t head out soon.”
It was times like this I was extra thankful that my mother was around.
“Miss McKeown, we’re going to do our best today to find out what you have kicking around in there.” The nurse smiled at me. “Now, this is going to be a bit cold.” She warned while applying the saline gel to my stomach.
I shivered a little. No matter how many times they applied that stuff, I couldn’t ever prepare myself for the sudden chill it always caused. In moments, I could hear a muffled thudding. My baby’s heartbeat. The nurse moved the transducer over my stomach a little more and in another moment I could see my little one on the monitor.
“I know it’s still early and that it could still take a couple weeks, I just really want to be able to plan. I’m half way through,” I paused, my nerves getting the best of me. “I just want to be ready.”
“That’s perfectly alright hon.” The nurse smiled again.
A minute later she had stopped the movement of the transducer. “Are you ready Miss McKeown? See that, right there?” She asked pointing at the monitor.
I held my breath as I looked at the screen, nodding my head.
“It appears, you’ve got a little girl on the way. Congratulations on your daughter Miss McKeown.”
I squeezed my mom’s hand. “A little girl mom. A granddaughter. Daddy’s little girl…” The words left my mouth before I’d even though about it. Tears formed in my eyes faster than the words had left my mouth.
My mother put her arms around me. “Hush, it’s okay Aiden.”
Leave it to me to ruin a moment that should be so filled with joy. “I’m so sorry.” I apologized to the poor nurse, who, for all I knew thought I was upset about having a daughter. “The father passed four months ago. It’s just a bittersweet moment I guess.”
She nodded her head, eyes full of compassion. “I’m sorry for your loss Aiden, new life is such a gift though, isn’t it?”
I nodded my head, knowing that she was right. My baby’s life was a gift. A little bit of Frank lived on in her. And I would never let that go.
When we left the doctor’s, I had my mom drop me off at Gerard’s. I had told him the day before to have all the guys over so that they could find out at the same time. On the way over, I called my dad to tell him myself since I knew my mom would be too excited to keep the news.
“Daddy, I just wanted to let you know! Get ready for a granddaughter. I’m having a little girl!”
He was ecstatic. I promised I’d come over for dinner, so that we could talk about it more and a few minutes later, I was off the phone and trying to think of a clever way to tell the guys.
My parents had been happy to hear my news, my awful joke aside. My mother was more than thrilled to be a grandmother. I couldn’t believe how fast time had been passing, it seemed crazy that I was already five months along. Over the last two trips to the doctor’s they had tried to determine my baby’s gender but had not been successful at getting a clear shot. The nurse joked that I had a shy child.
My mother had started coming to my appointments with me and she was growing as impatient as me waiting to find out what I was having. My next appointment would be my third attempt and hopefully my last to find out. The guys had all gone in on a pool, betting on whether I was having a boy or a girl. Even Ray had started coming around again. I was so happy that he’d stopped pushing me away. I had missed him terribly. I tried my hardest to get him to not blame himself for what happened with Frank. It wasn’t something he’d had any control over in the first place. He was excited to be an uncle, he’d made this very clear.
“Aiden, almost ready?” My mom called out from my living room.
“Yes, just trying to find my sweater.” I answered, searching my room for the article of clothing I’d picked out earlier.
“It’s out here dear. We’ll be late if we don’t head out soon.”
It was times like this I was extra thankful that my mother was around.
“Miss McKeown, we’re going to do our best today to find out what you have kicking around in there.” The nurse smiled at me. “Now, this is going to be a bit cold.” She warned while applying the saline gel to my stomach.
I shivered a little. No matter how many times they applied that stuff, I couldn’t ever prepare myself for the sudden chill it always caused. In moments, I could hear a muffled thudding. My baby’s heartbeat. The nurse moved the transducer over my stomach a little more and in another moment I could see my little one on the monitor.
“I know it’s still early and that it could still take a couple weeks, I just really want to be able to plan. I’m half way through,” I paused, my nerves getting the best of me. “I just want to be ready.”
“That’s perfectly alright hon.” The nurse smiled again.
A minute later she had stopped the movement of the transducer. “Are you ready Miss McKeown? See that, right there?” She asked pointing at the monitor.
I held my breath as I looked at the screen, nodding my head.
“It appears, you’ve got a little girl on the way. Congratulations on your daughter Miss McKeown.”
I squeezed my mom’s hand. “A little girl mom. A granddaughter. Daddy’s little girl…” The words left my mouth before I’d even though about it. Tears formed in my eyes faster than the words had left my mouth.
My mother put her arms around me. “Hush, it’s okay Aiden.”
Leave it to me to ruin a moment that should be so filled with joy. “I’m so sorry.” I apologized to the poor nurse, who, for all I knew thought I was upset about having a daughter. “The father passed four months ago. It’s just a bittersweet moment I guess.”
She nodded her head, eyes full of compassion. “I’m sorry for your loss Aiden, new life is such a gift though, isn’t it?”
I nodded my head, knowing that she was right. My baby’s life was a gift. A little bit of Frank lived on in her. And I would never let that go.
When we left the doctor’s, I had my mom drop me off at Gerard’s. I had told him the day before to have all the guys over so that they could find out at the same time. On the way over, I called my dad to tell him myself since I knew my mom would be too excited to keep the news.
“Daddy, I just wanted to let you know! Get ready for a granddaughter. I’m having a little girl!”
He was ecstatic. I promised I’d come over for dinner, so that we could talk about it more and a few minutes later, I was off the phone and trying to think of a clever way to tell the guys.